The Ties that Bind
by VoicesOffCamera
Summary: It's their worst nightmare. After working so hard to stay together, their family is suddenly torn apart again. Sodapop had just turned 18 when he had gotten his notice. He had been drafted to fight on the front lines of the Vietnam War. While he is gone, the rest of the gang is forced to try and live their lives unsure of whether they will ever see him again.
1. Drafted

**Author's Note: This is a story that expands upon a One-Shot that I recently posted called Savior. This first chapter is almost the same as that One-Shot, but I did change and expand upon some details, so even if you did read that other story you might want to still re-read this chapter. There will be many more chapters that explore what happens after that One-Shot ended. Please review and let me know what you think!**

**Also I am in no way an expert on the Vietnam War, so if you see any details that are historically inaccurate feel free to point it out. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders**

The Ties that Bind

_Chapter One_

_Drafted_

Twelve months. Two weeks. Four days. If he wanted he could probably figure out the hours, minutes and seconds too. Each second seems so distinctive, seeming to never end. But another second always came. They added up. Time kept passing.

Ponyboy Curtis had just turned sixteen years old and was a junior in high school. He had his routine down during the past year. Five days a week he went to school. He studied and worked on homework. And seven days a week he would write a letter to his older brother, Sodapop. He hardly ever heard back, but he needed to feel some kind of connection with him.

It seemed like the world had collapsed in on itself thirteen months ago, though only five people had noticed: Ponyboy, Sodapop, Darry, Steve Randle, and Two-Bit Matthews. Soda was just barely eighteen years old when he had gotten his notice. He had been drafted to fight on the front lines in the Vietnam War.

Pony had come in from school that day to find the house silent. That was strange. Soda was sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a letter held loosely in his hand. Darry stood behind him, leaning up against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest and frowning at the back of Soda's head. Pony couldn't remember the last time Darry had been home when he had gotten off school. He usually worked late.

"What's going on?" Pony had asked unsurely. Clearly something was terribly wrong.

"Sit down, Pony," Darry had said quietly, nodding at the table.

Deep down Pony had known what they were about to tell him. The war had been going on for years now, but it wasn't talked about in their house. It was a silent fear that they all lived with as they watched other men in their neighborhood getting shipped over seas. It was on everyone's mind as Soda had turned eighteen only two months before. Pony slowly took the seat next to Soda, feeling his heart sink. He looked up at Darry, Soda still hadn't acknowledged his presence, seemingly in shock.

"Soda… has been drafted," Darry said slowly.

The devastation of this fact had run deep throughout what was left of their gang. Only a few short weeks later the gang all gathered to see Soda off at four in the morning. The atmosphere hadn't been that grave and solemn since they had lost Johnny and Dallas not even two years before. Soda had put on a brave face, even attempted to smile, but there was something about his eyes... he was scared. Pony had been able to see that in his big brother's eyes. And he knew there was nothing any of them could do about it. As he hugged Soda he never wanted to let go, and Soda made no effort to move away from him for several minutes. Darry had been strong and stoic for both of his brothers' sake. Two-Bit and Steve had been grim, looking at Sodapop with his buzz cut and frightened eyes, clearly wondering if they would be next.

Darry wasn't eligible to be drafted since he was Pony's only caretaker, at least for two more years until Pony turned eighteen. Two-Bit had been eligible since the beginning of the war, but his luck was holding out. He had even applied for college purely in an attempt to avoid the draft, but hadn't gotten in. Steve had become eligible only a few months after Soda had shipped out, but so far he too had been lucky.

The house was quiet. Even when Steve and Two-Bit would come over there was still a haze hanging over the group. Something was missing. Someone was missing. They just weren't whole without Soda there with them.

Pony had gotten into his first fight on school property three months, one week and three days after Soda had left. He was so sick of all the Socs boasting about how their brothers, cousins, fathers, uncles were able to avoid getting drafted by going to college and paying off doctors. He had snapped. Darry hadn't even scolded him after he found out the reason why Pony had beaten up two older Socs. He had actually looked a little proud.

Pony was not alone among the hoods at school. Tim Shepherd had also been drafted several months before Soda, and Pony and Tim's younger brother Curly shared a bond of worry for months, though Curly was better at hiding it than Pony. Then one day Curly had not shown up for school. Pony had heard from one of the other hoods that Curly's family had received a letter from the army. Tim had been killed in action. When Pony went home that day he had shut himself in his room and had cried for hours.

"Pony?" Darry had knocked on his door when he finally made it home from work. Pony hadn't moved, his head buried in Soda's pillow. He felt the bed dip as Darry sat on the edge. He reached over and rubbed Pony's back. "Pony, what is it?"

Pony rolled over to look up at his brother, tears still streaming down his face. "T-Tim Shepherd was killed in action," he said, his voice shaking.

Darry sighed, looking relieved. "Gosh, kid, you can't scare me like that," Darry said, rubbing Pony's shoulder comfortingly. "The way you were carrying on I thought… I thought…" He couldn't finish, but Pony knew what he was trying to say. He thought it was Soda.

Pony sat up and looked at Darry. "What if… what if he doesn't come back?"

Darry's mask of strength for his younger brothers slipped just for a moment and Pony saw that the thought absolutely terrified him. He leaned forward and silently pulled Pony into his arms, holding him close.

"I don't know, baby…" Darry whispered, his voice shaking. "I just don't know…"

XxXxXx

It was a Saturday morning when there had been a knock on their door. One month and three days ago. Darry was working and Pony was home alone, working on homework. Pony had opened the door without even really thinking about how odd it was for someone to knock at the door. What he saw had caused his whole body to go cold. A man stood there in full military uniform. Pony still remembered him as if he had just seen him yesterday. He had icy blue eyes and a grim face.

"Darrel Curtis," the man said stiffly.

"H-he's not here," Ponyboy said. He remembered how his voice had shaken though he had felt oddly numb. "I'm his brother."

The man had held out a very official looking envelope. "Please deliver this to him the moment he gets back."

"Okay," Pony said, mechanically reaching out a hand and carefully taking the envelope. He felt awkward and unsure standing in his beat up jeans and Soda's old t-shirt and looking at the pristine looking uniform the army official was wearing. "Yes, sir."

The man had turned and walked away without another word. Pony just stood there and watched him go for several minutes. Finally he remembered himself and slowly closed the door. The house suddenly seemed to be pressing in on him. Every movement he made seemed to take an extraordinary amount of effort. He walked into the kitchen and carefully placed the letter on the table as if he were afraid of breaking it. He didn't even consider opening the letter himself. He hurried back out of the room as if he could avoid the reality of the situation by putting the letter out of sight.

That day had been the longest one yet. He sat on the couch, his homework completely forgotten in his bedroom. He had stared at the TV for at least an hour before he realized that it wasn't on. Then he decided that he didn't want to get up to turn it on, chances are there would be something about the war on anyway, so he continued to stare at the blank screen.

He had thought briefly about calling Two-Bit and Steve at work, they both worked at the DX station down the street. One of them probably could have come sit with him so he wouldn't feel so alone. But somehow he felt like calling them would be just like delivering the bad news himself, and he didn't want to do that.

It was dark out when Darry finally trudged through the front door. Pony usually had dinner ready, but he had not moved from the couch since that morning. Darry had smiled briefly and opened his mouth in order to greet Pony before he had fully taken in the look on his younger brother's face. He snapped his mouth shut and his smile disappeared. He took several deep breaths before he finally spoke.

"What happened, Ponyboy?" he asked seriously.

"You… you got a letter." Pony's voice sounded so small and young. His eyes wandered to the doorway to the kitchen and Darry took the hint.

Darry walked to the kitchen and came back holding the letter. Pony noted the way Darry held it roughly in his hand while Pony had been so gentle with it. Usually Darry would sit in his recliner, but that evening he sat down on the couch right next to Pony. He placed a hand on Pony's leg and gave him a reassuring squeeze.

"We don't have to do this right now," he said softly, looking at Pony. "If you're not up for it…"

"No," Pony said quickly. He looked up and met Darry's eyes and saw a mirror of his own anxiety. "I need to know. We need to know." He was wracking his brain, trying to remember the last time he had received a letter from Soda. It had been at least two months.

Darry nodded. He held the letter in both his hands for a moment, staring at it. Finally he ripped it open. The noise had sounded so painful, like a scream. Pony had winced, and then looked away, feeling weak. He had no desire to read it over Darry's shoulder. He didn't want to see the words.

"Pony." He barely registered Darry's voice. "Pony, Soda's coming home."

Pony turned and as he tried to focus on Darry's face he realized his vision was clouded with tears. "What?"

"It says that he was injured in action, but he will recover and they are going to send him home when he's healed," Darry told him, suddenly sounding giddy with relief.

"He… he's coming home?" Pony said, having a hard time comprehending. For the past eight hours and twelve minutes he had thought for sure that he would never see his brother again. He had been absolutely convinced.

Darry smiled. "He's coming home," he confirmed.

And today was the day.


	2. The Homecoming

**Author's Note: Thank you to those who have reviewed! And just so you know, things are really going to pick up during the next chapter. Please keep reading! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.**

_Chapter Two_

_The Homecoming_

It was twelve months, two weeks and four days after they had watched Soda leave, unsure if they'd ever see him again. It was one month and three days after Pony had spent an entire eight hours sure he had lost his brother forever. Today he stood with Darry, Steve and Two-Bit on a street corner in the middle of town with several other families, anxiously awaiting the long anticipated homecoming. Darry had lectured them all about how they had no idea what Soda had been through for over a year now and not to go too crazy when they finally saw him. They had seen many soldiers in their neighborhood come back scared of their own shadow.

Finally the bus came rumbling down the street. Ponyboy had strained up on his tiptoes, trying to see in the windows, but there was too much of a glare coming from the rising sun. They watched two other young men in military uniform descend from the bus and reunite with their families, but the Greasers hardly took notice. They were all staring intently at the door to the bus until they saw who they were looking for.

Sodapop gripped the handrail with one hand and a cane with his other as he limped down the three stairs to the street, staring straight down to watch his footing. He was wearing a brown, well pressed military uniform, at least the one that they would wear in public. His buzz cut was hidden under a military hat. He had a military pack slung over one shoulder. He paused at the bottom of the stairs, causing the person behind him to snort impatiently.

"Wait here," Darry said in a low voice as he walked forward.

As Darry approached Soda finally looked up. His face looked the same as when he had left… and yet so very different. Instead of scared, his eyes looked haunted. He looked older and weary. But when he saw Darry he finally smiled and some of his old light came back. Darry smiled widely as he took the pack off his shoulder and slung it over his own shoulder before taking his younger brother's arm and helping him limp over to where the rest of the gang stood. There was an awkward pause as it seemed like no one was sure on how to react.

"Soda," Steve said finally, grinning despite himself.

"Hey Steve," Soda said. "Still as ragged as ever, I see."

Everyone couldn't help but laugh. The world suddenly seemed whole again. Steve and Two-Bit each embraced Soda. Pony felt himself tearing up as he watched his brother, safe and mostly whole, back with them. Finally Soda turned to Ponyboy.

"Hey, little brother," Soda said, his eyes softening.

"Hey Soda," Pony said, grinning widely. Then he just couldn't help himself any longer. He threw his arms around his brother and squeezed as hard as he could. He felt Soda shift his weight to lean on him as he lifted his cane in order to embrace Pony with both arms and squeezed him back just as hard. Ponyboy stood tall, holding his brother up after all the years of it being the other way around.

Finally they pulled away from each other, both wiping away tears.

"Thank you, Ponyboy," Soda said, cupping the side of Pony's face, as if trying to make sure he was really there.

Pony was surprised. "For what?" he asked.

Soda motioned for Darry to come over and as he did Pony saw that Darry was blinking away tears as well. Soda took his pack back and placed it on the ground and dug around for a moment. Then he came up with a very thick stack of envelopes held together by two rubber bands. Pony took the stack, his eyes wide as he saw his own handwriting on the front of the first envelope. It was every single letter that Pony had sent over the past year.

"These helped me to survive," Soda said seriously. Tears began streaking down his cheeks again. "I don't think I wouldn't have been able to get through without these letters, Pony."

Pony stared for a moment. He hadn't even thought of how much his letters would help Soda while he was so far from home. He had only thought about how much he wanted to talk to his brother.

"Come on, little buddy," Darry said after a few moments of silence. He put an arm around Soda and squeezed him. "How about we go home?"

Soda wiped away his tears and smiled up at Darry. "Man, that sounds just fine to me."

XxXxX

The first thing that Soda wanted to do when they got home was change his clothes. He seemed to take longer than usual in his room and it wasn't clear whether it was because he was just enjoying being in his room again or if his injury was hindering him from the simple act of changing clothes. None of the gang would dare ask how it was he was injured, but Darry knew that he would eventually have to know at least how bad the wound was.

Soda came limping back out into the living room in his jeans, t-shirt and bare feet. If it weren't for the buzz cut and the cane that he leaned heavily on he would have almost looked as if he had never left. Almost. As Darry looked at his younger brother's face it seemed like he had aged more than just a year. There was a tiredness behind his once carefree eyes. Instead of a wild grin, he wore a contented smile. And Darry felt angry. Angry that the military had taken away is younger brother and caused him so much pain.

Darry had made a huge meal of all of Soda's favorite foods, including two large chocolate cakes. Darry noticed how Soda savored his first bite of cake. It was probably the first time he had any since the night before he had shipped out. They all ate in the living room, with Soda sitting in Darry's recliner and the rest sprawled out on the floor and the couch. Two-Bit, Steve and Pony all talked animatedly about every little thing they could think of that Soda had missed while he was gone even though he probably already knew most of it from Pony's daily letters. Soda did not complain though as he listened intently.

"Two-Bit got a job?" Soda demanded. "I think I may faint."

Two-Bit laughed good-naturedly. "Well, they said I was too old for high school," he said. "Had to fill my time with somethin'. It's not so bad at the DX."

"Yeah, because I still do all the work," Steve pointed out, elbowing Two-Bit. He looked back at Soda. "But I told boss you were comin' back. He said whenever you were ready you could have your old job back."

Soda nodded. "Thank him for me," he said.

"But there's no rush," Darry pointed out. "You take as much time as you need to, little buddy." The last thing he wanted was for Soda to go running back to work too soon.

The five Greasers talked well into the night. Finally as Soda started nodding off in the recliner they admitted that it was time to for bed. Two-Bit and Steve left, promising to visit after work the next day. Darry helped Soda up out of the chair and walked him down to his bedroom as Pony went into his own room. Soda sat heavily on his bed with a slight groan as he rubbed the thigh of his damaged leg. Darry looked at him with worry in his eyes.

"Soda…" he said slowly as he sat down next to his younger brother. "I don't need to know how you got injured… but I do need to know how bad it is. They didn't tell us in the letter."

Soda's eyes dulled and his smile slipped off his face as he looked down at his leg. He was silent for several minutes and Darry waited patiently.

"I was lucky," he said quietly, sounding like he was speaking from some faraway place. He stared down at his leg. "My knee got torn up pretty good. Shrapnel. It wasn't a direct hit. A few weeks ago I couldn't walk at all and they weren't sure if I ever would again. But the doc said if I keep moving and build my muscle back up that someday I might not need the cane."

Darry nodded. "Okay," he said. Seeing his nineteen-year-old younger brother walking with a cane had been so heartbreaking to Darry. He was glad that Soda wouldn't necessarily be crippled for life. Perhaps they could all heal from this terrible ordeal. He leaned over and pulled Soda into a hug. Soda hugged him back hard. "It's good to have you home, Pepsi-Cola."

"It's even better to be home," Soda mumbled into his shoulder.

"You holler if you need any help," Darry told him as he reluctantly pulled away.

"I will," Soda promised.

Darry left, closing the door behind him. Both his brothers were here with him and he felt whole again. He smiled as he went to bed.


	3. Haunted

**Author's Note: Well I've got three rapid-fire chapters done, haha. I wanted to get a lot done this weekend because I may or may not have a lot of time to write this week, depending on how busy work is. Hope you like the direction I am taking this story. Please review!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders**

_Chapter Three_

_Haunted_

Darry was not unused to being woken up suddenly in the middle of the night. For weeks after their parents' funeral Ponyboy would wake up screaming from a nightmare he could never remember. Those were nothing compared to what happened that night though.

Darry's reflexes were as quick as ever as he flung himself out of bed at the sound of screaming accompanied by a crash and some banging sounds. Out of habit he almost ran to Pony's room before he caught himself. It wasn't Ponyboy who was screaming. It was Sodapop. He heard Pony's door bang open and his brother hurrying behind him and he ran to Soda's room. He had a vague sense of déjà vu as he threw the door open.

Soda's bed was empty, his blankets trailing to the floor. Soda was sitting on the floor and had pushed himself into the far corner of his bedroom, his bad leg stretched out and his good leg pulled up against him. He was shielding his head with his hands and yelling something that Darry couldn't quite make out. Pony made to push passed Darry in order to run to Soda's side, but on a gut instinct Darry pushed Pony back behind him.

"Stay here," he told Pony firmly in response to his confused look. Then he started slowly walking forward, his hands out as if approaching an injured dog that was labile to bite him. Soda appeared wide awake, but made no indication that he knew where he was. "Soda…"

"Get away!" Soda screeched. "Run! RUN!"

"Sodapop, it's Darry," Darry said calmly, inching closer. He noticed shards of glass surrounding his brother and as Soda shifted he also saw that there was blood running down his arm. He had broken the lamp from his bedside table and was clutching a large, sharp shard of glass in his fist like a weapon.

"No! Please, don't hurt me!" Soda's panic did not lessen. Darry was shaken to his core at this sight, he had never seen Soda so panicked and scared before. Ever.

"Soda…" Pony stepped forward and Darry whipped around.

"Pony, stay there!" he repeated tensely, putting out a hand toward Pony in case he had to physically restrain him. Pony's eyes were wide and scared, but the last thing Darry needed right now was for Pony to rush at Soda and cause him to panic even more. _Soda could accidentally hurt Pony… _That thought was clear in Darry's mind. Soda obviously thought he was still on the battlefield and was prepared to protect himself.

"I have to go home," Soda whimpered. "My brothers need me… I have to go home…"

"You are home, Soda," Darry said soothingly, inching closer still, careful not to step on any of the glass that littered the floor. "You came back to us. You are here with Ponyboy and Darry. You are safe now, Soda."

Finally something stirred behind Soda's eyes. He seemed to focus on Darry for the first time. Darry slowly lowered himself to a crouch, still about a foot away from Soda, eyeing the hand that still clutched the shard of glass.

"Darry?" Soda whispered.

"Yeah, little buddy," he said softly. "It's me. It's Darry." Soda just stared. "Can you do me a favor, Soda? Can you open your hand?" He pointed at Soda's closed fist.

Soda looked at his own hand, suddenly confused. Everything was still for several long moments as Darry held his breath. Finally, Soda's grip slowly loosened. The piece of glass fell to the floor with a light ping and skidded away. Darry let out a soft sigh of relief. Soda looked back up at Darry with big eyes frightened and full of tears.

"Darry," he mumbled brokenly, a sound that cut Darry deep inside. All he wanted to do was grab Soda and hold him close and never let go of him. But his instincts still told him to go slow. He slid closer and slowly put a gentle hand on Soda's shoulder. "Darry, I'm sorry," Soda sobbed as the dam broke and tears overflowed.

"It's okay, little buddy," Darry said soothingly. He took his other hand and gently cupped Soda's face, making him look at him. "No harm done, Soda." Soda leaned forward into him, and Darry carefully wrapped his arms around his little brother, desperate to protect him but with no real way to take away the pain of what he had been through. "Pony, will you get the first aid kit?" Darry asked quietly. "And something to clean this up?" He indicated the glass on the floor.

Pony hurried out of the room as Darry helped Soda to his feet and they stumbled over to sit on his bed. He studied his brother carefully. Soda was pale, drenched in a cold sweat and all his muscles looked tensed up, as if preparing to run at any moment. Darry murmured to him comfortingly, never letting go of his hold on him. Pony skidded back into the room, holding the first aid kit and a small dustpan. He hovered by the door for a moment, looking unsure if he should approach.

"It's okay, Pony," Darry assured him, holding out his hand for the first aid kit.

Pony slowly walked forward, looking frightened as he handed Darry the kit. Soda was watching him too, silent tears still spilling down his face, but he didn't say anything. Darry carefully took Soda's hand that was dripping blood and started cleaning it as Pony began cleaning the glass off the floor. There was a thin cut along the palm of Soda's hand from the glass, but it didn't seem very deep. It was too long for a band-aid so Darry simply wrapped it with some gauze and tied it off.

"Good as new," Darry said, doing his best to sound casual.

"Thanks, Darry," Soda said in a quiet voice, finally calming down. Pony stood and Soda looked up at him. "Sorry for scaring you."

Ponyboy tried to smile. "I wasn't scared," he said lightly, though it wasn't very convincing.

Soda stared down at his bandaged hand.

"You okay, Soda?" Darry asked.

"I dunno what happened," Soda said softly. "I… I forgot where I was…" His eyes wandered down to the glass in the dustpan on the floor. Then he looked up at Darry, realization dawning on him. "I coulda hurt you. I coulda hurt Pony."

"You ain't gonna hurt anyone," Darry assured him.

Soda's face was suddenly hard. "I have hurt people…" he said quietly, a hint of darkness in his voice.

Darry froze. This was not something he was prepared for. Soda had been on the front lines in Vietnam for probably around nine months. He knew this. But he still had such a hard time imagining his little happy go lucky brother hurting anyone.

"But you came back," Pony spoke up. Soda looked up at him and Ponyboy shifted uncomfortably. "M-maybe you did hurt people, but it was all so you could come back to us." Pony looked awful shook up from the whole ordeal.

Darry nodded. "Soda, it was them or you," he said, sounding steadier. "I'm glad that you picked you."

"Me too," Pony said, nodding earnestly.

"I'm not who I was before…" Soda said softly almost as if he were talking to himself.

"You are still our brother," Darry said firmly. "We are still family. We will deal with whatever baggage you have together." He met Soda's eyes, willing him to believe him. "Everything will be okay now. I promise." Soda leaned into him and Darry wrapped his arms around his brother once again. Then Darry pulled Pony in as well and all three just hugged each other for a long while. Finally they pulled away. "You wanna stay up for a bit?" Darry asked Soda. "We still have chocolate cake in the ice box."

Soda shook his head. "I'm exhausted," he said. "I just want to go back to sleep and forget this ever happened."

Darry nodded, sympathetic. "Okay, little buddy."

With an effort Soda pulled his wounded leg back up onto the bed. Darry stood and picked up the blankets from the floor and threw them over top of Soda. Then after a moment he leaned back down and picked up the dustpan filled with the broken glass. Somehow he felt uncomfortable leaving the sharp objects in Soda's room.

Pony hesitated, sending Darry a questioning look and Darry knew what he was thinking. "C'mon, Pony," he said, leading Pony out of the room. "Let's let Soda gets some rest."

Out in the hall with the door to Soda's room firmly closed, Pony turned to Darry.

"You don't think I should stay with him?" he asked, almost pleadingly. "He always stayed with me when I had nightmares."

Darry shook his head. "I don't think that's such a good idea, Pony," he said.

"Why not?" Pony asked.

Darry sighed. "It's not the same as your nightmares," he said slowly as he led Pony back to his own room. "He really thought he was back in Vietnam. He didn't even recognize us at first." He paused. "Soda has been fighting for his life every day for probably a little under a year. He thought he was in danger and his survival instincts kicked in and… he'd never forgive himself if he hurt you, Pony."

"You think he'd hurt me?" Pony said, sounding shocked.

"Not deliberately," Darry clarified. "But if he gets confused again… especially if he was just waking up from a nightmare and didn't know where he was…" He paused again, thinking over his words carefully. "Soda is going to need some time to adjust to not being on the battlefield."

Pony nodded. "Yeah," he said. "That was… that was scary."

Darry nodded, putting an arm around Pony and squeezing him. "Yeah, that was really scary," he agreed.

Darry sent Pony back to bed and went to the kitchen to dump the broken glass into the trash. He walked back to his room and fell into his own bed, his head full of racing thoughts. He couldn't believe how much Soda had changed over just a year of boot camp and overseas combat. He shuddered to think what would have happened to his brother had he stayed for his entire tour of duty or, God forbid, had been called to do multiple tours. And even though watching him limp around with his cane at nineteen years old was heartbreaking… Darry couldn't help but think that maybe Soda's injury was actually a blessing. Because at least now he was home.

XxXxX

The next morning Darry sent Pony right off to school before calling up his boss and telling him that he had a family emergency and would be late this morning. His boss was very understanding… but Darry knew he couldn't take the whole day off and lose out on getting paid. But the thought of Soda waking up to an empty house after what happened the night before was more than Darry could bear.

It was almost nine o'clock before Darry finally heard movement come from Soda's room. He was sitting in his recliner reading the paper and it took all of his self-control not to jump up and run to help Soda. He knew he couldn't baby Soda and besides he was supposed to be walking on his own to strengthen his muscles.

He listened as Soda limped down the hallway and into the bathroom, his eyes still on the paper though he had stopped reading. A few minutes later the toilet flushed and the door opened again.

"'Morning, Soda," Darry said as he passed by the living room clad in his sweatpants and baggy t-shirt he had worn to bed.

Soda whipped around in surprise and then let out a yelp of pain. Startled, Darry jumped up.

"What is it?" he asked quickly.

"Ah, just twisted my knee a bit," Soda said, clutching his cane with one hand and holding his knee with the other.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Darry said with a pained expression as he hurried over to help Soda.

Soda attempted to smile, but it came out more like a grimace. "It's okay," he said as Darry helped him limp over to the recliner. "I just figured you'd be at work."

"Yeah, I got the morning off," Darry told him as he helped him sit. "I'll go in in a little bit."

"You can afford to take the morning off?" Soda asked skeptically.

"Yeah, we won the lottery while you were gone, didn't we tell you?" Darry laughed. He sat down on the couch. "How are you feeling today?"

"Better," Soda said, sitting back in the recliner. "I'm real sorry about last night."

"Don't apologize," Darry said. "It wasn't your fault. You've been through something awful, Soda. It's going to take time for you to get over it."

"Yeah," Soda said, vaguely. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes for a moment. "I just want to forget…"

"It'll get better with time," Darry said, though he had no way of knowing that for sure. He hoped, anyway. He felt so very helpless as he looked at his broken brother. In truth he knew that Soda had been through something awful… but he really had no idea how awful. He really had no clue what Soda had been through during the past year. He was at a loss for how he could actually help his brother.

He let Soda get his own breakfast. As Soda went and sat back in the living room with his scrambled eggs covered in grape jelly Darry noticed that he had left the stove on and flipped it off. Soda never used to be that absent-minded.

"If you use the stove for lunch, make sure you turn it off," Darry said as he got ready to leave.

"Yeah okay," Soda said distractedly.

Darry was about to walk out the door when another thought dawned on him. "Uh, Soda," he said, looking over at his brother. "I wouldn't bother with the TV today if you can help it. They tend to cut into shows with footage and updates from… from the war."

"Yeah… I saw the reporters…" Soda said vaguely, not looking up from his breakfast.

"Call me up at work if you need anything," Darry said, hating leaving Soda here alone.

"I'll be fine Darry," Soda said with a smirk. "Go on."

Darry turned and forced himself to walk out of the house. He jumped in the truck and took off… but not in the direction of work. He had to make a pit stop first.


	4. Worried

**Author's Note: Thanks so much to all those who have taken the time to review! Remember: the more reviews I get the more motivated I am to post more chapters! :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders**

_Chapter Four_

_Worried_

Darry was glad when he didn't see any cars parked at the DX station. He jumped out of the truck and walked into the garage and saw Steve's legs sticking out from under a car.

"Hey Steve," Darry said, tapping on the hood of the car. "Where's Two-Bit?"

"Hey Darry," Steve said, poking his head out from under the car and looking up at Darry, grease covering his face. "He's supposed to be in the store watching the counter."

"I need to talk with both of you, you got a minute?" Darry asked.

"Sure, just give me a sec to finish up here," Steve said, moving back under the car. "I'll meet you inside."

Darry walked into the store to find Two-Bit lounging behind the counter smoking and leafing through a magazine.

"You call this workin'?" Darry asked with a laugh.

Two-Bit grinned at him. "Shoot, I'm easing into it," he said. "What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you and Steve about something," he said just as the bell above the door rang behind him and Steve walked in, wiping grease off his hands with a dirty rag, either ignoring or unaware of the grease smeared across his face.

"What's up, Darry?" Steve asked.

Darry took a deep breath. "I think Soda's having a hard time adjusting to being back," he started. Steve and Two-Bit both immediately looked serious. "He… last night he woke up in a panic and thought he was back in Vietnam. It took me several minutes to convince him that he wasn't." It pained Darry to have to tell them this, but he knew it had to be done. "I think… I think he would have attacked me or Pony if we had rushed at him. He had broken the lamp beside his bed and was holding a large piece of glass like a weapon."

Two-Bit swore. Steve looked pale. Neither of them seemed to know what to say.

"He was also pretty jumpy this morning," Darry continued. "And when he made breakfast he forgot to turn off the stove. I'm really worried about him and I'm not real sure what to do about it."

"What can we do to help?" Steve asked. Steve and Soda has been best friends since they were little and clearly it pained him to hear about Soda's condition. He had taken it just as hard as Darry and Pony when Soda had been drafted.

"If one of you could drop by during your breaks…" Darry said slowly, letting the thought hang. "I don't like the idea of him being alone all day."

"Yeah, we can do that," Two-Bit said.

"Just don't tell him that I told you to check up on him," Darry said. "I think that might upset him." Steve and Two-Bit nodded in agreement. "And just… be careful with him."

"Don't worry, Darry, we got his back," Two-Bit said.

Steve kicked at the floor with the toe of his shoe. "I can't believe that this is okay," he mumbled. "That the government can just force this on someone as soon as he turns eighteen."

"It's not fair," Darry agreed. "But it happened, and now we all have to deal with it."

"I'll stop over at lunch time," Steve said.

"Make sure you check the stove," Darry said seriously. He had to be blunt about this situation. "If that place catches on fire, Soda will have a hard time getting out."

"I will," Steve said, looking a bit distraught as he turned. "I gotta get back to work."

"Sure," Darry said, watching him go. "Thanks guys."

XxXxX

Steve took his car over to the Curtis house, even though it was only a ten minute walk. He didn't want to waste any time. He had seen worry etched in Darry's face, and that had scared him. The night before Soda had seemed fairly normal… but after hearing about what happened over night Steve felt worried as well.

"Anybody home?" Steve said, sticking his head in the door.

There was no answer. Dread filled Steve as he walked inside. The TV was off, but the radio was on playing Elvis music. The living room was deserted. The kitchen was also empty, though he noted that at least the stove was still off. He walked down toward the bedrooms and checked them all. Each one was as empty as the rest of the house. Steve began to feel panicked. It made no sense for Soda to leave. He had no car and probably couldn't make it far with his limp.

Finally Steve went to push the back door open and hit something solid.

"Hey!" came a voice and relief filled Steve.

"There you are," Steve said. Soda leaned forward allowing Steve to open the door a little farther and slip outside. Soda was sitting on the back step leaning up against the back door, a lit cigarette in one hand, his cane held loosely in the other. "What are you doing out here?"

"It seemed quieter back here," Soda said. Steve didn't quite understand since the entire neighborhood was quiet on a week day with adults at work and kids at school, but he brushed it off. "What are you doing here? Though you were workin'."

Steve shrugged as he sat down on the step next to him. "I'm on break, thought I'd pop over." He pulled out his own pack of cigarettes and lit up as well.

"Darry tell you to check up on me?" Soda said lightly, not looking at him.

"Naw, man," Steve said as casually as he could. "You've been gone for over a year Soda, I can't just want to hang with you?"

"And as a bonus you can see that I haven't burned down the house," Soda said glancing at him with a light smile before taking a drag.

Steve grinned back, glad that Soda was in a joking mood. "Well, that is always a plus," he remarked.

"I'm going crazy being in this house already," Soda said, leaning his head back against the door. "Think I could go back to work tomorrow?"

"You sure you're up for that?" Steve asked, surprised. "You just got back yesterday, man."

"Yeah, and I'm already bored out of my mind," Soda said. "It'd be nice to not be left to my thoughts all day. I need something to do."

"I'll check with the boss," Steve said. "But I'm sure even if you can't work yet you could at least come down and hang out with us tomorrow."

"Yeah, that'll save you from having to come out here on breaks to babysit me," Soda said with a dark laugh.

Steve sighed, seeing that there was no hiding it from him. "You know Darry, he worries," he said.

"What about you?" Soda asked.

"What do you mean?" Steve asked, not comprehending.

"Are you worried?"

Steve was silent, not liking the question. Soda knew him too well. What he wanted to tell his friend was that he was more than just worried. He was scared. Really scared. Not just for Soda… but he was scared for himself. He looked at Soda and he wondered if it would happen to him too. Would he be drafted too? He felt selfish thinking these thoughts. He should be focusing on Soda, not himself.

"I'm just glad you're back," Steve said finally.

Soda nodded, finishing his cigarette and tossing it on the ground and stepping on it. Then he pulled out a pack and shook another stick out. Steve was vaguely surprised, watching Soda light up again. Soda hardly ever smoked before he left.

"You mind grabbing another pack from the gas station?" Soda asked, waving the pack of cigarettes. "I stole these from Pony's room, I feel kinda bad."

"No problem," Steve said. He tossed his cigarette butt to the ground and stamped it out. "How 'bout some lunch?"

"I don't need you to make lunch for me," Soda said with exasperation.

"Naw, man, I was thinking you would make _me_ lunch," Steve laughed. Soda finally grinned.


	5. The Quiet

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders**

_Chapter Five_

_The Quiet_

Steve left soon after the two of them ate lunch. It was quiet again. Soda could hardly remember what real quiet was like. It had been months since he could remember being in complete silence. Even at night, Vietnam was never quiet. Soda had been tuned in to every little noise, trying to listen for anyone who might be approaching.

Soda had switched off the radio and was sitting quietly in Darry's recliner. Before he had left he would lounge on the couch, but he was quickly realizing how much more comfortable Darry's recliner was for him now. It sat higher than the couch and it was easier for him to sit in and get up from. He closed his eyes and listened to the silence for several minutes. Suddenly it felt unnerving. Like there was something missing. Something he _should_ be hearing, but he wasn't. His heart started beating faster. He couldn't miss any noise, he had to hear everything, if he didn't hear everything he could be killed.

His eyes flew open, his muscles tense. He looked around at the quiet house. He had almost expected to see the mountains of Vietnam. He shook his head as if he could shake his demons away. His breathing was suddenly shallow, as if he had been running. He leaned forward and looked at his hands, which were trembling.

"What is wrong with me?" Soda said quietly. After all this time he hardly even recognized himself. He felt out of place in his own home.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. He wasn't quite sure what to do with himself at that point. He still had hours until Pony got done with school or Darry would get off work. He took Darry's warning about not watching TV very seriously. He had hated the reporters he had seen overseas. He couldn't exact place why he hated them so much… maybe because he hated the idea of the people back home knowing what he had done. He didn't want to go anywhere near the TV. The radio had started to bore him as well.

He rocked the recliner back and used the forward momentum to help him up out of the chair. He remembered one thing that he always wished he could do during his tour. Sleep. Even when they were supposed to be sleeping Soda could never let go of the idea that he would be completely vulnerable to attack if he were to really sleep, though this thinking had actually helped to save his life. He limped into his bedroom and collapsed onto his bed, feeling how unbelievably soft it was. He felt like he could just melt into it after spending so long sleeping either sitting up or laying on the hard ground.

XxXxX

Pony was on the edge of his seat all day, his eyes on the clock. He was relieved when the final bell rang. He couldn't stop thinking of his brother, home alone all day. He had asked Darry if he could just skip school, but of course Darry didn't even consider it.

Pony was the only Greaser still in school at this point, so he didn't have a ride home anymore. Sometimes if either Two-Bit or Steve were off they would swing by and get him, but Pony knew they were both working today. Darry had him start carrying a blade just in case, but Pony had never had any problems walking home from school.

Usually he would take his time on the way home, especially over the last year when he was heading home to an empty house. Sometimes he wouldn't even go home, but rather he would go to the movies or to the DX. But today he was anxious. Today he ran.

Pony was fast, one of the fastest on his track team. Today he poured on the speed, listening to his sneakers pound the pavement and his light panting. It took him no time at all to reach his neighborhood. Soon the house was in sight. He ran right up the porch and threw open the door with a bang, before he realized that was probably a bad idea. _I gotta use my head…_ he thought to himself.

Pony surveyed the empty living room. It was very quiet with both the TV and the radio off. Pony figured that Soda might appreciate the quiet more than he used to. He placed his backpack on the ground rather than just letting it drop, more aware of the quiet.

"Soda?" he said carefully. Suddenly he felt nervous not knowing exactly where his brother was in the house. How Soda had acted the night before really scared him. It hadn't seemed like his brother at all, it was like he was a completely different person. Pony walked carefully through the living room and crept down the hallway toward the bedrooms. "Soda?" he said again, not wanting to sneak up on him.

Soda's bedroom door was slightly ajar and Pony peaked in. He was relieved to see Soda sprawled out on top of his covers fast asleep. He smiled, glad that Soda was getting some rest as he walked back down the hallway and into the kitchen. He knew it was his job to make dinner.

Pony wasn't surprised at all when Darry came home early. He was a lot quieter with the door than Pony had been, and Pony found himself very thankful that somehow he had not woken Soda when he had come home a few hours before.

"Hey kid," Darry said, walking into the kitchen.

"Hi Darry," Pony said. "How was work?"

"It was fine," Darry said shortly, stretching his back out. He glanced around. "Where's Soda?"

"He was sleeping in his room when I got home," Pony said. "I figured I probably shouldn't wake him."

Darry nodded. "Good idea," he agreed. "I'm glad he's getting some rest though."

Just then they heard a car pull up outside and two car doors slam. A minute later Two-Bit and Steve were crowding into the small kitchen.

"Howdy!" Two-Bit said happily.

"Keep it down," Darry said as he sat at the kitchen table. "Soda's sleeping."

"Hey Pony," Steve said. "Catch."

Pony turned around just in time to catch a small box that Steve had tossed to him from across the kitchen. He curiously looked down and found it to be a carton of cigarettes.

"What's this for?" Pony asked, confused. "I got a whole 'nother pack in my room."

"Not anymore you don't," Steve said with a laugh. "Soda got into them today. He asked me to get you another pack while I was visiting him over my lunch break."

"Oh," Pony said. He should have realized that Soda wouldn't have been alone all day. He wondered if Darry had told Steve and Two-Bit what had happened the night before.

"Well, can't say I'm surprised," Darry said, rubbing his shoulder. Then he slowly stood. "I'm gonna wake him for dinner." He turned and disappeared down the hallway. No one made any attempt to follow him. Everyone was suddenly quiet as they listened to Darry quietly knock on Soda's bedroom door. They heard it creaked open, and then closed again.

"Heard you guys had a scare last night," Two-Bit said in a low voice, looking a Pony.

So they did know. "Yeah," Pony said, starting to move the food to the kitchen table. "I honestly didn't think it would be that difficult for him to adjust to being back." Pony didn't look at either of the other boys in the room, feeling ashamed for admitting this out loud.

"I don't think any of us did," Two-Bit said quietly.

Pony looked up, surprised at the seriousness in Two-Bit's voice.

A minute later they heard the door to Soda's bedroom open again and they all busied themselves in trying to look occupied. Darry walked back into the kitchen, his face drawn with exhaustion.

"Hey, make sure you guys be careful about loud noises near the house," he said in a low voice.

"What do you mean?" Steve asked, looking concerned. "Soda alright?"

"He's fine… but I guess when you two slammed your car doors it woke him and spooked him a bit," Darry said with a sigh.

Two-Bit swore under his breath.

A few minutes later Soda appeared in the doorway, leaning heavily on his cane and reaching out his other hand to grip the doorway. Though he had been sleeping for several hours he still looked tired.

"Hey guys," he said with a tired smile.

"Hey Soda!" Two-Bit said brightly.

"Why don't we eat in the living room again," Darry said as he started helping Pony gather up plates.

Soda took the recliner once again and Pony was starting to think of it as Soda's recliner instead of Darry's now. The conversation wandered easily around lighthearted subjects mostly about girls and cars.

"Hey, that reminds me," Steve said as they talked about the gas station. "I talked to the boss today. He said that you could come on back to work with us tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Darry said, surprised.

"Darry, I can't just sit around by myself all day," Soda said a note of pleading in his voice. "I've been stuck in the army hospital for weeks, I need to get out a do something."

"Yeah, okay," Darry said with a sigh, seeing his point. "Just take it easy, okay?"

"Really, Darry, I was hoping Soda would do all the heavy lifting tomorrow," Two-Bit said with a laugh.

Soda grinned. He seemed happy that Two-Bit was able to still poke fun at him. It was like things were finally getting back to normal.

"Then I was thinking about challenging Pony to a footrace after work," Soda said.

Everyone laughed, mostly out of relief that Soda was still able to joke.

Soda headed to bed early that night, still looking tired. Pony watched him worriedly, wondering if he's have another night like the last one. He obviously hadn't gotten much sleep after they had left him.

"Hey, keep an eye on him tomorrow," Darry said in a low voice to Steve and Two-Bit. "Don't let him do too much."

"It'll be fine, Darry," Steve assured him. "He'll probably just mostly do fill ups."

"Yeah, stop worrying," Two-Bit agreed. "We'll be back to pick him up in the morning."

"Alright, alright," Darry said as Two-Bit and Steve headed out. "Pony, did you work on your homework tonight?"

"No," Pony admitted. "I'll go work on it now." He paused. "You think Soda will have another nightmare like last night?"

Darry sighed. "Let's hope not," he said. "But remembered, if he does don't rush at him. Don't even go into his room without me."

"You make him sound dangerous," Pony said, feeling troubled.

"We just need to give him some time," Darry said, though he didn't sound very convincing. "Now go on and get that homework done."

Pony sighed and walked to his bedroom, his eyes lingering on Soda's closed bedroom door. As far as he could tell Soda had had a fairly normal day. He hoped that somehow they would be able to find some sense of normalcy after everything they had been through.

XxXxX

**Author's Note: Sorry this was a bit of a slow chapter, I needed to get in some expositional stuff in. Things will really pick up in the next chapter though! Please review!**


	6. Respect

**Author's Note: Yay for quick updates! Haha, I got some inspiration that just kinda ran away with me, this chapter went a lot smoother than the last one. Hope you like it! Thanks for the reviews! Please continue to review especially if you want quick updates! :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders**

_Chapter Six_

_Respect_

Soda didn't sleep well. After what happened the night before he didn't trust himself enough to really allow himself to sleep. He knew logically that he would have to sleep eventually and he would drop off for short periods every hour or so, but he was restless.

Soda was the first one up in the morning. He was so used to getting up early that it felt odd to lay in bed. He limped out to the front porch for a smoke. He was never a big smoker before he left, but that had quickly changed once he was deployed. He found himself relying more and more on the cigarettes to steady his nerves while in Vietnam because he was always on edge. He wasn't smoking as much as he did while overseas, but it was still more than he used to. He wondered if he could ever feel the way that he did before he left. He wondered if he could ever be the person that he was before.

Soda wandered back into the quiet house and headed for the kitchen. Darry would be up soon and he decided to get started on breakfast like he would in the old days, though in the old days he was rarely up before Darry. As he worked on cooking up ham and eggs he found himself very aware of his handicap. A few weeks ago when the doctor had told him that he could walk with a cane Soda had been extremely relieved. He had been picturing himself in a wheelchair and the thought horrified him. The cane had granted him a level of independence that he didn't think he was going to have upon returning home. But even though he was grateful to be able to hobble around on his own and even do something as simple as walk up the steps of the front porch, he was really starting to see how cumbersome the cane really was. Not only was he limited with his left leg, but also it was like he had lost his left hand as well since he always needed to be holding on to the cane.

However Soda was determined, and by the time Darry walked into the kitchen he had three breakfasts on the kitchen table.

"Morning Soda," Darry said, sounding surprised. "What are you doing up already?"

"Guess I'm used to getting up early," Soda said, sitting down at the table.

"Did you sleep okay?" Darry asked as he also sat down.

"Fine," Soda said shortly, studying his food as he started to eat. He didn't want Darry to worry. He hated causing Darry any more stress than he already had.

Pony came wandering into the kitchen soon after, still blinking sleepily and mumbling a "Morning."

"Hey, sleepyhead, you want a ride this morning?" Darry asked Pony. "I can drop you on my way to work."

"Yeah, that'd be good," Pony mumbled.

Soda chuckled lightly under his breath. It all just seemed so normal. There was never a sense of calm in the morning while he was deployed.

Soda finished his breakfast before heading back to his room to get changed for work. He managed to dig up his old DX shirt and cap. Getting in and out of a pair of pants was still a struggle. He winced and groaned as he pulled on his jeans. He sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed his thigh absently as he could have sworn he heard the distant echo of an explosion as a sharp pain ran through his knee.

He was jerked from his thoughts by the sound of an old groaning car pulling up in front of the house. He braced himself for the sound of the doors slamming, but to his surprise they barely made a sound. He figured Darry must have said something to Two-Bit and Steve after what happened yesterday. Soda had been startled awake by the sounds of the car doors slamming. When Darry had entered his room Soda had been sitting bolt upright in bed, panting and trembling.

Soda pushed himself to his feet and walked out of the bedroom and into the living room just as Steve and Two-Bit were walking in the house.

"Morning, Curtises," Two-Bit called. He looked over and spotted Soda. "Looks like you're ready to go." He sounded a little surprised, and Soda could guess it was because he used to always be running late.

"Yeah, ready to get back to a job where I don't have to dodge bullets," Soda said lightly.

"I dunno about that, it is a pretty rough neighborhood," Two-Bit joked as Steve elbowed him.

"C'mon, you ready then?" Steve asked.

"Yeah, let's go," Soda said as he limped forward.

"You take it easy today, you hear?" Darry said coming out of the bathroom.

"Quit worrying, Darry," Soda said, starting to get a little annoyed. He had been stationed overseas for almost ten months; he should be able to handle working at a gas station after that, even with his injury.

Outside Soda descended the porch stairs for the first time since his injury. He found the railing to be a little shaky, but it held his weight, which he was grateful for. Usually there would be a fight over the front seat, but even though Two-Bit made it to Steve's car first he slid into the backseat. He noticed Steve watching him closely out of the corner of the eye, but he knew well enough to spare Soda's pride and not offer to help.

Soda managed to get himself into the front seat of the car without much difficulty. Steve got into the drivers seat and took off toward the gas station. They made it there in no time at all. Under normal circumstances they probably would have just walked there. But these weren't normal circumstances.

When they arrived at the gas station Soda found that it was a little trickier getting out of the car than it was getting in. He managed to shift to sit sideways in the seat with both feet on the pavement of the parking lot but as he went to lift himself he found that his muscles just didn't seem to want to work and there was a sharp pain in his left leg that made him exhale loudly. Steve was suddenly in front of him and without a word he put out his hand and Soda reached out a grabbed it. Steve pulled Soda to his feet before turning and walking toward the station. Steve knew him well.

Soda had accepted that even though he was returning back to work he would be limited. He couldn't crawl under cars anymore and even though he could look under the hood at the engine he would only have one hand available to actually do any work. He kept reminding himself that it wasn't necessarily going to be this way forever. The doctor at the army hospital had told him that he might someday walk without a cane. He had to hold on to that hope in order to keep his sanity.

As Soda hovered over Steve's shoulder as he worked on an engine, there was a honk from outside.

"Hey Soda, I got my hands full here, you think you could get that?" Steve asked.

Soda knew full well that Steve didn't really have his hands full; it was a pretty slow day. But he also knew that filling up a gas tank only required one hand and that was one thing he could do on his own. At least there was still something he could do.

He found that he did not hate only doing fill ups as much as he thought he would. He chatted with regular customers that he hadn't seen since before being drafted and managed to make quite a few tips. It was a much better day than he had yesterday and he was glad to not be sitting around that quiet house. There was only an hour left in their shift before there was an incident.

Soda was in the store talking with Two-Bit when there was another honk from outside. He walked outside to see that a red corvette was sitting beside the gas pump with three Socs standing next to it. It was rare for Socs to stop at their gas station, but when they did it was usually to mess with the Greasers who worked there.

"Fill it up, Grease!" one of the Socs said brightly.

Soda just nodded as he limped to the gas pump.

"Look, it's a hop-along Greaser!" another Soc said laughing and pointing at his cane.

Soda glared but kept his mouth shut as he went to fill up the car. He really didn't want to get into it with the Socs.

"He's like a greasy Tiny Tim!" the first Soc said as they all laughed. "God bless us, everyone!" he said in a high-pitched very poor English accent.

"Shut it," Soda growled, tightening his grip on his cane. He watched the numbers click by on the gas pumped and wished they would go faster.

"Hey, hey I bet his greasy hair leaked all over the floor and he slipped in it!"

Soda froze, the sounds of an explosion and screams echoing in his head.

"Hey!" Soda heard Steve call and looked up to see him hurrying out of the garage. "Back off."

"Just hanging out with the three legged Greaser," one of the Socs laughed.

"How 'bout a little respect for a veteran," Steve demanded fiercely as he stood next to Soda.

"Oh, drafted huh?" the first Soc said. "That's what college is for Greaser. Guess you were too dumb to get in."

For that moment Soda completely forgot where he was or that he had a severe handicap. He went to lunge at the lead Soc and stumbled as he lost his footing. Luckily Steve was quick to grab Soda before he fell. Two of the Socs laughed hysterically and openly pointed while the third suddenly looked uncomfortable. Steve looked murderous as he reached over and pulled the gas nozzle out of the tank.

"Good to go," Steve said darkly.

"Come on, let's go," the only Soc that wasn't laughing said quietly, getting back into the car.

The lead Soc dropped the money on the ground as continued to snicker as they got into the car and drove away, honking merrily. Soda watched them go, feeling anger smoldering just under his skin.

"Can you hang on?" Steve asked. Soda suddenly realized that he had dropped his cane and it had rolled away. The only reason he was still standing was because Steve was holding him up. He grabbed on to the gas pump so that Steve could grab his cane for him as he picked up the money from the ground. "You okay?" Steve asked with concern.

"Fine," Soda said darkly as he took his cane back. He felt angry tears gathering at the corners of his eyes. He felt trapped. He wanted to run to get as far away from there as possible. He didn't want to go back into the store and listen to Two-Bit's light hearted jokes, he didn't want to go back to the garage and endure Steve's concerned glances. "I'm gonna clock out and go."

Steve didn't look too surprised. "Hang on, I can drive you," he said, started toward the garage where his keys were.

"That's okay," Soda said, shaking his head. "I'll walk."

"Soda, come on," Steve said. "You can't…"

"I can still walk," Soda said, suddenly fierce. He started limping away. "See you later."


	7. Stranded

**Author's Note: As always, thanks to everyone who has reviewed. Now here is a fun fact for you guys: I rarely write in chronological order. I'm weird like that. I like to skip around a lot, haha. So I actually wrote the next chapter before this one and even though I like this chapter I am super excited to post the next one! So keep an eye out for another update tomorrow! :) Please review! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders. I hope you realize that by now. ;)**

_Chapter Seven_

_Stranded_

Darry managed to get out early again that day so he could be home when Soda got off work. Pony had made dinner again and soon Darry heard Steve's old car pull up outside.

"In here guys!" Darry called from the kitchen as he heard the front door. He looked up at Steve and Two-Bit as they entered the kitchen he immediately knew that something was wrong. Both faces look deeply worried.

"Is Soda here?" Steve asked sounding nervous.

Pony spun around to look at them and Darry felt himself pale.

"What do you mean?" Darry asked, a hint of panic in his voice. "He went to work with you guys today. He should be with you."

"He left work about an hour ago," Steve said, shifting uncomfortably.

"What do you mean he left?" Darry demanded, standing up. "How could he just leave if you had the car?"

"He walked," Steve said shortly.

"How could you let him walk?" Darry asked, shocked.

Steve sighed in defeat. "There were some Socs that came for a fill up and they started harassing him and he got really upset," he explained. "I told him I could give him a ride home, but he wouldn't let me. He was walking in this direction, I assumed he was going home."

Darry swore, something he hardly ever did as he went for his keys.

"I'm going to look for him," he said quickly, heading for the door. He didn't like this situation at all. Whether Soda wanted to admit it or not, he was very limited because of his injury and if he were to get jumped the result could be very bad.

"We'll go too," Steve said, following him with Two-Bit in tow.

"Pony, stay here in case he shows up," Darry called over his shoulder.

"Okay!" Pony called back, sounding worried. He walked out onto the front porch after them and lit up a cigarette as he watched Steve and Two-Bit jump back into Steve's car and take off again. Darry climbed into his truck and took off. He figured that Steve and Two-Bit would have seen Soda on their way to the house, so he headed in the opposite direction of the DX station.

Darry felt anxious as the sun was going down. He searched hard, going up and down every street. Finally as he came upon the park he saw a lone figure sitting on the edge of the fountain. Darry quickly pulled over to the side of the road and jumped out, feeling his heart pumping with adrenalin. He tried to walk as calmly as possible and was relieved as he recognized Soda's form in the dull light. He was surprised that Soda could have gotten this far with his injured leg.

"There you are," Darry said with relief as he approached.

"Here I am," Soda agreed flatly, not even looking up at Darry. He lifted a cigarette to his lips and took a long drag.

"Why didn't you come home?" Darry asked as he sat next to Soda. He felt uncomfortable sitting in this spot, fully aware that this was where his youngest brother had almost been forcibly drowned almost two years ago. He couldn't imagine why Soda wanted to be here.

"Just working my muscles," Soda said. "Thought a little exercise would do me some good."

Darry sighed. "You know you won't be able to build your muscles back up in one evening," he said slowly. "You can't just walk to Oklahoma City and back and expect it to be fixed. It's going to take some time."

"Yeah," Soda said with a sigh. He stared down at the ground. "Truth be told… I'm kind of stuck here." His voice was flat and Darry could tell that he hated to admit it. "I got this far before the pain got too bad." He rubbed his left thigh absent-mindedly.

Darry felt his heart ache. He hated that his brother was in so much pain that he couldn't even walk home. That was dangerous. He could have been stuck out here all night if no one had gone looking for him.

"I've got a half day tomorrow," Darry said. "I'm only working one of my jobs and I don't go in until lunch time. Why don't you take the morning off work? I can drop you off at the station if you feel up to it on my way to work."

"Yeah, okay," Soda said reluctantly.

"It's getting cold out," Darry remarked. "How about we head home, Pepsi Cola."

Soda nodded. "I'm… I'm gonna need a little help," he said slowly, looking up at Darry, pain in his eyes.

Darry simply nodded. He helped Soda to his feet and his little brother groaned and winced, betraying how much pain he was actually in. He supported Soda as he helped him limp across the park to where he had left the truck. As he helped Soda climb into the passenger's seat he kept thinking that if he ever found the Socs that had caused this he was going to beat the tar out of him.

Soda was quiet as they drove back home. As they pulled into the driveway back at the house Darry saw that Pony was still standing on the front porch, looking anxious. Darry got out of the truck, but Soda didn't move. It said something about how much pain he was really in that he didn't even try to get out on his own. As Darry walked around to help Soda out he felt worried. Was his injury getting worse?

Pony walked up as Darry was helping Soda down from the truck.

"You okay, Soda?" Pony asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine, kid," Soda said with a smile that was also a grimace. "Just got a little stranded is all."

Darry was glad that Soda was still trying to put on a brave face for his younger brother, because that was something that was normal for Soda. Darry kept a hold of Soda and helped him all the way into the house.

"Have Steve and Two-Bit been back yet?" Darry asked.

"No not yet," Pony said.

"Ah, what did you do, send out a search party?" Soda asked as Darry helped him over to the recliner. "I was gone, what, an hour?"

"Yeah, and you were stranded," Darry pointed out lightly.

Soda just rolled his eyes, obviously not wanting to admit that Darry was right as he sat back in the recliner.

"You want some aspirin?" Pony asked, watching Soda grimace.

"Sure, Pony, thanks," Soda said with a smile.

As Pont went to the kitchen there was the familiar sounds of Steve's car pulling up outside.

"Jesus, Soda," Steve said as he walked in and immediately spotted Soda. "Scare the hell out of us why don't you?"

"You okay, Soda?" Two-Bit asked, flopping down on the couch.

"I'm fine," Soda said stubbornly.

Pony came back with a glass of water and the bottle of aspirin. Two-Bit cocked an eyebrow as he watched Pony hand both to Soda. Steve dropped onto the couch next to Two-Bit.

"So, we gonna eat, or what?" Two-Bit said, successfully relieving the tension.

After the five wolfed down the dinner Pony had made Soda excused himself to go to bed early again. Darry watched him go, feeling concern. It was extremely odd for Soda to go to bed so early, and this was the second night in a row. The first night Soda had tried to stay up as late as he could so he could be with everyone. The last two nights he had seemed more withdrawn. He knew he kept telling Pony that he just needed time. He sure hoped he was right.

"He's not gonna work tomorrow morning," Darry told Steve and Two-Bit after Soda had left. "His leg was hurting him pretty bad so I convinced him to take it easy. If he feels up to it I'll drive him over before I go to work."

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea," Steve admitted.

"What kind of things did the Socs say to get him so worked up?" Darry asked carefully.

"I didn't hear much of it," Steve said darkly. "I mostly just heard the laughing. I even _told_ them he was a veteran, I though it might make them back off. But they just made fun of him for not getting into college to avoid the draft."

Darry was appalled. That was a new low for the Socs. Soda wasn't just some Greaser anymore. He had served the country. That should demand respect. How they could continue to taunt a veteran was beyond him.

"I'll tell you one thing," Two-Bit spoke up. "If they show up again tomorrow, I'm kicking their asses."

"I'll be right there with you," Steve agreed.

"Come on, guys," Darry said, grudgingly stepped into his role as voice of reason. "You can't fight while you're at work, you know that. Especially customers."

"They aren't customers," Steve spat. "Socs have no business at our DX."

"Still," Darry said. "It's not worth either of you losing your job when you could just as easily track them down when you're off the clock." He smiled.

"Good point," Two-Bit admitted with a laugh.

Darry nodded as he bid the good night. He knew that the Socs couldn't get away with what they had done. After everything he had been through, Darry wasn't about to let anyone try and put Soda down.


	8. Good Solider

**Author's Note: I really enjoyed writing this chapter, I hope you like it! Quick question for the masses… do you like it when I have rapid fire chapters posted close together, or would you rather I spread them out more? Please review!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.**

_Chapter Eight_

_Good Soldier_

Soda lay in his bed, staring up at the ceiling and listening to the murmur of voices coming through the thin walls. He couldn't make out any of the words, but he could hear the concerned tone in Darry's voice. They were out there talking about him.

He knew it wasn't smart what he had done that evening. His leg was still aching painfully, feeling worse than it had in weeks. The doctor had told him to go slow for a while, but Soda was impatient. He hated this feeling of restraint. He wanted to be able to play football with the guys. He wanted to be able to crawl under a car to work on it. He wanted to be able to beat up Socs that wanted to mess with him.

"_Hey, hey I bet his greasy hair leaked all over the floor and he slipped in it!" _

The words were still echoing in Soda's head. It was what had bothered him the most out of everything the Socs had said. When they had poked fun at what had caused Soda's injury it was like they were making light of what he had been through. He had terrible nightmares about the night he had gotten injured while in the hospital. He still remembered every detail from that day. It haunted him. It would always haunt him. Because the truth was, he knew that shouldn't have survived it.

XxXxX

_**One month, two weeks and four days ago…**_

Sodapop Curtis was a good solider. Exceptionally good. Although he had never fired a gun before, he had grown up on the rough side of town. He was paranoid enough to be always looking over his shoulder. He knew to never brush off strange noises as figments of your imagination. He knew how to always be on his guard. And after seeing the looks on both his brothers' faces when he left, he was determined to make it home. He was determined to live through this.

Soda had one major flaw when it came to being a solider: he valued human life too much.

So much of Soda's life had revolved around death. He lost both of his parents. Not even a year later he lost two of his adopted brothers in two separate incidents over the course of one night. He had enough of loss. He was the soldier going back for fallen comrades. He was also the one hesitating when given orders to burn civilian villages. This always angered his commander.

But of course in the heat of an attack Soda didn't hesitate for a second to protect himself along with the other men in his platoon. In those situations Soda found that he was very capable with his firearm. He was not squeamish about it in the moment and did his best not to think too hard about the soldiers he had killed after the fact, even though they were enemy soldiers who would have liked to have killed him first.

It had been late at night when Soda's luck had finally run out. They had made camp and one of the youngest soldiers in the platoon, John, had been on watch duty. It was unclear whether he had fallen asleep or had just not noticed, but he was the first killed in the ambush. Soda had been as close to asleep as he ever got when they were away from the base when he had heard it.

"Run!" he shouted immediately, knowing something was wrong as he jumped up. "RUN!"

But he hadn't run himself. He was pulling his fellow soldiers up, pushing them away from the ambush. He fired again and again on the intruding enemy, watching several crumple in heaps but never pausing, never hesitating.

Suddenly there was an explosion. He was thrown like a rag doll and landed heavily on the hard ground. His head was spinning and he was disoriented. It was suddenly strangely quiet except for a persistent ringing in his ears. He tried to get up and run but his leg painfully buckled under his weight and he collapsed back to the ground, biting back hard against a cry of anguish.

Soda panicked even as he held his body as still as possible, hoping to be mistaken for a corpse. This was it. He couldn't run. If he couldn't run, he would be killed. And even if he wasn't found by the enemy, he would surely bleed to death from his injury. He could feel blood soaking his pants as his left leg throbbed with excruciating pain. He would die here, on the opposite side of the world, never to see his brothers again.

Suddenly someone was yanking him up, dragging him along.

"C'mon man, you gotta move!" someone was yelling frantically.

Soda's head was so fogged he didn't even know who was dragging him along, but he was relieved to hear English. It was pain beyond anything he had ever felt before, but he forced his legs to move as he staggered through the brush, leaning heavily on a fellow soldier. He gritted his teeth together, grimacing hard, his head swimming.

"Atwood, get down!" The commander was yelling. Suddenly Soda was shoved roughly back to the ground and he could hear gunfire overhead. He didn't know how long he was down before he was pulled up again and dragged forward.

"Is he even alive, Atwood?" someone shouted.

"He was a minute ago," came Seth Atwood's voice. Seth had occupied the lower bunk under Soda's back at boot camp. He was one of the few soldiers that Soda had gotten close with and considered a friend. The fog was starting to lift and Soda realized his eyes were closed and he was back on the ground lying flat on his back. "Curtis, you still alive?"

Soda let out a groan as he forced himself to blink his eyes open.

"Curtis still alive?" came the commander's voice.

"Yes sir!" Seth answered. "He's bleeding like a stuck pig though."

"Get a tourniquet and wrap him up, we gotta get back to base."

Soda stole a glance down at his legs and his head swam even more at the amount of blood he saw. His blood. Just the smell of it made him feel as if he were going to be violently ill. However he was relieved to find that it looked like both of his legs were still attached. It wouldn't have been the first time someone in their platoon had lost a limb or two.

"Hey, keep your eyes open, Curtis," Seth said, smacking Soda's cheek a few times in an attempt to keep him conscious. He was hovering over Soda as one of the other soldiers started wrapping up his leg and Soda groaned loudly as the pain intensified. "I just risked my life for your noble ass so you are not allowed to die now."

Soda was dragged painfully to his feet and he swore loudly and cried out in agony as his full weight fell on his injured leg.

"Shut him the hell up, he's gonna alert every gook within a hundred miles to our location," the commander hissed.

One of Soda's arms was thrown over Seth's shoulders and his other arm was thrown over Mike Forester's shoulders. Thankfully both were a little taller than him which took some pressure off his injury.

"Here, kid, bite down," Mike said, shoving some sort of cloth into Soda's mouth to keep him quiet.

He was held between his two comrades as they started off through the rough Vietnam terrain. He was carried all the way back to base, several hours without stopping, as he wandered in and out of consciousness. He was vaguely aware of Seth talking to him, reminding him that he had brothers to go home to. Soda would talk endlessly about Darry and Pony and Seth knew all about them.

Suddenly Soda was aware that he was being loaded into a helicopter. He reached back, grabbing Seth's arm.

"Thank you," he croaked, finding that the cloth in his mouth at fallen away at some point. He knew that he should be dead right now. He knew that Seth had saved his life by going back for him.

"You woulda done the same for me, man," he said with a shrug. Then he grinned. Seth had always had a very strange sense of humor. "I hope they don't have to cut your leg off!"

As the helicopter took off, Soda passed out cold with that thought echoing in his ears.


	9. An Impediment

**Author's Note: As always thanks to my reviewers! You guys make me happy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.**

_Chapter Nine_

_An Impediment_

Soda's night was plagued with nightmares of the night that he was injured in the middle of a jungle in a foreign country. He woke up several times in a panic with a ringing in his ears. His leg ached.

By the time the sun rose Soda felt tired and frustrated. He lay in bed longer than he would usually, wanting to avoid the rest of the world as long as possible. He heard Pony go off to school and he remembered Darry had the morning off.

With a sigh Soda decided that he couldn't lay in bed all day. He pushed himself up and shifted to let his legs fall over the side of the bed. He rubbed the thigh of his left leg. It didn't hurt as bad as it did yesterday, but it was still aching. He hoped that it wouldn't be like this for the rest of his life. He didn't know how he was going to stand it.

He grabbed his cane from where it was leaning up against his nightstand next to his bed. His cane was a part of him now; it could never be more than an arm's length away. He was already starting to resent it.

"Morning Soda," came Darry's careful voice. Soda managed to not jump a mile at the sound. He figured that was an improvement at least. "There's some breakfast in the kitchen."

"Thanks," Soda mumbled as he limped into the kitchen. He knew that he sounded moody and he didn't even glance at where Darry sat. He still felt so tired.

After he finished eating Soda decided that he should shower as he still smelled of gasoline from work yesterday.

Soda didn't immediately see the problem with showering. He went into the bathroom and was pulling off his shirt before it dawned on him. He stared at the rim of the tub and suddenly felt resentment. He tried to lift his bad leg just to see… but came nowhere close to being able to step over the small porcelain wall.

Soda just stood there for several minutes, feeling anger bubbling to the surface once more. He reached up and grabbed the shower curtain rod up above his head and pulled on it, but it groaned painfully before he even put his full weight on it. He closed his eyes, counting to ten, trying to breath. He took a deep breath as he finished stripping and wrapped a towel around his waist and tied it off securely. He glared at himself in the mirror as he turned. What he was about to do was nothing short of humiliating.

He hung on to his cane as he limped to the door and opened it.

"Darry," he called, trying to hide the pain in his voice.

Darry appeared a moment later, looking concerned. "What's up, Soda?"

"I… I need…" He was looking down, unable to look at Darry. He sighed. "I need help." He was really starting to hate having to keep saying that. He paused. After a moment he felt the need to clarify. "I need help getting into the shower."

Darry glanced behind Soda, realization dawning on him. "Oh, sure thing, little buddy," he said.

Soda turned and limped back toward the tub. He couldn't believe this was happening right now. He had spent months in combat running around Vietnam, and now he couldn't step into a goddamn tub without his big brother's help. Darry grabbed Soda's arm as he leaned his cane up against the wall.

"I'm gonna step up on the rim with my good leg and then step down," Soda told Darry. "Just keep me steady." He wanted to do as much of this on his own as possible.

"Alright," Darry agreed.

He moved behind Soda and held his sides up near his armpits. As Soda shifted his weight to his bad leg he winced and had to rely on Darry to keep him up as his muscles gave way. He put his right foot on the rim of the tub and stepped up, pulling the rest of his body with him, laying a hand lightly on the shower rod just for balance. He swung his bad leg over and lowered himself into the tub. Again as he shifted his weight he had to rely on Darry to keep him up. It was a good thing Darry was so strong, holding up a nineteen year old was no easy task.

"Thanks," Soda mumbled as he turned back around, pulling away from Darry's grip.

"It's no problem," Darry said, still holding his hands out as if he were afraid Soda was going to fall. "You can stand okay?"

"Yeah, I'll keep my weight on my good leg," Soda said. He knew he could do that at least for a short amount of time.

Darry reached up and pulled on the shower rod, eyeing where it was attached to the wall and obviously finding it flimsy just as Soda had. "I can reinforce this tomorrow," he said thoughtfully.

"That would be helpful," Soda agreed dully.

"Just call me when you're done," Darry said, obviously trying to sound casual.

"Yeah," Soda said, yanking the curtain shut. He waited until he heard the door close before tossing the towel over the rod where it would be easy to grab again. He twisted the knob for water and pulled the plug to turn the shower on, leaning heavily on the wall and wishing there was something for him to hold onto. There was a blast of icy water that almost took the breath out of him. He twisted the hot water tap again to warm it up. Slowly the water warmed until it was uncomfortably hot. But he kept turning it until it wouldn't go any further. He wanted to burn this humiliating situation right off of him.

Soon he was starting to lose his balance, his leg getting tired. The last thing he wanted to do was fall in the shower and not be able to get up. That was the only way this situation could get worse. He shut off the water and grabbed the towel and tied it around himself again. Then he reached out and grabbed his cane, unable to hold himself up any longer.

Soda sighed, hardly believing that he had to call to his big brother like some toddler who can't wipe his own ass.

"Darry," he called, sweeping the shower curtain aside and feeling his cheeks flush with embarrassment.

Darry appeared a moment later. _What, was he waiting outside the door the whole time?_ Soda thought irritably.

They repeated the action from earlier in reverse to get Soda out of the tub. He leg was hurting something awful from all the effort. He just left his dirty clothes on the floor of the bathroom, not the in mood to struggle to pick them up and knowing that Darry would do it for him. He limped down the hall and into his bedroom, closing the door a little louder than he meant to.

In a sudden burst of rage that he had never felt before, Soda lashed out and knocked over his bedside table, throwing it hard into the wall with one hand. He sat down heavily on the bed as he heard the expected knock on his door.

"Yeah?" he called without looking up.

"You okay, Soda?" came Darry's worried voice as he cracked open the door.

"Just fine," Soda mumbled, staring down at his cane still in his hand.

Darry walked in and closed the door behind him. He sat down next to Soda on the bed and was quiet for a minute.

"It's an adjustment," Darry said finally. "We all need to adjust. I'll fix up the shower so that you can get in and out on your own."

"An adjustment…" Soda repeated with a humorless laugh. "What would you know about it?"

"Nothing," Darry said with a sigh. "Soda, honestly, I have no idea what you are going through. I wish so bad that I could just fix this all somehow." He put a hand on Soda's shoulder, causing him to finally look up. "But I do have hope that this will get easier. Just don't shut us out, okay little buddy?"

Suddenly, without warning, Soda was aware of tears falling down his face. He lifted a hand and touched his cheek and found it damp. He looked up at Darry.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," he said quietly, his voice shaking. Hadn't he just been angry? When did he become sad? Everything seemed to be blurring together.

"There ain't nothing wrong with you," Darry insisted. "Soda, you've been through hell. It's not fair that this was forced on you. I think I'd be more worried if you were acting completely normal."

"What if this thing doesn't end?" Soda said, suddenly panicked. "What if two years pass and you get drafted? Or Pony?"

Darry looked away. He knew it was a very real possibility. "We'll deal with that when the time comes."

"What about Steve and Two-Bit?" Soda went on. "They could be drafted any day. I… I couldn't handle that. The things I saw while I was over there… you guys can't go through that."

Darry looked up and put an arm over Soda as he came close to hysterics. He had no comforting words for Soda. There was nothing he could do to ease his fears. He hushed lightly as he listening to Soda break down into sobs and rubbed his shoulder comfortingly. That was his greatest fear, then. That someone he cared about would have to go through what he had been through while deployed. Then Darry glanced down and saw that the towel Soda was wearing had shifted, revealing his injured knee. It was warped and sick looking, covered in pink scar tissue. It was hard to tell if Soda was more damaged physically or mentally.

"This is all I can say," Darry finally said slowly. "There are only five left in our gang. Out of every of age male in the country, there are five of us. The draft already picked one of us. Hopefully that means it's that much less likely that the draft will pick another one of our five. Does that make any sense?" Soda was quiet. "It's like a tornado. Once a tornado tears through an area, what are the chances that another tornado will tear through that exact same area? Or lightening striking the same spot twice."

Soda pulled away, nodding and wiping away tears. "Thanks Darry," he said.

"We are all here for you, Soda," Darry said as he stood up. He paused. "You don't have to go into work today if you don't feel up to it."

"No, I should go," Soda said. "Sitting around here feeling sorry for myself isn't going to help anything. I just want things to feel… normal."

"Okay," Darry agreed. Soda was grateful that Darry wasn't going to argue with him. "Get dressed and I can drive you over there."

Soda nodded as Darry walked from the room and closed the door behind him. Soda took a deep breath. He felt determined to make this work. He was going to get better. He had to.


	10. Reality

**Author's Note: I'm sorry that I haven't responded to the reviews of the last chapter, I had really bad week. But I appreciate every single review! Thanks so much! Please continue to review because it makes me happy. :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders**

_Chapter Ten_

_Reality_

Soda managed to have a pretty normal afternoon at work. He stayed away from the garage since he couldn't do much in there and hung out with Two-Bit inside the store. At one point a couple of Socs came by and Two-Bit insisted on doing the fill up even though it wasn't the same Socs that had harassed Soda. As much as Soda didn't like feeling like everyone was being so careful around him, he knew that it was better to avoid the Socs at least for now. His brand new temper just couldn't handle it yet. He settled for leaning against the counter in the store and glaring out the window.

The next day was Saturday. Soda decided to stay at home that day. He was feeling tired and wasn't really up for avoiding the Socs again. He was trying to ease back into normal life. Or at least what would now be normal.

Darry went off to work early that day so Pony and Soda spent the afternoon together. It was a quiet day. Pony talked endlessly and they played poker through a lot of the afternoon. Pony was able to give Soda a run for his money because he had played a lot with Two-Bit and Steve while Soda was gone.

"Wow, you're getting good," Soda said as Pony beat him a third hand in a row. "Good thing we're not playing for actual money. I'm a little out of practice."

Pony laughed as he pulled the pile of chips toward him. "I've figured out there's a lot of strategy that goes into poker," he said.

"That's why you are the smart one," Soda chuckled. He paused as Pony gathered up the cards and started shuffling. "You still doing good in school, kid?"

"Yeah," Pony said with a shrug. "Darry made sure my grades stayed up. I had a lot of time to study too."

Soda nodded. "You're gonna go far, you know that Pony?"

Pony gave him a funny look. "What do you mean?"

"Just promise me something," Soda went on. "Promise me you'll work hard to go to college."

"Yeah, I promise," Pony said easily as he began to deal the cards. It was not the first time that the brothers had discussed Pony going to college.

"I mean it," Soda said seriously. "With your brains… it would be such a waste if you got drafted…"

"Oh," Pony said, realization dawning on him. He looked up at his brother. "Yeah, Soda. I'll do everything I can to get into college. Maybe Darry will be able to get into college too after I turn eighteen." They both knew it was a long shot. But Soda felt comforted by the idea of both his brothers being able to avoid being drafted.

Later that night Pony was in his room working on homework while Darry sat in the living room on the couch reading the newspaper and Soda was lounging in the recliner dozing off every few minutes. Soda suddenly jerked up and Darry look over at him questioningly before the front door opened and Steve walked in. Darry had noticed that Soda was very aware of small noises that the rest of them tended to overlook, especially while he was tired and falling asleep.

"Hey," Steve said, looking troubled. "Darry, could you come with me a sec?"

"What's up?" Darry asked, putting his newspaper down.

Steve glanced at Soda nervously before focusing back on Darry. "I just need some help lifting something," he said vaguely.

Darry knew that was not what he needed, but he decided to just go with him and find out what was going on. "I'll be right back," he told Soda as he stood up and followed Steve back outside. They walked down the front path and started heading down the street. "Where are we going?" Darry asked.

"Just down to the lot," Steve said. "I mean, he's fine but I don't think we can really leave him there all night…"

"Who?" Darry asked, now completely confused.

"Two-Bit," Steve said as they approached the vacant lot at the end of the block.

Darry immediately spotted the dark figure laying sprawled on the hard ground. He hurried over and as he approached the thick smell of alcohol met his nose. "What happened?" Darry asked.

"I've never seen him drink so much before," Steve said, sounding worried. "He's been pounding them back all day, even at work."

"Why didn't you want to say that in front of Soda?" Darry asked as he leaned down over Two-Bit, checking to see that he was still breathing steadily.

Steve sighed. "He was talking earlier," he said. "And the things he was saying…"

Darry looked up at Steve curiously. "What kind of things?"

Two-Bit stirred as if on cue and started mumbling. Darry leaned closer to try and hear what he was saying. "No… I'm no sold…"

"He was saying he was no soldier," Steve translated.

Darry went cold. "He… he wasn't…" he couldn't even bring himself to finish his thought. Two-Bit had always been the most likely of them to be drafted. Had it finally happened?

"Kinda sounds that way, don't it?" Steve said flatly. "I got no clue though. He hasn't been very coherent all day."

Darry refused to believe it until he heard for certain. "Well, we better get him up to the house."

"What about Soda?" Steve asked. "He shouldn't hear Two-Bit's rambling. He was saying some real bad stuff earlier, what if he triggers Soda?"

"Well lock him in the bathroom or something," Darry said.

"Someone will eventually have to use the bathroom," Steve pointed out.

Darry rolled his eyes. "Let's just get him up to the house," he said. "Soda was already starting to nod off in the recliner. He'll probably go to bed soon anyway. He's always so tired…"

Darry and Steve worked together holding Two-Bit between them with one of his arms over each of their shoulders and started trudging back toward the house.

"Guess you really did need help lifting something," Darry laughed as they approached the walkway to the house. Darry looked up and saw a figure standing on the porch.

"Is he okay?" Soda asked, his voice sounding strained.

"Yeah, just one too many drinks," Darry assured him as they stumbled up the steps to the porch. They shuffled into the house and immediately took Two-Bit back into the bathroom and hunched him over the toilet.

"Kill… I don' wanna…" Two-Bit mumbled. He was cut off as he heaved and vomited into the toilet.

Darry glanced over his shoulder to see where Soda was and was surprised to see that the living room was empty. "Stay with him," Darry told Steve as he walked back out and glanced out the window, seeing Soda's figure still standing on the porch. He walked back outside and saw that Soda was leaning back against the house, a lit cigarette in his mouth. As he pulled the stick away from him mouth, blowing out smoke, Darry noticed that his hand was trembling. "You okay?"

Soda nodded vaguely, but he still looked tense. Just then a car backfired down the street and Soda almost toppled over as he jerked away from gunfire that wasn't there. Reacting purely on instinct Darry rushed over to keep him from falling. Since getting home Soda had done everything in his power to be as independent as possible, but tonight as Darry grabbed his shoulders in an attempt to steady him Soda dropped his cane and clutched to his older brother like a drowning man would clutch to a flotation device.

"They carried me," Soda suddenly gasped. "For hours they carried me."

"What?" Darry asked, unsure what Soda was talking about. "Who carried you?"

"The grenade went off, sent me flying." Soda was now trembling. "We were so far from base, I shouldn't have made it. But my platoon, they carried me all the way back." Suddenly Soda was crying. "Others didn't make it… why did I?"

Darry wrapped his arms around Soda as his brother hung on to him to keep from falling down. Darry was shocked. Soda hadn't said anything about anything that had happened while he had been deployed, let along how he had been injured. But as bits and pieces of the story came tumbling out of his brother's mouth, Darry felt himself go cold. It all sounded so terrifying. He didn't realize how close they had come to losing Soda for good.

"Because we need you, Soda," Darry said quietly. "You made it because me and Pony needed you to come home. Two-Bit and Steve needed you to come home. We've already lost so much. We wouldn't have survived losing you."

The weight of the truth of that statement hung heavily in the air. Soda had always held them together. After he had been drafted there had been an emptiness not only between Darry and Pony, but shared by Two-Bit and Steve as well. On one level they were closer together as they supported each other, but on another level they were miles apart.

During several dark nights over the course of Soda's deployment Darry had dared to imagine what it would be like if Soda didn't return home. He knew that it would have been too much for Steve to handle. He would have snapped and done something rash and drastic much like Dally had after Johnny died, though hopefully less fatally flawed. He could imagine Pony falling back into the fog that had almost consumed him after Johnny and Dally's deaths, but this time Soda wouldn't be there to help pull him out of it. He couldn't even begin to fathom Two-Bit's reaction. And Darry would be left trying to keep everyone from falling off the deep end, unable to deal with his own feelings of devastation.

Would they have gone on living? Of course. Darry would have made sure of that as he took care of everyone else, as always. Would it have been easy? No. In fact the more people that they lost the more difficult it was for them to handle it. That isn't something you ever got used to. That fact was made abundantly clear by Soda himself, as he was clearly reacting to his fellow soldiers who had not made it home.

"I don't know what we would do without you, little buddy," Darry mumbled, squeezing Soda closer to him. Then he pulled back and made to brush hair away from Soda's face like he used to do, but of course his hair was too short for that now.

"Thanks Darry," Soda said, wiping away tears.

"Here, hang on," Darry said, indicating the porch rail. Soda held on to the rail so that Darry to get Soda's cane for him.

"Everything okay out here?" came Steve's voice as he stuck his head out the door.

"Fine," Darry said with a shrug. "Two-Bit okay?"

"Yeah, he passed out again though," Steve said. "We might want to try to move him to the couch, he's kind of blocking the toilet. I mean you could always just step outside, but I think there might be a law against that."

Suddenly Soda cracked a grin. "I'll move him," he volunteered.

Darry and Steve both cracked up while Soda continued to grin at them. It gave Darry so much hope when these little glimpses of Soda's old self showed through. Sure they were random, but it was proof that the brother he had once known was still in there.

They went back inside and Darry and Steve managed to drag Two-Bit back into the living room and dumped him on the couch.

"What happened?" Darry looked up to see that Pony had come out of his room.

"Oh, Two-Bit's just passed out drunk," Darry said casually.

"It's getting pretty late," Soda said. "I think I'm going to head to bed."

"Sure, night, little buddy," Darry said. He waited until he heard Soda's door close before he turned back to Steve. "Did Two-Bit say anything else?"

"Yeah, he was a little more aware after he puked," Steve said. "He hasn't been drafted. It's just… seeing Soda and how much he's struggling to have a normal life even though he survived…" He shrugged.

Darry nodded knowingly. Before Soda had been drafted it had been easy to simply pretend that anything that happened outside of their town simply didn't exist in their world. It was easy to pretend that even when people talked about the war and the draft it was something that was just too distant affect life in their Oklahoma town. Seeing Soda was an undeniable reminder of reality.

"Soda is afraid one of us will get drafted," Pony said quietly. They looked at him. "This afternoon he made me promise to get into college so I wouldn't get drafted."

"Yeah, he mentioned something like that to me too the other day," Darry said.

The three were quiet for several minutes; the only noise was a light snoring coming from Two-Bit.

"I'm just gonna crash here too if you guys don't mind," Steve said finally.

"Sure," Darry said. "Though it seems like the couch is already taken. I can get you a pillow and blanket if you want to sleep on the floor though."

"I can just sleep in the recliner," Steve said with a shrug.

"I'll still grab you a pillow and a blanket just in case," Darry said with a shrug.

It had turned into quite an eventful evening. Darry could only hope that what he had told Soda the other day when he expressed his fears of someone else he knew getting drafted held true. Lightening had already struck their group once. Hopefully it wouldn't happen again.


	11. Revenge

**Note: Sorry I accidentally posted the wrong chapter earlier! Here is the correct one!  
**

**Author's Note: Wow, so this chapter kinda came out of nowhere for me. I've been struggling to figure out a way to get Pony more involved because I feel like a lot of this has been between Darry and Soda and then this idea just kinda hit me yesterday and I really ran with it. It was partly inspired by a review on an earlier chapter. So let that be a lesson to you, if you ever had any ideas about this story feel free to throw them out there! I love getting inspiration from my wonderful reviewers! Anyway I love how this chapter turned out, I hope you like it too. Please review!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.**

_Chapter Eleven_

_Revenge_

It was Monday morning and Pony was dreading going back to school. He had liked spending the whole weekend home with Soda and feeling close to his brother once again after they had been apart for so long. But he knew Darry wouldn't let him skip school and in any case Soda had decided that he was going to try to go in to work with Two-Bit and Steve again. He knew that sitting around the house all day every day wasn't going to help Soda to start to feel normal again.

Pony mostly kept to himself at school these days since he didn't have a lot of real good friends left in school. Curly hadn't been seen in school for months, since his brother had been killed in action, and probably wasn't going to come back. He was never going to finish school anyway, always bound to follow in his brother's footsteps. Pony had seen him outside of school a few times since the incident but they never really talked about it. He hadn't seen him since Soda had returned home though, and he was actually secretly happy for that. He felt a little guilty that he was so happy to have his brother back when Curly's brother hadn't made it back.

Pony had bonded some with a few of the other hoods that were still in school. They would hang out behind the school and smoke during breaks. Other than that there were just a few middle class kids that he would talk with during classes. He didn't bother with most of the other kids in his classes. He had been especially distant from them since losing his best friend, Johnny. Overall Pony just couldn't wait to graduate next year.

Pony was usually in his own little world as he walked through the halls of the school, not really interested in what others were up to. He noticed a group of Socs huddled near his locker. This wasn't terribly unusual, so Pony didn't pay them any mind, especially since they didn't even seem to notice him. But suddenly bits and pieces of their conversation caught his attention.

"Yeah, you know, the DX over on Sycamore."

"What were you doing all the way on the north side of town?"

"Just lookin' for kicks. Anyway there's this Greaser workin' there limping around with a cane. It's hilarious."

"Is he like old or something?"

"No, he can't be more than nineteen or twenty, that's what's so funny."

"Last time I was over there he wouldn't even come out of the store though. I think you scared him, James."

Pony whipped his head around to stare at the group with wide eyes as they all laughed, still not taking any notice of him. They were talking about his brother. They were actually making fun of his injured brother. He couldn't believe it. After everything Soda had been through he couldn't believe that anyone could feel superior enough to put him down even more. That was especially cruel, even for the Socs.

It took everything Pony had to not march right over to the group at that very moment and just start punching faces. He had already gotten in trouble for fighting Socs in the hallways of the school a few months ago. If he got in trouble again he could be suspended, which wouldn't look good when he was applying to colleges next year. He had promised Soda that he would do everything in his power to get into college. But that didn't mean that he had to let this go. He was already forming a plan in his head.

However plans don't always go the way that they should when a kid's got a short temper.

Pony watched the clock the rest of the day, anxious to get out of the school. He planned to run right over to the DX and slip into the garage around the back way. He knew Soda mostly stayed in the store and by the pumps and he didn't want him to see him. It would be very suspicious that he wanted to talk with Steve alone. He was going tell Steve that he knew how to find the Socs that had teased Soda about his injury. Then him and Steve could plan a time to go after them along with Two-Bit. The three of them would be able to handle the Socs easily. There were only six of them in the group and Steve and Two-Bit were older than them.

It was a good, solid plan, and Pony prided himself in using his head for once. However things did not go exactly according to plan.

Finally the day ended and Pony was walking out of the school when he spotted the group again. There were only four of them this time, but Pony recognized the one who seemed to be the leader, who had been boasting about harassing the injured Greaser. His friend had called him James. Pony felt his blood boil as he watched them laugh and joke. He couldn't understand how they could enjoy something like that. Hadn't Soda been through enough?

The group was standing on a street corner a little distance from the crowds flooding out of the school. They were smoking cigarettes and having what seemed to be a very entertaining conversation. Pony had to pass by them in order to head in the direction of the gas station, but he gave them a wide berth, cutting across the grass. Though he soon realized that he didn't give them enough space as he could still hear what was said next.

"C'mon, we can drive over to that gas station right now!" James was saying loudly. "If he doesn't come out we'll go into the store for cigarettes or somethin'."

Pony froze for a moment. In a split second he decided that he couldn't just let them go and harass his brother anymore. He would stop this before they could make it worse. He dropped his backpack and hurried over to the group before they could head to the parking lot.

"Hey!" he shouted angrily. He reached in his back pocket and grabbed the blade that Darry had made him carry since he started walking to and from school by himself. He flicked it out and held it loosely at his side, honestly hoping that he wouldn't have to actually use it. He held it in his left hand so that his right would be free to throw punches. Two-Bit had pointed out several times that doing this was a big hint that Pony was bluffing, but Pony didn't care. After what he had been through two years ago he never wanted to stab someone unless he absolutely had to.

"What do you want, Grease?" James said, looking angry, but also surprised. Pony was obviously younger than the group and clearly outnumbered so it was very strange for him to be suddenly confronting them. He slowly realized that he was practically asking to get jumped.

"You stay away from the DX on Sycamore," Pony growled as dangerously as he could.

"We'll go wherever we want, hood," one of the other Socs drawled.

"That's my brother you guys were talking about," Pony spat. "You leave him alone, or you'll be sorry."

"So hop-along's got a baby brother that's gonna fight his battles for him?" James asked with a laugh. "Ain't that cute."

"You stay away from him!" Pony practically shouted. He was desperate to protect his brother. More than anything he just didn't want him to have to feel any more pain.

Of course Pony realized that he wasn't all that intimidating, as he was probably two years younger than these four Socs and he certainly looked it with his small size. The Socs closed in on him. However he wasn't fourteen anymore and the Socs couldn't just push him around. If they wanted to fight, he was up for the challenge.

Two of them came at him at once and the first thing that happened was Pony's blade was knocked out of his hand as they tried to grab him. That was okay though, he really didn't plan on using it. It had just been a bluff. One thing he definitely had on the Socs was his speed and agility. He dodged out of one Soc's reach and dug his fist into the other's stomach as hard as he could, hearing a satisfying hiss as he knocked the air out of him. He kept moving as the Soc fell to the ground. He rushed another of the Socs and dodged a punch, tackling him low in the stomach and causing him to fall to the ground. Pony sat on his chest and punched him several times in the face before the last two Socs were on him. That was two down.

One of the remaining Socs tried to grab him from behind but he launched himself away, breaking the grasp before he could really lock it. He spun to take on the Soc who had tried to grab him. He quickly realized it was the leader, James, and his vision practically went red with rage as he went after him. He was distracted and the final Soc grabbed him in a bear hug, pinning his arms to his sides. Then James cracked a cruel smile as he stepped up and slugged Pony in the face over and over. Pony struggled but didn't even come close to breaking free, the Soc was too strong. After a few minutes Pony was starting to feel dizzy and he wondered vaguely if he was about to lose consciousness.

Suddenly the Soc that had been holding him was gone and Pony collapsed to the ground. He looked around, blinking with confusion and trying to clear the spots out of his vision as he was trying to figure out what just happened. One Soc was still lying on the ground and moaning loudly. The other three were ganged up on someone else…

"Darry!" Pony shouted, realization finally dawning on him. He had no idea what Darry was doing here, but he was sure glad to see him. Pony was a real good fighter, but now that he really thought about it he realized that with him taking on four older Socs he never really had a chance. He tried to get up to help his brother, even though he was holding up a lot better than Pony had, but he was overcome by dizziness and fell back to the ground. "Darry, that's the one who harassed Soda at the DX!" Pony called, pointing at James. He was the only one that Pony knew for sure had been there.

Darry had already knocked one Soc out and he spun on the Soc that Pony had pointed out, a new kind of anger blazing in his eyes as he seized James by the collar with both hands and yanked him in close. James looked terrified and the only other Soc still standing at the moment was backing up, clearly afraid to try and help.

"You think it's _funny_ to harass an injured war veteran?" Darry hissed dangerously right in James' face.

James made some inaudible stuttering sounds before Darry belted him with a sledgehammer blow, almost lifting him off the ground with just the force of his fist. Just that one hit was enough to cause to James to collapse to the ground groaning in pain as Darry released his grip. Darry gave him a few good kicks in the ribs for good measure. Pony would be surprised if nothing was broken as Darry finally backed away. James' friends ran forward to help their leader up, still looking at Darry nervously.

"Get the hell out of here," Darry spat as they practically carried James toward the parking lot. "And if I _ever_ catch any of you near either of my brothers again I'll track you down and bust all your heads in, you hear me?" Then he let out a string of swear words that would have made Two-Bit proud. Darry was much better at intimidation than Pony had been. Once he was satisfied that they were gone Darry finally went over to Pony and crouched in front of him. "You okay, Pony?" He looked concerned.

"Yeah, I'm alright," Pony said. "Just a little dizzy."

"I'd imagine, your face is a holy mess," Darry pointed out.

"Gee, thanks," Pony said dully, gingerly touching the side of his face where it was throbbing.

"What were you thinkin'?" Darry asked, annoyance in his voice. "Did you really think takin' on four older Socs was gonna turn out well for you?"

"I didn't plan to," Pony said stubbornly. "I heard them talking about Soda earlier today at school. I _planned_ to run right over to the DX to tell Steve so him, me and Two-Bit could track them down. But then I heard them talking out here when I was heading over and they said that they were gonna go over to the gas station right now and harass Soda some more. They were even gonna go into the store after him. I couldn't let them do that. They would have made everything worse than it already is." He ended with a hint of pleading in his voice, hoping that Darry would at least try to understand.

Darry sighed, and then cracked one of his rare smiles. "Well, I can't say I'm not proud of you, kid," he admitted, giving him an approving pat on the shoulder that caused Pony to wince slightly. He was aching all over. "I've been dying to give that kid a beat down anyway."

Pony had to admit that Darry was probably more effective at scaring off the Socs than Steve and Two-Bit would have been. Maybe this had worked out for the better.

"What do you think the chances are of Soda not noticing that I got into a fight?" Pony asked.

"There's a pretty good chance only if he's gone blind in the past eight hours," Darry said with a light laugh. "The whole side of your face is pretty bruised up. You probably have a concussion. Maybe I should take you to the hospital…"

"Aw, I'm alright," Pony insisted. He really didn't want to go to the hospital.

"Well in any case, we probably shouldn't tell Soda why you got into a fight," Darry said. "He'll be pretty upset if he knew that you got beat up trying to defend him."

"I didn't just get beat up," Pony defended himself. "I had two of them down before you got here."

"That you did," Darry laughed. "Though one was just getting back up when I ran up."

Pony rolled his eyes at the technicality. "What were you doing here anyway?" he asked.

"I got out of work early since I worked overtime over the weekend," Darry said. "Figured I'd drive by and see if I could catch you. Now c'mon, let's see if we can get you cleaned up some before Soda gets home."

Darry helped Pony stand up and the dizziness was finally starting to pass. He found his blade a few feet away in the grass and picked it up, flicking it closed again before shoving it back in his pocket. Darry had gone and gotten his backpack for him and led him to the truck that was hastily parked at a rough angle on the side of the road. Pony climbed in as Darry tossed his backpack in the back.

Pony reached up and tilted the rearview mirror toward him so that he could see the damage on his face. It wasn't the worst beating he had ever had, but Darry was right, it was painfully obvious. He had two distinctive bruises on the left side of his face, one just under his eye along his cheekbone and another along the bottom of his jaw that were both already starting to tint with purple.

"Pretty tuff, doncha think?" Pony asked with a smile as Darry climbed into the driver's seat.

Darry laughed as he readjusted the rearview mirror and started up the truck. "I think they knocked some of your brains loose," he said. "You look like you got belted by a two-by-four."

"Oh, it's not that bad," Pony said. "I've had worse in rumbles."

"Yeah," Darry agreed as they drove in the direction of the house. "Make sure you put some ice on that as soon as we get home to keep it from swelling up too much."

"Yeah, okay," Pony agreed reluctantly.

He wasn't real happy about it. He kind of wanted it to swell up so that he could wear the injuries like a badge of honor as he had stood up for his brother. The bruises were worth it. But he knew that he had to downplay it as much as possible for Soda's sake. He was sure that Soda had enough on his conscience after being deployed without blaming himself for his little brother getting beat on.


	12. Wrestling

**Author's Note: Well, I had a really slow day today. So I wrote another chapter. Just a little lightheartedness to break up all the angst, haha. Hope you like it! Please review! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders. **

_Chapter Twelve_

_Wrestling_

Soda managed to have a pretty normal day. No Socs stopped by the gas station at all, which made things a lot less stressful. He even went into the garage a few times and helped Steve out with some small jobs. He was finding that he could set his cane aside for short periods of time and lean on the car while working on the engine. He even managed to flirt some with a few girls who had stopped by for a fill up. It felt like things were finally starting to even out.

Soda chatted easily with Two-Bit and Steve on the drive back home. As Steve parked the car in front of the house Soda opened the door and swung his legs around. He still couldn't lift himself out of the car because the seat sat so low, but that didn't bother him much today. Two-Bit got to him first and helped him up without comment. His friends knew well enough to not make a big deal about helping him out. However as Soda looked up at Two-Bit he suddenly realized that he had been quieter than usual on the ride home. But before he could say anything about it Two-Bit had already turned and was heading up the walkway.

"Honey, we're home!" Two-Bit called as they entered the house.

"Hey guys," Darry said, coming out of the kitchen. "Dinner will be ready in about a half hour."

"Why so late?" Steve asked, flopping on the couch. "I'm starved!"

"You'll live for another half hour," Darry said simply. "How was work?" He tried to make the question sound casual but there was a hint of tension in his eyes as he glanced at Soda.

"It was fine," Soda said earnestly. "No incidents to report, sir." He gave Darry a salute and grinned, trying to put his older brother at ease. He limped over to the recliner and fell down into it. "Where's Pony anyway?" He suddenly realized that it was odd for Darry to be cooking after he had worked all day. It seemed that since Soda had left Pony had taken over the responsibility of cooking meals.

"He's working on homework," Darry said, glancing toward where Pony's bedroom was. He suddenly looked uncomfortable. "He had kinda a rough day today."

"What do you mean?" Soda asked.

But Darry didn't get a chance to answer. Possibly because he heard them talking about him, Pony emerged from his room just then.

"Hey," Pony said with a smile.

"What happened to you?" Two-Bit asked. "Looks like you got hit by a truck."

Soda was staring at his little brother. One side of his face was all bruised up and swollen. His stomach dropped at the sight. It certainly wasn't as gruesome as some of the things he had seen overseas, but it still shook him up to see Pony with any kind of injury.

"I got jumped after school," Pony said with a shrug. "It wasn't a big deal."

"Looks like they made a big deal out of your face," Steve laughed.

"Hey, there were four of them, and I managed to do some damage before Darry showed up," Pony said defensively.

"C'mere," Soda said, sitting up in his chair. He had learned quite a bit about first aid while he was deployed as he helped patch up comrades on several occasions. Pony walked forward and leaned down so that Soda could get a good look at him. Soda reached up and gently tilted Pony's head so he could get a better look at the injury. "Doesn't look too bad," he said quietly. "Did you take him to the hospital?" He directed the question at Darry. "He might have a concussion. If he goes to sleep he might not wake up…"

This had happened several times in their platoon. A soldier would take a bad hit to the head and seem fine for a while, but after he fell asleep he would slip into a coma. There wasn't much they could do about that in the middle of the jungle. Suddenly a voice was echoing in his head. _"Hey, keep your eyes open Curtis. I just risked my life for your noble ass so you are not allowed to die now."_

"It looks a lot worse than it is, I promise," Pony insisted.

"I've been keeping an eye on him," Darry assured Soda. "He hasn't been showing any symptoms since I brought him home."

"How'd you managed to get jumped, anyway?" Two-Bit asked.

There was a bit of a hesitation as Pony shifted his eyes, staring down at the floor. Soda gave him a curious look as Pony straightened up.

"Who knows?" Pony said. "I was just walkin' along and suddenly they were just on me."

"You sure, Pony?" Soda asked slowly. Something just seemed off. He glanced over at Darry but his expression was unreadable.

"Yeah, of course I'm sure," Pony said just a fraction too quickly. "We gonna eat soon?"

"Yeah, few more minutes I'd say," Darry said as he turned and headed back into the kitchen.

Two-Bit and Steve were arguing over what to watch on TV and it was quickly turning into a wrestling match. Soda took the opportunity to pull Pony in closer.

"What really happened, Pony?" Soda asked.

"What do you mean?" Pony asked. "I told you what happened. Guess I looked like an easy target or somethin'."

"That just doesn't seem like the whole story," Soda said slowly.

"Well it is," Pony insisted.

Soda sighed. He wasn't quite sure that he believed Pony, but he could see that he wasn't going to get a different answer. He was getting pretty tired of everyone being so careful around him. He watched Steve and Two-Bit wrestle and felt envious and restless.

"Uncle!" Two-Bit called as Steve managed to pin him.

Suddenly an idea dawned on Soda. "I got winner!" he suddenly declared. All three boys in the room turned to him, staring curiously. There were several long seconds of silence as no one quite knew what to say to that.

"What do you mean?" Steve said slowly, frowning. "Soda… I'm not gonna wrestle you…"

Soda grinned. "Why, you chicken?" he teased. "C'mon… I'll arm wrestle you!"

Relief swept through the room as the tension evaporated. Pony pulled over the coffee table and Soda slid to the floor to be on the right level, grinning despite himself. Suddenly he felt so incredibly normal. Steve sat on the other side of the table and they clasped each other's hand with their elbows planted firmly on the table.

"Ready…" Pony counted down, holding his hand on top of both Steve's and Soda to keep them from starting early. "Set… Go!"

Soda flexed his bicep, stopping Steve in his tracks as he threw all his strength into trying to immediately bring Soda's hand down. Soda was definitely still in excellent shape, despite his disability. The Greasers were always athletic and strong, but having military training gave Soda a whole new edge up on them. Soda pushed back and inch by inch Steve's hand started to fall closer and closer to the table. Steve grunted with effort, but was unable to make any kind of progress in the opposite direction. After just a few minutes Steve's muscles finally gave way and Soda slammed his hand onto the table.

"Yes!" Soda exclaimed, raising both his hands over his head in victory.

"Damn, Soda!" Steve said, rubbing his bicep. "What did they feed you over there in the military?"

"My turn!" Two-Bit said with a smile. Steve stood up and Two-Bit took his place. "Bring it on, Captain America."

"Oh, you'll pay for that one," Soda sneered as they clasped hands. They repeated the game. Two-Bit was a little more of a challenge than Steve had been, but ultimately Soda won again. Soda was grinning whole-heartedly, feeling more happy and normal than he had in over a year. "How 'bout you, Pony?" he challenged. "Not chicken, are you?"

"I should warn you," Pony said, taking the seat across from Soda. "I have gotten stronger since you've been gone."

"Give me your best shot, little brother," Soda said.

Soda was surprised by Pony's strength, he hadn't been lying when he had he had gotten stronger. He resisted pretty well for a fair few minutes. He would have given Steve a run for his money. But ultimately Soda pinned Pony's hand to the table as well.

"Undefeated champion!" Soda declared, pumping his fist in the air.

"Hang on there, little buddy." Soda looked up to see Darry coming out of the kitchen. "Not too chicken to challenge the real champion, are you?"

"Bring it!" Soda said excitedly. Darry always won at arm wrestling. This was going to be a real challenge, but the bragging rights would be priceless.

Darry settled into the spot across from Soda and Soda eagerly grabbed his hand, gripping it tightly. He met Darry's eyes as Pony counted down again. On go they both tensed in defense, neither pushing right away, both their hands staying straight up. Soda decided to test his brother's strength, pushing hard against him and finding that he could not make his brother's hand budge. He felt Darry start pushing back and he clenched his muscles and gritted his teeth. For several minutes they were locked at a standstill, neither making away progress against the other. This would be a test of endurance. Who would tire first?

Several minutes passed and both hands were still straight up. Pony and Steve were cheering for Soda while Two-Bit was cheering for Darry. Soda and Darry were both silent, deep in concentration. Soda took a breath and pushed harder, feeling Darry's hand move just slightly down. Darry pushed back and they went the other way. They went back and forth a few times. Finally Soda was worn. Darry inched Soda's hand farther and farther down, Soda fighting his every move. Finally, with his hand hovering no more than an inch above the tabletop, Soda's muscles gave way and his hand hit the table. Two-Bit cheered as Steve and Pony groaned. Darry smirked and Soda smiled at him good-naturedly.

"Rematch!" Soda said, putting his hand back up.

"It's time for dinner," Darry said, standing up with a smile. "Maybe you could do some pull ups on that new shower rod and we can try again after you build up those chicken wings of yours a little more."

"Don't think I won't!" Soda said, looking up at Darry and grinning. "Believe me, I _will_ beat you!"

"We'll see about that," Darry said, chuckling.

Pony pulled the coffee table away and put it back in its place. Darry and Steve each grabbed one of Soda's arms and hauled him to his feet. Despite having to be picked up like that, Soda was still smiling as Steve handed him his cane back. Things were getting better. Life was getting easier to deal with. Maybe things could really go back to the way they used to be.


	13. Dangerous

**Author's Note: Okay, so those of you who follow any of my other stories, you may notice that I posted this chapter out of my usual rotation (I have a total of three multi-chapter fics in progress right now, two Outsiders fics and one Harry Potter fic, and I tend to rotate between them to keep my updates evenly dispersed). Well I read a vaguely similar completed fic to this one on this site over the past few days and got inspired, so even though this was the last of my stories that I updated I decided to go ahead and update again. For those of you who just follow this story of mine… well lucky for you! :) Please review!**

**And if anyone is interested, the fic that I just read that is vaguely similar to this one is called **_**The Rites of Man**_** and is by Steph36. It is really awesome and fantastically written, but be forewarned, if you do decide to read it the first couple chapters are pretty disturbing (which is saying something cause I am not easily disturbed). **

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders**

_Chapter Thirteen_

_Dangerous_

Later that night Soda was heading to his bedroom after getting ready for bed. As he passed Pony's room he stopped short. The door was closed, but Pony had only gone to bed ten minutes before so there was a good chance that he wasn't asleep yet. He was still bothered by Pony's story about getting jumped after school. Something just wasn't adding up. It wasn't that it was odd for Socs to jumped Greasers. It happened constantly, especially when the Greasers walked alone. But there had just been something about how Pony had shifted uncomfortably and seemed overly defensive when he had told him.

Soda knocked lightly on the door.

"Huh?" he heard from inside.

He slowly eased the door open. "Pony?" he said. "You sleepin'?"

"No, not yet," Pony said, sitting up in bed. "What's up?"

Soda limped into the room and quietly closed the door behind him. Pony shifted over as Soda sat himself down on the edge of the bed, wincing slightly with the effort.

"You okay?" Pony asked with concern.

"I'm fine," Soda assured him. "It's just still really sore."

Pony nodded, frowning. "Did the doctor say how long it was gonna take to get better?" he asked slowly.

Soda shook his head. "He just said to take it slow," he said quietly, rubbing his thigh. "But I'm doing a lot better than I was. A few weeks ago I couldn't walk at all."

Pony's eyes got wide. He obviously hadn't known this. Soda had only confided in Darry and he felt a little guilty for leaving Pony in the dark.

"I'm glad you are getting better," Pony said a little awkwardly after a pause. Clearly he wasn't real sure how to respond.

"Me too, Pony," Soda said with a reassuring smile.

"Was there something you wanted?" Pony asked.

"Yeah," Soda said. He looked at Pony very seriously. "I want to know what really happened this afternoon."

Pony fidgeted. "I told you what happened…" he started.

Soda shook his head. "I don't think you told me the whole story," he said. When Pony remained quiet, he sighed. "Pony, I'm your big brother. I know that you're trying to hide something from me." It pained him that he had to drag the truth out of Pony like that. They used to be so close before he left. Pony used to tell him everything.

Pony bit his lip and cast his gaze down to the floor. "It really wasn't a big deal," he said slowly. "I don't want you getting upset…"

"Please, Pony," Soda urged. "Just tell me."

Pony sighed in defeat. "I found the Socs that gave you a hard time last week at the gas station," he finally said flatly. Soda gave a start. It wasn't what he had been expecting. "They go to my school. I overheard them talking in the hallways and figured it out."

"You were fighting in school?" Soda asked, feeling his stomach drop. Pony couldn't get in trouble at school, he needed to go to college.

Pony shook his head. "I wasn't gonna do anything at first," he said slowly. "But I saw them again after school and they said they were gonna go back to the gas station. I just… I just couldn't let them do that."

Soda sighed. "So you decided to take on a group of Socs by yourself?" he asked. "You couldn't have just run ahead of them and warned me?"

Pony paused, then gave a wry smile. "I suppose that might have been a better option," he admitted.

"Please, don't go picking fights because of me," Soda said, studying his little brother's bruised face and feeling a new sense of guilt. "I'm a big boy, I don't need you to protect me." The statement came out a lot sharper than he had intended it to.

Pony hung his head. "I just don't want to see you in any more pain," he said quietly, almost to himself.

Soda felt his chest tighten at the statement. He put an arm around Pony's shoulders and pulled him in closer. "Thank you, Pony," he mumbled. He didn't like that Pony had gotten beat up because of him, but he could at least understand why he had done it.

There were several minutes of silence. "Were you… were you scared?" Pony asked tentatively. Soda didn't have to ask what he was talking about. He tightened his grip on his kid brother.

"Terrified," Soda whispered, his voice shaking. His eyes unfocused and he could almost hear the sounds of gun fire and a distant explosion. "I thought… I was gonna die. I thought I'd never see you or Darry again."

Pony reached his arms around Soda and squeezed him. "They sent us a letter," he said. "After you had been hurt. A man in a military uniform delivered it. I was home alone at the time, everyone was working. I was convinced… that it was a letter telling us that you had died." His voice got small. "I wouldn't open it until Darry got home. I spent all day thinking that we had lost you." He sniffed as tears began to fall.

Soda felt his heart stop. He had no idea how the news had been delivered to his brothers. He ran a hand through his brother's hair comfortingly.

"Guess it just wasn't my time, kid," he said quietly.

"I'm so glad you are home, Soda," Pony said.

"Me too," Soda said, nuzzling his cheek on top of Pony's head.

They stayed like that for a long while before Pony finally pulled away, wiping tears from his eyes. Soda knew it was getting late and they both had to be up early in the morning. He shifted his weight and started to stand, but Pony put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"You know… you could stay here if you want," Pony said. "Just like you used to."

Soda hesitated, remembering his first night back. He had had nightmares since, though thankfully none that had been so vivid to make him forget where he was after he woke. But did he trust himself?

"If I have another nightmare…" Soda said slowly, letting the thought hang.

"It's okay," Pony said. "I woke you up enough times with my nightmares. It'll be just you getting even." He smiled.

Soda couldn't help but smile back. "Scoot over," he said, giving in. Pony crawled to the other side of the bed as Soda lifted his leg up onto the bed. As he got situated he threw his arm over Pony just like he used to. He smiled to himself, feeling that this was exactly where he was supposed to be.

XxXxX

Soda still had a very restless night, still haunted by nightmares. But every time he woke up he pulled his little brother closer to him and felt himself relax. He was glad that it seemed like Pony slept through the entire night.

Soda was awake early as usual, but felt contented with just lying there with his arms around his brother, watching him sleep. He couldn't believe that Pony had spent an entire day convinced that he had lost him. It just seemed so cruel. He couldn't believe there wasn't a better way to deliver the news. Even just a simple phone call to let his family know that everything was okay would have been better than one of those sealed letters. Was that really so hard? After everything the military had put them through didn't they deserve that?

Soda was so lost in thought that when he glimpsed a sudden movement out of the corner of his eye he jumped and tensed. He whipped his head around as he clutched to Pony protectively. He instantly relaxed his muscles as he watched Darry walk into the room, though his heart was still beating fast.

"'Morning," Darry said quietly when he saw that Soda was awake. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay," Soda said, trying to sound calm.

"How did you end up in here?" Darry asked. There was something in the tone of his voice but Soda couldn't exactly place what it was.

Soda shrugged a shoulder as he slowly rolled away from Pony so he could look up at Darry. "I dunno," he said. "Pony just asked me to, so I did." He looked up at Darry curiously. "That's alright, isn't it?" He sounded unsure.

"Of course," Darry said. "Why don't you go get ready for work? I'll wake Pony."

Soda nodded as he slowly sat up. He grabbed his cane from where he had set it against the wall and heaved himself to his feet with a soft groan. His leg was always so stiff in the morning. He limped out of the room, putting as little weight as possible on his bad leg.

As he gathered his work clothes he decided to take a quick shower. Showering had gotten a lot easier since Darry had reinforced the shower rod last week. Soda could get in and out of the tub on his own and was able to use the rod to hold himself up while he showered. As he hobbled back down the hall he heard Darry and Pony talking in low voices in Pony's room.

"…uncomfortable with it right now," Darry was saying. "I think we need to give him some more time."

"He's been home for almost a week and he hasn't had a nightmare like that since the first night," Pony responded.

Soda froze, quickly realizing what the conversation was about. Darry was upset that Pony had asked Soda to stay with him. Suddenly Soda's knees felt weak.

"Have you noticed how tired he is all the time?" Darry asked. "It's obvious he's still not sleeping well. Maybe he has had more nightmares and we just don't know about them. If he panics he could accidentally hurt you."

Soda was suddenly remembering his first night back at home. The nightmare had not ended when he had woken up. Suddenly he had been aware that he was sitting in the corner of his bedroom, a shard of glass clutched in his hand. He remembered Pony standing in the doorway, looking frightened. He remembered Darry crouching in front of him, looking at him like he was dangerous. None of his nightmares had been that bad since… but would they stay that way? Or was he really as dangerous as Darry thought?

Soda desperately didn't want to hear any more of the conversation. Truthfully he had had the same concern as Darry when Pony had told him he could stay with him last night. But it just sounded so different coming from his big brother. He forced himself to move as he hurried to the bathroom and quickly shut the door behind him, thankful for the silence that it brought.

He took a long hot shower, doing his best not to dwell on what his brothers had said when they thought he couldn't hear them. He hated that everything felt different now that he had finally made it back home. All he wanted was for everything to be like it was before.

XxXxX

It was a very slow day at the DX. Soda spent most of the day inside the store with Two-Bit, but there wasn't a whole lot to do. He wasn't really in the mood for Two-Bit's humor after the conversation he overheard that morning, so finally he decided to head out to the garage to see if he could help Steve out. He needed something to occupy his mind because he really didn't want to think about what his brothers had said about him.

"Hey Steve," Soda called as he walked into the garage even though he didn't see Steve anywhere.

"Soda?"

Soda looked around and finally saw Steve's head pop out from under a nearby Ford. He limped over.

"It's really slow out there," Soda said, jerking his head toward the store and the pumps. "Is there anything I could do in here?"

"Sure," Steve said easily. He glanced around at the other cars in the garage and thought for a minute. He nodded at the car next to the one he was working on. "Check out the engine on that one. Driver said it's been jerking and stalling at red lights."

Soda hobbled over as Steve disappeared back under the car he was working on. He popped the hood and leaned his cane up against the bumper as he placed his hand on the edge of the car to support himself. After fiddling around for a few minutes he realized that he needed some tools from the workbench. As he turned he jerked in surprised, finding that someone was standing in the doorway of the garage watching him.

"Can I help you?" Soda asked, still hunched over awkwardly and hanging on to the car for support. He did his best to hide any visible signs of being shaken by the sudden intrusion.

"Uh, yeah, I guess," the guy said.

He stepped more fully into the garage and Soda's eyes widen as he recognized him. He had been with the Socs that had given him a hard time at work last week. Soda turned away quickly. Suddenly he didn't want to be there. He couldn't handle any more smart remarks about his injury, not today of all days. He quickly reached for his cane but in his haste he accidentally knocked it to the ground and it skidded just out of reach. He cursed.

"Here." The Soc hurried forward and for a moment Soda was afraid that he was going to take his cane and run, leaving him stranded. But instead he simply picked it up and handed it back to him.

"Thanks," Soda said, sounding unsure as he carefully took his cane back.

"Is there something you wanted?" Steve's voice was harsh. When he heard the commotion he had apparently scrambled out from under the car and had come over to stand next to Soda. Clearly he recognized the Soc as well. He crossed his arms over his chest, still holding the wrench he had been using to fix the car he had been working on. Soda suddenly felt small standing next to him, almost like a little kid. If this Soc had come looking for another fight Soda would be useless.

"Yeah, I was here last week with some of my friends…" the Soc started slowly.

"We remember," Steve said shortly.

The Soc paused, looking at Steve unsurely before turning back to Soda. "I just wanted to say sorry," he finally said. "I didn't realize that you were a veteran. I take it you got that injury over in 'Nam?"

Soda was taken aback for a moment, not sure how to react. "Yeah," he finally confirmed.

"So it's okay to poke fun at a crippled Greaser, as long as he's not a war veteran?" Steve demanded. Soda visibly winced at the word 'crippled' and Steve shot him an apologetic look. "Either way it's a pretty low blow."

"Yeah, can't say I'm terribly proud of it," the Soc said, shoving his hands in his pockets. "But… my brother Jeremy was over there. Over in 'Nam. It's just not a line I really want to cross."

"I didn't know Socs could get drafted," Steve muttered mostly to himself. He was clearly still angry, despite the apology.

"He enlisted," the Soc said shortly.

"He _was_ over in 'Nam?" Soda prompted. It was highly possible that he had finished his tour and returned home safely. But somehow with how this conversation was going Soda figured that wasn't the case.

The Soc sighed. "We got the letter about two months ago. Killed in action."

"I'm sorry he didn't make it back," Soda said.

"Yeah, well, guess things are pretty rough over there," the Soc said.

Soda just nodded vaguely, trying to block out memories that were threatening to overwhelm him. Rough was certainly putting it lightly.

"Anyway, I just wanted to say sorry," the Soc repeated with a shrug after a minute of awkward silence.

Soda refocused on him. "Thanks," he said sincerely, meeting the Soc's eyes. He realized that he didn't even know the kid's name. "I'm Soda," he said, putting out his hand. The Soc just stared at him in confusion. "That's my name," Soda clarified, used to the blank looks. "My name is Soda."

The Soc nodded though he was still giving Soda a strange look. "Charlie," he said, reaching out and grasping Soda's hand.

"Thanks for stopping by, Charlie," Soda said.

"No problem," Charlie said. "See you around." And with that he turned and hurried out of the garage. Soda silently watched him go.

"Well that was weird," Steve said, breaking the silence. He dropped his arms to his sides and turned back to the Ford.

"What was weird about it?" Soda asked.

"A Soc apologizing," Steve said. "Ain't that a sign of the end of the world or somethin'?"

Soda just shook his head. It had been a rather awkward exchange, but he did feel a little better. At least him being shipped overseas meant something to some people. The other two Socs had been heartless. But Charlie had understood what it meant. One out of three wasn't too bad, he supposed.


	14. Exhaustion

**Author's Note: Well I hope those of you in the States had a good holiday this past week! Fair warning: this chapter was actually written in the car during my 14 hour ride home from visiting family, so hopefully it's still good! **

**Also for those of you who may be interested I got some inspiration for another multi-chapter Outsiders fic focused on Soda. I actually wrote a good chunk of it on the 14 hour car ride out to see family at the beginning of the week, but I'm going to hold off on posting it until I finish one of my other stories, Haunted. But it's something to look forward to in the next few weeks. :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.**

_Chapter Fourteen_

_Exhaustion_

The next week passed almost as slowly as the time had passed while Soda had been confined in the army hospital. Without comment he had returned to sleeping in his own bedroom and neither Pony nor Darry said anything about it. His nightmares immediately became worse, almost as bad as they had been his first night back at home. In his nightmares the lines between right and wrong were blurred and he was unsure whether he was the hero or the enemy. As a result he was getting even less sleep than usual and was continually exhausted.

Several nights Soda made enough of a commotion to cause Darry to run into his room. He didn't fail to notice that Pony never came. But each time he would refuse Darry's comfort, insisting that he was simply restless and that the nightmares didn't trouble him. He knew that Darry didn't believe him, but somehow that didn't bother Soda much. He knew that Darry didn't trust him anyway and it felt like it didn't much matter what he said.

Soda felt increasingly distant from not only his brothers but Steve and Two-Bit as well. Before the war Soda had been lively, always grinning and joking around with his friends. Now he felt sullen and he was quiet, mulling around in his own dismal thoughts. He just didn't feel like himself anymore.

Soda started to go on more walks by himself. He figured the more that he was able to move around the stronger his muscles would get. He was desperate to be strong enough to walk without a cane, thinking things would go back to normal again if he could just overcome this injury. He did his best to try to ignore the fact that instead of feeling better, all his walks seemed to be doing was make his leg even more sore.

One afternoon Soda left work early to go off on his own again. He did his best to ignore Steve's disapproving gaze as he clocked out. He was glad that Steve had stopped bothering to offer to drive him home when he left early. It made it easier when he didn't have to explain himself.

As the sun began to set Soda listened to his own footsteps echoing off the pavement, every other one accented by the clunk of his cane. There weren't many places that he could go, so he usually ended up at the park. As the evenings grew colder there was less and less of a chance that he might run in to any other people there.

Soda groaned softly to himself as he finally reached the park, his leg beginning to throb. He limped over to a nearby bench and sat down heavily, sighing with relief as the pressure was taken off his injury. He leaned back and placed his cane next to him, leaning it up against the seat of the bench. He flexed his figures, glad to be free of the cane if only for a few minutes. He folded his hands together and leaned forward resting his elbows lightly on his thighs, careful to shift his weight slightly to his right.

He must have dozed off because when he opened his eyes again – not even really realizing he had closed them in the first place – it was significantly darker. He quickly realized what had awoken him. There was the loud laughter of children running toward the street away from the park. Soda automatically reached to his side where he knew his cane should have been and felt nothing but empty air. He yelled loudly cursing the kids that he now could see were running away with his cane, but to no avail. Not even a minute later the kids were gone from sight and Soda was alone.

Soda sat still as a stone for several long minutes, seething just below the surface. Now what was he supposed to do? Slowly he tried to stand but a searing pain shot through his leg and his muscles immediately gave out as he fell back down to the bench. He cursed loudly and violently slammed his fist into the back of the bench, feeling his anger peak.

Soda knew that he wasn't really in trouble. As it got darker Darry was sure to come looking for him. And Soda was in a very predictable spot, a spot that Darry had found him in before. Darry wouldn't have any trouble tracking him down. That didn't make him feel any better at this point though. He felt so helpless. He hunched his shoulders and hung his head, placing his hands on the back on his head, feeling defeated.

It was maybe twenty minutes later and Soda had not moved an inch. He heard footsteps approaching him and he assumed that he knew who it was. He glanced up as the person sat beside him and was surprised to find that it was not who he expected.

"Hey Soda," Two-Bit said easily.

"Hi," Soda said flatly.

There were several minutes of silence between them. Then Two-Bit glanced around and seemed to slowly realize what was missing. "Where's your cane?"

Soda angrily scoffed. "Guess I dozed off," he said. "Some punk ass kids stole it."

"Kids today," Two-Bit said, pulling a bottle of beer from under his jacket and taking a swig. "No respect." He offered the bottle to Soda who gratefully accepted, taking a long swig before handing it back.

"Thanks," he muttered.

"Anytime," Two-Bit said. "Tell me they at least let you have alcohol over there."

Soda turned and looked at Two-Bit carefully as his friend stared straight ahead, just as careful to avoid looking at the wounded veteran beside him.

"Yeah there was alcohol," Soda confirmed slowly.

"Good," Two-Bit said a bit flatly as he raised the bottle to his lips again.

Soda continued to study Two-Bit curiously, leaning forward slightly. "It doesn't help much though," he said quietly. Two-Bit looked over sharply, fear betrayed in his eyes just for a moment. "The things they make you do over there… I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy." He paused, his face taking on a dark look. "I know that's why you guys are afraid of me."

"What do you mean?" Two-Bit asked, doing a poor job of acting surprised.

"You don't have to tip toe around me, you know," Soda said. "It's okay that you're afraid of getting drafted. I'm afraid of any of you getting drafted too. So you don't have to hide it from me."

Two-Bit was quiet for a minute, staring down at his beer bottle. "I never thought I'd be so afraid of getting the mail every day," he said quietly with a humorless laugh as he took another drink.

Soda nodded knowingly. "Trust me, I get that," he said. "With one letter the government can tear your whole life apart."

Two-Bit sighed. He looked over at Soda. "So how are you planning on getting home?"

Soda sighed heavily, not liking the sudden chance of subject. Two-Bit was clearly uncomfortable talking about the draft. He would rather avoid the reality of the situation for as long as possible. Unfortunately the reality of the situation was an intricate part of Soda's everyday life now.

"I suppose crawling home wouldn't really work," Soda muttered sarcastically.

"Darry will probably be along with the truck soon," Two-Bit said, eyeing the sun that was disappearing behind the nearby houses.

Soda groaned inwardly. "I'd rather get back before Darry sends out a search party. Anyway, he's been working late lately." He tiredly rubbed his eyes, hating where this was going. He knew he had no choice though. "If I could lean on you…" He let the thought hang, allowing Two-Bit to finish it himself.

"Sure you can," Two-Bit said with a shrug. He reached into his jacket and pulled out another bottle of beer and handed it over to Soda. "I think you'll need this more than I will."

"You got about eight more bottles stashed in there?" Soda asked with a dry laugh as he popped the lid.

"Nope, last one," Two-Bit said.

"Figures," Soda said. He downed the entire bottle in a minute. Unfortunately it wasn't enough to give him much of a buzz so it wouldn't do much to dull the pain in his leg. "Alright, let's do this."

Two-Bit stood and turned and pulled Soda to his feet. Soda put his arm over Two-Bit's shoulders as Two-Bit securely held him up. It felt eerily similar to the night that Soda received his injury but he tried very hard not to think about it. They started off across the park and Soda did his best not to wince too much.

The trek was slow and painful. By the time they finally got to their street Soda was almost dizzy with the amount of pain in his leg. He felt relief wash over him as the house finally came into sight. In the dim light he saw a figure walking around the truck in the driveway to get to the house. Darry must have just gotten home. Soda had been hoping that they might beat him home so there was a chance he wouldn't have to know about this, but luck was not with him tonight.

Darry spotted the two of them hobbling down the street and stopped in his tracks, clearly confused by what he was seeing.

"What happened?" Darry asked as Soda and Two-Bit made their way up the walk.

"Nothing," Soda mumbled. He turned his head toward Two-Bit, leaning even more heavily on his friend just to stay on his feet. "Two-Bit, I really need to sit down." His voice was strained with the effort. "Just put me on the porch step."

"You sure?" Two-Bit asked, cocking an eyebrow. "It's only a little farther to the recliner in the living room."

Soda eyed the steps of the porch. Ascending those four stairs suddenly seemed like an impossible task. "No, I need to sit," he repeated.

"Okay," Two-Bit said, sounding unsure.

They reached the steps and Two-Bit slowly lowered Soda down to sit on one of the middle steps. Soda grimaced hard, biting back a groan as he stretched his bad leg out in front of him.

"Soda, what happened?" Darry repeated, coming to stand next to Two-Bit.

"I went for a walk," Soda said, rubbing his thigh.

Darry looked over Soda and then looked at Two-Bit, realization dawning on him. "Where's your cane?"

Soda sighed heavily and rested his head in his hands. He was tired and not in the mood to deal with an 'I told you so' lecture right now. He knew that Darry was always worried something would happen to him while he was out on his own and now something had.

"Can we please not talk about that right now?" he mumbled into his hands. He knew that Darry could and would just get the story from Two-Bit later. His head was starting to swim as his exhaustion from the entire week was finally starting to catch up with him.

A minute later Darry sat down next to him, though he was careful to keep his distance. Soda didn't even look up. "C'mon Soda," Darry said gently. "Let's go inside. It's cold, you'll get sick if you stay out here."

Soda knew that he was right. His anger had melted away on the walk over leaving only his extreme fatigue behind. "I just… can't walk any farther," Soda muttered, his voice shaking.

There was a short pause. "I can carry you," Darry said carefully.

"I'm not a child," Soda said immediately, though he couldn't muster much force behind his tone.

"No, you're not a child," Darry agreed. "Just because you need a little help, it doesn't make you a child. It's only been a few weeks Soda. It's going to take time for you to get better. In the meantime, please just let the people who care about you help you."

Soda knew that Darry was right. There shouldn't be any shame in getting help, especially after everything he had been through in the past year. He still hated the idea, but for now he decided that all he could do was accept it. Otherwise he would be sleeping on the porch tonight.

"Okay," Soda said quietly.

Darry slowly moved closer to him and slid one hand under his knees while wrapping his other arm securely around his back. Soda reached up and wrapped his arms around his big brother's neck as Darry slowly lifted him up off of the porch step with a small grunt of effort. Soda was vaguely surprised that he was still able to lift him like that. He leaned his head into Darry's chest and closed his eyes, feeling for the moment safe and protected.

"What happened? Is he okay?" As they entered the house he could hear Pony's voice sounding worried.

"He's fine, just tired." Soda could hear Darry's deep voice vibrating through his chest as he pressed his head up against it. He was glad that Darry was making it sound like no big deal to their little brother. He couldn't take any more pity.

He thought that Darry would just put him in the recliner in the living room, but instead he headed down the hall and entered Soda's bedroom. As gently as he could he placed Soda down on his bed and Soda actually felt reluctant to let go of his brother. His eyes remained closed and he was only vaguely aware of Darry carefully pulling off his shoes as he drifted off to sleep.


	15. Tough Love

**Author's Note: As always, thanks to all my reviewers! :) Also a shameless plug: I recently finished one of my other Outsiders stories and started a new one. I've been working very hard on this new story and it will have some similar themes as this story. It's called **_**Don't Let Me Go.**_** You should go check it out while you are waiting for the next update. ;)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.**

_Chapter Fifteen_

_Tough Love_

Darry closed to the door to Soda's bedroom as quietly as he could. He stood outside the door for several seconds just listening. He was extremely grateful that Soda was finally getting some sleep. He had seemed even more run down than what had quickly become usual lately. But he was still really worried. Soda had seemed so defeated tonight, as if the life had been drained out of him. He wished so badly that he knew how to help his little brother.

Finally he turned and walked back out to the living room where Two-Bit and Pony were waiting.

"Is he okay?" Pony asked again tentatively.

Darry sighed as he heavily fell into the recliner. "He's exhausted. I think he was asleep before he even hit the bed."

"Well it's good that he's getting some sleep," Pony said, sitting down on the couch. "Do you think he'll be hungry though? He didn't have any dinner."

"We'll save him something," Darry said tiredly. At the moment he was more concerned with Soda getting some sleep than eating, though he made a mental note to make sure that Soda ate enough tomorrow. He looked up at Two-Bit who was leaning against the wall. "What happened tonight?"

"I just found him sitting on a bench out at the park," Two-Bit said. "He said that he dozed off and I guess when he woke up some kids had taken his cane."

Darry cursed under his breath.

"He doesn't have his cane?" Pony said, looking from Two-Bit to Darry and back. "But he can't get around without it."

"Yeah," Darry sighed. He looked up at the clock, noticing that it was getting late. "I can stop by the hospital after work tomorrow and see if I can get him another one."

"What's he gonna do until tomorrow night then?" Pony asked. "You know he won't lie in bed all day long."

Darry ran a hand over his face and up through his hair. He knew that Pony was exactly right. "Maybe I could try going over tonight," Darry said vaguely. He was tired and sore from work and didn't really feel like fighting the nighttime hospital crowd. But how could he leave his brother stranded for an entire day? Especially since he will be home alone tomorrow.

"Steve's got tomorrow off," Two-Bit spoke up. "He could probably go over to the hospital tomorrow morning."

Darry nodded, liking the option. Soda wouldn't need his cane until the morning anyway. "He'd probably have better luck tomorrow morning," he admitted. "The hospital is always busy at night. Where's Steve tonight?"

"He was goin' out with Evie," Two-Bit said. "He'll probably stay over at her place. I could track him down though, let him know what's goin' on."

"Would you mind?" Darry said, a bit reluctantly. He wasn't crazy about interrupting Steve's date night with their family drama. "He doesn't have to come over tonight. But it'd probably be good if he came here tomorrow morning and helped Soda around first. I don't want him hurting himself trying to get to the bathroom or the kitchen on his own." Darry knew without a doubt that if no one was home when Soda got up he would try and get around by himself. He was actually a little concerned with how early Soda went to bed he might try to get up in the middle of the night while everyone else was sleeping. He almost considered locking him in his room, but he knew that wouldn't go over well.

"I'll track 'em down," Two-Bit said. He started to head for the door.

"Did he say anything else?" Darry asked, stopping Two-Bit in his tracks.

There was a long silence and Darry and Pony both looked at Two-Bit curiously, who was standing with his back to them, still facing the door.

"No, not really," Two-Bit said finally. His voice sounded odd. Off balance. But before anyone could say anything else he had disappeared and the door was slamming shut behind him. Darry winced when the door slammed, hoping that the noise wouldn't wake Soda. Both he and Pony were quiet for several minutes, both straining to listen for sounds coming from down the hall. Thankfully the house remained silent.

"What was that about?" Pony finally asked, obviously referring to Two-Bit strange behavior.

"Honestly, I don't have the energy to figure it out tonight," Darry admitted.

There was a short pause. "I made some dinner," Pony offered.

Darry smiled over at him. "Thanks Pony."

XxXxX

Darry was restless all night. He kept waking up and listening for noises coming from Soda's room. He kept regretting not running right out and trying to get Soda a new cane despite how tired he had been. He didn't like knowing that his brother couldn't even get up and out of bed. It made him seen so helpless, and Darry knew that Soda was anything but helpless. Several times he almost had himself convinced that he should get up right then in the middle of the night and go to the hospital. He wasn't quite sure why he didn't. But soon enough the sun was coming up and it was time to get up.

As he got up and wandered out into the living room he was surprised to find a figure sprawled out on the couch. He hadn't expected Steve to be here that early, especially after a date night. Darry decided not to wake him right away and headed into the kitchen to make breakfast.

"Did you see that Steve is here already?" came Pony's voice as he walked into the kitchen, suppressing a yawn.

"Yeah, I saw," Darry said feeling a little guilty. "Guess his date night got cut a little short."

It was only after he had gotten ready for work and Pony had already left for school that Darry finally decided it was time to wake Steve.

"Hey, Steve," Darry said, shaking his shoulder.

Steve groaned as his eyes slowly blinked open. "Time is it?" he mumbled.

"Early," Darry said. "Thanks for comin' over Steve, I really appreciate it."

"Yeah, you better," Steve murmured, yawning widely as he slowly sat up.

"I left some coffee and breakfast for you in the kitchen," Darry said. "There's some for Soda too. He's usually up early, but I haven't heard anything comin' from his room yet. Two-Bit tell you what happened last night?"

"Yeah, he told me," Steve said darkly. "I ever get my hands on those kids…" he let the threat hang, possibly because it was too early from him to even come up with one.

"Well, since he's a war veteran if you go to the hospital they shouldn't give you any trouble about getting another cane," Darry said. "I wouldn't think anyway. But just in case I left the checkbook in the kitchen for you, it doesn't matter how much it costs as long as he can get around."

"Sure Darry, don't worry," Steve assured him as he yawned again.

"Call me up at work if you have any trouble," Darry said, feeling guilty that he wasn't taking care of this problem himself.

"Yeah, yeah, get goin'," Steve said, swinging his feet over onto the ground and standing up and stretching.

"Yeah, okay," Darry said. "I'll see you guys tonight." He turned and headed out the door, knowing this was going to be a very long day.

XxXxX

Steve headed for the kitchen first thing. He figured he should at least be mildly awake when he went in to check on Soda. He downed two cups of black coffee in just a few minutes. He had stumbled into the Curtis house at about three in the morning so he was currently running on about three hours of sleep. He was glad that Evie had understood about why he couldn't spend the entire night with her. He couldn't just leave Soda stranded in his house all day.

Blinking sleep from his eyes, Steve wandered down the hall, figuring it would be better to try and catch Soda before he tried to get out of bed on his own. He knocked quietly on Soda's door on the off chance that he was still sleeping. However, as he opened the door he saw that Soda was sitting up with his feet hanging over the edge of the bed, clearly about to stand up if he hadn't tried already. He was also still fully dressed from the night before.

Deep down Steve knew that he was being a hypocrite. He knew full well that if he were in Soda's place he would make how Soda was currently acting downright pleasant and cooperative. That didn't stop him from feeling annoyed at Soda's refusal to accept any help these days, especially with all the trouble Steve had gone through to get over here early this morning.

Steve didn't enter the room and immediately offer his help. Instead he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the door frame.

"Morning," he said casually.

"Morning," Soda mumbled back, not quite meeting Steve's eyes. "You're here early."

"Yep," Steve confirmed shortly. There were several long seconds of uncomfortable silence. "Darry left some breakfast." He jerked his head back towards the kitchen.

"Great," Soda said flatly. He reached over to the nightstand next to his bed and slowly pulled himself to his feet, heavily favoring his right side. Steve still didn't move, he just stood there and watched. He wasn't going to help unless Soda swallowed his pride and asked for it.

Soda's bedroom wasn't terribly big, but there was about six feet of empty space between his bed and the door. Steve figured the easiest thing for Soda to do would be to walk around the edge of the room so that he could hang on to the wall to keep himself steady. Of course that isn't what Soda did. Instead he turned and attempted to cross directly to the door. He made it about three small steps, grimacing the whole way, before he legs finally gave out and he collapsed to the floor with a small yelp. It took everything Steve had to remain where he was, especially when he saw that Soda was about to fall.

Soda cursed loudly and looked around for something to grab hold of, but found that there was nothing within reach. Steve sighed in exasperation. This was getting just plain pathetic. He still refused to ask for help. What was he going to do, crawl?

"Well, maybe you'll make it to the kitchen in time for lunch," he muttered darkly, but loud enough for Soda to hear.

Soda glared up at Steve, angry. "Go to hell," he spat.

"Hey, I busted my ass to get over here this morning," Steve shot right back. "I'm tired and I don't feel like getting my head bit off just for trying to help my best friend. If you don't want me here just say so and I'll leave. Crawl around the house all day, see if I care as long as your precious pride is intact."

Soda opened his mouth and for a moment Steve was afraid he was actually going to tell him to go. Darry would murder him if he actually followed through with his threat to leave Soda alone all day. Then Soda snapped his mouth shut and seemed to think better of what he had been about to say. He sighed.

"I need to take a piss," Soda said, a hint of anger and resentment still in his voice. "Would you… _please_… help me to the bathroom?"

"Well now, that almost sounded sincere," Steve said sarcastically. But he figured it was as good as he was going to get.

He dropped his arms and walked forward, crouching down beside him. Soda reached up and put his arm over Steve's shoulders and Steve hoisted him up off the floor and back to his feet. Soda leaned on him heavily as they made their way down the hall to the bathroom. Luckily the reinforced shower rod was in easy reach of the toilet, so Steve stepped out to give Soda some privacy. Soda reluctantly called Steve back in after he had finished and Steve helped him limp into the living room, letting him fall into the recliner.

"I'm gonna get some breakfast, you want some?" Steve asked.

"Yeah, sure," Soda said flatly.

Steve went and fetched the two the plates that Darry had left for them from the kitchen and brought them back out to the living room. He handed the plate of eggs with grape jelly to Soda and then settled himself onto the couch. They ate in silence.

"So, Darry wants me to go over to the hospital this morning and see if I can get you another cane," Steve said after they had finished. "You wanna tag along, or you gonna stay here?"

"I'll come," Soda said. "Since you're not blood family they might not give one to you just because you say you know me."

"Good point," Steve agreed.

Steve stood up and cleared away the dishes. When he came back he saw that Soda had moved himself from the recliner to the couch and slid down to the end so that he could get to his shoes. Too impatient to wait for consent, Steve went into Soda's room and grabbed him a clean t-shirt. Without comment he tossed the shirt to Soda in the living room and Soda quickly changed out of his work shirt. Then Steve went and silently waited by the door. He knew it was kind of an unspoken rule to not make Soda ask for help, but Soda had been especially uncooperative lately. It was time for some tough love.

Soda sighed as he looked at Steve who just stared back, unmoving. "Could you help me to the car?" he asked flatly.

"Sure, buddy," Steve said.

He helped Soda up once more and the two of them stumbled out of the house and down the walk to where Steve had left his car on the curb the night before. Steve helped Soda into the car before heading around to the driver's seat. He took off in the direction of the hospital. There was an uncomfortable silence for a few long minutes. Steve glanced over at Soda who was looking out the side window, clearly sulking.

"Look, Soda," Steve said finally. "I don't mean to make you feel bad. You just have no idea how unbelievably frustrating it is when you refuse help when you clearly need it."

"Yeah, well you have no idea what's it's like to be forced to leave your family and fight in a war that you don't even believe in the cause for," Soda muttered. "And you have no idea what's it like to come back from that and be nothing but a burden on your family."

Steve shot Soda a sympathetic look. "How can you think that you're a burden?" he said. "You know we'd do anythin' for you, all you have to do is ask. Sometimes not even that, sometimes we just help you anyway." He slowed to a stop at a red light and looked over at Soda carefully. "Soda, you don't know what it was like for us for the year that you were gone. Obviously it was nothin' compared to what you went through, but it was hell for us too, not knowing whether we'd see you again or not, not knowing whether you were safe or not. Having you back, no matter what kind of condition you are in, Soda, it's the best thing that could have happened."

There was a honk from behind him and Steve whipped around to see that the light had turned green at some point. He hit the gas and started off again.

"I just…" Soda murmured, letting his thought hang. Several seconds went by before he spoke again. "I just wish I could put it all behind me. Everything I saw, everything I did while I was over there. But every time my leg hurts I remember how it happened. I remember everything. I remember too much. I just want everything to go back to the way it was before."

Steve sighed. "I wish things could go back too," he said. "You have no idea how many nights I lay awake while you were gone and wished it were me instead of you. You of all people didn't deserve that."

Soda turned and looked at Steve, shaking his head firmly. "No, don't you ever wish for that," he said firmly, a hint of pleading in his voice.

Steve figured it was best not to reply to that as they pulled into the hospital parking lot. "How do you want to do this?" he asked, indicating the front door as he pulled into a parking spot. "You can either lean on me or I could go get a wheelchair for you."

"I'll just lean on you," Soda said. "This shouldn't take long."

Steve just nodded, not at all surprised that he refused the wheelchair even though that would have been easier on both of them. He figured that to Soda, leaning on someone was the lesser of two evils. He got out of the car and walked around to the passenger's side. He helped Soda out, noticing how much he winced with the effort, and they made their way into the hospital.

Thankfully there weren't many people in the hospital that early in the morning. Steve helped Soda to the front desk and let him lean up against it as he explained the situation to a nurse. The nurse was extremely kind and after checking his chart she gave him a new cane and sent them on their way. Steve was especially grateful since it was only after they were standing at the front desk that he suddenly realized that with all the commotion that morning he completely forgot to grab Darry's checkbook before they left.

Soda limped on his own aided by his new cane as they crossed the parking lot back to where Steve had left the car. Steve allowed Soda to get into the car himself and he seemed to manage without much difficulty.

"Well, all is right with the world again," Steve said as he started up the car, trying to lighten the mood.

"No," Soda said vaguely, staring down at the cane in his hand. "It's not."


	16. Triggered

**Author's Note: Thank you to all who review! I've had the next chapter written for a while, but I struggled to think of what could have led to that chain of events. Finally I came up with this and I actually only started playing with this idea just this morning. I'm pretty happy with how this chapter turned out. Hope you like it! Please review! **

_Chapter Sixteen_

_Triggered_

Soda felt like he was surrounded by a haze, separating him from his friends and his brothers. He knew they were all concerned about him and he made an effort not to worry them. He understood the point Steve had made about asking for help. He allowed Pony to go with him when he went on walks, he allowed Darry to bring his dinner to him in the recliner, and he made an effort to stay at the DX through his entire shift so that he could ride home with Steve.

Despite all of this his spirit felt heavy. He felt like he was wandering through his own life with no real purpose. He couldn't even take care of himself and he was starting to lose hope that he would ever be able to walk without the aid of his cane. He was also starting to lose hope that he would ever be able to rest peacefully without nightmares of the war. His exhaustion was only getting worse and at any given moment he felt like he could fall asleep in an instant. He knew he constantly had tired bags under his eyes and looked rather ragged, but he felt helpless to change that.

Another week had passed since he had gotten his new cane. Time never seemed to move consistently to Soda anymore. Everything always seemed to be on fast forward or slow motion. Today was a slow motion day.

Soda, Two-Bit and Steve were all working the same shift at the DX. It had been a very slow day and Soda had spent most of his time in the store with Two-Bit, leaning heavily on the counter. He knew that Darry wouldn't mind if Soda wanted to take a day or two off to get some rest, but he felt like that would be a failure on his part. All he wanted was his normal life back.

"You feelin' okay?" Two-Bit asked slowly, eyeing Soda. It was toward the end of their shift and Soda just couldn't stop yawning.

"Just tired," Soda mumbled, placing his head in his hands as he leaned on the counter.

"We should be able to leave in a few minutes," Two-Bit said. He glanced up as another customer entered the store. "You wanna wait in the car?"

"No, I'm fine," Soda said. He straightened up and gripped his cane as he limped back around the counter to make room for the customer that was approaching. He couldn't wait to go home, but he knew that waiting in the car wouldn't make the time go any faster. If anything it might slow the time down if he were isolated like that. His leg had been aching throughout most of the day and all he wanted to do was sit in the recliner and not move for the rest of the night.

They both glanced up as there was a honk from outside. A car had pulled up to the gas pump. Soda almost groaned out loud. He really didn't feel like doing another fill up.

"You wanna get that?" Two-Bit asked. "The next shift should be here in a minute, I'll be out as soon as they get here and we can take off."

Soda definitely didn't want to, but he nodded anyway. It was just one more and then they could go home. He could deal with one more customer. He limped back around the counter, noticing how the customer at the counter, an older woman maybe in her late forties, looked at him curiously. He had gotten used to these confused and curious looks that he got from customers on a daily basis. He knew he was a bit of an odd sight, being nineteen years old and hobbling around like an old man. However it still ground his nerves whenever he noticed people staring.

Soda slowly limped out the door and headed for the gas pumped. A man probably in his late twenties or early thirties was leaning up against his car, looking impatient.

"About time," he mumbled as Soda finally approached.

"Sorry, sir," Soda said as he set to work gassing up the guy's Ford. He didn't even bother trying to smile or act friendly. It had been a long day and he was just ready for it to be over.

"What happened to you, anyway?" the guy asked as Soda watched the numbers click by on the gas tank more carefully than necessary. His tone wasn't concerned or even really curious. He sounded condescending and bored. It certainly didn't make Soda want to tell him his life story. He considered not answering. It was none of this guy's business anyway. "You hear me, boy? Or are you dumb?"

Soda sighed. "'Nam," he said flatly. He hoped that would be enough to get the guy to stop questioning about his injury, but he was weary of the response, remembering how the Socs had taunted him.

"You're shittin' me," the guy said. He snorted. "I can't believe you would even admit that." Soda looked at him and cocked an eyebrow, not quite understanding, but he figured it was better not to comment. He just wanted to let the subject drop. Unfortunately the guy was persistent. "You know, what you guys do other there, it's downright disgraceful. What, you come back here and expect to be treated like a war hero? You should be ashamed."

"What the hell are you talkin' about?" Soda finally demanded, anger creeping in through his haze of exhaustion. What gave this guy the right to assume that he knew anything about him?

"I watch the news," the man said darkly. "I've seen the footage. You aren't soldiers. You're murderers. It's not a war going on over there. It's genocide."

Soda just stared, dumbstruck. He reached over and yanked the nozzle out of the guy's gas tank and slammed it back on the pump. "Done," he stated in harsh voice, not looking at the guy next to him. "Have a nice day, sir." He wasn't even concerned about getting paid for the gas. Hell, he would pay the bill himself. More than anything he just wanted this guy to leave him alone.

"Baby killers," the customer spat. "That's what you damn Vietnam soldiers are. Baby killers. You should do the world a favor and eat a bullet from your own gun." And with that he spit at Soda, hitting his pant leg.

Soda snapped. The next few minutes were a blur. He felt his fist connect with the guy's jaw. He felt a counterblow connect with the side of his face. He swung again, hardly noticing as his cane fell away from him.

"Hey!"

Steve's voice barely seeped into Soda's consciousness. Suddenly the guy kicked Soda in his bad leg. The pain was immediate and excruciating. He twisted as he collapsed to the ground, biting back against a scream of agony just as he had the night he had received his injury. Suddenly his mind was a couple thousands miles away, across the ocean and in a foreign country. Soda had to stay as still as possible, hoping the Vietnamese soldiers wouldn't find him. They would torture him, kill him. All he wanted was to go home and see Pony and Darry again.

"Soda?" Even though the voice spoke English, somehow Soda didn't trust it. Someone grabbed his shoulder and he lashed out desperately, trying to knock the person away from him, he had to protect himself, he had to live. "Easy Soda, it's me, it's Steve."

Soda gasped for breath, trying to control his panic. How could that be? Why would Steve be in the middle of the jungle in Vietnam? It didn't make any sense. Even if Steve had gotten drafted Soda would have known long before he made it over to the battlefield.

"Soda?" It was a different voice this time. Two-Bit? Was he loosing his mind out here in Vietnam? "C'mon Soda, it's okay now, he's gone."

Suddenly Soda realized that he was laying on something hard. Concrete. There was no concrete in the jungles of Vietnam. He placed his hands flat on the cement, just to be sure. He took a couple long shaky breaths, trying to think clearly through the awful pain radiating from his leg that seemed to consume him. He looked around, and watched carefully as everything was slowly coming back into focus. He wasn't in Vietnam at all. He was laying on the ground in front of the DX station in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

He had been laying on his side. Slowly he rolled himself onto his back, carefully stretching his left leg out, grimacing hard as he did so, trying not groan out loud. Just as slowly and with a great deal of effort he managed to push himself up into a sitting position. He looked around and saw both Steve and Two-Bit crouching next to him though they were clearly trying to keep some distance from him, mirrored expressions of concern and confusion on their faces.

"Sorry," Soda mumbled. He put his head in his hands and found that he was shaking.

"Don't worry about it," Steve said carefully. "That guy had no right to go accusing you of anythin'."

"I dunno where the hell any of that even came from," Soda muttered. He looked up at his friends, his eyes pleading for answers. They both looked uncomfortable, shifting and glancing at each other uncertainly. Soda let out a frustrated sigh. "Can we just get out of here?" he said darkly. His leg was killing him and he was feeling angry and frustrated and he just wanted to disappear.

"Yeah, sure, buddy," Two-Bit said, nodding. His normally carefree face was more serious than Soda had seen it since the night they had watched Dally shot and killed. Was he really that pathetic? Had he really made that much of a scene just now?

He grabbed his cane from Steve a little more aggressively than he had meant to, but he just didn't have the energy to worry too much about that. He started to pull himself up but didn't make it far. Thankfully Steve didn't wait for him to ask for help, because at this point he probably wouldn't have ever asked. His pride had taken a huge hit just now and he couldn't handle being made to feel any more helpless or weak. Steve silently pulled Soda to his feet and Soda immediately turned and started limping toward the car. He gripped the cane tightly, any pressure at all on his left leg making him feel dizzy with pain and with each step he had to keep from crying out. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that he should ask for help. The cane wasn't support enough for him at the moment. But he just couldn't bring himself to do that right now.

He wasn't moving very quickly, but he finally made it to Steve's car. He heavily fell down into the passenger's seat, slamming the door shut and staring straight ahead, his hand still gripping his cane so tightly that his knuckles were white.

"You okay?" Steve asked carefully, looking over at him unsurely from the driver's seat as Two-Bit silently climbed into the backseat.

"Fine," Soda practically spat, his eyes trained straight out the windshield, angry that the car wasn't moving yet. He needed to get as far away from that place as possible.

Another minute passed where the world was annoyingly still. Finally Steve started up the car and pulled out of the DX. Soda sighed. He leaned forward and rested his forehead on the top of his cane, closing his eyes. It was just like one of his nightmares… except he was still awake.


	17. Monster

**Author's Note: Wow, I am on a role with all my updating lately! :) This chapter has been a long time coming, I actually wrote most of it back in like October and I've been just working up to it. I've also got most of the next chapter written, but I'm going to have to tweak it a lot now that I actually know the cause of this chain of events, haha. In any case, please, **_**please**_** review and let me know what you think!**

_Chapter Seventeen_

_Monster_

The ride back to the Curtis house after the incident at the gas station was eerily silent. Even Two-Bit didn't dare crack a joke or make any kind of comments at all. Since returning home from the war Soda had several short bursts with his temper that he had never felt before being deployed. However each incident was short lived and tended to dissipate quickly. This time that didn't happen though. As Soda stared out the window he could feel himself grow even angrier as he went over and over what the guy at the gas station had said to him.

When they pulled up in front of his house Soda didn't wait for help out of the car like he had become accustomed to doing. He flung the car door open and yanked himself up and out through sheer force of will. His leg already hurt like hell, what was another stab of pain really going to do? As he limped toward the house he was aware of Two-Bit and Steve just standing by the car watching him carefully, clearly unsure what they should do. For a moment Soda thought and hoped that maybe they wouldn't follow him. He didn't want to be around them right now, especially after what they had just witnessed. But as he struggled to ascent the porch steps they finally approached, through neither offered their help and they were very obviously keeping their distance. That only made Soda angrier. They were treating him like he was dangerous. Why couldn't everything just go back to the way it was before he had left?

_Because I was stupid enough to almost get my leg blown off,_ Soda thought bitterly to himself. _I shoulda just ran when I had the chance, just looked out for myself instead of worrying about everyone else._

As he entered the house, Soda found that the immediate area was deserted. It was Saturday afternoon so Darry was working a double and wouldn't be home until late. He figured Pony was probably around somewhere, but he wasn't concerned about that right now. He headed straight for the television as he remembered very clearly what Darry had said to him his first morning back home.

_Darry was about to walk out the door when something seemed to dawn on him. "Uh, Soda," he said, looking over at his brother. "I wouldn't bother with the TV today if you can help it. They tend to cut into shows with footage and updates from… from the war."_

Soda hadn't put too much thought into what Darry had said that day. He had never been one to sit around and watch much television anyway. But something had finally occurred to him. Since he had been back he hadn't seen the television on at all. This was very unusual. Not only did Pony like to watch TV, but usually it was always on for background noise even if no one was really watching it. Before this moment Soda had just assumed that it was left off because they were trying to cut back on the loud noises around the house since he was so easily startled. But as what the man at the gas station had been saying started to really sink in, he realized that there was likely a much different reason all together for the sudden disuse of the TV.

"Soda…" Steve said warningly as he watched Soda flip through a few channels. Soda pretended not to hear him and neither Two-Bit nor Steve made any move to stop him.

Soda finally stopped on a channel that showed a very familiar scene. He straightened up and took a small step backwards, staring intently at the screen. Even through the grainy, black and white picture he could make out the image of a village being burned to the ground. He could see American soldiers lighting up more huts around the outskirts of the village. He tried not to look too closely at the soldiers, afraid of recognizing someone from his squad or, even worse, maybe even himself since there was no telling how long ago this was filmed. He could almost smell the smoke again. Vietnamese woman and children were running, screaming. Soda felt frozen. This is what the media was showing the American people? Where was the context? Where was the explanation that the Vietnamese soldiers were using their own women and children as shields?

Soda suddenly realized that his heart was pounding. Adrenaline was coursing through him and he didn't feel anger anymore. He felt rage. Was this how people saw him? Darry must have seen this or he wouldn't have warned Soda to stay away from the television. Did Darry see him this way as well? What about the others? Pony, Steve and Two-Bit must have seen it too at one point or another.

"What's going on?" Soda heard Pony's voice behind him but he couldn't tear his eyes away from the blazing fire on the TV. He was transfixed. "Soda?"

"It wasn't like this," Soda whispered, his voice sounding desperate. Finally he forcibly tore his eyes away from the screen, unable to watch any more, and started limping away. The pain in his leg was mocking him. What was the point of it all? He never even wanted to be a part of this stupid war. As Soda limped away from the TV, Two-Bit immediately stepped forward and snapped it off. Soda glared at him. "What's the matter, can't stomach it?" he growled. It wasn't fair. Two-Bit could just turn off the TV and be rid of the horrific images and sound. Soda couldn't simply switch off his own memories, no matter how much he wanted to.

"No, I just…" Two-Bit let the thought hang, looking a bit like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Don't you get it?" Soda suddenly shouted. "That is a part of my _life_! I can't just shut it off when I don't want to deal with it anymore. I remember… I remember everything! I can't not!"

"Soda, that's not-" Steve started, but Soda cut him off. He didn't want to hear any explanations.

"Those soldiers on the TV, the ones you don't want to look at, I was one of those soldiers!" Soda continued. He was literally shaking with rage that he couldn't seem to control. Some small voice in the back of his head implored him to stop yelling at the friends who had only tried to help him, but he just couldn't quite hear it over the pounding of blood in his ears. "Maybe you can just shut off the television and not have to look at those other soldiers, but I am still right here!"

"Soda, please calm down," Pony begged, moving forward and reaching out to touch Soda's arm.

Soda could hardly hear him through his haze of rage. He was hardly aware of his own actions. Despite being crippled he was still incredibly strong. It was almost as if he was watching from some faraway place as his arms seemed to move on their own accord. He grabbed the figure in front of him and swung him hard, sending him flying.

Suddenly the house was deathly still and quiet. Soda looked around and saw Steve and Two-Bit both staring at him with mirrored expressions of horror. Then he looked down. Pony lay sprawled on the floor several feet away from him, his eyes closed, unnervingly still. The world seemed to fall from underneath Soda. What had he done?

For what seemed like an eternity, no one dared move.

"P-Pony?" Soda finally stuttered. His voice sounded young and scared.

"Soda, back up," Two-Bit said slowly. It wasn't a request. He realized that both Two-Bit and Steve were afraid of him. They didn't want to approach Pony because he was still lying too close to Soda. He suddenly realized that he didn't know where his cane went and all his weight was on his right leg, his left leg still throbbing horribly. Somehow he managed to stumble backwards, hitting the wall behind him hard.

Steve knelt down next to Pony as Two-Bit went to stand between them and Soda almost as if he thought Soda might try to attack him again. Soda couldn't take his eyes off his little brother, who still was not moving. He could feel himself begin to shake again, but this time there was no anger, no rage. He was terrified by what he had just done.

"I don't think his neck is broken," Steve said quietly.

Soda's stomach seemed to drop out of his body as tears filled his eyes. _Broken neck_… how hard had he thrown his little brother? Soda noticed how close Pony was laying to the coffee table. Had he hit his head? He found that the scene in front of him was blurring in and out of focus and he couldn't quite focus on what was happening.

"W-what did I do…." Soda whispered, his eyes wide in horror. His legs felt weak and suddenly he was sitting on the floor. He looked up at Two-Bit helplessly, his eyes pleading. "H-he's okay, right? He's gonna be okay?"

"I think it's just a concussion or somethin'," came Steve's voice. "I need something to wrap his head, he's bleedin' pretty good." Two-Bit didn't move, still staring down at Soda, his face unreadable. Soda couldn't tell what his friend was feeling. Anger? Sadness? Pity? "Two-Bit, Soda's not going anywhere. Get me something to stop Pony's bleeding." Steve spoke very forcefully.

Two-Bit disappeared. He came back a minute later ripping up an old t-shirt he must have grabbed out of someone's bedroom. He kept glancing at Soda as he helped Steve carefully wrap a few strips around Pony's head. Soda couldn't see any blood, so he figured he must have hit the back of his head.

"C'mon, Soda." Suddenly Steve was crouching in front of him, looking at him with concern. "We gotta take Pony to the hospital, he's probably gonna need some stitches." His voice sounded oddly gentle, like he was talking to a toddler.

Soda shook his head slowly. "You go," he said flatly. Steve and Two-Bit could take care of his kid brother just fine. He had been the one to hurt Pony; he couldn't go with him to the hospital.

"You have to come too," Steve insisted. "We can't leave you here by yourself, Soda." Soda just stared up at him blankly. Nothing seemed real at this moment. Steve sighed. "Look, we aren't leaving without you. The longer you fight that the longer Pony goes without medical care."

He had him there. Soda let Steve pull him to his feet and he handed him back his cane which had fallen away at some point. Soda felt physically weak, like he could barely hold himself up. Steve hesitated for a moment, looking at Soda unsurely as if he were afraid he was going to fall, before he went back over to where Two-Bit was crouched over Pony. Working together they lifted him up between them. Pony let out a low groan, the first sign of life Soda had seen from him in the past five minutes.

They all trooped outside to where Steve's car was parked. They laid Pony out on the backseat and Two-Bit slid in next to him. Soda felt numb as climbed back into the front seat of the car. Steve drove as fast he could. Soda stared blankly out the window, everything blurring together as he watched the scenery slip in and out of focus. It seemed like no time at all had passed when they were pulling into the hospital parking lot. Apparently Pony had come around at some point during the ride, but he was still very groggy and disoriented. He leaned heavily on Two-Bit as they stumbled into the emergency room. Soda couldn't even bring himself to look at him.

"We were wrestling, and the kid accidentally hit his head pretty hard on a coffee table," Steve told the nurse at the front desk.

_Liar_… Soda thought bitterly. He should have told her the truth. Maybe they would lock him up so he wouldn't be able to hurt anyone again.

"You look like you're about to drop," Two-Bit said to Soda in a low voice as a couple nurses took Pony away on a stretcher. "C'mon, let's sit."

"You got a phone I could use?" he heard Steve say to the nurse as he started to limp away, following Two-Bit to the waiting room. "I gotta call his brother. He's his legal guardian."

_Darry…_ Soda thought vaguely. Darry was going to kill him. Darry was going to strangle him with his bare hands for what he had done to their little brother. He fell heavily onto a hard seat at the far end of the waiting room and hung his head, staring at the polished white floor.

"They said Darry is out on a job," Steve said a minute later, sitting down next to Soda. "Said they'd send someone out to tell him and he'll be here soon."

Soda made no indication that he had heard him. He just continued to stare straight down at the floor. Everything had spiraled out of control so quickly and it was hard to believe that this wasn't just another one of his nightmares. As much as he hated how everyone was so careful around him he was starting to think that they were all very right to be. Maybe he was dangerous. Maybe he had changed. Maybe he would never be able to feel like the person that he was before he was drafted. He was only vaguely aware of tears falling down his cheeks. He couldn't bring himself to care and made no attempt to wipe them away. He was a monster.


	18. Guilt

**Author's Note: Thank you reviewers! Fair warning, with the holidays coming up I may not be able to update as quickly as I usually do, but I promise not to leave you hanging too long. I usually try to update at least once a week, but the next chapter may take a little more than a week to be posted. Or it may not. Who knows! Haha. But there is still much that needs to happen in this story. ;)**

_Chapter Eighteen_

_Guilt_

"Hey Curtis!" Darry, who was up on the roof of the house that they were working on, looked down at the site manager standing on the ground, cocking an eyebrow. "Come down here for a minute."

Darry found it odd that he wanted to talk to him right now but he obediently climbed back down the ladder. "What's up?" he asked as he approached.

"One of your brother's friends called in," he started and Darry felt his stomach drop. This couldn't be heading in a good direction. "He said it wasn't anything really serious, but your brother's in the hospital."

"Did he say what was wrong with Soda?" Darry asked quickly. "Was it his leg?" The manager certainly knew about Soda coming back from the war and him being injured. He had used the excuse to work a little less than he usually did the past few weeks.

"It's not that brother," the manager said, shaking his head. "It's the younger one, Ponyboy? His friend said he was getting stitches." Darry was taken aback for a moment. He couldn't imagine what Pony could have done to need stitches. But at least it didn't sound too terribly serious. "You can go ahead and take off if you want."

Darry nodded. "Thank you," he said sincerely. He hurried out to where he had parked is truck and took off, anxious to get to the hospital and find out what had happened. Luckily the hospital wasn't far from the job site he had been working on and only ten minutes later he was walking into the waiting room outside of the emergency room.

It didn't take him long to spot Soda along with Steve and Two-Bit all gathered in the far corner of the waiting room. Soda was sitting in a chair with his head hanging down, staring at the floor. He looked shaken by something. Steve was sitting next to him, also looking a little too concerned for much comfort. Two-Bit was standing a few steps away, fiddling with a pack of cigarettes.

"What the hell happened?" Darry demanded as he approached the group. They all looked up at him with weary eyes.

"I was wrestling with Pony and he wacked his head," Steve said spoke up after a short pause. Soda was shaking his head though. He looked up and opened his mouth as if to protest what Steve had said. "Soda…" Steve said warningly, cutting him off before he even started.

Darry looked confused, looking from Steve to Soda and back. Clearly there was something they weren't telling him. Clearly something was seriously wrong with this situation beyond just some silly accident.

"Care for a smoke, Darry?" Two-Bit spoke up. "C'mon, I gotta step outside for a minute. This place is making me want to crawl the walls."

Darry just nodded, not making any mention about how he didn't smoke. Obviously Two-Bit knew that very well. He decided that if he wanted to know what happened today he was going to have to play along. He followed Two-Bit back out of the hospital, sending one last worried glance back toward Soda, who had hung his head once again, before stepping outside. They walked a little ways away from the front door where they were likely to have some privacy. Darry waited impatiently as Two-Bit lit up a cigarette.

"Well?" he finally prompted. "What the hell is going on?"

"Well Pony should be fine," Two-Bit started. "He whacked his head pretty good and he was bleeding, but he was comin' 'round and kinda aware of what was going on by the time we got here."

"He was unconscious?" Darry asked, paling a bit.

"Yeah, for a few minutes," Two-Bit admitted reluctantly. "He was already wakin' up by the time we starting moving him to the car though."

Darry sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes for a moment. "And how did he whack his head, exactly?" he asked. "Because him and Steve never wrestle." Two-Bit looked uncomfortable as he took a long drag off his cigarette. "Spit it out, Two-Bit."

Two-Bit sighed. "Soda kinda… lost his temper today," he said slowly. "Pony tried to calm him down and he kinda… grabbed him and flung him. It wouldn't have been so bad but when he fell he hit his head on the coffee table."

Darry just stared in shocked for several minutes. He had been afraid something like this would happen, but it didn't make it any easier to believe that Soda would actually hurt his little brother like that, even if it was unintentional.

"Do you know what set him off?" Darry finally asked.

"It was a real bad day," Two-Bit said darkly. "There was this guy at the gas station that Soda was doin' a fill up for… I dunno exactly what happened, Steve got there before I did, but I guess somehow he found out that Soda was in 'Nam and was givin' him all kinds of shit for it. I did see him spit on Soda. He also kicked Soda in his bad leg and that sent him into like a flashback or something. Took us a minute to convince him that he wasn't still in 'Nam."

Darry felt sick. He couldn't imagine someone being so cruel to his younger brother for something he had no control over. He leaned up against the brick wall of the hospital, his knees feeling weak. He certainly knew about all the anti-war protestors, but he had hoped that somehow Soda wouldn't ever find out about them, at least not until he was more recovered.

"Anything else?" Darry asked, mostly just to be saying something. He couldn't imagine it could get any worse at this point.

"Well…" Two-Bit said, and Darry looked at him sharply, startled that he could actually have more to tell him. "I'm guessing the guy made some mention of how the news was covering the war, 'cause when we got him back home he was very determined to turn on the TV."

Darry swore loudly. He knew exactly what they showed on the news. There were several late nights when he couldn't sleep while Soda was away that he would go into the living room and turn the TV on mute and watch the coverage, foolishly hoping that maybe he would get a glimpse of his little brother. Some of the images that he saw really stuck with him though. When he found out that Soda was finally coming home this was all something that he desperately hoped to protect him from. But now he wondered if it was stupid for him to think that he could shield Soda from all of this. Instead maybe he should have prepared Soda for this so that he wouldn't be so blindsided when he did come across this extreme prejudice. Maybe he would have been able to deal with it better if he had seen it coming. It certainly looked like Darry had made the wrong decision and now both his brothers seemed to be paying for it.

"Please tell me that's it," Darry said tiredly.

"I think that about covers it," Two-Bit said with a small nod.

Darry sighed heavily. This was all a lot to take in. He decided that he needed to just take this one step at a time. He needed to make sure Pony was really okay first. There was no point in talking with Soda and trying to convince him that it wasn't his fault until they knew for sure that Pony's injury wasn't too severe.

"Thanks for your help, Two-Bit," he said finally.

Two-Bit nodded, his face still uncharacteristically serious. "Do you… do you think Soda is dangerous?" he asked slowly.

Darry was silent for a minute. At this point he figured it was a valid question. "I think he's been through something awful," he finally said. "But I believe the Soda we know is still in there somewhere. I see glimpses of him almost every day. I think that this will get easier with time." Two-Bit nodded, seeming to accept this answer. "Now c'mon," Darry said, starting to head back toward the front door. "Let's see if we can somehow keep this from destroying any hope of seeing the old Soda again."

XxXxX

Soda watched as Darry and Two-Bit walk away, a dull look on his face before he lowered his head once more in shame. Darry didn't even smoke. And even if he did, there was no reason they couldn't smoke right here in the waiting room. It was obvious to him that Two-Bit was taking Darry out of earshot of the hospital staff in order to tell him what really happened.

"It wasn't your fault, Soda," Steve said in an undertone.

Soda looked at him in disbelief. "Who the hell's fault was it then?" he demanded.

"It was an accident," Steve said. "You'd never hurt Pony on purpose."

Soda just shook his head. Steve didn't understand. He was a monster. The war had changed him. He couldn't even be trusted with his younger brother anymore. He should be locked up.

Darry and Two-Bit walked back in a short while later, he wasn't exactly sure how much time had passed. Darry was quiet as he sat down on the other side of Soda. Soda couldn't bring himself to even look at his older brother. The group was silent as they waited for news.

"Ponyboy Curtis' family?"

Soda looked up to see a doctor in scrubs standing in front of them. Darry stood up.

"I'm his guardian," he said, shaking the doctor's hand. "Darry Curtis."

"Ponyboy is just fine," the doctor told him easily. "He has a very minor concussion and got four stitches in the back of his head, but he should be released in just a few hours after some observation. You can go back and sit with him if you'd like."

"Yes, thank you," Darry said with a relieved smile.

The last thing Soda wanted to do was go back and see his brother, but he knew no one was going to give him much of a choice. Without a word he allowed Steve to pull him to his feet and he trudged behind the group. The doctor led them through the halls of the hospital. Soda felt heavy and lagged as far behind as he could. How could he face Pony after what he had just done?

"He's right in there," the doctor indicated a room before walking away.

"You guys go ahead," Darry said. Soda glanced up and saw that he was talking to Steve and Two-Bit. "We'll be there in a minute."

Steve shot Darry an unsure look, but followed Two-Bit into Pony's room. Soda hung his head, preparing for the worst. Darry stepped up to him as Soda stared down at his shoes. Suddenly he felt his brother's hand on his shoulder. He looked up and was surprised to find concern in his eyes.

"Are you okay, Soda?" he asked seriously.

Soda just stared for several moments in shock, hardly able to comprehend what Darry had said. "What?" he finally said, disbelief in his voice. "Darry, I did something horrible today. You shouldn't be concerned about me."

"And I can see that it's eating you alive, what you did," Darry said. "Which means that you didn't do it on purpose. You would never intentionally hurt Ponyboy."

"I couldn't control myself," Soda said. "I'm dangerous."

"We'll figure this out, Soda," Darry said.

"You don't understand," Soda said, a mix of anger and desperation in his voice. "I'm no good anymore."

Darry grabbed Soda by the shoulders. "Listen to me, Soda," he said. "You are my brother. I believe that the war affected you so much because you are such a good person."

But Soda didn't want to listen to reassurance as he shrugged out of Darry's grasp. "I should leave," he said taking a few steps away from Darry. "I should move out, live on my own where I can't hurt anybody anymore."

It was clear that this idea was very painful to Darry. "You are not moving out," he said immediately.

"You can't tell me what to do," Soda said, suddenly fierce. "I'm nineteen, you're not my guardian anymore, Darry."

Darry looked taken aback for a moment. Then he shoved his hands in his pockets, frowning. "You're right," he said flatly. Soda was surprised, not expecting that answer. He expected more of a fight. "I'm not your guardian anymore. But if you leave now you will be tearing this family apart."

"I'm already tearing this family apart," Soda said, the pain of this statement very evident in his voice. "I landed my little brother in the hospital."

"We need you, Soda," Darry went on. "And we can help you get better."

"How? How can you help?" Soda asked, his small spark of leftover anger melting away, leaving only the desperation in his voice.

Darry sighed heavily. "I dunno exactly what that guy at the gas station said to you," he started. "But he doesn't know you Soda. I know you, Steve and Two-Bit know you, Pony knows you. You did whatever you did over there so that you could come home to us. You didn't want to be over there, you didn't want to hurt anyone. But as unfair as it was, you didn't have a choice. We all understand that."

"Was it right though?" Soda asked quietly, his eyes pleading to Darry for an answer. "Or was I just the bad guy?"

"You can't blame yourself Soda," Darry said gently. He stepped closer to Soda and carefully placed gentle hand on Soda's shoulder. "You weren't in charge; you weren't making any of the decisions over there. Right or wrong, it wasn't your fault. Honestly, I dunno if this war is justified or not and at this point I don't really care. I'm just glad to have my brother back, because to me that's all that really matters. And I know that's all that matters to Pony, Steve and Two-Bit too. Don't let the opinion of one random stranger matter more than the opinion of your own family who loves and cares for you, Soda."

Soda looked up at Darry, his eyes full of pain. Not just because of his physical pain, but his walls had fallen and suddenly he was wearing his emotional pain on his sleeve. He desperately wanted everything to be okay. "What if Pony's opinion of me has changed?" he asked, his voice shaking slightly.

"I can't speak for Pony," Darry said slowly. "And I can't pretend to know what you are going through overall. But I can relate to a certain degree to the burden of guilt. You are not the first one in this family to lose their temper and lash out at Ponyboy." Soda froze. He had forgotten that. "He did forgive me though. I don't think there's any possibility that he won't forgive you too. You two have always been so close."

"You didn't land him in the hospital," Soda pointed out stubbornly.

"Not directly," Darry allowed. "But I caused him to run away which later led to him being in the hospital. Twice."

Soda was quiet. He remembered that week all too clearly. The week they thought they had lost their little brother. The week that had ended in the deaths of two of their closest friends. After Pony had disappeared at the beginning of that fateful week Darry had been a complete wreck, the guilt completely overwhelming him. Soda could remember trying to comfort his older brother even when he himself had been hurting as well. Maybe Darry couldn't relate to being on the battlefield or being mixed up in a war he didn't even know much about… but maybe he did have a point about understanding this particular situation.

"I'm sorry," Soda finally said quietly.

"I know you are," Darry said sympathetically. He paused for a moment, then continued carefully. "I'm gonna go in to see Pony. You come on in when you are ready, alright little buddy?"

Soda nodded as Darry turned and walked into the room, grateful for a moment to compose himself. He took several deep breaths, trying to calm himself. Finally he forced himself to limp forward into the small hospital room. He immediately spotted Pony, still fully dressed and sitting up in the hospital bed, looking perfectly unharmed as he smiled and talked to Darry. As he turned his head Soda could see a square of gauze taped to the back of his head. His stomach turned and he felt sick that he had caused his kid brother any pain at all.

Steve moved to stand beside Soda and clapped his shoulder in support.

"Is there a chair?" Soda asked Steve softly as he surveyed the mostly empty room. "I'm about to collapse." His leg was still throbbing something awful and even with his cane he didn't think he would be physically able to remain standing much longer.

"I'll find one," Two-Bit said, overhearing. He turned and walked out of the room.

Pony looked over and spotted Soda just then. Soda could feel his heart twist as he saw the mixed emotions playing on Pony's face. He used to be Pony's protector. He used to be the one that kept the nightmares away. He used to be the one who could always comfort him. What was he now?

"Hey Soda," Pony said quietly.

"Hey Pony," Soda said. He looked down at the floor. All he wanted to do was run at his little brother and hug him tight. But he didn't trust himself. He shifted as his right leg was getting tired of holding up all his weight, but winced as any weight at all fell on his left leg and was forced to shift back. "I'm so, so sorry, Ponyboy… I dunno what happened, I didn't mean to, I really didn't…" He looked back up but he couldn't quite meet Pony's eyes.

"It's okay," Pony said, straining to smile. "I'm fine now."

"I coulda really hurt you though," Soda said.

"But you didn't," Pony pointed out.

Somehow Soda didn't feel any better.

"Hey, couldn't find a chair, but I found something better," Two-Bit said, riding back into the room on the back of a wheelchair.

"I don't even wanna know what poor soul you stole that from," Darry said with a laugh, shaking his head.

Soda slumped down into the wheelchair, feeling immensely relieved to get off his feet. Not only was his leg still hurting, but this entire day had taken a lot out of him. At that moment he didn't care that the wheelchair had been his worst fear when he had first woken up in the hospital after his injury and couldn't walk. For now, he was perfectly content with the image of a nineteen year old confined to a wheelchair.

Two-Bit wheeled him more fully into the room and Soda was aware of Pony watching him carefully. He was sure that his kid brother was afraid of him. He was also sure that his kid brother _should_ be afraid of him. He hunched his shoulders, wishing he could just disappear.

Suddenly he realized that Two-Bit had pushed the wheelchair so that he was sitting right next to Pony's hospital bed. Pony shifted so that his feet hung over the side of the bed and then slowly slid off the bed so that he was standing in front of Soda. He was moving slowly and deliberately, though as Soda searched his brother's face he couldn't find any trace of the fear he had been expecting. Then Pony leaned down and carefully wrapped his arms around Soda. Soda was frozen in shock for a moment before he moved to return the hug.

"It's okay, Soda," Pony said quietly. "I promise you, it's okay. You're gonna get better, I know you are."

Soda felt tears forming as he listened to Pony comforting him. He had a sudden flashback to the nights following their parents' funeral when Pony had terrible nightmares. Soda would stay up with him at all hours of the night to comfort his brother. It felt a little odd with the roles reversed, but he was unbelievably grateful to his younger brother.

"Thank you, Pony," Soda mumbled, his voice shaking as a few tears escaped down his cheeks. He squeezed Pony into him before finally letting go. He sat back and hastily wiped the tears from his eyes. He glanced back at Darry who was genuinely smiling at the two of them. And for the first time he really believed – not just hoped, he _believed_ – that everything was going to be okay.


	19. Nightmares

**Author's Note: Thanks for your patience! I struggle a little with this chapter, I'm still not so sure about it… But I did write some of the later chapters and I'm excited to get to those. :) So… please review! Also to those who celebrate it: Merry Christmas!**

_Chapter Nineteen_

_Nightmares_

Soda was so relieved to get out of the hospital just a few hours later. The doctor said that all signs of a concussion were gone and Pony would be just fine. As he watched Darry fill out the discharge forms Soda vowed not to let anything like this happen ever again. He would find a way to get his anger under control if it was the last thing he ever did.

Steve and Two-Bit left in Steve's car while the three Curtis brothers went to Darry's truck. Soda went to climb in after Pony, but as he shifted his weight he winced. That kick earlier that afternoon seemed to have really done some damage. He had almost forgotten, it seemed like more than just a few hours had passed. He looked up to see that Darry was standing just on the other side of the truck, watching him carefully.

"Darry," Soda said. He took a breath. _I can't do this on my own_, he reminded himself. _My brothers _want _to help. _"My leg is still hurting. Can you help me up?"

Darry smiled. "Sure, little buddy," he said as he came back around the truck. Darry helped lift Soda up into the truck and he slid over next to Pony.

As Darry moved back around to the driver's side Pony scooted closer to Soda. Soda smiled at his little brother as he put an arm around him. "You feelin' okay, Pony?" Soda asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Pony said, leaning on Soda.

Soda sighed. "Did I mention that I was sorry?"

Pony laughed lightly as Darry started up the truck. "Yeah, a few times." He looked up at Soda. "How's your leg?"

Soda grimaced. "Hurts like hell," he said honestly.

"You probably oughta stay off it for a while," Darry said as they started toward home. "You should take a few days off work."

Soda sighed. He knew that Darry was right. If he pushed himself too much his leg was going to only hurt worse which would make him even more frustrated. But he still didn't like the idea of sitting alone in the house for days at a time.

"It's just so dull at home," he mumbled, leaning his head back against the seat.

Darry glanced over at him, then his eyes drifted down to Pony who was curled up against him. "Well, tomorrow's Sunday, so we'll all be home anyway," Darry pointed out. He paused. "You oughta take it easy too, Pony. Maybe you could stay home Monday. If you don't have any tests or nothin'."

Pony grinned over at Darry. "No, I don't got no tests," he said.

Soda knew that Darry was letting Pony off mostly for his benefit rather than Pony's, but he wasn't about to complain. He was grateful to have some company. And he was grateful that after everything that happened that day his brothers still trusted him. Darry was going to leave Pony alone with Soda and Pony was happy to be left with him. A few hours ago Soda thought something like that would ever happen again. A few hours ago he had been convinced that he had just watched his whole life fall apart and destroyed what was left of his family.

It was dark by the time they pulled up in front of the house. Soda allowed Darry to help him down out of the truck and leaned on him all the way into the house until he was able to collapse into the recliner. At that point he felt like he couldn't stand on his own if his life had depended on it, even if his leg wasn't still aching painfully. He was just so exhausted.

"Pony, you sit down too," Darry said as he headed for the kitchen to make dinner. He shook his head. "You both are a mess," he laughed to himself.

"I feel fine, Darry," Pony called after him, but sat on the couch all the same. Soda laughed lightly to himself, still reveling in how normal things had turned out. He was still trying to wrap his head around the whole day.

Darry brought out dinner just as he always did and conversation drifted around safe subjects such as school and work as the three of them ate.

"Soda?"

Soda pried his eyes open as Darry shook his shoulder lightly. He hadn't even realized he had closed them. Darry was crouched beside the recliner when Soda could have sworn that just a second ago he had been sitting on the far end of the couch. He glanced down and realized that his dinner plate that had been in his lap just a moment ago was gone and then he looked up again and realized that so was Pony. He could hear the water running in the kitchen.

"Huh?" Soda said vaguely, blinking as he looked around the room.

"You nodded off," Darry said with a small smile. "C'mon, time for bed. You need to get some rest, little buddy."

"Yeah, okay," Soda said, stifling a yawn.

Darry reached down and helped Soda to his feet. Soda didn't bother with his cane, he was simply too tired to deal with that right now. Instead he just leaned fully on his big brother for support.

"You're leg still hurting?" Darry asked as Soda winced.

Soda simply nodded. As they made their way down the hallway Soda heard Pony come up behind him, apparently just coming from doing the dishes in the kitchen.

"Hey Soda," he spoke up. Darry and Soda paused and Soda twisted around to look at Pony, still blinking sleepily. "You can sleep in my room tonight if you want. Like you used to."

Soda looked at him for a moment. He remembered the last time Pony had invited him to stay with him. It had been the best night sleep he had gotten in a while. But he also remembered Darry lecturing Pony the next day, saying that Soda wasn't safe. He looked up at Darry a bit unsurely. After everything that happened he didn't want to cross any lines.

"Is that okay?" Soda asked slowly, sounding very young.

Darry gave him a strange look. "Of course it is, little buddy."

"Well it's just you didn't seem so happy about it last time I slept in his room," Soda said, dropping his gaze down to the floor.

Darry sighed. "You heard that?" he asked. Soda nodded. He frowned and looked a bit uncomfortable. "I'm sorry about that, little buddy. I was just… you've been a bit unpredictable since you got back."

Soda nodded, feeling his stomach sink slightly. "Yeah, I know," he said.

"But I trust you," Pony spoke up. He looked up at Darry a bit defiantly.

"Even after what I did this afternoon?" Soda asked.

"We all saw how what you did tore you up," Darry pointed out. "I know that you're not gonna let anything like that happen again, Soda."

Soda sighed. "What if I can't control myself?"

"We both trust you, Soda," Darry said steadily.

Soda smiled lightly. "Thanks guys."

"We're family, little buddy," Darry reminded him. "We'll figure our way through this. In the meantime, where would you like to sleep?"

"I'll sleep in Pony's room," Soda said, and Pony grinned at him.

Darry helped Soda limp into Pony's room and he fell heavily onto the bed. He wanted to fall asleep right then but Pony came in a moment later with Soda's pajamas and convinced him that he shouldn't sleep in his DX uniform.

"Shout if you two need anything," Darry said with a smile.

"Thanks Darry," Soda said sincerely.

Soda managed to change and lay down on his side of the bed. After Pony had changed he carefully crawled over Soda to his own side of the bed. Soda smiled to himself as he rolled over and threw an arm over his little brother. Things felt normal again.

"How have your nightmares been, Pony?" Soda asked as he thought back to the old days, the days before the war had been such a intricate part of their lives.

Pony looked over at him. He paused for a moment, as if debating whether or not to tell the truth. "I had a real bad one the night after you left," he finally said quietly. Soda squeezed him closer, hating that he hadn't been there for his little brother. "Darry woke up when I screamed and came in. He ended up staying in here with me that night."

"I'm glad that he was there for you, Pony," Soda said quietly.

Pony nodded. "It was odd at first," he admitted. "But Darry was really comforting. He was able to keep it together so well after you left and that kept the rest of us together."

Soda nodded. He was glad that everything hadn't fallen apart when he had left so long ago. He couldn't help but think that he had disrupted everyone's lives more by coming back broken than he did when he had been forced to leave.

Soda was starting to drift off again when Pony spoke once more, his voice quiet. "What about your nightmares?"

Soda was silent, thinking that maybe he could just pretend that he had drifted off to sleep in the dark room. But somehow he knew that Pony would see through his lie. After everything that happened that day, didn't Pony deserve the truth? Even if Soda didn't really want to tell him.

"They've been bad," he said softly, his voice shaking slightly. It was the first time he had really admitted it out loud.

"Are they about the war?" Pony asked.

Without really thinking about it Soda wrapped his arms around his kid brother protectively. "Yeah kid… they are about the war," he said quietly.

"Was it really bad… over there?"

Soda sighed. "It was awful," he said. "It was… scary. There was just… death everywhere. It got to a point where I don't even think anyone in my platoon really knew or cared why we were there. We just wanted to make it out alive."

Soda found that he had begun shake as he remembered. Pony rolled over to face Soda and wrapped his arms around him.

"You're safe now, Soda," Pony whispered.

Soda smiled lightly as he hugged his little brother back. He was so glad to be home.


	20. An Outlet

**Author's Note: Happy New Year everyone! I saw Rob Lowe on TV tonight while watching all the NYE in NYC stuff and got the urge to finish this chapter tonight, haha. I hope you don't find it too awkward, I am a bit sleep deprived. Sorry it's a little short, but the next chapter will be longer. Also things are going to pick up again in the next chapter! Please review! Also stay safe this holiday. :)**

_Chapter Twenty_

_An Outlet_

That night Soda slept more soundly than he had in months. There were no nightmares that he could recall and he didn't even begin to stir until almost noon the next day. Soda rolled over, still half sleep and tried to burrow deeper into the blankets. His eyes flew open as a sharp pain flew through his knee as he tried to bend it without remembering his injury. Well that was one way to wake up…

Soda's eyes wandered around the familiar room. The space next to him was empty; Pony must have already gotten up. He carefully stretched a little bit before shifting himself and letting his legs slowly fall over the side of the bed so that he was sitting up. His cane was leaning against the nightstand and he reached over and grabbed it, the handle starting to feel a bit too familiar in his hand. But as he started to stand he winced again. He remembered Darry telling him to take it easy and he didn't want to make things worse right now. As he listened carefully he could hear low voices coming from the living room.

"Darry?" he called. "Pony?"

A minute later the door creaked open and Steve stuck his head in. "How about Steve?" he asked with a smile.

Soda laughed lightly. "That'll work too," he said. "Could you help me out to the living room? My leg is still pretty sore from yesterday."

"Well, well, Sodapop Curtis is actually asking for help," Steve said with a laugh as he walked into the room. "Guess we should be lookin' for flying pigs next."

Soda playfully punched his arm as he approached. "You get mouthy and it won't last long," he warned good-naturedly.

Steve helped Soda to his feet and Soda leaned heavily on his friend as he limped out into the living room. Pony and Two-Bit sat around the coffee table, obviously the three of them had been in the middle of a poker game.

"Morning, Soda," Pony said as Steve help him down into the recliner. "You hungry? You missed breakfast."

"Starved," Soda said. He glanced around. "Where's Darry? Didn't he have today off?"

"Yeah, he said something about having errands to run," Pony said as he headed for the kitchen. "He should be back soon."

Pony made sandwiches and Soda joined in their very intense poker game, the object of the game quickly turning into figuring out who was cheating and how. Darry returned some time later and they managed to convince him to join in. It was nice having everyone together for an afternoon having fun. It was a much better day than the day before.

Soda managed to stay awake through dinner this time, but couldn't stay awake much longer. He was still so exhausted of all the restless night he had since returning home. He woke up several times until Pony finally came to bed. He vaguely wondered why Pony had been up so late, but the thought left his mind as he threw a protective arm over his little brother. In the next moment he was sound asleep.

XxXxX

Soda was up early the next day. He heard voices coming from out in the living room. He found it a little odd that Pony was already up, since Darry had already said he could skip school that day. He wasn't too concerned at the moment though. He was very comfortable and wasn't in a hurry to get up yet, playing with the idea of maybe trying to go back to sleep for a while.

As he was shifting around he heard a soft knock on the door. He gave a grunt to indicate that he was awake.

"Hey Soda, we got a surprise for you," Pony said, sticking his head into Soda's room.

Soda laughed lightly. "Why do I get a surprise?" He pushed himself up into a sitting position.

"Call it a late birthday present," Darry said from behind Pony. "We missed getting to celebrate your last birthday with you."

Soda nodded. He was fully aware that his nineteenth birthday had passed while he had been deployed. He hadn't been aware of it on the actual day, his platoon had been in combat most of that week, but later in the week when he finally got his mail – his mail always came in bundles since Pony would write him every day but Soda would only get them every few weeks – there had been a card that Pony, Darry, Two-Bit and Steve had all signed. It had felt strange when he had realized that he had been nineteen for days and hadn't even known it.

Soda shifted himself around so that his feet touched the floor and grabbed his cane. Darry walked into the room and helped Soda to his feet, but he was starting to walk better now after resting for a whole day. "I'm okay," he assured his big brother as he limped on his own, aided by his cane of course, and he followed Darry and Pony through the house. They went out to the front porch and Soda immediately spotted the surprise. It was very hard to miss. There was a dark brown punching bag hanging from the roof of the porch that had definitely not been there before. Soda stared at it for a moment, feeling surprised that the old porch could hold the weight.

"I think it'll help you," Darry explained. "I feel like a lot of your frustrations are pent up right now. It's natural for you to be frustrated by the situation. You need an outlet."

"When did you even do this?" Soda asked, a smile playing on his lips.

"Last night while you were sleeping," Pony said smiling.

"Yeah, it was stressful trying to do it quiet enough so as not to wake you," Darry said with a laugh. "Luckily your bedroom is on the other side of the house."

Soda limped forward to stand right in front of the bag. He gave the bag a light punch with his right hand and felt a very satisfying thud.

"We got you a stool," Pony spoke up, pointing to a high stool that sat on the other side of the punching bag. "Well, Two-Bit got it. We didn't ask where from." The three of them all chuckled.

"You can sit on the stool so you can use both hands," Darry said. "But you can also try and balance standing. It might help strengthen your leg muscles if you do that every once and a while. Just promise you won't overdo it."

"I won't," Soda said with a smile. He limped around to the stool and pulled in closer to the bag as he sat down and placed his cane up against the house. He took a couple of light practice swings, solidly hitting the bag and causing it to swing lightly. Then he wound up and really punched hard, causing the bag to jerk violently. It felt good. Finally there was a physical activity that he could do on his own.

Darry walked over and placed a hand on Soda's shoulder. "I gotta get to work, little buddy," he said. "Don't go overboard."

"Thanks Darry," Soda said, grinning. "Really, thank you."

"I told you we'd work through this," Darry said, giving him a light pat before turning and heading out to his truck.

"You really like it?" Pony asked, smiling.

"You're gonna have to drag me away from this thing," Soda laughed, throwing a few more punches. He felt an amazing sense of freedom just being able to use both hands like this. This was never something he would have thought of as a solution. He was trying to suppress all of the anger and violent feelings that he still felt and all those feelings had finally exploded and he ended up attacking his little brother. He never would have thought of looking for an outlet for all this anger. But now that he really thought about it, it seemed like such a simple and obvious solution.

He knew he simply couldn't thank his brothers enough. They had stuck with him through everything when it would have been so easy to cast him out. Darry no longer had any legal responsibility for him, it would have been logical to toss out someone he thought to be dangerous in order to protect the kid brother he was still legally responsible for. Instead both his brothers were intent on helping him through this.

He couldn't ask for a better family.


	21. The Visitor

**Author's Note: As promised, this chapter is much longer than the last one with much more going on. Yay! I've been working up to this chapter for a while and I really like it, I hope you do too. Please review! :)**

_Chapter Twenty-One_

_The Visitor_

Boxing with his punching bag had quickly become a very routine activity for Soda. Darry had gotten Soda some tape in order to wrap his hands and protect his knuckles at least a bit, though he still ended up splitting a few of his knuckles. Darry figured that he would look into buying Soda some actual boxing gloves soon, since Soda had taken to it so well. Things were finally starting to even out after all this time.

After a few days Soda had returned to work, after assurances from both Steve and Two-Bit that they would keep a close eye on him in order to keep him out of trouble. Steve had told Darry in private that they had started keeping Soda more in the garage and he was able to do more and more with the cars. Darry felt relieved since it seemed so normal for Soda to be working on cars and Darry knew that it made Soda feel happier.

It was a Sunday afternoon. Darry had only worked half the day but both Soda and Steve were working a full shift at the DX while Two-Bit was off spending time with his own family. That left Darry and Pony alone for the afternoon. This was no longer as uncomfortable as it was when Pony was thirteen. Darry and Pony had seemed to have figured each other out over the years and got along much better these days.

It was late in the afternoon when there was a knock at the front door. Darry sent Pony a confused look, who just shrugged back at him. They had been in the kitchen, Darry working on dinner and Pony sitting at the kitchen table working on his homework. They both knew it was very odd for someone to be knocking on their door. Darry sighed as he headed out of the kitchen and went to see who was there. It had been a long day and he really wasn't up for dealing with strangers right now.

As he opened the front door he saw a man he had never seen before standing on their front porch, looking a bit unsure. He really wasn't much of a man. Darry figured he was probably at least a few years younger than him, but probably still older than Soda. He was sporting a buzz cut and wore a pair of old blue jeans and dirty t-shirt. He shifted a bit uncomfortably.

"Can I help you?" Darry asked.

"Are you… Darry Curtis?" he asked curiously, cocking his head to one side and studying him.

Darry nodded, unsure how this random stranger would know his name. And not even his proper name at that, he had used his nickname. He felt suspicious by this new development. "Yes," he confirmed.

"Hi," he said with a smile. "I'm looking for a guy named Sodapop."

"He's not here," Darry said slowly, still eyeing the person in front of him, unsure of what to make of him.

"Ah," he said, looking disappointed. He paused for a moment, thinking something over. "Would you mind if I waited around till he got here? I came an awfully long way."

"Sorry, but how do you know Soda?" Darry finally asked bluntly.

"Oh, sorry!" the boy said as if he just realized that Darry had no idea who he was. "My name is Seth, Seth Atwood. I was in Soda's unit over in 'Nam."

Darry was taken aback for a moment, unable to react. Soda had never mentioned anyone that he had fought with over in Vietnam. He had been improving so much lately and Darry wasn't sure if someone showing up from the war would be a good thing or a bad thing. But Darry figured he couldn't just send this kid away.

"C'mon in," he invited, stepping aside. "Soda is just at work, he should be home any minute though."

"Great, thanks," Seth said earnestly as he stepped in.

As Darry closed the door behind him Pony came out of the kitchen, looking at the scene curiously.

"Hi," Pony said unsurely, looking between Darry and the newcomer, confused.

"Pony, are you Ponyboy?" Seth said with a smile. Pony looked even more confused as he nodded.

"This is Seth Atwood," Darry said. "He was in Soda's unit. Over in Vietnam."

"Oh," Pony said, his eyes wandering over to Darry. He could tell that Pony was wondering whether this would be a good thing or a bad thing as well. Would this be something that would trigger Soda again?

As Seth sat a bit awkwardly on the couch, Darry had just about decided to send Pony out on a fake errand so that he could run and warn Soda. He hoped that since this guy seemed to know a bit about Soda's life – at the very least he knew the names of Soda's brothers – that meant that he had been a friend to Soda over there. But Darry still didn't really like Soda getting any surprises right now, especially something that would remind him of the war. But before he could figure out how to convey this message to Pony he heard car doors slam just outside. Too late.

Darry held his breath as he heard Steve and Soda's voices coming up the walk. A moment later they walked into the house, Soda smiling at both Darry and Pony, overlooking the visitor on the couch.

"Hey Soda," Darry said as casually as he could, trying not to seem too tense. "You got a visitor." He indicated Seth.

"Hey!" Seth said brightly as Soda turned to him. A look of shock took over Soda's face. "I gotta say, you are a lot less bloody than the last time I saw you."

Darry tensed even more as he studied Soda's face, wondering how this comment would go over.

Suddenly Soda grinned. "What the hell are you doing here?" Soda said, a hint of laughter in his voice. Darry relaxed as he realized that Soda seemed genuinely happy to see this person. That was a huge relief.

"Oh I just decided to go for a little drive," Seth said as he stood up.

"Don't you live in Oregon?" Soda asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Yeah, well nothing like a nice, scenic twenty-five hour drive to clear a person's head," Seth said with a shrug.

Soda limped forward and hugged Seth like he would his own brother and Seth returned it.

"It's good to see you," Soda said as he pulled away.

"You too, Curtis," Seth said. He looked down at Soda's cane, seeming to take it in for the first time. "Glad to see you still got both your legs too."

Soda laughed lightly. "Yeah, though one isn't working real well right now." He hobbled over to the recliner and heavily sat down.

Darry discreetly signaled Steve and Pony to follow him back into the kitchen, figuring he'd give Soda a little privacy. Pony went back to his homework at the kitchen table and Darry went back to working on dinner. Steve sat in a chair at the kitchen table, his eyes still on the doorway to the living room. Clearly he was uncomfortable leaving Soda alone with someone that they didn't even really know. The Greasers were such a tight knit gang, it felt odd for Soda to be friends with someone none of them had ever even met before. Also Darry hadn't failed to notice how much more protective Steve had seemed toward Soda since the incident at the gas station.

"He really did seem happy to see that guy," Darry pointed out to Steve, hoping that would help him relax a little. "He seems harmless enough."

Steve nodded vaguely, eyes still on the doorway. "As long as they don't go to talkin' about war stories that might set Soda off," he mumbled.

"We just gotta trust Soda," Darry said.

Steve just sighed, clearly not wanting to admit that Darry was right. Darry himself had a hard time admitting that he was right. He felt a little like he was tossing Soda back into the deep end of the pool after he had almost drowned. But he also thought that just maybe talking to someone who really understood what he was going through might do him a world of good. He could only hope.

XxXxX

Soda hardly noticed as Darry, Pony and Steve left the room. He was too focused on this very unexpected turn of events. He never imagined that he would actually see anyone from his unit on this side of the ocean and out of harm's way. He was very conscious of the way his muscles automatically tensed and his senses searched for signs of danger just like they used to when Soda would talk with Seth while they had been deployed. It was odd having a conversation with him when there was no danger to worry about.

"Well, you got lucky," Seth said, nodding at Soda's bum leg as he sat back down on the couch. "Remember Jerrod? He got both his legs blown completely off about a week after you left. I heard he survived, but he'll be stuck in a wheelchair the rest of his life."

Soda frowned at his news. He hadn't been terribly close with Jerrod; he was a quiet guy that mostly kept to himself, probably a few years older than Darry. That didn't make the news any less troubling.

"What else happened after I left?" Soda asked, though at the same time he wasn't quite sure that he wanted to know.

Seth sighed and his happy-go-lucky expression seemed to melt away. He looked really grim for the first time since Soda had met him. Seth was always joking around; he had reminded Soda a lot of Two-Bit in that way. Perhaps that was why he had become so close with him, because he had reminded him of home a bit. He also made it easier to gloss over the carnage that they had seen in battle by making a joke of it. It was just easier to deal with that way. Soda had seen him be serious in the heat of battle, but never this grim. It was obvious that if Seth wasn't able to make a joke out of what went on after Soda had been sent home that it had been really bad.

"Pretty much all hell broke loose after you left," Seth said seriously. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "I actually kinda envied you for getting out when you did. I mean, it was bad before but it only got worse. It seemed like the enemy was always one step ahead of us, I lost count of the number of times we got ambushed." Soda recognized the haunted look in his friend's eyes. It was the same look he had seen many times when he had looked at his own reflection in the mirror.

"I'm glad you made it out," Soda said earnestly.

Seth nodded vaguely. "I got lucky. Don't know why, but I did." He paused. "Mike didn't make it." Soda felt himself pale, remembering how both Seth and Mike had carried him back to base after he had been injured. "I was standing right next to him when he got taken out."

"In all fairness, I shouldn't have made it either," Soda said quietly, admitting it out loud for the first time.

"Are you kidding me?" Seth said, surprised. "You making it out was probably the one scrap of justice I saw over there. You know how many guys that you pulled out of bad situations? You know how many guys wouldn't have made it if it wasn't for you? Half a dozen, at least."

"Well, I wouldn't have made it out if you hadn't come back for my noble ass," Soda said with a light smile. "Maybe that was a reason you made it out too."

Seth gave a dry laugh. "Yeah, maybe," he said. He paused for a moment, clearly thinking over his next question. "How… how have you been adjusting to being back?"

Soda's face turned dark as he remembered how he had hurt Pony. "It's been… rough," he said truthfully.

"I've only been back for a few weeks," Seth said. "I've been jumpier than anything. My little sister slammed her bedroom door one day and I hit the ground and covered my head like I was being shot at."

"I've had some similar reactions," Soda said. "I wish that was the worst of it."

"But… does it get better?" Seth asked, hesitatingly, as if he wasn't real sure he wanted to hear the answer. "Does it get easier?"

Soda was quiet for several long minutes as he thought it over. "I've been home for almost three months now," he started slowly after doing the math. "The first day I was home was great, especially after spending so many weeks in the hospital. I felt so happy to be back home with my brothers and my friends. Then the first night… the nightmares started." Soda glanced up at Seth who met his eyes. He instantly understood that Seth had his own share of nightmares as well. Soda took a deep breath to steady himself as he went on. "There's been a lot of anger… frustration… especially because of my injury. Things got so bad at one point I wanted to just give up. But I was lucky to have my brothers and my friends. They helped me a lot and things are still rough sometimes but I do think I am dealing with it better. But I don't think I would have gotten to this point alone."

Seth was quiet as he absorbed this. "My sister isn't old enough to understand any of this," he said slowly. "Both my parents just look at me funny… like maybe I'm…"

"Dangerous," Soda finished for him.

Seth looked up at him and smiled. It wasn't that he was happy that somebody thought of him as dangerous. It was that someone clearly understood where he was coming from.

"I was thinking about going to visit my uncle in Texas," he said. "He enlisted in the military in World War II and also fought in Korea. I mean, my dad's an accountant. He's never dealt with anything like this."

Soda nodded, suddenly realizing that perhaps he was actually very lucky to have grown up on the rough side of town. His brothers and his friends were used to dealing with bad situations. They were all used to hard work in order to be happy.

"That sounds like a good idea," Soda agreed. "And the bright side is you are almost to Texas already." He smiled and Seth grinned back.

"Hey, dinner's ready," came Darry's voice. Soda jumped a little as he had forgotten for a moment that anyone other than Seth and himself existed. "Seth, you wanna stay for dinner?"

Seth smiled at Darry. "Sure, that'd be great," he said.

Darry, Pony and Steve all brought the food out to the living room as they had become accustomed to doing since Soda's injury. It was terribly uncomfortable for him to try to sit in a chair at the small kitchen table; there just wasn't enough room for him to stretch his leg out.

"So you're from Oregon?" Pony asked curiously as they ate.

"Yep," Seth said with a friendly smile. "Born and raised just outside of Portland. I hadn't so much as set foot out of the state before I got drafted last year."

"Wow, you did come an awful long way to see Soda," Pony said.

"Oh, there was actually another reason," Seth said as if he had just remembered. He seemed a lot more scatterbrained than Soda remembered, but he also knew that he was the same way when he first got back. He remembered several times he had left the stove on after he would make himself breakfast. Seth dug in his pocket for a moment. "You left these back in Vietnam. I found them after the helicopter took off. They must have fallen off when they were loading you up."

Soda reached out his hand and Seth dropped his dog tags into it. He stared at them for several seconds, surprised. He hadn't put much thought into where they had disappeared to, he figured maybe the hospital staff had taken them after his surgery since he wouldn't need them anymore.

"Thanks," Soda said with a small smile.

"I didn't know if you'd want them," Seth said with a shrug. "If you don't you could always destroy them. That might be liberating." He laughed.

Soda laughed as well. As he looked down at the tags he remembered resenting them when he first got them. That was how they were supposed to identify his body in the event he was killed. It was a constant reminder to him that he wasn't safe anymore. It was almost as if the military expected him to die, they had already planned for it. It would have been one thing if he had volunteered for this like so many other men did for God knows what reason, but this had been forced on him. Looking at the tags now reminded him how he overcame the odds. He made it home, even if he was a little broken.

"You were with him when he was loaded into the helicopter?" Pony asked, obviously unable to help himself.

"Yeah I was," Seth confirmed.

Soda looked up and could tell that Seth wasn't going to say anything else about the matter, so he decided to speak up for him. "He actually helped carry me back to base after I got injured," Soda pointed out. "That was after he dragged me away from the ambush 'cause I couldn't run with my leg all busted up."

Darry, Pony and Steve all stared at Seth for a moment, newfound respect in their eyes at they looked at this stranger who had shown up on their doorstep. Seth was suddenly very interested in eating his food.

"You make it sound like a big deal or somethin'," Seth said with a shrug. "I was just doin' what you always did."

"Sounds like a huge deal to me," Darry spoke up seriously. "It sounds like you are the reason our brother came back to us."

"Yeah, well, after everything he did over there, he deserved to make it home," Seth said, finally looking up from his dish.

Darry reached over and clapped Seth's shoulder in a very brotherly way. "Thank you," he said simply.


	22. Hero

**Author's Note: This chapter kinda came out of no where for me, which I always find fun! I mean I plan out my stories to an extent but every so often a small idea kinda runs away with me, haha. Originally the entirety of these two scenes were going to take up all of like three paragraphs as I skimmed over it to get to the next part… but I really really like where this chapter ended up going! I tried to keep the cheesiness to a minimum. Please let me know what you think! Also thank you to my reviewers! **

_Chapter Twenty-Two_

_Hero_

It had been a very bizarre evening, beginning with a stranger knocking on their door and ending with finding out that stranger had saved their brother's life. Pony had clearly been absolutely fascinated by Seth throughout the entire evening. Soda never talked about what happened while he had been deployed and although he would never push his brother to talk about it his curiosity got the best of him when it seemed this new person didn't mind talking about it.

They were all shocked when Soda reveled that Seth had dragged him away from danger when he couldn't walk and then helped to carry him to safety. None of them had seen that coming, though none of them had seen Seth appearance at all coming either. Suddenly they realized that they owed this stranger so much because without him Soda may have never returned home. Without him instead of relief when they read that letter so many months ago telling them Soda was coming home alive they would have been destroyed by the letter telling them that Soda would be returning home in a coffin. None of them would have been able to handle that.

"Where are you heading next?" Darry asked Seth as they cleaned up from dinner.

"Texas," Seth said. "I've got an uncle there I haven't seen in a while."

"Why don't you leave in the morning," Darry suggested. "The couch is pretty comfortable, you're welcome to it." They didn't have much to offer this person who saved their brother's life, but they could do that much.

"Yeah, that'd be great," Seth said, sounding a little surprised by the offer.

Seth insisted on helping Pony wash the dishes and then after that Soda took him outside to show him the punching bag that he used as therapy. When they came back inside all five of them sat around and played poker. Seth was a little thrown off by the cheating that was completely normal when Greasers played poker, but he quickly caught on and by the end of the night Seth appeared for all intensive purposes part of the gang.

Finally it was time for them to turn in. Darry went to grab an extra blanket and pillow as Soda and Pony headed to bed. As he reentered the living room he saw that Steve hadn't left yet.

"Before you leave tomorrow, stop over at the DX over on Sycamore," he was saying to Seth. He pointed in the direction of the gas station. "It's not far, you head down this road and take a right onto Broadway, take a left onto Sycamore and you can't miss it. I'm pretty good with cars so I can look over yours real quick and gas it up, make sure you make it to Texas okay."

Darry smiled. They all owed Seth a lot.

"You really don't have to…" Seth started but Steve cut him off.

"Just be there," Steve said shortly. And without any more pleasantries he turned and headed out the door.

Darry smirked as he entered the room. "That's about as sentimental as Steve gets," he commented with a laugh.

"I'll tell you what, I didn't expect all this when I came here," Seth said.

"Soda's real important to all of us," Darry said simply as he set up the couch for their guest.

"You guys are important to him too," Seth said. "I feel like I already know you guys from how much he would talk about you." He paused for a moment. "You know, Soda made it sound like I was some big brave hero. I really wasn't. Soda was always looking out for everyone else in our unit, he was always trying to make sure every one of us made it out of each battle alive. It was odd because he was one of the youngest among us. That's how he got hurt actually. He heard the ambush while everyone else was sleeping. He was yelling and he could have just run and been safe, but he was pulling guys up and covering everyone as they retreated. Even I ran." Seth looked ashamed of this as he slowly sat down on the couch. Darry slowly lowered himself into the recliner, his eyes glued to Seth, shocked at this news.

"I heard the grenade go off when I was running to safety," Seth went on. "That's usually a sign to keep running, but I looked back for some reason. I saw him go flying…" His eyes darkened as they stared off to some faraway place, as if he were watching the scene unfold before him. "I stopped and after a minute it looked like he was gonna get up, but then he fell back down, obviously in a lot of pain. It just… wasn't fair, you know? I just couldn't walk away, knowing that he wouldn't have. If it were anybody else… honestly I probably would have just kept running. But I just couldn't leave him after everything he had done for everyone else." He took a deep breath. "So you see, it wasn't me who was the hero over there."

There was silence for several minutes as Darry did his best to absorb this information. "You still made the decision," he finally said. "When you decided to go back for my brother, you didn't just save him. You saved all of us. And I can't thank you enough for that."

Seth took in a slow breath. "You're welcome," he said steadily, meeting Darry's eyes. "You're brother is a good person. You don't see much of that over in 'Nam. Too much chaos I guess."

Darry nodded. Then he stood. "I'll let you get some rest," he said. "'Night."

"Good night," Seth said as he got himself situated on the couch.

Darry headed back down the hallway, but instead of heading into his own room he stopped outside of Soda and Pony's room. He quietly knocked and then walked in. His brothers were already laying in bed, but they both looked over at him as he entered the room and closed the door behind him.

"Something wrong, Darry?" Pony asked, sitting up.

Darry shook his head as he approached Soda's side of the bed. "No, nothing's wrong," he assured him. He crouched down as both Soda and Pony watched him curiously. Darry focused on Soda, who was still laying down, obviously too tired to bother with trying to sit up. Darry placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'm so proud of you, Pepsi-Cola," he said gently.

Soda looked up at him, confused. "What d'you mean?" he asked.

Darry just shrugged. "I just wanted you to know that," he said simply. He knew that Soda wasn't looking for recognition for what he had done, for all the people he had helped. That was why he never mentioned a word about it over all these months. But Darry couldn't help this amazing feeling of pride for his little brother at hearing how his fellow soldiers had seen him. Somehow, even stuck in the middle of a war halfway around the world, Soda had managed to keep true to who he really was. Darry stood back up. "Night," he said as he left the room, both his brothers staring confusedly after him.

XxXxX

Pony moaned lightly as he felt Soda shifting next to him. At first he thought maybe his brother was having another nightmare, but as his eyes blinked open, he realized that it was morning.

"Sorry Pony, did I wake you?" Soda said as he reached over and grabbed his cane from where it leaned against the wall. "You can go back to sleep for a while."

"S'ok," Pony mumbled, rubbing his eyes. "I gotta get up for school anyway." He rolled over and watched as Soda stretched out his bad leg, testing it. Some mornings it was pretty stiff. "You need any help?" Pony asked.

Soda smiled back at Pony. "I don't think so," he said. "Thanks though, Pony." Pony knew that Soda had been much better about accepting help when he needed it lately, but he still tried his best to do things on his own. It was a very delicate balance between letting Soda have independence and Soda not overdoing it with his handicap.

Soda slowly pulled himself to his feet, wincing only slightly. Pony wondered how long this pain would last for his brother. It had been months since his injury. Would he be in pain for the rest of his life? Pony could hardly stand that thought. Soda didn't deserve that.

Pony followed Soda out into the hallway and they made their way down to the kitchen. They were the first ones up for a change so they both started on breakfast.

"Well this is a sight I don't think I've ever seen before," Darry laughed as he entered the kitchen as they were setting the table. "You two sleep okay?"

"Yeah," Pony said, shifting a yawn. It was a little earlier than he was usually up, even on a school day.

Seth came in a few minutes later, yawning. They sat around the breakfast table eating their eggs and bacon with Seth and Soda chatting easily. It was strange how easily Seth had seemed to fit in to their group and it was even stranger to see how comfortable Soda was with this newcomer. Soda had never had a close friend outside of their group before. But at the same time it was so nice to see that relaxed smile on his brother's face.

After breakfast Seth helped out with the dishes again before he got ready to leave.

"It's about an eight hour ride from here, I think," Seth said. "If I leave now I should be able to get there at a pretty decent time."

"If you ever need anything, feel free to call us," Darry told him, handing over a slip of paper with their phone number on it.

Seth nodded. "Thank you," he said as he tucked it into his pocket.

"If you're ever in the neighborhood again, stop by," Soda said. He paused. "And thank you… for everything."

Seth gave him a sideways grin. "Nothing less than you deserved," he said with a dismissive wave of his hand. Soda and Seth embraced for several seconds. "I'll see you around," he said as he headed out the door.

"Drive safe," Darry said.

"Bye…" Soda said vaguely. He stood and watched as Seth made his way down the front lawn, got in his car and took off. He looked a little disappointed to see his friend go so soon.

"Are you working today, Soda?" Darry asked, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, but not until later," Soda said, tearing his eyes away from the window. "Two-Bit is workin' later with me, he's gonna come by and pick me up. Steve is workin' the morning shift today." He paused. "I'm gonna grab a quick shower."

"Okay, little buddy," Darry said as Soda limped to the bathroom.

"I think that was good for Soda," Pony spoke up after Soda had closed the bathroom door. "He seemed really glad to see Seth."

Darry nodded in agreement. "I'm glad he came too," he said. "He provided some good insight into what Soda went through over there."

Pony looked up at him and cocked an eyebrow. "What do you mean?" He wondered if that had anything to do with the strange visit Darry had paid to them last night before they went to bed.

Darry sighed. "Last night while I was getting Seth set up on the couch, he told me about the day that Soda got hurt," he said. Pony gave a start at this news. "Soda was helping everyone else get away from the ambush when a grenade went off and that's when his knee got torn up. He could have just run and saved himself, but Seth said that he was always lookin' out for everyone else."

Pony's eyes got wide and all he could do was stare, too shocked to react for a minute. He had always known that his brother was a good person. But this made him sound like so much more than just that. He wasn't just another soldier who was covering his own ass and just trying to make it home. He had somehow found the strength to look after his comrades even in the middle of the chaos of a war in foreign territory. He had been a hero.

Pony looked over at the closed bathroom door, listening to the water running. He knew exactly how Darry had felt the night before. He was so proud to be able to call Soda his brother.


	23. Stumble

**Author's Note: Hope you enjoy this chapter! Please review! :)**

_Chapter Twenty-Three_

_Stumble_

"Let's go, Soda, you're gonna be late," Darry called out the front door.

Soda landed a few more blows on the punching bag before dropping his hands down and catching his breath for a minute. It had become routine for him to practice boxing early in the morning before he went to work. He was always up way too early thanks to the military messing with his internal clock and it was a good way to clear his head, especially after a restless night's sleep. He didn't have nightmares every night anymore but they still happened a few times a week. Soda was starting to enjoy the mornings though. The neighborhood was quiet and peaceful early in the morning and he was able to find a sense of calm that was so hard for him to come by these days.

Soda reached over and grabbed his cane from where it leaned up against the house and slowly pulled himself to his feet. A few times he had tried to stand and balance while sparring with the bag, but his muscles never held him up long so he mostly stuck with sitting on the tall stool. It was a little awkward at first but he had quickly gotten used to it.

It had been a week since Seth had left and Soda wondered how he was doing. He hoped that he was coping better with the memories from the war. At the same time Soda took comfort in the knowledge that he wasn't the only one struggling. He hoped that maybe Seth might stop by again on his way back to Oregon.

Soda limped back into the house and headed for his room. He changed for work and then headed to the bathroom to get cleaned up. He knew that there was no point in showering because he was just going to get sweaty again at work, so he just sponged off a bit to make himself look at least a little presentable. As he headed into the kitchen Pony and Darry were already at the kitchen table eating breakfast.

"How'd you sleep, little buddy?" Darry asked.

"Okay," Soda said with a shrug as he maneuvered himself into the kitchen chair in front of where his plate of scrambled eggs and grape jelly sat. He was trying to get used to sitting at the table again instead of always in the recliner. It was just a small change in an attempt to make his life feel a little more normal.

Two-Bit and Steve showed up soon after, picking at the leftovers from breakfast and joking around. Overall life was feeling pretty normal, and Soda was enjoying that feeling very much.

"C'mon, you clowns are gonna be late for work," Darry prompted, though he was smiling. "Pony, you better get goin' to school too."

Soda heaved himself to his feet, struggling a bit as he tried to push the chair back far enough to stand. Darry reached over and pulled the chair away for him and Soda smiled his thanks. He was getting better at accepting help. He limped out into the living room and followed Steve, Two-Bit and Pony out of the house, everyone calling their goodbyes to Darry, who still had a little more time before he had to leave for work. Two-Bit jumped down the porch stairs first, followed by Steve and Pony who were both lighting up cigarettes. Soda followed.

Soda grabbed on to the porch rail just like he always did as he slowly descended the stairs, leaning on it heavily. He was halfway down before he heard the ominous creaking sound. Before he had a chance to really think about what was happening there was a loud snap and the old wooden railing gave way. Soda reacted on pure instinct as he tried to twist away from the sudden void but it did no good as he toppled over into the grass next to the stairs along with the broken railing. He cried out as his knee twisted and he landed on his right wrist.

"Soda!" Steve's voice barely registered to Soda as he gasped through the pain, fighting to focus on his surroundings. He was also vaguely aware of Pony shouting for Darry. Soda curled in on himself protectively, groaning loudly as pain flew through his body. "Soda?" Steve's voice was closer now and gentle. "Soda can you hear me?"

Soda struggled to focus through the pain. _I'm in Tulsa, I'm in Tulsa, I'm in Tulsa…_ He kept repeating to himself over and over. _Not Vietnam, I'm in Tulsa…_

"Hey, Pepsi-Cola." It was Darry's gentle voice this time. "Hey, the porch rail broke, but you're okay." Soda did his best to cling to Darry's words but his head was swimming and he was having a hard time focusing.

Soda tried to shift himself away from the splintered wood that he was laying on top of, but any movement at all caused him to gasp in pain. He squeezed his eyes shut. "D-Darry?" he called out desperately, his voice cracking. As much as his senses were telling him that he was on the chaotic battlefield he desperately hoped that Darry was really there.

"Yeah, I'm here, little buddy." Darry sounded closer. Soda opened his eyes, squinting against the sunlight that suddenly seemed much brighter, and looked up at his brother who was crouched nearby, inching closer to him. "You're on top of the broken porch rail. I'm gonna pull it out from under you, okay?"

Soda vaguely nodded his consent and felt the wood being pulled out from under him and a moment later he was lying flat on the grass. He let out a sigh of relief and his eyes began to droop closed again.

"Soda?" It was Pony's voice this time. He was crouching next to Darry, a dishtowel from the kitchen in his hand. Soda stared at it curiously, wondering why he was holding it. "Soda, keep your eyes open, okay?"

_Keep your eyes open, Curtis._

Soda struggled to focus on his little brother. It was Pony who had spoken, not Seth. Seth was not here in Tulsa right now. He watched Pony hand the dishtowel over to Darry who crept closer.

"Can you hear me, Soda?" Darry asked slowly. Soda slowly nodded. "I'm gonna put this under your head, okay?"

Soda wasn't sure why he wanted to do that, but he nodded again anyway, forcing himself to trust Darry's judgment over his own right now. Darry moved closer and gently lifted Soda's head off the ground and pressed the towel to the side of it above his temple. Darry motioned Pony to come closer and Soda did his best not to shrink away as Pony put his hand on the towel against his head, freeing Darry's hand. Suddenly Soda was aware of a dull throbbing in his head that he hadn't noticed through the rest of the pain.

"Can you try to sit up, Soda?" Darry asked gently.

In answer Soda shifted himself and pushed down on the ground with both hands. He hissed in pain as a sharp jolt flew through his right wrist. He cradled it up against himself and pushed up with just his left hand, Darry reaching forward and gently helping him while Pony kept the dishrag against the side of his head. Soda surveyed his surroundings, seeing both Steve and Two-Bit standing a few steps away, watching the scene with concern.

"Sorry," Soda mumbled, resting his head in his left hand.

"You got nothing to be sorry about, little buddy," Darry said. "You're doing great." Soda knew that he meant that they were all surprised he hadn't freaked out and been thrown into a war flashback. Soda was pretty surprised himself. "It looks like you got a concussion; you hit your head pretty good." Soda didn't remember hitting his head, but now it made sense why Pony was still holding the towel to his head. He must be bleeding. "I'm gonna carry you back into the house, okay?"

Soda lifted his head and opened his mouth to respond but quickly snapped it back shut as the world began to spin around him. He pushed Darry away with his left hand as he leaned over and vomited in the grass. After he had emptied his stomach of his breakfast he leaned back and found Darry's arm was behind him, supporting him.

"Should we take him to the hospital?" Pony asked softly, his voice full of worry.

Soda was shaking his head before Darry could answer. He couldn't help but think back to all those weeks of being confined to the army hospital. He didn't think he could handle the hospital, not just yet. "Please, I don't want to go to the hospital," he murmured. He knew he sounded like a little kid but he didn't have the energy to care.

"Let's just get him back in the house," Darry said and Soda felt grateful. He felt Darry slowly lift him up and Soda rested his head against Darry's chest, fighting the dizziness that came along with the movement.

"Are you sure, Darry?" Soda heard Steve's voice. "It looks like a pretty bad concussion to me. Maybe he should get checked out."

"It looks like the bleeding stopped," Darry said. "We'll see how he's doing in a little bit." Soda was surprised. Any other situation Darry would be dragging him off to the emergency room kicking and screaming if he had to.

Two-Bit held the door open as Darry carefully maneuvered them through the doorway, thankfully not bumping his bad leg, which was throbbing painfully. Soda thought he'd put him in the recliner, but instead he set him on the couch.

"Now you stay upright and stay awake," Darry said sternly. "If you pass out you _are_ going to the hospital, you hear?"

Soda nodded slowly, knowing that there was going to be no arguing with that logic. He eyed the suddenly blood-soaked rag that Pony was holding as he hurried back to the kitchen. When he came back the rag was gone. He carefully sat on the couch next to Soda and Soda tried to give him a reassuring smile.

"Steve, we gotta get to work," Two-Bit spoke up, nudging Steve who was looking intently at Soda.

Steve looked reluctant, but finally nodded. "We'll be back after work, Soda," he said as he followed Two-Bit out the door.

Soda nodded, feeling guilty that he was going to leave them shorthanded today.

"Pony, you gotta get to school," Darry said as he headed for the bathroom.

"Aw, c'mon Darry," Pony pleaded.

"You ain't skippin' school," Darry said firmly. "If anything happens I'll come and get you, but you're not gonna sit on the couch all day when you could be at school."

Soda reached over and placed a comforting hand on Pony's leg. "It's okay, Pony," he assured his brother. "I feel better already." It wasn't a complete lie but Pony still looked skeptical. However after a moment he sighed in defeat, clearly knowing there wouldn't be any chance of changing Darry's mind when it came to school, and stood.

"You'll come get me if you have to take him to the hospital?" Pony asked Darry.

"Yeah, I will," Darry promised. "Hurry up, you're gonna be late."

Pony still looked reluctant but he hurried out the door all the same. Darry returned to the couch with the first aid kit, setting it on the table in front of them.

"How are you really?" Darry asked carefully after they were alone.

"I'm really okay," Soda assured him. It was pretty true. His head was pounding but other than that everything seemed to be in working order. "Ain't you gonna be late for work?"

Darry shook his head as he began to clean Soda's head. "No way, I ain't leaving you home alone like this," he said with a tone that left no room for debate. "I'll call in in a minute. Can you move your wrist?"

Soda slowly twisted his right wrist, wincing slightly. "It stings, but it's not broken," he said. "Probably just a sprain."

Darry finished putting a band-aid on the side of Soda's head. "I think I've got a bandage we can wrap it with in my room," he said, standing up.

Soda watched Darry walk away and disappear down the hall. He leaned forward slightly, hanging his head as he lightly brushed his fingers against the band-aid on his head. He suddenly felt very tired. Suddenly there was a loud thud from down the hall. Soda jerked his head up, his eyes wide, hardly aware of the black spots that littered his vision.

"Darry?" he called, stumbling to his feet. He suddenly realized that he had no idea where his cane was. He tried to stumbled forward but dizziness hit him again. Suddenly the world was fading away. Soda was aware of the floor rushing up at him. And then everything went dark.


	24. Anxiety

**Author's Note: Umm, okay… so I wrote the majority of this chapter and then something dawned on me. They didn't have MRI machines in the 60s. They came about in the late 70s. I had a big conundrum and couldn't figure out a way around it. So will you join me in pretending that it was invented ten years earlier? Please? I love this scene and I don't want to have to cut it. Haha. I hope that doesn't bother you guys too much. I usually try and keep this as accurate to the time period as possible and I hope that pointing this out helps to not discredit my intelligence. :) **

**Also, side note on a completely different subject… did anyone else know that there was a short lived television show back in the early 90s based on the characters in the Outsiders? I recently discovered this. I watched the first episode on YouTube last night. It's pretty good, but the cast is definitely not as good as the movie (missing Patrick Swayze and Rob Lowe especially) but the plot was good, though not as awesome as the original story in my opinion. It's worth a look anyway as long as your expectations are too high (though who knows, you may love it! haha), just search "The Outsiders TV Show." Just thought I'd share! Fun fact!**

**Anyway… please remember to review!**

_Chapter Twenty-Four_

_Anxiety_

Darry was digging around in his closet looking for a bandage to wrap Soda's sprained wrist with when he accidentally knocked over a few of his old metal hand weights that had been sitting on a shelf a few feet off the ground. He managed to pull his foot away just in time and the weights crashed to the floor. He was about to go back to searching for the bandage when he heard Soda calling to him, sounding panicked. Darry was confused for a moment before he realized that the crash may have startled his brother. As this realization dawned on him he rushed back out to the living room.

Darry entered the room just in time to see Soda collapse to the floor. He cursed loudly as his stomach dropped. He rushed to Soda's side.

"Soda? Soda can you hear me?" he said quickly as he turned Soda over. Soda's eyes were closed but his breathing was steady. There was no question as to what Darry had to do as he jumped up and ran to grab his keys before returning to his brother's side. He leaned down and slowly picked up Soda in his arms, grimacing slightly as a sharp pain flew through his back. His nineteen-year-old brother wasn't exactly light and having to lift him so much wasn't really doing wonders for Darry's back. It wasn't like when he had carried Pony around when he had been sick when he was fourteen.

As he carefully maneuvered himself and his brother through the front door Soda let out a light moan and his eyes slowly blinked open. "Darry?" he mumbled.

"Hey little buddy," Darry said gently. "You passed out. I gotta take you to the hospital and get you checked out."

A hint of anxiety flew through Soda's eyes. "No, I'm fine Darry, really," he insisted weakly.

"You pass out, you go to the hospital," Darry said firmly as he approached the truck. "That's the deal." He paused for a moment at the truck, realizing there was no way he could get the door open without risking dropping Soda. "I'm gonna have to set you down for a second, okay?"

Soda nodded vaguely and Darry slowly lowered his legs down to the ground, keeping a firm grip on his upper body to keep him upright. Soda leaned on him heavily and winced slightly. Darry reached out and pulled open the passenger side door to the truck. Then he carefully helped Soda climb up into it before shutting the door behind him. He walked around to the other side and as he opened the door he saw that Soda was resting his head against the window of the passenger door and his eyes were closed again.

"Soda?" Darry said worriedly as he climbed up into the driver's seat.

"M'fine," Soda mumbled without opening his eyes. "My head just hurts a little."

Darry sighed, not mentioning the fact that he clearly wasn't fine. He started up the car and headed in the direction of the hospital. The entire drive there he couldn't stop beating himself up over this whole situation. Soda had been doing so well the past couple weeks. Darry should have been a lot more careful, he should have made sure the railing on the porch was stable since Soda had to rely on it so much. He also should have taken Soda to the hospital right away, despite his brother's protests. Everyone else had wanted him to take Soda to the hospital, but he had given in so easily to Soda's pleading, just wanting to make him happy.

It was when they made it to the hospital that Darry realized that in his rush he hadn't thought to bring Soda's cane with them. He cursed himself yet again. He climbed out of the truck and walked back around to the passenger's side. Soda sat up slightly as Darry opened his door.

"Sorry, little buddy," he said gently, unsure how Soda was going to take this. "But I forgot to bring your cane with us."

Soda sighed lightly, but didn't appear agitated. "S'ok," he said. Then he looked up at Darry with tired eyes. "I don't feel good." He sounded so young just then.

"I know," Darry said sympathetically. After playing football for so long he knew all about concussions. Not to mention when Pony had been sick two years ago. He knew that headache, dizziness, nausea and sensitivity to light were all pretty common side effects of concussions and not necessarily a sign of anything more serious than that. But he still hated seeing Soda like this, especially after everything he had been through in the past year. "C'mon, Pepsi, let's get you checked out."

Soda allowed him to help him out of the truck and leaned on him heavily as they made their way into the hospital. Luckily with how early it was the emergency room was practically deserted. They made it to the reception desk and Darry quickly explained to the nurse what had happened. He also had to explain that Soda's leg had already been hurt before the incident. The nurse immediately called for a wheelchair and Soda actually seemed grateful to get off his feet.

"We're going to take him back for an MRI," the nurse explained. "You'll have to wait here. We'll call you back when he is done."

Darry nodded, but Soda looked up at him with a hint of fear in his eyes. "You won't leave me here…?" Soda said slowly, letting his question hang.

"No, I'm not gonna leave," Darry assured him, though he didn't quite understand Soda's fear. "I'll wait right here until you're done."

Soda looked at him carefully and then slowly nodded. The nurse took this as consent as she wheeled him away and they both disappeared through a couple of double doors. Darry sighed, feeling stressed as he ran a hand through his hair. Then he turned back to the reception desk, back to business.

"You got a phone I could use?" he asked. He called work first, letting them know that he wouldn't be in today. His boss was thankfully very understanding as usual. Then he had to make the phone call he dreaded most. As he dialed the number of the DX he took comfort in the knowledge that he knew Steve wouldn't be the one to pick up since he would be out in the garage. He could imagine that Steve was going to be very angry with him when he found out about this.

"DX, this is Two-Bit," Two-Bit answered.

"Hey, Two-Bit, it's Darry," Darry said.

"Hey, what's up?" Two-Bit said cheerfully.

Darry sighed. "Soda passed out after you guys left," he said bluntly.

"What, is he okay?" Two-Bit said quickly, his voice suddenly serious.

"Yeah, I think so," Darry said. "I think he just stood up too quickly and the dizziness got to him. He was only out for a few minutes but I brought him to the hospital just in case. They took him back to do an MRI."

"You want us to come over?" Two-Bit asked.

"No, not right now," Darry said. "It's not so serious you guys gotta ditch work. But if you could pick up Pony after school and bring him over here, I'm sure he'd appreciate it." He knew he promised to get Pony from school in the event that he had to take Soda to the hospital, but he really didn't want to pull him out of school for something that was hopefully very minor. He knew Pony would be angry with him, but he couldn't bring himself to worry about that right now.

"Sure, no problem," Two-Bit said.

"Oh, also could you swing by the house and grab Soda's cane?" Darry asked. "I forgot to grab it before we left. I think it's in the living room. If not check outside by the porch where he fell."

"Yeah, Steve brought it in after he fell, it's probably still in the living room," Two-Bit said. "You call if you need anything else."

"I will, thanks Two-Bit," Darry said. He hung up and thanked the nurse for letting him use the phone. He headed back to the waiting area and took a seat. He knew that getting an MRI could take a little time.

Maybe twenty minutes later a nurse in her mid-thirties came out into the waiting room, looking at its few occupants curiously. "Family of Sodapop Curtis?" she asked.

Darry stood up and approached her. "I'm Soda's guardian," he said. "Darrel Curtis."

"Ah, good, Mr. Curtis," she said. He had been expecting her to tell him that they finished with the tests and he could go sit with Soda now. What she actually said surprised him. "We are having a little bit of a problem with Sodapop's MRI. Would you like to come with me?"

"Uh, sure," Darry said, taken off guard. He knew that an MRI was a very simple procedure, no worse than having an x-ray. He couldn't imagine what could have gone wrong. But he followed the nurse all the same. "What kind of problem?" he asked as they moved through the halls of the hospital. He suddenly felt a churning in his stomach. He remembered that the MRI involved very powerful magnets and no metal could be worn while the machine was on. It wasn't possible that Soda still had shrapnel in his knee, was it? Surely the army doctors had removed it all.

"It's not terribly major," the nurse quickly assured him. "But it seems like when the machine started up he had a fairly severe attack of anxiety and we had to stop the procedure. He calmed down a bit when we pulled him out of the machine, but he is refusing to go back in and was asking for you."

Darry frowned. He couldn't imagine what could have triggered an anxiety attack. Soda had never been claustrophobic and he couldn't imagine any situation in Vietnam that would have triggered a fear of closed spaces. He followed the nurse into a room with two people in lab coats sitting at a table with some complicated looking machines. There was a window in front of them that looked into another room with a very large, tube-like machine. The MRI machine, he supposed. He had never actually seen one before, it was pretty new technology. He saw Soda sitting up on a table outside of the machine, his legs dangling down toward the floor. He had changed into a hospital gown and even from this distance Darry could see that he was trembling. He followed the nurse through the door into the room with the MRI machine and he immediately hurried to Soda's side.

"You okay, Soda?" he asked, concern in his voice.

Soda shook his head, genuine fear in his eyes. "I… I can't, Darry," he stammered, a hint of pleading in his voice. "I just… I just can't go back in there."

"Why, what's wrong?" Darry asked as he carefully took a seat next to his brother.

Soda looked down at his hands, looking ashamed and embarrassed. "It's loud in there," he said quietly, shuddering at the memory. "It makes these loud… banging noises."

It suddenly dawned on Darry what was wrong. Loud noises combined with not being able to move must have been awful for him after being on the battlefield for so long. Darry put a comforting arm over Soda's shoulders and squeezed him into him.

"I'm sorry, little buddy," he said. "If I had known it would be like that I wouldn't have let you go alone." He glanced at the nurse who was standing a few feet away to give them some privacy. "Could I stay in here with him while you do the MRI?" he asked her, not wanting to make any promises he couldn't keep.

"Yes, that would be fine," the nurse said.

Darry turned toward Soda, keeping his arm around him. "Can you try again, Soda?" he asked gently. "I'll stay with you and talk to you the whole time." Soda looked at him wearily. "Please Soda? It'll make me feel better if they can check you out after that nasty fall."

Soda took in a slow shaky breath. "Okay," he said quietly, but his still looked nervous.

Darry gave him a comforting squeeze before standing up, but made sure to stay close to the table. Soda shifted, lifting his right leg up onto the table and then reaching down and pulling his left leg up as well. He very slowly laid back down, looking around nervously. The nurse approached and carefully attached a cage-like contraption around Soda's head. Darry noticed that Soda's breathing was getting heavier.

He took Soda's hand and squeezed. "It's okay," he said. "It'll be over in a few minutes."

Soda nodded but Darry could see that his jaw was clenched.

"Try and keep as still as possible," the nurse reminded him gently. "We'll let you know before we turn the machine on so you won't be as startled this time." Then she looked at Darry. "Do you have any metal on you?" He started to take his watch off before he remembered the zipper in his jeans. The nurse seemed to realize this as well as she looked him over. "We can get you a pair of sweatpants to change into."

Darry nodded. "I'll be right back, little buddy," he told Soda. Then he turned back to the nurse. "Do not turn that machine on until I get back." The nurse nodded, but he had said it more for Soda's benefit than because he actually thought she would. It only took him a few minutes to get changed into some sweatpants that he nurse provided. When he returned Soda had not moved, but he looked more tense than he had when he had left. "Hey, I'm back," Darry said as he approached the table again.

"Are you ready, Sodapop?" the nurse asked.

Soda simply nodded. The nurse hit a button on the machine and the table started moving, sliding Soda into the long tube that was the MRI machine. A minute later it stopped. The nurse walked back out of the room and Darry stepped as close to the machine as he could.

"We're about to turn the machine on," a voice announced over an intercom.

"Deep breath, Soda," Darry instructed calmly. "It'll be okay, it's just noise, it won't hurt you."

There was a whirring noise as the machine started up. Then out of nowhere there were several loud bangs, like someone was pounding on the inside of the machine. Darry even jumped a little bit. If he hadn't still been able to see Soda he might have thought that it was him trying to get out. It was a lot louder than he had expected it to be and he could imagine that it was even louder inside the machine. No wonder Soda had panicked, especially if he hadn't known it was coming.

"Darry?" came Soda's voice, shaking slightly.

"It's okay, Soda," Darry said. "You're not in any danger, it's just the MRI machine."

Darry continued to provide any comfort that he could from outside of the machine. After several minutes the banging noises were even starting to get on his nerves, so he couldn't imagine how Soda must be feeling. He hated that Soda was going through this right now. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, though in reality it was probably about ten or fifteen minutes, the machine went quiet and a voice over the intercom announced that they were finished. Darry gave a sigh of relief and resisted the urge to reach in and pull Soda out of the machine himself.

The nurse came back out and hit a button on the machine and the table immediately started to retreat out from the tube. As Darry got a good look at Soda it was clear that it had been a horribly stressful experience. All his muscles were tense and he was even sweating a bit from the effort of trying to control his panic and keep perfectly still. His eyes looked around fearfully, begging for release. The nurse didn't waste any time pulling off the cage that surrounded his head and Soda quickly shoved himself up into a sitting position, his body being to tremble once again. Darry immediately wrapped his arms securely around his younger brother and pulled him close.

"I'm proud of you, Soda," Darry said, rubbing his back in an attempt to comfort him. "You did great."

Soda quietly wound his arms around Darry, leaning into him as he hugged him back, his breathing ragged with his barely suppressed panic. After a moment he spoke, his voice small.

"I'm so happy to be home."


	25. Doctor's Orders

**Author's Note: Fair warning, this chapter was written under the influence of cold medicine, haha. I been sick since Saturday, ugh. I hope it's okay! Please review and tell me what you think! :)**

_Chapter Twenty-Five_

_Doctor's Orders_

Steve felt terribly distracted as he worked on an old Ford out in the garage. Soda was supposed to be helping him, but that fall that morning had really messed things up. Steve still felt shaken as he remembered how Soda had just laid there in shock after the porch railing had collapsed. He wished he had been standing just a little closer to Soda when the porch rail had given way. When he had realized what was happening he had turned and tried to grab for Soda just as Pony had, but they had both been just out of reach.

Steve worked right through lunch, trying to catch up from being shorthanded that day. He had lost all track of time as the day went on and didn't even realize how late it was until Two-Bit entered the garage.

"Hey Steve," he called. "Quittin' time."

Steve sighed with relief. He was anxious to get back to the Curtis house and check on Soda. He tossed his tools to the side, not bothering to clean up after himself as he headed inside to clock out. Two-Bit was already waiting in the car for him and he climbed into the passenger's seat. But instead of heading in the direction of the Curtis house like he had expected, Two-Bit started driving in a different direction.

"Hey, where're we goin'?" Steve asked curiously.

"We gotta pick up Pony from school," Two-Bit said, his eyes carefully trained on the road ahead of him.

"Why?" Steve said in surprise. "The kid can walk home. I wanna check on Soda and made sure he's okay."

Two-Bit sighed, glancing over at him uneasily. "Darry called me this morning," he started slowly. "I guess Soda passed out pretty soon after we left, so he took him to the hospital."

"What!?" Steve demanded, staring at Two-Bit in shock, feeling his anger boil over. "You got that call _this morning_ and you're only tellin' me about this _now_?"

"Yeah, well Darry said that he didn't want us ditchin' work, he said it wasn't that serious," Two-Bit explained.

"Not that serious?" Steve practically shouted. "Soda's in the hospital! That fact alone makes it serious!"

"Look, Darry said that he'd call back if things weren't okay," Two-Bit said, still annoyingly calm. "He didn't call back so I'm sure everything's fine."

"He _should_ have just taken him right away," Steve fumed, staring moodily out the window.

Two-Bit sent him a glare. "Don't give Darry a hard time, okay?" he said firmly. "I'm sure he's beating himself up enough about the whole thing without your help."

"We all _told_ him to take Soda to the hospital," Steve insisted.

"Yeah, well Soda didn't _want_ to go," Two-Bit pointed out. "Remember, Soda's nineteen now, Darry's no longer his guardian. He can't just make him do something that he doesn't want to do. Anyway I think he was just trying to spare Soda even more stress. Remember, he spent a good month or so in the hospital in severe pain before he came home. I'm sure he's not eager to go back there."

Steve just looked at him for a minute. That thought had honestly never crossed his mind. But the more he thought about it the more he realized that Two-Bit had made a good point.

Only a few minutes later they pulled up in front of the high school just as the students started filing out the front doors. It wasn't difficult to spot Pony as he paused outside the door in order to immediately light up a cigarette. Two-Bit opened his door and stood up on his seat so that his head stuck up above the car as he held on to the roof. As Pony started down the stairs Two-Bit waved to get his attention. He spotted Two-Bit's gesture almost immediately and hurried over as Two-Bit lowered himself back into the car.

"Hey, what're you guys doing here?" Pony asked as he climbed into the backseat.

"Soda's in the hospital," Steve said bluntly as he reached for his own pack of cigarettes.

"What?" Pony practically shouted.

Two-Bit glared at Steve but Steve just shrugged as he lit up. He wasn't in the mood to break it to the kid gently.

"He's fine, Pony, just getting his head checked out," Two-Bit assured him. "He passed out for a minute after we left and Darry just wanted to be safe."

"He promised to come get me if he had to take Soda to the hospital," Pony whined.

Steve rolled his eyes, not in the mood to deal with Pony right now. "Would you cork it, kid?" he spat. He took a drag off his cigarette. "Did you really think Darry would have time to come get you when he was taking Soda to the _hospital_?"

Steve didn't look back at him, but he knew that Pony would be glaring at him. He had tried to not give the kid a hard time over the years, but today was a bad day.

"Darry said that it wasn't too serious," Two-Bit spoke up, much less aggravated than Steve had been. "I'm sure he woulda come gotten you if it were really bad."

Steve snorted but didn't make a comment. He glanced around as Two-Bit drove and noticed with annoyance that they weren't even heading in the direction of the hospital. It was like some ridiculous wild goose chase.

"_Now_ where are we going?" he demanded angrily.

"We gotta pick up Soda's cane from the house," Two-Bit said. "Darry said he forgot to bring it."

Steve sighed in exasperation. He was impatient and just wanted to see for himself how Soda was doing. Two-Bit was a fast driver but it still seemed to take forever to the Curtis house. Pony ran in to grab Soda's cane and ran back out, still obviously sulking from Steve's comment. Steve felt a little bad about it, poor kid's brother was in the hospital after all, but he was far too proud to go about apologizing. Instead the three rode in silence as they headed for the hospital.

When they finally reached the hospital they got out and all trooped inside. Upon seeing that the waiting room was void of any familiar faces they asked at the reception desk to find out that Soda had been assigned a room upstairs. Steve found this odd since it was supposed to be such a minor thing. They all hurried upstairs, each one anxious to find out what was going on.

As they entered the hospital room that the nurse had directed them to they found that Soda was laying in a bed with the top tilted up so that he was in a sitting position. He was awake and aware as he chatted easily with Darry, who was sitting in a chair beside the bed. They both looked up and smiled as the rest of the group entered. Overall there seemed to be a very relaxed atmosphere in the room.

"What the hell?" Steve immediately demanded.

"Well hello to you too, Steve," Soda said with a laugh.

"Are you okay, Soda?" Pony asked as he approached the bed.

"I'm fine, Pony," Soda assured him.

"Well if you're fine, what are you doing in a hospital bed?" Steve pointed out.

"We're just waiting for his MRI results," Darry explained. "I guess they can take a while to process."

"I'm sure I'll be out of here as soon as they come back," Soda said. "I've been feeling fine all afternoon."

Steve had to admit, Soda certainly looked fine. He wasn't hooked up to any machines or even an IV. It appeared for all intensive purposes that him and Darry were just hanging out. Perhaps he had overreacted when he found out that Soda was in the hospital. Maybe this really wasn't a big deal.

They all made themselves comfortable in the room even though Soda insisted that they didn't have to stay. They chatted normally to pass the time before a man in a white coat finally entered the room.

"Sodapop Curtis," the doctor read off the chart in his hand.

"Yes, sir," Soda said, a hint of military precision in his voice.

"Well your MRI scan came back looking good," he said. "However there was a small shadow on the scan. Now this is probably nothing, just a glitch in the machine or perhaps caused by movement during the procedure, but just to be safe I would like to keep you here overnight for observation and then do another MRI in the morning."

Everyone turned to look at Soda who had gone silent. Suddenly he looked pale and he posture was stiff. Steve was confused for a moment – it had sounded like good news to him – but then he remembered what Two-Bit had pointed out about Soda being in the hospital before coming home.

"Soda?" Darry prompted gently.

"Can't I just go home and just come back in the morning?" Soda asked. "I mean I feel fine."

"I would strongly recommend that you stay so that we can observe your condition," the doctor said.

"But my _condition_ is fine," Soda said, a small hint of a sharp edge in his voice. Steve looked at him in surprise.

"Ultimately, it's up to you," the doctor said. "I'll give you some time to think it over." And with that he turned and walked out of the room.

_Ultimately, it's up to you. _Those words rang truer than they ever had before. Soda had only been eighteen for a few months when the government took him away from them and shipped him off to the other side of the world. They hardly had time to register that Darry was no longer his legal guardian. If Soda decided to go against the doctor's recommendation Darry couldn't do anything about it. It was just so strange to think about. Steve was nineteen now as well, but he hardly felt like an adult. Darry had always been the adult, Darry had always been in charge.

"Soda, if the doctor really thinks you should stay…" Darry started, letting his thought hang.

"I really don't want to stay," Soda said, his gaze falling down to stare at him lap.

"It's just one night though," Pony pointed out carefully.

"One night too many," Soda mumbled.

"I could stay with you," Pony said hopefully.

"You got school in the morning, Pony," Darry said reluctantly.

"I can stay," Steve spoke up suddenly. Everyone looked at him, including Soda. "I'm workin' the late shift tomorrow, so I can stay."

Soda was quiet as he considered this.

"C'mon, Soda," Darry said gently. "The doctor wouldn't strongly recommend it if he didn't think it really mattered."

Soda sighed in defeat. "I… I guess I could stay," he said slowly.

Relieved smiles went around the room. Nobody had liked the idea of Soda going against the doctor's orders.

"I'll tell the doctor," Darry volunteered as he stood. "Steve, you wanna come with me? We could grab some dinner for everyone down in the cafeteria."

"Yeah, sure," Steve agreed as he stood. He looked at Soda. "Be right back, buddy."

Steve followed Darry out in the hallway but before they made it to the nurse's station Darry stopped and turned to him, clearly something on his mind. "There's something you should know about the MRI this morning," he said bluntly.

Steve gave him a confused look. "What about it?" he asked.

"Well… the machine is very loud," Darry said. "It makes these loud banging noises which was really startling to Soda. He had a real hard time staying still during it, the first time he actually had a pretty bad panic attack and they had to pull him out before it was done. The second time they tried I had to stay in the room to him and talk to him the whole time, and he still barely made it through the whole thing."

Steve swore under his breath at this news. Nothing could ever be simple for them, could it?

"Don't worry, I'll look after him," Steve assured him, knowing Darry would hate not being able to be there himself.

Darry smiled lightly and clapped him on the shoulder. "Yeah, I know you will," he said.

They headed for the nurse's station to let them know of Soda's decision before heading down to the cafeteria to get sandwiches for everybody. They headed back to Soda's room to find that mood was significantly lighter than it had been when they left.

Pony, Darry and Two-Bit stayed well into the night to help keep Soda company, but eventually they had to admit that it was time to leave. Two-Bit rode home with Darry and Pony, leaving his car at the hospital so that Steve could use it to get to work the next day. Steve shifted the chairs around so that he was leaning back in his chair with his feet up on another chair, trying to get as comfortable as possible.

"That doesn't look very comfortable," Soda said skeptically as he watched. He was obviously feeling guilty about making Steve stay, but Steve also noticed that he didn't feel guilty enough to even suggest that Steve go home. That said something about how much Soda really wanted him there with him.

"Are you kiddin' me?" Steve said with half a grin. "This is incredibly comfortable." Soda rolled his eyes, but didn't say any more about the subject. "Now shut up, will you?" he went on good naturedly. "It's been a long ass day."

Soda laughed lightly at the comment, but he was already starting to drift off. It wasn't surprising, these days it seemed like he had half a day before Steve even rolled out of bed. Steve watched as his best friend slowly dozed off. He stood up and walked over to the doorway, flicking off the switch to shut the light off. Then he returned to his chair arrangement, settling in for the night. He could only hope that it would be a quiet night.


	26. Flashbacks

**Author's Note: Hey guys, sorry this chapter took so long, I had a really crazy week. But it is a longer chapter (about twice as long as my chapters usually are actually) with a lot going on, so hopefully that makes up for it! It actually may be a bit excessively long, but the first part was too short to be its own chapter. I hope it's not too confusing, though it is supposed to be a little disorienting. Just remember the bits in italics are flashbacks going on in Soda's head. Also there is a bit of cursing in this chapter, just a heads up. **

**Also just an FYI, I know I usually update once a week, but this next update may take a little longer than that. I am going on vacation next Wednesday for a week and even though I'll be taking my laptop with me and keeping up with my writing at night, I may not have internet access so I'm not sure if I'll be able to post. But I'll be sure to post as soon as I get back, I promise! I may or may not get another chapter before then too, depending on how busy I get. **

**Please review and I promise to update ASAP!**

_Chapter Twenty-Six_

_Flashbacks_

"Soda, wake up!"

Soda's eyes flew open and he shot straight up, gasping for breath as a cold sweat trickled down his face. His eyes frantically searched the pitch black space before him for danger. He didn't know where he was or what was going on and that wasn't good. Were they under attack? Was the enemy near? Soda tried to grab for his gun but he couldn't find it, which made him panic even more. He had to be able to protect himself.

Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light. Soda jerked away from it, throwing up his hands in a futile attempt to shield himself. He blinked and looked around. Sterile white walls came into focus. He was sitting in a bed. He turned his head as he slowly lowered his arms back down, seeing Steve standing near the door, his hand still on the light switch as he watched him unsurely.

"Soda?" Steve said carefully.

Soda sighed and rested his head in his hands. "Yeah," he said, confirming that he in fact knew that Steve was there. "Sorry, Steve."

"It's okay," Steve said as he approached the bed. He stood there a bit awkwardly for a moment. "Was it a nightmare about the war?"

Soda nodded. Then he glanced around. "What time is it?"

"A little after two in the morning," Steve said, glancing at his watch.

"Sorry I woke you," Soda said, rubbing his face.

"Don't worry about it," Steve said. He studied Soda for a moment and seemed to realized how worked up he still was. "You wanna take a walk or something? Clear your head?"

Soda gave him a strained yet grateful smile. Steve knew him well. "Yeah, that sounds good," he agreed.

Steve grabbed Soda's cane from where it leaned up against the wall. Soda shifted around so that his feet were hanging off the bed, taking his cane in one hand and allowing Steve to help him up with the other. Soda slowly limped after Steve as they headed out into the hallway. Steve headed over to the nurse's station to assure the nurses that they would be right back before they started wandering aimlessly through the hallways of the hospital.

They were quiet for several minutes, Soda's cane tapping on the linoleum floor the only real noise.

"Can I ask something?" Steve asked as they walked along, finally breaking the silence.

Soda hesitated, a bit unsure. "Yeah, sure," he said finally. Steve had agreed to stay here all night with him; he really didn't feel like he could deny him the right to ask questions. He just hoped that he wasn't going to ask what the nightmare had been about. That was something Soda really didn't want to think about.

"Why were you so against staying at the hospital tonight?" he asked carefully.

Soda was quiet for a moment. It wasn't an outrageous question and he didn't have a reason not to answer it.

"Before I came home, I was in the hospital for several weeks," he said. "I don't remember much of that first week; I was in and out of consciousness a lot. I do remember being in a lot of pain." He paused, lost in thought for a moment. "At one point I remember wishing my leg had just been blown off. Figured it would hurt less if it wasn't there anymore."

"_Please, can't I get any more painkillers?" Soda had begged._

"_I'm sorry, Private, you're at your max," the doctor had calmly explained, making Soda want to punch him in the face._

"_How can I be at my max, it still hurts!" Soda had cried out._

"_We have limited supplies over here and our most recent shipment is running a few days behind because of a bad storm so we have to ration."_

"_Why am I still here then?" Soda had demanded. "Just sent me home!"_

"_You are in no shape to be travelling," the doctor said. "You need to let your leg heal up some more if you want to have any chance at walking again." _

"I felt… trapped," Soda continued. "I couldn't even get out of bed. All I wanted to do was go home. Every day over there was hell and I wasn't any use to them anymore so I just wanted to be back in Tulsa. But I ended up having to have a second surgery and the doctors didn't want me traveling until my leg was better. It took so long… I've had enough of hospitals to last me a lifetime." He paused. "It's got a smell, you know? The hospital? I can hardly stand it anymore."

"Well, you seem to be doing pretty well," Steve commented. "I bet you'll be out of here tomorrow."

"Yeah, I sure hope so," Soda mumbled. "I… I don't want to be here alone." He felt a bit like a whiny little kid admitting that out loud. "It's too quiet. There are no distractions…" He let the thought hang. He remembered being overwhelmed by memories as he lay in that hospital bed in the army hospital, unable to move. It was why that Soda had only lasted one day at home alone before he insisted on going back to work. "Thanks for staying, Steve."

"No problem," Steve said with a shrug. It was clear that he wasn't quite sure how to react to what Soda had told him.

After another minute of walking Soda's leg was starting to get sore. "C'mon, let's head back," he said.

"You're leg starting to hurt?" Steve guessed as they turned and started heading back to Soda's hospital room.

"Yeah," Soda confirmed, wincing slightly.

"How long is it supposed to keep hurting like that?" Steve asked, sounding a bit worried.

"It's usually not too bad," Soda said. "Today was a rough day."

"Yeah, you ain't kiddin'," Steve agreed.

Soda was glad that Steve didn't appear to notice that he didn't really answer his question. The truth was that question terrified him. He wasn't sure how long this type of injury was supposed to hurt like this. He was really afraid that the pain may never go away. What if he was in pain for the rest of his life? How could he handle that? He did his best not to think about it. Instead he was just taking his life one day at a time and hoping that someday soon he would finally catch a break.

By the time they finally made it back to the room Soda's leg was beginning to throb. He was grateful to get off his feet as he fell onto the bed. Steve took his cane for him and Soda heaved his legs up onto the bed. He felt exhausted by the time he lay back and was already drifting off to sleep as Steve flicked the lights back off.

xXxXx

Soda was up early the next day as usual. Unfortunately today he couldn't head outside to his punching bag, today he had to lay still in his hospital bed. After twenty minutes he was about ready to crawl the walls. He watched Steve sleeping soundly in the chair next to the bed, his feet up on a chair across from him, snoring lightly. He selfishly hoped that Steve wouldn't stay asleep too long, but he felt too guilty to consider waking up his friend.

Thankfully not long after he woke a nurse came into the room, though he felt weary when he saw that she had a wheelchair with her.

"Oh good, you're up," the nurse said with a smile. "The doctor would like me to take you down for your MRI now."

Soda felt his chest tighten up at just the thought of going back in the MRI machine. He knew there would be no arguing though. He had stayed here all night; he might as well do the MRI. He really wished that Darry were here though. Resignedly he sat up and swung his legs around so that they were hanging off the bed.

"I can walk," Soda said, eyeing the wheelchair with distaste.

"It's hospital policy," the nurse insisted.

Soda sighed, deciding that pointing out that it was a stupid policy wasn't going to change anything. She brought the wheelchair over to the bed and as Soda was maneuvering himself out of the bed and into the chair the commotion caused Steve to stir a bit in his sleep. Soda realized that he probably shouldn't leave without telling Steve.

"Would you mind waking him?" he asked the nurse, nodding across the bed at his friend.

"Sure," the nurse agreed. She moved around the bed and carefully shook Steve's shoulder, causing him to quickly jerk out of his peaceful sleep.

"Wha'?" Steve mumbled, blinking around confused.

"Hey Steve," Soda said, drawing his attention. "I gotta go down to get the MRI." He had a hard time keeping the bitterness out of his voice. He certainly wasn't looking forward to this.

"Oh," Steve said, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. Then he focused on Soda, looking serious. "You want me to come with you?"

Soda studied him for a moment. "Darry told you what happened yesterday, didn't he?"

"Yeah, he did," Steve said defiantly, as if daring Soda to complain about it.

Soda sighed. He figured it was probably for the best. He wasn't so sure that he would be able to get through it on his own. "Yeah, could you come with me?"

"Yeah sure," Steve said with a shrug as he stood.

The three of them headed out into the hall and started down toward the room with the MRI machine. As he was wheeled along Soda felt his anxiety growing. He was suddenly glad that Steve had offered to go with him. Soda felt his breath catch in his chest as they entered the room just looking at the large machine through the window. He felt his entire body tense up and he wanted nothing more than to get up and run as far away from that room as possible.

"You can wait in here," the nurse said to Steve, indicating the room they were standing in that had a window into the room with the MRI machine. "It should only take about fifteen minutes."

Soda was quickly shaking his head even before she had finished speaking. "Yesterday they let my brother stay in the room with me," he pointed out, trying to hide the panic in his voice. Suddenly he desperately didn't want to go in there by himself. He sent an anxious look up at Steve who moved to stand closer to him, almost protectively.

"Oh," the nurse said, sounding surprised. "Yes, he can go in the room with you." She looked over at Steve. "You have to remove any metal objects."

Steve cocked an eyebrow. "Why?" he asked.

"The MRI machine is a giant, very powerful magnet," she explained.

"Ah," Steve said. He paused. "Well then I got a problem." He glanced down at his jeans which of course had a metal zipper.

"We can get you a pair of sweatpants to change into," the nurse said.

"That'd be helpful," Steve agreed.

The nurse indicated to a different nurse standing over by where the machines were by the window. "If you go with Laura she'll find you a pair," she said.

The nurse began pushing the wheelchair into the other room but in a burst of panic Soda grabbed the wheel, stopping the chair in its tracks. "You won't start till he gets back, right?" he asked.

"No, we'll just get you set up so that when he gets back we'll be able to start right away," the nurse assured him.

"Don't worry, I'll be back in one minute," Steve spoke up.

Soda looked up at him and then nodded, taking his hand off the wheel and allowing the nurse to push him into the next room. He hesitated as she pushed him up to the table, then gathered his courage, heaving himself up out of the chair and sitting on the table. He found this was much more difficult knowing what was coming.

"You can go ahead and lay down on the table," the nurse prompted carefully.

Soda considered refusing until Steve got back, but he felt very silly about the whole thing. He was nineteen years old and had fought in a war, and he was afraid of an MRI machine? Though to be fair if he hadn't fought in a war it probably wouldn't bother him so much. He took and deep breath and pulled his legs up onto the table, laying back. As the nurse was attaching the cage-like contraption around his head he heard someone approaching and Steve came into view.

"How're you holdin' up?" Steve asked.

"I just wanna get this over with," Soda said tensely.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better I don't have to stand in here with no pants on," Steve said lightly, pointing to the sweatpants he had changed into.

Soda gave a dry laugh and cracked a smile. "Yeah, no one wants to see that."

"Hey, you don't know that," Steve laughed.

"Okay, we're ready to begin," the nurse cut in. "Just try to stay as still as possible."

Soda took a deep breath as she walked away, though it didn't do much to calm his frayed nerves. It was strange how much this affected him. Explosions and gun fire had been a very regular part of his everyday life for so long, he would think he would be used to it by now. But he supposed keeping so still went against all of his instincts. Not to mention he didn't like to think about his deployment at all, and when he heard all those noises he couldn't seem to think of anything else.

"Hey," Steve said gently, all joking gone from his face. Soda looked up at him and met his calm eyes. "You're okay. I'm gonna be right here the whole time."

Soda desperately wished for some of his calm. He felt the table jerk underneath him and suddenly he was moving forward into the heart of the MRI machine. He watched Steve for as long as he could until the machine cut off his view. His breathing quickly became shallow and ragged as he anticipated what was coming. He knew what was going to happen but he felt powerless to stop it. How could he protect himself from his own memories?

"Soda?" He heard Steve call from somewhere behind him. His voice echoed slightly in the large chamber.

"Still here," Soda called back, his voice sounding strained.

A moment later a voice crackled over the intercom system. "We're going to turn on the machine."

Soda swallowed hard as he clenched his muscles, willing himself to stay as still as humanly possible. He was convinced that they hadn't gotten a clear picture last time because he hadn't kept still enough and more than anything he didn't want to have to repeat this again. He closed his eyes and then quickly realized that was a bad idea and opened them again as he heard the machine whirl to life around him.

_Stay still, stay still, stay still… _he chanted in his head.

_BANG!_

Soda twitched ever so slightly with the first clang, resisting his urge to duck.

"Christ, that's loud," he heard Steve say in surprise. Soda laughed dryly at the comment but he was still wound tighter than a rubber band.

_BANGBANG!_

Soda forcefully sucked in a shallow breath. He could almost hear the sound of a machine gun in the background, he could almost smell smoke.

"_Curtis! Behind!"_

_Soda had no idea who had spoken but he didn't question the command for a moment. He whipped around, took a split second to take a steadying breath before firing at the Vietnamese solider that had been running up behind him. He collapsed in a heap on the ground and Soda fired once more just to be safe before he turned back to the bulk of the battle. He would think about that fallen solider later. He had been close enough that Soda had spotted the briefest flash of fear in his eyes as he fell._

'_What am I doing here?' Soda wondered to himself, though certainly not for the first time, as he fired again._

"Soda? Still with me?" Steve's voice pulled him back to the present.

"Barely," Soda croaked.

"Just hang in there, buddy," Steve said. "It'll be over soon."

"Not soon enough," Soda said quietly, clenching his hands into fists.

_BANGBANG! BANG!_

_Soda squeezed himself in as tight as possible, feeling flakes of bark ricocheting around him as the enemy soldiers fired at him through the trees. Their unit was scattered around, surprised by the attack. From where he stood, barely shielded by a tree, he could see Private Lambert, a scrawny guy with glasses who had no business in the middle of a rumble in Tulsa let alone on the battlefield in a foreign country, pressed up against a tree twenty yards from him. _

_Soda's heart was pounding and everything in him was telling him to run, but be couldn't bring himself to leave the relative safety of his hiding spot. He could see Private Lambert looking over to him for direction, God knew why since he was just a Private himself, but Soda was frozen in place. The gunfire was getting louder, the enemy was getting closer, he didn't know what to do and time was quickly running out._

"_Curtis, Lambert, get out of there!" _

_Soda took half a second to recognize the Sergeant standing up ahead, flanked by a few other soldiers as they fired at the enemy, covering both him and Lambert, creating a window for them. Soda sprinted forward, angling toward the outside of the line of fire. He heard a bullet buzz by his ear, causing a tree off to his left to splinter and sent bark flying at him, but kept running, not flinching as he gripped his rifle. _

"_Curtis, duck!"_

_As he approached the line of American soldiers Soda went down without question, sliding on his knees through the dirt and twisting around to see where the enemy was. He lifted his rifle from where he knelt and began firing, hardly bothering to aim. _

_It was several minutes later when Soda realized that Lambert wasn't with them. He glanced around to see a body laying not far from the tree he had been hiding behind. Soda quickly turned his gaze away, knowing the he couldn't allow himself to be distracted, but also knowing that easily could have been him._

"Steve?" Soda called out blindly, almost desperately.

"Still here, nothing exciting to report," Steve said lightly, obviously trying to release some of the tension. _BANG!_ "Glory, that's annoying. I'd except that such a fancy machine would be a little more dignified."

Soda coughed out a laugh. "Maybe you should take a look," he suggested.

Steve laughed. "Yeah, if I had a car that came in sounding like that, I'd know something was wrong with it."

_BANGBANGBANG!_

_Fire was raining down on them. Where did the Vietnamese soldiers get all those grenades from? They seemed to never end, one explosion right after another. The entire Earth seemed to shake. They were all huddled in a long trench, praying for the enemy's ammo to run out._

"_Shouldn't we be firing back or something?" a new recruit demanded. Soda hadn't bothered to learn his name. _

"_You wanna stick your head up there, be my fuckin' guest," the Sergeant growled. "I ain't cleaning up your brains which will be splattered all over this trench though."_

"_You got family, Curtis?" Soda looked at the solider next to him in surprise. He was a few years older and seemed surprisingly at ease with the whole situation as he sat back in the trench smoking a cigarette. Private Danes was his name. _

"_Yeah," Soda said. "Two brothers. And also two friends who are basically family."_

_Danes nodded. He reached down and pulled a photograph out of his boot and held it out. A smiling woman holding an infant looked out at him. "My wife and my daughter," he said. "Lucy was three months old when I had to leave. Just hoping I get to see them again." _

_Soda just nodded, not knowing how to respond. He knew that he couldn't assure this guy that he would see him family again. Soda had seen too much in the past five months he had been here and he knew that going home wasn't guaranteed to anybody. _

"_Incoming!"_

_Soda glanced up and immediately rolled away from the grenade that was arching up in the sky at a perfect trajectory to fall into their trench. Staying as low as possible he scrambled with everyone else as they all scattered in different directions. The blast was defining. Several bodies were thrown into him, knocking him to the ground. Debris rained down on top of them. Debris that was soaked in red. Soda forcefully swallowed back the bile rising in his throat. Now was not the time to fall to pieces. _

_Four men in their unit had been killed by that one grenade. Private Danes among them. _

_Going home wasn't guaranteed to anyone… not even little Lucy's daddy._

_BANG!_

"Soda? Talk to me man, you okay?"

Soda was gasping for breath, every muscle in his body clenched up painfully.

"Get me out of here!" Soda called out desperately.

"It's okay, Soda, it's almost over," Steve assured him. "You just gotta hang in there a few more minutes and it'll be done and you won't have to do it again. C'mon, I know you can do this."

_BANGBANG!_

Soda took in a shuttering breath. Could he do this? If he made them stop now they would just have to start all over. He desperately hoped he was staying still enough for them to get a clear picture because there was no way he was going to do this again.

"Soda? You still breathing in there?" Steve asked, worry in his voice.

"Kinda," Soda choked out. His heart was pounding wildly out of control and he had no idea how he was still able to lay still.

_BANG!_

"It's almost over," Steve said and Soda did his best to listen to his words and use them as an anchor. "Then we'll go home. You'll see Pony when he gets home from school. He'll work on homework and help you make dinner. Darry will come home from work exhausted and aching, but he'll be happy to see you two. Just another night in Tulsa, Oklahoma, right Soda?"

"Yeah," Soda agreed. "Good old Tulsa…"

Suddenly everything got real quiet. Soda could clearly hear his own ragged breathing as he looked around frantically. Suddenly the table jerked to life again as it started moving back out of the machine. Relief washed over him like a cool breeze. It was over.

As the table came to a halt again outside of the machine Soda was about ready to pry the cage around his head off himself, feeling trapped. He started reaching for it but Steve reached out and grabbed his arms, stopping him.

"Hang on, just let the nurse do that," he said. He glanced back at the window to the adjacent room. "A little hurry would be nice!" he called out to them. A moment later the nurse came hurrying out of the room, shooting Steve an annoyed look. "Well Christ, he almost had a panic attack tryin' to stay still in there, the least you could do is get him out of here quickly," Steve mumbled mostly to himself.

Soda looked up at his hands as Steve still held his wrists, seeing them begin to shake. A moment later the cage was gone from around his head and Soda immediately shot up, swinging his legs around so that they hung off of the table. His entire body began to tremble as he gasped for breath. He hunched over, placing his head in his hands.

"Easy, buddy," Steve said gently. He placed a comforting hand on Soda's back. "It's okay, it's done now."

The nurse had approached the table with the wheelchair. "We need to get the next patient in here," she spoke up.

"Would you give him one goddamn minute?" Steve demanded angrily. He swore again as he turned back to Soda.

"Thanks Steve," Soda mumbled, feeling completely drained.

A few minutes later Soda was feeling a bit more stable and he allowed Steve to help him off of the table and back into the wheelchair. He slumped down in the chair as he was wheeled out of the room like an invalid. He took once last glance back at the MRI machine. If he never had to get an MRI ever again in his entire life it would be too soon.


	27. Sleep

**Author's Note: I'm back! If I missed responding to any reviews, I'm sorry! All reviews are awesome. I'm a little jet lagged… so I won't ramble and I'll just say, please review! :)**

_Chapter Twenty-Seven_

_Sleep_

Back in Soda's hospital room, Steve felt anxious. Soda had seemed so drained after the ordeal in the MRI machine. It really concerned him. He had no idea how to even begin to try to comfort his friend because he couldn't understand exactly what he had been through. Soda had been silent since leaving the room, offering up no explanation for his panic and Steve didn't have the heart to ask for one. He knew that Soda had relived memories from the war, but he had no idea what kind of memories those were.

Soda was laying heavily back on the bed that was tilted up, staring blankly ahead. Steve paced nervously, unsure what he should do.

"Steve?" Steve looked over at Soda in surprise, finding that he was focused on him for the first time since they had left the MRI. His gaze and his voice were both steady. "I want to go home. I don't want to stay here all day just to wait for results."

Steve nodded. He wanted to just be able to give Soda anything that he wanted right now. He knew exactly how Darry had felt now. Soda had been through so much and the military had controlled him completely for the past year. Soda deserved to be able to make his own decisions.

"I'll go talk to the nurses, see what I can do," he promised.

Steve headed out into the hallway and to the nearby nurse's station.

"My buddy Sodapop wants to sign himself out," he told the nurse at the desk. "It's been a really long ass couple days and he doesn't want to just hang around all day long just to wait for results."

The nurse gave him a skeptical look before flipping through a few charts. She pulled one out and studied it. "I'll have to go talk to the doctor," she said. "I'll be right back."

Steve rolled his eyes a bit, thinking there was no reason for them to keep him against his will. He really did seem fine. "Can I use the phone while I wait?" he asked quickly before the nurse could leave.

"Sure, help yourself," the nurse agreed.

As she hurried away Steve reached over and grabbed the phone, quickly punching in Darry's work number. He got the number of the site that Darry was working at today and hung up, redialing the new number. Luckily the site manager was quick to get Darry on the phone. Darry must have told them he would probably be getting a call.

"Hello?" Darry said.

"Hey Darry, it's Steve," Steve said.

"How'd it go this morning?" Darry immediately asked.

Steve sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Well, he got through it," he said. "It was real rough though, he was starting to panic a lot by the end but he managed to hold it together until it was over."

"Well, that's something at least," Darry said. "Hopefully that's the last time they have to do that."

"Yeah," Steve agreed. "Honestly even if they do want him to do it again I don't think I have the heart to convince him to go through it again."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Darry said tiredly.

"I mean, I know he doesn't like talkin' about what happened over there," Steve went on. "But man, it must have been real bad. Soda's tough. Real tough. Whatever he saw over there must have been even worse than what we can imagine."

"Yeah, I came to that conclusion too," Darry agreed.

"Well, he doesn't want to stick around to get the results," Steve went on, remembering the reason for his call. "He just wants to go home. Given we get the clear from the doctor I figure I'll just take him home. He seems fine to me other than the panic attack in that damn MRI machine."

"I figured he wouldn't want to hang around," Darry said. "Thanks for helpin' out, Steve."

"Of course," Steve said, surprised that Darry even felt the need to thank him. Soda was his best friend. All he wanted was to help him get through this. Unfortunately it seemed like none of them knew how to really make this better.

"Give me a call if you need anything from me," Darry said. "Otherwise I'll just see Soda at home."

"Yeah okay," Steve said. "See ya."

"Bye."

Steve hung up the phone. It was a few more minutes before the nurse finally came back.

"The doctor said that he doesn't have to wait for the results," she said. "He can come out here and fill out the discharge papers and we will call him later today and let him know what the results were."

"Good deal," Steve said with a nod. "Thanks."

He headed back into Soda's room to find that he had already changed out of his hospital gown and back into his DX uniform which he had been wearing yesterday when he had fell. Clearly he wasn't planning on staying even if they had wanted him to.

"You're free to go," Steve confirmed. "You just gotta fill out some discharge forms at the desk and they said they'd call later today when they got the results."

Soda nodded, a faraway look in his eye as if he were barely listening. He heaved himself up to his feet, leaning heavily on his cane. As he watched him limp past him and out into the hallway, Soda suddenly seemed years older than Steve instead of months.

Steve followed Soda out into the hallway. When they reached the nurse's station they already had the papers ready for him and Soda leaned heavily against the counter as he quickly filled out the forms. As Steve watched he saw that Soda's eyes didn't seem to be focusing much on what was in front of him and he wondered if he even knew what he was supposed to be writing down. A few minutes later he pushed the papers back toward the nurse and turned and limped away without saying a word.

Steve followed him out to the parking lot and they found Two-Bit's car where he had left it the night before. Steve fished the key out of his pocket, watching Soda carefully as he climbed into the passenger's seat.

As they took off Soda was leaning heavily up against the back of the seat, a vacant look in his eyes. Steve kept on glancing over at his friend with concern.

"Soda…" Steve said slowly. He waited for Soda to look over at him. "You know… if you ever want to talk about it, you know you can talk to me, right?" He knew that Soda would understand that he was referring to the memories from the war that he had just been forced to relive.

Soda was quiet for several long seconds. "I just want to forget," he finally said quietly.

Steve sighed. "Yeah, I know you do," he said sympathetically. "But Soda, it happened. You can't just pretend that it didn't and hope it goes away."

"It's just… easier to deal with if I don't think about it," Soda insisted.

"I can understand that," Steve allowed. "I just want you to know, if you ever _do_ feel the need to get anything off your chest, I'm right here."

"Yeah," Soda said absently. "Thanks…"

They reached the Curtis house in very little time. Steve parked the car out front and climbed out, walking around the car to help Soda out of the passenger's seat. After he pulled him up to his feet Steve allowed Soda to walk to the house on his own. They both paused at the bottom of the porch steps, eyeing the new railing that had suddenly appeared.

"When did Darry have time to fix that already?" Soda wondered, laying his hand lightly on the wood.

Steve shrugged. "Must have done it last night after he left the hospital," he said. He suddenly understood why Darry had sounded so tired on the phone. He had to have been up for a good portion of the night to get that done.

"He didn't have to do that…" Soda said.

But Steve knew that Darry did have to do that. He wanted to do everything in his power to make things easier for Soda. In so many ways none of them had any idea how to help him, but for this issue there was a simple, proactive solution: building a sturdy porch rail. Darry might not be able to understand or help with the mental anguish that Soda was still feeling from being on the battlefield, but he could certainly build a reliable railing.

Soda grabbed the railing and heaved himself up the stairs. As Steve followed him up he grabbed the railing too just to feel how sturdy it was. As he tugged on it, it didn't budge at all. It would definitely hold. He knew Darry would have made sure of that.

Inside the house was deserted with Darry at work and Pony at school. Steve felt bad, but he knew he couldn't hang around. He couldn't afford to blow off work.

"Sorry, Soda," Steve said as they stood in the living room. "But I gotta go get ready for work."

"It's okay," Soda said, though something in his voice sounded off. "I'm just gonna go lay down. I didn't get much rest last night." He turned and started heading for the bedroom.

Steve stood there a moment longer watching him, feeling reluctant to leave. "I'll be back later tonight," he said.

"Okay…" Soda said as he disappeared around the corner.

Steve sighed as he turned to leave. What he wouldn't give to know how to help his best friend.

XxXxX

Darry managed to get out of work a little early that day, anxious to get home to see how Soda was doing. Pony had told him that morning that he had to stay late after school for a group project and he didn't want to leave Soda alone for too long. He knew that Soda wouldn't like him thinking like that, but he couldn't help it. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, Soda was handicapped and he was limited. And with all the stress from the past two days Darry was seriously worried about his mental stability. He felt that Soda really shouldn't be alone right now if they could help it.

Darry broke several traffic laws as he sped home, thankful to not pass any police officers on the way. He hadn't heard from Steve again so he assumed that Soda had left the hospital as planned. He really couldn't blame his brother for wanting to get away from there, all things considered.

"Soda?" Darry called as he entered the house, finding that the living room was deserted. There was no answer. He wandered farther inside, setting his tool belt down on the coffee table. He headed back toward the bedrooms. Soda's room was empty but as he nudged open Pony's door he found his middle brother sprawled out over the top of the covers, fast asleep.

Darry was about to turn and leave when something caught his eye. He stepped farther inside to investigate. On the nightstand next to the bed sat a bottle of pills. He picked up the bottle carefully to read the label. It was a bottle of over the counter sleeping pills that Darry had bought a few months back when he was having a hard time sleeping while Soda had been deployed overseas. He was sure that he had left them in the cabinet in the bathroom and he didn't think that Pony would have used them.

He looked back down at Soda, completely out like a light, and frowned. Why would he be taking sleeping pills in the middle of the day? He could understand taking them at night, after all that's what he had done a few nights, but this didn't make much sense. He popped open the lid on a whim and looked inside. He didn't know exactly how many pills should be missing… but he was at least grateful that the bottle seemed mostly full. Soda wouldn't go that far. Would he?

Darry carefully placed the bottle back on the nightstand as he crouched down next to the bed. He reached over, gently shaking Soda's shoulder.

"Soda?" he said. "Soda, wake up little buddy." Soda didn't move, he didn't so much as flinch. Darry shook him a little harder as he spoke a little louder. "Soda? C'mon Soda, it's time to wake up." This time he earned some movement as Soda moaned lightly and buried his face into the pillow. Relief washed over Darry at just this small sign of life. He shook him again. "Soda, wake up, c'mon now," he prompted firmly. Soda weakly swatted an arm at Darry as he mumbled incoherently into the pillow. "Soda!" Darry repeated loudly, getting impatient.

"I wanna sleep," Soda mumbled, not opening his eyes.

"If you sleep all day, you're not gonna be able to sleep tonight," Darry pointed out.

Soda moaned and rolled over. Darry sighed. Just then the phone rang and he was forced to leave Soda's side. He hurried out into the living room.

"Hello?" he said, after picking up the phone.

"Hello, this is Dr. Jones from Tulsa General Hospital," came a voice. "May I speak with Sodapop Curtis?"

"He can't come to the phone right now," Darry said, glancing back toward Pony's room. "This is his brother Darrel, I should be his emergency contact."

There was a long pause and Darry hoped that Soda had given permission for the hospital to give him information. He was family after all, even if he was no longer his legal guardian.

"Ah yes," the doctor finally confirmed after no doubt checking his paperwork. "I was just calling to inform Mr. Curtis that his latest MRI scan came back clean and there is no evidence that there will be any lasting side effects of the concussion."

"Good," Darry sighed, feeling relieved. At least something good had come out of this whole ordeal. "Thank you for calling."

"You're welcome," Dr. Jones said. "Have a nice evening."

"Yeah," Darry said, trying not to sound sarcastic. He heard a click before he hung up. He stood there for a moment, rubbing his temples lightly as he felt a headache coming on. One problem was solved, but there was still another to deal with. What was he supposed to do with this new situation?

He was startled out of his thoughts by the front door slamming. He looked up to find Pony dropping his backpack on the floor as he kicked off his shoes.

"Hey Darry," he said. "Is Soda back from the hospital yet?"

"Yeah, Steve brought him home earlier this afternoon," Darry said.

"So his tests came back okay?" Pony said with a smile.

"Yeah, the hospital just called and said everything was fine," Darry confirmed, though he didn't return the smile.

"Why don't you look happy about that?" Pony asked curiously looking up at him.

"You didn't touch my sleeping pills in the bathroom cabinet, did you?" Darry asked, though he already knew the answer. It would be one thing if Soda had stumbled upon the pills in Pony's room and decided on a whim to pop one or two. It would be something different altogether if Soda had gone searching for something to knock him out like that.

"No," Pony said, confused. "Why?"

"Soda's out like the dead in your room and the bottle is on the nightstand next to him," Darry said.

"Oh," Pony said, sounding a little surprised. "Well, that's not too big of a deal, right? You took them to help you sleep too."

"Yeah, but he took them in the middle of the day," Darry pointed out.

"Oh," Pony said, realization dawning on him. "Yeah, I guess that's a little odd." He started down the hallway toward his room and Darry followed him. As they entered Pony's room Darry saw that Soda hadn't moved at all since he had left him. "Soda?" Pony said, reaching over and shaking Soda's shoulder. Soda didn't budge. "Soda?" Pony said louder, shaking him again just as Darry had. Soda moaned and tried to shrug Pony's hand off his shoulder. "Wow, he really is out," Pony said, looking down at him worriedly.

"Yeah," Darry agreed. "I don't think we're gonna have any luck until some of that medicine works it's way out of his system."

"How long will that be?" Pony asked, looking up at him.

"I dunno," Darry said with a shrug. "I dunno how long ago he took those or even how many he took for that matter." There were several long seconds of silence as they both watched Soda sleep. "C'mon Pony," Darry finally said. "Let's get dinner goin'."

Pony nodded as he turned and walked out of the room. Darry started to follow him, but then paused. He turned and walked back over to the nightstand, picking up the bottle of pills and taking them with him as he left the room. He headed back to the bathroom, replacing them in the cabinet.

After everything they had been through in the last couple months Darry could only hope that with all the progress Soda had made there weren't about to take ten steps backwards again.


	28. Helpless

**Author's Note: I am up way later than I should be to finish this chapter for you guys, haha. So please don't forget to leave a review! I'm not so sure about this chapter, it's kinda a filler in order to get to the part. Let me know what you think! **

_Chapter Twenty-Eight_

_Helpless_

Soda felt tired. Not just sleepy, but like a weight of exhaustion was crushing him. He rolled over, feeling too tired to even open his eyes but still unable to fall back into unconsciousness. It was a very uncomfortable feeling, not being awake but not being asleep either. Soda wondered vaguely is there was something wrong with him.

He was aware of time passing, but he wasn't sure how much had passed when he felt the bed dip down with the weight of another person.

"Soda?"

The voice was small, unsure. It took several moments for Soda to realize that it was Pony speaking. He slowly rolled back over in the direction on his voice and with a large effort he managed to squint his eyes open. He peered through the blurry scene, blinking several times before things began to become clearer.

"Pony?" he mumbled. He rubbed his eyes, feeling disoriented. "Time is it?"

"It's almost nine," Pony said, looking down at him with concern.

"Shouldn't you be at school?" Soda asked, confused. What day was it?

"No, it's nine at night," Pony clarified slowly, nodding toward the window. Soda turned slightly to look and saw that it was dark out. "You slept all day…"

"I didn't sleep much last night," Soda mumbled, rolling back over. Suddenly his stomach growled. He realized he hadn't eaten anything all day. He was starved. With an effort he pushed himself up into a sitting position, still feeling heavy and disoriented with sleep. He almost started pushing himself out of bed before he remembered what he was missing. "Where's my cane?" he asked, glancing around.

Pony bent down and picked up the cane from where it lay strewn on the floor and handed it to him. He tried to ignore his brother's worried looks as he clamored out of bed, leaning heavily on the cane.

As he hobbled out of the room he could sense Pony following close behind. He passed through the living room, spotting Darry sitting in the armchair, glancing up at him over his paper with the same worried expression that Pony had. Soda sighed to himself. He wished they wouldn't watch him like that; it made him feel like some freak on display.

As he wandered into the kitchen he found that there was a stew on the stove with the burners on low to keep it warm. He dished out as much as he could into a bowl, filling it almost to the brim and fully intending to go back for seconds after he had finished. It was a task moving the bowl from the counter to the table with one hand while gripping his cane and he ended up spilling a little bit but didn't make too much of a mess. He slid into the chair and began to hungrily scarf down the stew.

"Hungry?" Darry had walked into the kitchen and was sitting down in the chair next to him. Soda simply nodded. "Did you each lunch today?"

Soda considered lying. He knew that Darry wouldn't be thrilled with him skipping meals. But somehow he just couldn't bring himself to do it, not after everything Darry had done for him. Slowly he shook his head. "No, I was asleep," he said. "I didn't get much sleep last night."

Darry nodded, but he still looked troubled. They were quiet for a minute as Soda continued to eat.

"If you were so tired… why did you need sleeping pills?" Darry finally asked slowly.

Soda paused with his spoon halfway to his mouth, startled by Darry's question. A moment later her remembered himself and ate another bite as he thought over his answer.

He placed his spoon down in the bowl and looked up at Darry tiredly. "I found them when I was looking for aspirin," he said quietly. When he had returned from the hospital not only was his leg still aching but he had a pounding headache. It wasn't like when he had hit his head, it was more of a tension headache, radiating out from behind his eyes. "I… I just wanted to sleep, Darry. I didn't want to think about… about anything. I didn't want to have nightmares. I just wanted to sleep."

Darry sighed, looking at him sympathetically. "Soda, it ain't healthy to knock yourself out like that during the daytime," he said slowly.

Soda rested his head to one side in his hand while his elbow rested on the table. "I guess I didn't think it through," he admitted. "I just… wanted to sleep." He knew that it made no sense. Hell he hardly understood why he had done it. Something had just come over him. All the memories had overwhelmed him. He just didn't want to feel anymore.

Darry frowned. He reached out and put a comforting hand on Soda's arm. "I'm sorry that I wasn't there with you this morning," he said. "But if you really needed me this afternoon you coulda called. I woulda come home to stay with you."

"You can't keep the memories away, Darry," Soda said quietly.

"I know," Darry said. "But I don't think it's about keeping the memories away. It's more about… accepting them."

Soda shook his head lightly. Darry didn't understand. He couldn't. It was just too painful. The only thing he could do is try and keep the pain at bay. "It's not that simple," he said flatly, dropping his gaze to look down at his food. Suddenly he didn't have much of an appetite anymore.

"I'm not trying to say that it is," Darry clarified. "Just… don't shut us out, okay Sodapop? You were finally doing so much better." Soda made a face at that statement and Darry seemed to quickly realized that it was the wrong thing to say. "I just mean-"

"Sorry," Soda cut him off. He pushed himself away from the table and clamored to his feet, clutching his cane in one hand. "I'm still tired. I'm gonna go lay down."

As Soda limped through the living room he noticed Pony sitting on the couch, trying to act like he hadn't been listening to every word being said in the kitchen. He felt like there was a weight was pulling down on him. Like there was a fog hanging over him. He figured maybe some of the medicine was still in his system. He had taken four instead of just two after all. Something that he wasn't about to tell Darry. He didn't want to disappoint him even more.

He reentered Pony's room, which was now his room again as well. Things were starting to get back to normal. But at the same time everything was so far from normal because he was not who he was before. He had changed during his time overseas, fighting for his life. Maybe he had changed for good.

Even though he had slept all day and he had not been awake for very long, as he fell back into bed he could already feel himself start to drift off. He glanced at the bedside table, but of course the pills were gone. Darry must have taken them. All he wanted to do was not think… all he wanted to do was forget…

XxXxX

Pony stood in the doorway of the kitchen, looking at Darry sitting at the kitchen table, his shoulders hunched. Clearly the conversation with Soda had not gone well.

"Is he okay?" Pony spoke up. He had watched Soda limp back to the bedroom a few minutes before and he thought it was really strange that he was already going back to bed.

Darry glanced back at him before looking back down at the table. Then he suddenly stood, grabbing Soda's half-eaten bowl of stew and clearing it from the table. He poured the remaining stew back into the pot on the stove and clicked off the burner. Then he went to work washing the bowl in the sink, spending more time than he needed to on the task.

"Darry?" Pony prompted after a few minutes.

"I dunno, Pony," Darry said, defeat in his voice.

Pony took a deep breath, hit hard by the fact that Superman was at a loss. "So what do we do?" he asked carefully.

Darry sighed heavily. He moved back to the stove and took the pot, moving to the icebox to save it for later. "I duuno," he repeated. "Maybe we should get him some help…"

"Send him to a doctor?" Pony asked, incredulous. "If he won't even talk to us you really think he's gonna talk to some stranger?"

Darry slammed the door to the icebox shut and whirled around to face him. "Well I'm out of ideas!" he snapped. "I don't know what to do. I can't fix this, I can't even begin to understand what he's been through! I can fix the damn porch railing but I have no idea how to fix my own brother." Pony watched Darry fall heavily back into his chair at the kitchen table, leaning on his elbows. "He's angry, then he's depressed, then he's even more angry and then he's even more depressed," he mumbled. "I don't know what to do…"

Pony was taken aback by Darry's sudden outburst. Darry had kept his cool so well through all of this. He had been able to keep the rest of them together. If Darry fell apart, none of them had a chance. Carefully Pony approached him, placing a tentative hand on his shoulder. For several minutes they just stayed like that, neither one knowing what to say.

"We just… we feel too much," Pony said quietly. "Soda has always had strong emotions. What he feels, he feels powerfully. That's how he is. We can't tell him he can't feel what he's feelin'."

Darry nodded in agreement. "I came up with the idea for the punching bag because of that," he said. "It's not that he shouldn't feel angry. It's that he should and he should also have an outlet. But what kind of healthy outlet is there for this?"

Pony was quiet, wracking his brain for answers and feeling frustrated when he came up with none. He suddenly thought back to just after Dally and Johnny had died two years ago. He had fallen into a deep depression after that. How had he coped? He had used writing his theme as an outlet. Unfortunately Soda was never much of a writer. Even writing home to his brothers while he was deployed had been a struggle for him.

Darry pushed himself away from the table and slowly stood up. "We should head to bed," he said flatly. "You got school and I got work in the morning."

"But what about Soda?" Pony asked quietly.

Darry sighed. "I'll call Steve and Two-Bit in the morning," he said. "Have them come check up on him."

Pony nodded, knowing that it was the best that they could do. They both wandered down the hall, splitting off into their own rooms without a work. As Pony quietly closed the door behind him he studied Soda's still form. He felt so lost, wishing like hell that he knew how to help him brother like his brother had helped him so many times. How many times had Soda kept him from falling apart? Why couldn't he do the same?

Quickly he changed for bed and then carefully climbed over Soda to get to his side of the bed. Soda didn't move. Pony watched him for a minute, listening to his light breathing in the dark. Then he wiggled closer to him, putting an arm over him like he used to do for him.

_We'll figure something out, Soda,_ Pony thought to himself. _We're not gonna give up on you…_


	29. Shock

**Author's Note: Sorry this chapter is a little late! I was moving last weekend and then we still don't have internet in our new house, of course, so I'm posting this from work, shhhh. This story is about to take a turn… hopefully you like it! Thanks to all my reviewers! **

* * *

_Chapter Twenty-Nine_

_Shock_

The Curtis house was very subdued the next day. Darry went to work while Pony went to school. Darry worried all day about Soda, but he knew there wasn't much he could do about that. All he could do was rush home right after work and hope that Soda was okay.

As he walked into the house he was surprised to smell dinner cooking. He knew that Pony had track practice after school today, so he shouldn't be home yet. He wandered into the kitchen to investigate and was truly surprised to find that Soda was standing in the kitchen by the oven, leaning heavily on his cane.

"Hey Soda," he said, trying to keep the shock out of his voice.

Soda jumped slightly, but relaxed immediately as he turned his head and saw Darry standing in the doorway. "Hey, Darry," he said. He still sounded awfully tired.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you," he said, setting his tool belt down on the counter. "How are you feeling today?"

"Okay," Soda answered with a shrug, not turning around. "Just tired. I'm… I'm real sorry about yesterday."

"It's not your fault, little buddy," Darry said gently. He was afraid to say anything more than that so he decided to drop the subject and approached the oven instead to see what was for dinner. "What are you making?"

"Baked chicken," Soda said. He looked up at him and gave him a strained smile. It was one of their favorites. Darry smiled too, glad that Soda seemed to be able to find some sort of comfort in the familiar meal.

"Sounds great," he said. "I'm gonna go shower before we eat."

"Okay," Soda said. "Dinner should be ready by the time you're done."

As Darry headed for the bathroom he felt an odd mixture of relief and worry. It was good to see Soda up out of bed by his own free will but he still seemed uncharacteristically subdued. He could only hope that this would continue to get better, but somehow he had no idea how it could. Perhaps they would be lucky enough to at least not be thrown any more curve balls.

Darry showered and cleaned up. By the time he headed back into the kitchen Pony was home and helping Soda set the table. Pony grinned at him as he entered, clearly encouraged by Soda's actions.

They sat down to a quiet family meal. The food was good even it if didn't have Soda's old flamboyant flair to it. Overall it was looking to be a quiet night.

They were just finishing eating when they heard the front door slam. Darry figured Two-Bit and Steve must be done with work.

"I'll clean up," he offered, standing up and beginning to gather up the plates and taking them over to the sink.

"Hey Two-Bit," Pony greeted. Darry glanced over his shoulder as he stood at the sink, seeing only Two-Bit standing in the doorway. He paused and then turned to get a better look at him. There was some strange look on Two-Bit's face that Darry couldn't quite place. Something seemed off.

"Hey kid," Two-Bit said. He glanced over at Soda. "How're you feelin', Soda?"

"I'm alright," Soda said. He was studying Two-Bit as well. Clearly he couldn't tell what his expression meant either. "What about you?"

"I'm fine," Two-Bit said unconvincingly. He moved farther into the kitchen, closer to Darry looking at him carefully. He spoke in a bit of an undertone as if he were only speaking to Darry and trying to block Soda and Pony out. "You heard from Steve today?"

Darry gave him a funny look. "No," he said, wondering what this was about. "Should I have?"

"I dunno," Two-Bit said, sounding troubled. "He didn't show up for work today."

Darry cocked an eyebrow. That was definitely out of the ordinary. Steve had never missed a day of work before, even when he was horribly hung over from partying all night. He needed to money too badly to skip work for trivial reasons. He needed that particular job because he wasn't good at anything else. He fixed cars. That's all he ever wanted to do. He wouldn't jeopardize that.

"Did he call in?" Soda asked carefully, looking at up at Two-Bit.

Two-Bit shook his head, looking over at Soda with worry in his eyes. "Nope," he said. "No call, no nothing. Haven't been able to get a hold of him all day. And boss said that he didn't show up yesterday either for his closing shift. I even tried Evie's house on the way over here, but she hasn't heard from him since the day before yesterday."

"That's really unlike him," Soda said slowly, clearly concerned.

"I'm sure he's around," Darry said, mostly for Soda's sake. It did make him nervous though, even though he tried to hide it. It was really out of character for Steve.

"I think you were the last one to see him," Two-Bit said, looking at Soda. "When he dropped you off here yesterday. Did he seem okay?"

"Yeah, I think so," Soda said, sounding a little unsure.

"Should we go look for him?" Pony wondered.

Before anyone could answer, there was the sound of the front door slamming. Soda shot up out of his chair but winced in pain as his weight fell on his bad leg. As Two-Bit and Pony went into the living room to see who had showed up Darry moved to Soda's side. He helped Soda limp along as they made their way to the living room.

As they entered Darry was relieved to see that Steve was standing just inside the doorway, looking unharmed. But then he took in the look on his face. The only word he could think of to describe it was utter shock.

"Jesus, Steve, where were you?" Two-Bit asked.

"Out," Steve said flatly.

"You had work today," Two-Bit pointed out.

Steve just shrugged. His eyes weren't focusing on any of them. Something was seriously wrong. Darry stepped closer to Steve while Soda stayed where he was. Later, looking back on the situation, Darry would see that Soda had already known exactly what had happened and was already frozen in shock.

"Steve?" Darry said. "What happened?"

Steve finally looked up at him, meeting his eyes. Slowly, mechanically, he reached his hand into his pocket, pulling out a crumpled envelope. Darry moved closer, taking the envelope from him. He didn't even look at the outside of the envelope, quickly taking the letter out. The words jumped out at him, tearing away at his heart. It was not the first time he had read those words but it was almost as painful as the first time. _Dear Mr. Steven Randle, You are hereby ordered for induction into the Armed Forces of the United States… _He didn't need to read the rest.

Suddenly it felt like the world was falling out from under him. Again. Lightening had struck their group once again. How could this be happening?

Feeling numb, Darry passed the letter along to Two-Bit so that he could read it. The only thing Darry was aware of was the deafening silence. At some point Two-Bit passed the letter to Pony.

"Steve," Darry said slowly. "Why don't you sit down?" He noted that the kid looked about ready to collapse. He didn't care that Steve was nineteen years old… he was just a kid.

Steve didn't move, he just kept staring blankly. Two-Bit moved forward, reaching out carefully and taking Steve's arm, leading him over to the couch. As they reached it Steve's knees suddenly gave out and he sat down hard on the couch. Everyone was watching him carefully, unsure what to expect from him.

Darry heard a choked noise come from behind him. He spun around to see Soda stumbling back against the wall behind him, looking pale and on the verge of passing out. Darry hurried over to him, taking him by the shoulders.

"Soda?" Darry said in a low voice, leaning down and meeting Soda's eyes. Soda looked up at him with pleading in his eyes, wanting for this to not be happening. Darry suddenly vividly remembered a conversation he had with Soda what felt like a lifetime ago.

"_What if this thing doesn't end?" Soda said, suddenly panicked. "What if two years pass and you get drafted? Or Pony?"_

_Darry looked away. He knew it was a very real possibility. "We'll deal with that when the time comes."_

"_What about Steve and Two-Bit?" Soda went on. "They could be drafted any day. I… I couldn't handle that. The things I saw while I was over there… you guys can't go through that."_

Darry had done his best to comfort him. He had said the chances of another one of them getting drafted were along the same lines of lightening striking the same spot twice. But somehow it had happened anyway. It was like life was just constantly out to prove that things could always get worse for them.

"C'mon, Soda, you wanna go lay down?" Darry said gently. He wanted to get Soda far away from this situation because he had no idea what kind of reaction he was going to have to it. Soda looked up at him and slowly shook his head. Darry sighed heavily. Deep down he knew it was too late to protect him from this anyway. "You at least need to sit."

Darry gently lead Soda over to the recliner. He carefully sat. The entire group was silent, each one at a loss as to what to do next. What could they do?

Finally Steve turned and focused on Soda. Soda was staring down at the ground.

"It… it's gonna be okay… right?" Steve said slowly, his voice practically begging. It was very out of character for this tough hood.

There was silence. For several minutes Soda didn't appear to have heard him. Finally he looked up. There were tears brimming in the edges of his eyes. Slowly, very slowly, he shook his head. "I don't know," he said quietly.

Clearly that wasn't comforting. Steve looked at him, eyeing his cane, eyeing his injury. There was fear in his eyes. He reached up and ran a hand through his long, greased hair, not seeming to notice or care that he messed it up. He stood up very suddenly.

"I won't go," he said firmly.

"Steve," Darry said.

"No," he said, backing up like a cornered animal. "No, I'll run, I'll go to Mexico."

"Steve, you can't run away to Mexico," Darry said rationally.

"I can't run away to Mexico but I can get shipped off to shoot people in fucking Vietnam?" Steve demanded angrily.

"If you got caught you'd go to prison," Darry pointed out.

"Still sounds like a better offer to me," Steve countered.

"Steve, please just sit down," Darry implored.

"I don't wanna sit down," Steve shot back angrily.

"It's no use," Soda said quietly. "You can't run away from this." Steve glared at him. Clearly it wasn't what he wanted to hear. "You just gotta deal with it."

"Yeah, 'cause you've been dealing with it so well," Steve shot back sarcastically.

There was silence as the painful truth of this comment hit the entire group hard. Slowly Soda pushed himself to his feet and they all watched as he silently turned and limped out of the room. After another moment they all heard Soda's bedroom door slowly close.

"Way to go," Two-Bit said in a low voice.

"Well I'm sorry but I can't baby him right now," Steve said still staring off in the direction Soda had gone, though some of his anger had melted away.

Darry nodded. He could understand that. This was a lot to deal with. None of them really even knew where to begin with processing this news.

"Soda could help," Pony pointed out carefully.

Steve sighed. He shoved his hands in his pockets. "I know," he said, a note of defeat in his voice. "I just… don't wanna go."

"Yeah. Soda didn't either," Darry said.

Steve looked at him for a minute. He sighed to himself. Then without a word he turned and headed down the hall toward Soda's bedroom.

XxXxX

Steve softly knocked on the closed bedroom door. He listened for an invitation to come in, but all he heard was silence. Cautiously he pushed the door open. Inside he found Soda sitting on the edge of the bed, his shoulders hunched as he stared down at his cane.

"Soda?" Steve said carefully. Soda didn't respond. Steve walked into the room, closing the door behind him. "Soda, I'm sorry for what I said."

Soda shrugged not looking up. "You weren't wrong," he said quietly.

"Yeah, but I was an ass for sayin' it like that," Steve said.

Soda looked up at him. "You're scared," he said seriously. "You're scared as hell of what's gonna happen over there."

Steve stared at him. He briefly considered denying it. He was a tough hood after all. He wasn't supposed to be scared. But he knew that Soda would see right through that. After all… he was speaking from experience.

"Yeah," he admitted quietly. He walked over to the bed and sat down next to Soda. He clasped his hands in front of him tightly. He was quiet for a minute. "When I saw the mail… I couldn't believe it. It took all day just to wrap my head around it. I still don't feel like I've got my head wrapped around it."

Soda nodded, looking at him carefully. "It won't feel real until you get there," he said steadily. "Even all through boot camp it still won't feel real. Even when you first get there it won't feel real. It won't be until that first fight… that first fight for your life. Then it'll feel real."

Steve swallowed. "What if I don't make it back?" he said softly, his voice betraying his fear.

Soda was silent for a minute. "I learned very quickly that no one is guaranteed to make it out of there," he said slowly, looking down at his cane. Then he looked back up at him, determination in his eyes. "But if anyone can make it back, I know Steve Randle can."

Steve gave him a strained smile. "Gosh, I hope so," he said unsurely.

Soda looked at him seriously. "Yeah. Me too."

* * *

**Author's Note: What do you think? Should I run and hide? Haha! **


	30. Restless

**Author's Note: I apologize in advance for slow responses to reviews on either of my stories as well as PM's. I still don't have internet in my new house (posting this from work, shhhh!). But reviews are my favorite and I love chatting with reviewers! Thank you! **

_Chapter Thirty_

_Restless_

Sodapop felt like he couldn't focus on anything. Everything just seemed so surreal. He couldn't even get his mind around how this was actually happening right now. He had always been afraid for Two-Bit and Steve since they each became eligible to be drafted, but somehow after he had been drafted it seemed like maybe that wouldn't happen. Like maybe his sacrifice would somehow help to protect the rest of the gang from having to go through what he had been through.

It seemed that life had other plans for them though.

Soda and Steve had gone back out into the living room to join the others, not exchanging any more words about what would happen, at least for now. They still had some time – not a lot, but some – and tonight all they could do was try and process what was happening.

There were a few weak attempts at conversation, but for the most part the Greasers just sat together, all under one roof wondering how much longer they would still be a gang of five. How much longer could they all last before they lost another one of their own? Suddenly it seemed that life was intent on taking as much away from them as possible. Like it was inevitable that they would lose someone else too soon.

"Steve, you wanna stay here tonight?" Darry asked, breaking a long silence. Soda looked up at the clock on the wall, realizing for the first time how late it was getting.

Steve looked at him. "Yeah," he said simply.

Darry nodded. He stood up and headed down the hall, returning a minute later with a few pillows and blankets. He tossed a few to Steve then looked over at Two-Bit.

"You're welcome to stay too," he told them. Two-Bit simply nodded, uncharacteristically quiet. It seemed only natural that they would all stay together under one roof for as long as they could. "C'mon, it's gettin' late," Darry prompted, looking around at everyone. "We should all get some sleep."

Everyone started moving around and Soda wasn't aware that he was supposed to be moving too until Darry crouched down in front of the recliner he was sitting in.

"C'mon Soda," he said gently. "Time for bed."

Soda nodded. His eyes shifted over to Steve who had stopped to watch him. He could see that Steve was looking at him differently now. It was like he was studying him, wondering if war would change him the same way it had changed Soda. He couldn't imagine that his reaction to all of this was very comforting to Steve, but he didn't know how to fix this. He allowed Darry to help him out of the recliner and turned and started to hobble out of the living room.

"'Night, Steve," Soda said quietly, glancing back over his shoulder at Steve, who was still looking at Soda with a strange look on his face.

"'Night, Soda," Steve returned, his tone a bit flat.

As Soda entered the bedroom he found that Pony was already ready for bed. Soda closed the door behind him and went to get ready for bed as well. As he went to change he found the task much more difficult than usual. He couldn't find his pajamas and then he had trouble pulling off his t-shirt.

"You need some help?" Pony asked after watching him for a few minutes.

Soda sighed. At nineteen years old he shouldn't need help getting changed for bed, but today with his mind elsewhere as well as his injury he was forced to admit that he just didn't have the brainpower for this simple task.

"Thanks, Pony," he said after he was finally changed.

"Are you okay?" Pony asked carefully.

Soda climbed into bed. "I guess," he said quietly.

Pony hesitated but a minute later he climbed into bed as well. Soda rolled over and threw his arm over Pony's shoulders, trying to find some comfort in feeling close to someone.

A few minutes later there was a soft knock at the door. Soda didn't even turn over as he listened to the door slowly open and then close again. He wasn't up for talking with anyone; he just wanted to disappear into the bed.

"Soda?" It was Darry's voice. Soda didn't move, hoping that he'd think he was asleep already. He felt the bed dip as Darry sat down on the edge. "Soda?" Soda grunted. "Are you doin' okay?"

Soda rolled over and glared at him. He didn't want sympathy right now. "What the hell do you think?" he snapped. "But _I'm_ not the one you should be worried about anyway. I'm not the one being shipped thousands of miles away from home to fight in someone else's bullshit war. Not this time anyway."

"Soda, it's gonna be-"

Soda cut him off. "Don't tell me it's gonna be okay," he said, a note of pleading in his voice. "'Cause you don't know that. I know what happens over there. No one's guaranteed to come home from that. No one…"

"That doesn't mean that he won't come home, though," Darry said. "You came home."

Soda sighed. "Just barely," he murmured. "And I didn't exactly come back the same person." He paused. "I know Steve. I know what he's gonna see over there. All it's gonna do is fuel his anger. He's gonna be a hot head, and hot heads get themselves killed over there." Suddenly he realized there were tears in his eyes. Somehow he just couldn't see Steve coming back from war. At least not the same person he was now. If he came back he would be more destructive and violent and angry at the world.

Darry frowned down at him, clearly not sure what to say to that. "I'm sorry, Soda," he finally said quietly.

Soda rolled over, putting his back to Darry. "I really don't wanna talk about this right now," he mumbled. _Or ever again…_ he added silently.

Darry sighed. He reached over and gave Soda a pat on the shoulder. "Okay, little buddy," he said. He heavily got to his feet, but paused at the door. "'Night Pony, 'night Soda. Sleep well."

But Soda knew it would be a long time before he slept well again.

XxXxX

"Soda! Soda, _please_ wake up! _Sodapop_!"

Soda gasped as his eyes flew open, his survival instincts immediately kicking in as he shot up into a sitting position and flung out an arm to push the figure next to him away. He heard a thump as he blinked through the darkness, his heart pounding as he tried to figure out his surroundings.

"Soda? Soda it's okay. You're home."

Soda's eyes moved to the figure in the room. He knew that voice. The figure moved around and a moment later the light in the bedroom came on. Soda sighed as he took in the familiar room and his little brother standing near the door, his hand still on the light switch. Soda slumped over and put his head in his hands.

"Sorry, Pony," he said quietly. Then he looked up at his brother, searching him critically. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Pony shook his head as he carefully approached the bed again. "No, I'm fine," he assured him. Soda nodded, feeling relieved. "Did… did you have a nightmare?"

Soda looked up at him, not missing the irony of the situation. "I'm okay," he said, trying to avoid directly answering the question. "C'mon back to bed. I'm sorry I woke you."

Pony looked at him unsurely. A moment later he turned and for a second Soda thought he was going to leave. But he flicked the light back off and crawled back into bed all the same. As they got themselves settled again Soda found it odd that Darry hadn't appeared. "Did I make much noise?" he asked. Perhaps he had managed to only disturb Pony tonight.

Pony shook his head. "No, not really," he said. "You were just kinda… thrashing around." He paused. "Are you scared for Steve?" he asked carefully. "Do you really think he might not come back?"

Soda sighed heavily. "Yeah, I am scared for him," he admitted quietly. "I lost count of how many close calls I had over there. And for every close call I had it seemed like someone else in our platoon didn't make it. Sometimes more than one. You've seen Steve in the middle of a rumble… he lets his anger get the best of him so easily that sometimes he just loses his head for a minute. In war… you just can't afford to do that."

"Maybe you could talk to him," Pony said. "Maybe if you tell him about that then he will try harder to keep his head."

"Yeah, maybe…" Soda said unconvincingly. He just couldn't see how this would turn out alright. "Go back to sleep, Pony, you got school in the morning."

Pony moved closer to him and Soda gratefully threw an arm over him, needing the comfort of his little brother's presence more than he was willing to admit. As Pony drifted back off to sleep Soda lay awake, trying to rid himself of the horrific images he had gotten from his subconscious in his nightmares. He had imagined so many different scenarios in which Steve could be killed. His memories came back to him, replacing American soldiers he had seen killed in action with his best friend. And it hadn't stopped there. Two-Bit, Darry and even Pony somehow made their way into his nightmares, and Soda was forced to watch them as soldiers and all the ways they could be killed. Just thinking about it made him feel ill.

Without thinking about it, Soda pulled his little brother in closer to him as if he could somehow protect him. With a pang he realized that he couldn't protect him. He couldn't protect anyone from what he had been through. If the government decided to take anyone away from him, all he could do was watch helplessly.

Soda wasn't even aware that he was crying until he choked on a sob. Everything just felt so wildly out of his control. There was nothing he could do to stop this from happening. He felt so very small in that moment, like they were all just pawns in some bigger game that they didn't even completely understand nor did they have any say in.

Soda was thankful that Pony had been so tired he had fallen back asleep and didn't have to witness this break down. He drifted off a few times throughout the night, but always woke with a start from vivid nightmares. Each time he would pull his sleeping brother in closer to him as he fought back tears.

He wondered, not for the first time, if all this bloodshed was really worth tearing so many families apart. And he wondered if this war would ever end.

XxXxX

Out in the living room Steve lay awake, staring at the ceiling. He was laying on the couch and Two-Bit was stretched out on the floor with a few blankets and a pillow, snoring lightly. Steve had heard a small commotion coming from Soda and Pony's room a little while ago, but it had been pretty quiet since. Under normal circumstances he might have gone to make sure Soda was okay, but tonight he just couldn't bring himself to.

Everything had changed so much in the blink of an eye with the discovery of one simple letter. Suddenly Soda's pain was so much more real and tangible because very soon it could be his pain as well. Every time he saw Soda wince he wondered if he would get injured and be in constant pain as well. Every time he saw Soda's eyes glass over as if he were somewhere else altogether he wondered he if would do that as well. But the most important question of all… he wondered if he would even be able to manage to come back from this.

Steve Randle was a tough hood from the rough streets of Tulsa, Oklahoma. And he was absolutely terrified to die. He had been introduced to death when he was still very small as his mother had lost a battle with cancer when he was six. He was also hit hard when his best friend's parents had both been killed so suddenly just a few years before. Then there had been Johnny. And he had panicked when Dally had been shot right in front of him, even tried to run to help him after it was clear he was already gone. Soda had to hold him back that night.

Soda wouldn't be there to hold him back this time.

That was another thing that got him. Going alone. The gang had been close since they were all very young. They depended on each other. They were family. How could he do this without them there to help him? He had always depended on the support of his friends and the thought of going without it seemed like such an impossible task.

Steve rolled over so that he was facing the inside of the couch and curled in on himself and put his arm up over his head in an attempt to bury himself into the couch.

_I can't do this…_


	31. Breaking Points

**Author's Note: I am soooooo sorry this update is so late! I usually like to update once a week, but work has been absolutely insane, I've even been working weekends in an attempt to get my current project done. Thank you so much for your patience! Hopefully this chapter was worth the wait! I hope to get back on a regular updating schedule next weekend. And as always, please review! Reviewers keep me going! :)**

_Chapter Thirty-One_

_Breaking Points_

When Soda got up early the next day he limped out into the living room to find that both Steve and Two-Bit were gone. That wasn't terribly surprising. He couldn't imagine that Steve had slept much the night before and he was just glad that wherever he had gone, Two-Bit had gone with him. He shouldn't be alone right now. Soda knew that all too well.

Soda wasn't cleared to work for a week because of his concussion, so he was house bound while everyone else went to work and school. He didn't really feel like leaving the house anyway. He had fallen deep into a fog by Steve's news and was fully contented with simply hiding from the world, even if deep down he knew that he couldn't do that forever. Eventually reality would hit and it would hit hard.

Over the course of the next three days Soda neither saw nor heard from either Steve or Two-Bit. This only dragged Soda down even more. He could understand Steve wanting to avoid him right now… but it still hurt.

Soda spoke as little as possible and he flat out refused to talk about Steve's situation when either of his brothers tried to bring it up. He would even go so far as to leave the room if the subject was brought up. He just couldn't handle even thinking about it.

Soda was also sleeping even less than ever. He spent nights tossing and turning restlessly, being woken up several times a night by nightmares. He felt bad for waking Pony too, but at the same time he couldn't even consider going back to his own room. With everyone being gone all day, the night was the only time he didn't feel completely isolated and even if it didn't want to talk it was still a comfort to be near his family.

It was early in the morning on Friday. Soda had given up on sleep for the night as he carefully eased himself out of bed so as not to wake Pony. As quietly as he could he changed into his workout clothes before heading out of the room. The house was eerily still as he limped through it, leaning heavily on his cane as he went. He wasn't surprised to find the living room empty once again, even though some part of him had hoped that Steve or Two-Bit had finally come over.

Out on the front porch Soda found that the morning was cool and crisp, with the sun just beginning to peak over the houses. It was very calming. He found his tape sitting on the stool where he had left it and began taping up his knuckles. He hadn't boxed at all this week since his fall and his concussion, but he was feeling especially antsy this morning and needed to get some pent up energy out.

He leaned his cane up against the house and tested his balance. Once he was satisfied that he could stand on his own at least for the time being he adjusted his stance and brought a hand back, landing a solid punch on the punching bag.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed as he landed punch after punch. With each blow he landed he felt the emotions that he had suppressed over the past few days creeping back to the surface. Long after he normally would have brought the stool up and sat down he was still on his feet, ignoring the growing ache in his leg. His punches got harder and harder as his growing frustrations finally began to get the better of him. _Why… _thud. _Why…_ thud. _Why?_ THUD. He put all his strength behind his punches as if somehow he could fight the reality of the situation.

"Soda?"

Soda could hardly register the sound of Darry's voice, never mind what it meant. He was consumed with putting all his energy into beating down the bag in front of him, like somehow he could fix everything if he could just win this impossible fight. Like there was something he could actually do to change the events of their lives. His movements were quickly becoming less contained and more desperate and chaotic. He let out a grunt of frustration with every blow, feeling more and more angry every time the bag bounced back. No matter how many times he hit it, it just wouldn't yield to him. Why couldn't he make any difference, why couldn't he win this fight?

"Soda!" Darry was closer now, more insistent, but Soda refused to stop. His arms kept swinging frantically. "Soda, stop!" Suddenly a vice grip wound around him, pinning his arms to his sides. Soda fought against him, but to no avail. He let out a cry of frustration and suddenly he was aware of tears flowing freely down his cheeks. Defeat took over his body as his knees gave way. He slowly sunk to the ground and Darry knelt with him, his arms still securely around him. "Sh, it's okay," Darry soothed gently, pulling him in close.

But now that the dam had been broken Soda was powerless to stop it. Sob after sob tore through him as the situation finally hit him hard for the first time. Steve was being forced to go through what he had been through. That wasn't something he would wish on his worst enemy let alone his best friend. It wasn't fair… Soda needed Steve here with him.

"Is he okay?" came Pony's timid voice.

"Yeah, he's okay," Darry said calmly. His embrace was less firm and more gentle as he rubbed Soda's arms comfortingly. "Can you grab the first aid kit?"

Soda didn't know why he needed the first aid kit, but at the moment he didn't really care. He shifted around so that he could bury his head in Darry's shoulder. He could take a small amount of comfort in the fact that neither of his brothers were eligible to be drafted. Pony was still two years too young and Darry was Pony's only caretaker. But what about Two-Bit? How much could the draft take away from them?

Finally the sobs were beginning to subside, leaving an emptiness in its wake. Soda leaned heavily against his older brother, feeling too drained to do anything else. He was only vaguely aware of Pony coming back outside.

"C'mon, Soda," Darry said gently. "Let's get you cleaned up."

With an effort Soda sat up. Darry reached over and lifted his right hand, carefully beginning to pull the tape off. Soda saw that at some point the tape had peeled back from his knuckles, which were now split and bloody. He looked at his left hand and saw that it looked the same. He hadn't even noticed when that had happened.

Soda watched with vacant eyes as Darry cleaned and bandaged his knuckles. He was finally aware of the stinging sensation that accompanied the injury. His leg was also aching from the effort of supporting his weight for so long. He was beginning to realize just how out of control he had been.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Darry asked slowly once he had finished. They were still sitting on the floor of the porch with Pony standing over them.

Soda looked up at him with pain in his eyes. "I don't want him to go," he said quietly, feeling quite young.

Darry nodded. "I know, little buddy," he said sympathetically. "None of us wanna see him go."

"He's avoiding me," Soda said bluntly. "He's never gone this long without comin' over… he doesn't want to see me because all I am now is a reminder to him."

"He'll come around, Soda," Darry assured him. "He just needs some time to try and process this."

"You can't process this though," Soda insisted. "You don't even begin to process until you get over there. And then it'll be too late."

They were all quiet for a few minutes.

"I'm sorry I haven't been there for you this week," Darry finally said quietly.

"It's okay," Soda said. "You gotta work."

"Well, I've got tomorrow off," Darry said. "I'll be here all day for you. I could even take today off if you want me to."

Soda quickly shook his head. "We need the money, Darry," he insisted. "I'm sorry you had to see my breakdown… I'll be fine though."

Darry studied him for a moment, as if he didn't quite believe him. Soda looked up at Pony and saw that he looked a bit shaken as well. He wondered just how deranged he had looked while attacking the punching bag.

"Really, I'm okay," he insisted.

Darry sighed as he stood up. Then he reached back down and slowly pulled Soda to his feet. Pony grabbed Soda's cane and held it out for him. Soda took it without meeting his eyes, and the slowly made his way back inside.

Weren't things supposed to get better with time? Weren't things supposed to get easier with time?

XxXxX

Pony hardly paid attention to anything that went on in his classes that day. He was too distracted with too much on his mind. Soda had seemed so broken that morning. He was like a shell of the brother who had left them after being drafted over a year before and he hated that. All he wanted was for things to go back to the way they were before… and that was going to be even harder now.

As the final bell sounded at long last Pony hurried to his locker to gather his things before hurrying out of the school. Rather than heading in the direction of home he turned in a different direction. After thinking about it all day and he knew what he had to do.

As the DX station came into view he felt a little weary about his decision, but kept moving all the same. He walked right into the store, not allowing himself to hesitate or talk himself out of his decision. He immediately spotted Two-Bit behind the counter.

"Hey, Pony," Two-Bit said, his cheeriness a little more strained than usual. "What are you doin' here?"

"I'm lookin' for Steve," he said bluntly.

Two-Bit's smile immediately slipped of his face. "He's out in the garage," he said slowly. "But I wouldn't bother him if I were you, kid. He's on the war path."

"I don't care," Pony said as he turned and headed back out of the store. After seeing Soda's display that morning he knew that he couldn't just sit by and watch this. He had to take some sort of action.

Pony walked into the garage and looked around for a moment. Among the broken down cars he finally spotted Steve hunched over the engine of an old Ford. He hesitated for a moment before clearing his throat in order to make his presence known.

Steve glanced over his shoulder and glared. "What do you want?" he asked flatly.

"I want you to talk to Soda," Pony said firmly.

Steve snorted as he turned his back to him. "Go away," he said.

Pony dropped his backpack and walked over to Steve. "Don't you even care how much you're hurting your best friend?" he demanded.

"You got no idea what I'm goin' through, so just get the hell out," Steve growled dangerously.

"No I don't," Pony said. "But Soda does."

"I just can't deal with that right now, Pony," Steve said angrily, balling his hands into fists. "Him and his injury… it makes it all too real."

"It's always been real to him," Pony said, feeling angry as well. "You can't just blow him off, you don't have much more time left."

"You think I don't know that?" Steve suddenly roared, lashing out and shoving Pony so hard he almost fell down. "I'm the one being sent off to some godforsaken country against my will!"

"Yeah, well so was Soda!" Pony shot back. "He's breaking down without you and it's only gonna get worse after you are gone! He needs you, Steve! Your best friend for the past fifteen years needs you! And whether you want to admit it or not, I think you need him too." Steve just stared at him. Pony turned and headed back toward the door, picking up his backpack and then pausing. "Soda is scared for you. And he wants to help you. But you have to let him. He can't come chasing after you like he used to."

And with that Pony turned and walked out the door, heading for home. There wasn't anything more that he could say. It was up to Steve now. He could only hope that somehow his words would make it through Steve's thick head. For both his and Soda's sake.


	32. Words of Wisdom

**Author's Note: Yay, quicker update than last time! I'm actually surprised that this story has gotten this long; I originally expected to end it a lot sooner. But with this new twist I don't think I'm anywhere near being done. So I hope it's okay with you guys if this story just keeps going and going and going and going… haha. It'll end eventually, just not just yet. **

**P.S. I suck at coming up with chapter titles. Very cheesy for this one, but oh well! Hope you like it anyway! Please review! **

* * *

_Chapter Thirty-Two_

_Words of Wisdom_

"Can you believe the nerve of that kid," Steve ranted after his shifted finally ended. They were in Two-Bit's car and Steve hardly took notice as to where they where going. He figured they'd probably end up at Buck's place like they had the past couple nights. "The little shit's got no idea what he's talkin' about." He looked over at Two-Bit for support. He had been uncharacteristically quiet since they had gotten into the car. "Right?" he prompted.

Two-Bit sighed heavily. He glanced over at Steve wearily before focusing back on the road in front of him. "No, he doesn't know what he's talkin' about," he finally agreed slowly. Steve nodded, feeling validated in his anger. "None of us know what we're talkin' about when it comes to this," Two-Bit continued unexpectedly. "Not Pony, not Darry, not me… just you and Soda."

Steve openly glared at him. "Well, what do you expect me to do?" he demanded.

Two-Bit shrugged casually. "I dunno," he said flatly. "Talk to him?" Steve snorted derisively. "Why is that such an outrageous idea?" Two-Bit demanded, suddenly angry. Steve stared at him blankly. He had never seen Two-Bit really angry before. "Steve, when do you ship out?" Steve was silent as he turned to stare straight out the windshield. He didn't want to answer. "When do you ship out?" Two-Bit repeated firmly.

"Four days," Steve snapped. "I ship out in four days."

"So what's the plan?" Two-Bit asked. "You just gonna avoid your best friend for the next four days? Then you ship out and he may never see you again? Is that really how you want to leave things?"

"Stop the goddamn car," Steve growled. He didn't need this. He didn't need to be reminded that in four days he was leaving home for the first time in his life and he might not come back.

"No," Two-Bit said flatly.

Steve grabbed the handle, fully intending on jumping out of the moving vehicle. Two-Bit saw this and swerved over to the side of the road, slamming on the breaks and bringing the car to an abrupt halt. Then he reached over and grabbed Steve's arm to keep him in the car.

"You can't avoid this, Steve," he said, meeting Steve's eyes. "Even if you do avoid Soda for the next four days, you'll still have to ship out and you'll still have to fight."

"You tell me you wouldn't be doin' the same thing if it were you," he shot back. "'Cause remember, it just as easily coulda been you."

Two-Bit sighed heavily. "I can't say what I would be doin'," he admitted. "But I would like to think that I would want to spend as much time with my family as I could while I could."

The way that Two-Bit had said it, Steve could tell that he wasn't just talking about his biological family. He was talking about their family. The Greasers. Because after all, they were family.

"I just…" Steve started. He paused. He swallowed hard and put his head in his hand. He found that he had no words for how he was feeling.

"What if you do avoid him," Two-Bit said slowly, a little more gently. "You don't go back there for the next four days. Then you get on the bus and leave Tulsa. Are you okay with the idea of never seeing him again?"

Steve looked at him. He felt the anger deflating. After a few minutes of silence Two-Bit cautiously removed his hand, watching Steve carefully obviously looking for signs that he was going to run. When Steve remained in his seat Two-Bit slowly turned back to the steering wheel, carefully pulling back out into the road. Steve knew where they were going. Part of him still wanted to run, but part of him knew that this was something that he had to do.

As they pulled up to the Curtis house it was already dark out. It was getting late but there was still light coming from the living room. Two-Bit parked alongside the curb and turned the engine off, but didn't move. They sat there for several long minutes in silence. Finally Steve took a deep breath and mechanically reached out and opened the door. Two-Bit followed his lead, walking two steps behind him as he made his way up the walk in front of the Curtis house. It was an odd feeling. Going to Soda's house had always been like going home to him. He had always been more comfortable here than at his own house. He had never felt this anxious before.

He hesitated for just a moment on the porch, wondering what kind of reception he was about to get on the other side of that door. Two-Bit waited patiently behind him. Finally he reached out, turned the doorknob, and entered the house. Inside he found that the living room was deserted. He moved through the living room to the kitchen and found that Pony was sitting at the kitchen table with textbooks and papers spread out in front of him. Darry was standing over him, clearly checking his homework while he worked. They both turned to look as Steve and Two-Bit entered.

"Hey," Darry said, clearly surprised by their appearance.

"Hey," Steve returned flatly. He glanced around and took in a calming breath. "Soda around?"

"He went to bed about an hour ago," Darry said.

"Oh," Steve said, disappointed. He stood awkwardly in the doorway and shoved his hands in his pockets, unsure as to what to do next.

"You wanna stay here?" Pony asked carefully. "Soda will be around in the morning."

"Yeah, sounds okay," Steve said with a nod.

There was more awkward silence so Steve turned and headed for the couch. He was exhausted. Trying to drink the last three days away while he wasn't working had taken a lot out of him. Two-Bit followed him and settled himself into the recliner as Steve lay on the couch. Two-Bit had been his shadow for the past few days, never leaving him alone. Steve was grateful for that.

He closed his eyes in a futile attempt to get some sleep. Morning was going to come quick and he wasn't looking forward to facing what was to come.

XxXxX

Soda slept even more restlessly that night. He went to bed early and began tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep but too tired to do anything else. He was only vaguely aware of Pony finally coming to bed after he had finished his homework. Soda felt a little better with his little brother sleeping peacefully next to him, but he still got very little sleep.

As the sun began to shine through the window Soda finally gave up on trying to sleep. He carefully moved away from Pony and slowly dragged himself out of bed. As the days went on his body felt heavier. He just didn't know how he would ever be able to deal with this. What if Steve didn't come back? What if he didn't get to see him before he left? How could he live with that?

As Soda limped out into the living room, leaning heavily on his cane, he was forced to do a double take. He had been expecting the room to be empty, just as it had for the past few days. But he spotted Two-Bit leaning back in the recliner, fast asleep. And even more surprising he saw Steve sprawled out on the couch. He appeared to be sleeping at first, but as Soda's footsteps came to a halt Steve's head turned and his eyes opened. There were bags under his eyes and they looked at bit bloodshot, as if he hadn't really slept in days. It wasn't surprising. Soda knew the feeling well.

"Hey, Steve," Soda said a little unsurely.

"Hey," Steve said flatly.

There were a few long moments of awkward silence. "You… haven't been around lately," Soda finally said lamely.

"No… I haven't," Steve said, sitting up. "I'm sorry about that."

Soda gave a half-hearted shrug. "It's okay."

Steve looked at him carefully for a moment. "Do you think… can we talk?"

"Yeah, of course," Soda said. He glanced over at Two-Bit who was still sound asleep in the recliner. "C'mon, let's head outside."

He moved forward, doing his best not to wince too much. His leg was feeling very stiff this morning. Steve followed him out to the porch, closing the door quietly behind him. Soda made his way to the steps. He and Steve had spent a lot of time on these porch steps over the years, just sitting and hanging out. This time felt so much different though. He hobbled down one step and then grabbed onto the railing to help lower himself down to sit on the top step. He slowly stretched his bad leg out in front of him. After a moment Steve followed suit, sitting on the other side of the step.

"Does it still hurt a lot?" Steve said slowly, eyeing Soda's injury as he pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket.

Soda shrugged. "Sometimes," he said. "It's usually pretty stiff in the mornings. It loosens up during the day though."

"What happened to your hands?" Steve asked slowly as he lit up a cigarette.

Soda looked down at his hands, which were still bandaged up because of his split knuckles from the morning before. "I guess I got a little too aggressive with the punching bag yesterday," he said quietly.

Steve took a drag off his cigarette and then sighed. "I'm sorry I haven't been around the past few days," he apologized again.

"It's okay," Soda assured him again. "If it were me in your position… I'm not so sure I'd want to see me either."

"I just want to… not think about it," he said quietly, looking down at his hands.

"Not thinking about it isn't going to help you right now though," Soda said carefully, afraid of the reaction he was going to get. He knew that Steve was really on edge right now and it would be easy for his temper to get the better of him. He was vaguely aware of how ironic it was for him to be comforting Steve right now and telling him that he couldn't avoid what was happening.

Steve sighed, his posture taking on a defeated stance. "I know," he said. He looked up at Soda. "How did you cope with all of this?"

Soda took a deep breath. "I guess before I shipped out I did my best to keep it together for Pony's sake," he said slowly, vividly remembered the days after he had received his draft notice. "I didn't want him to know how scared I was. I wanted to be strong for him. Or at least seem strong."

"What about… after?" Steve said slowly.

Soda looked down at the ground. "Well, basic is really not bad," he said. "It's like gym class on steroids. You won't have any trouble dealin' with that." Soda paused. He didn't want to think about what happened after basic. But he knew he had to. For Steve's sake. He couldn't let him go into this blind, like he had. "When you first go out into the field… well everything is real tense. All the new recruits are nervous and likely to start firing at even a hint at danger, which caused a lot of friendly fire incidents. It's always a good idea to stay away from them at first. After a few fights things start falling into place though. Everyone gets into their rhythm and all the training that they drill into your head during basic starts kickin' in." He couldn't bring himself to mention that after the first couple battles the real inept tended to be killed off as well, making the unit less chaotic. It was too morbid and he didn't want to show just how jaded war had really made him.

"Do you think that I can do it?" Steve asked carefully. "Do you really think I can make it back home?"

Soda was quiet. He knew the truth. He knew that no one was guaranteed to come home. Just one bad decision, just one small mistake, could be anyone's end. Simply standing in the wrong place at the wrong moment could prove deadly, and there was nothing you could do to avoid that. Part of surviving Vietnam had nothing to do with skill, but simply luck. And luck was hardly ever with the Greasers. But he knew that these were things that Steve did not need to know right now. If Steve went into this believing that he was doomed from the very beginning he wouldn't have a chance in hell of coming back. He had to choose his words carefully.

"I do think you can make it back," Soda said with as much conviction as he could muster. He looked up and did his best to meet Steve's eyes. "You know how to fight and you know how to look out for yourself. You just gotta pay attention during basic and when you get over there keep your head low and keep your temper in check I think you will come home."

Steve took in a deep, calming breath and then gave him a strained smile. "Thanks, Soda," he said.

Soda nodded. "You just gotta be smart," he reiterated. "You can't lose your head out there. I know you and I know your temper. You can't get angry in the heat of battle because then you can't think straight and then you make mistakes." He knew if anything this would be Steve's downfall. But maybe if he was aware of it he could somehow keep himself in check.

Steve nodded. "Yeah, you're right," he agreed. "I'll do my best."

"I hope so," Soda said. "Because… I need you to come back, Steve. We all need you to come back." Soda hung his head, staring down at his bandaged knuckles. "It's gonna be so much harder without you here," he admitted quietly. Steve had done so much to help him since he had gotten back, and he wasn't looking forward to the void that would be inevitable after he left.

"Yeah, but you'll still have everyone else," Steve pointed out, clearly stretching for some kind of silver lining. "Darry and Pony and Two-Bit will all be here for you."

Soda nodded. "Yeah," he said, trying to keep the disappointment out of his voice. "Yeah, I'll be fine."

He suddenly felt guilty for saying anything at all about himself. Of course he would still have the rest of the gang here with him. He didn't need to worry Steve with concerns about himself right now, that would be far too selfish. Steve was the one being shipped overseas by himself and he certainly didn't need to be worrying about Soda while he was over there. He didn't need any distractions right now.

They lapsed into a more comfortable silence, each leaving the other to his own thoughts. Soda borrowed a cigarette from Steve and they quietly smoked as they watched the sun come up over the neighborhood. Soda enjoyed the quiet and he wondered vaguely if they would ever get to repeat this moment again. Would he ever be able to just sit on the porch and smoke with his best friend again? Could they really be lucky enough to have both him and Steve return home after being drafted? He stuck a glance over at Steve, who was staring off at nothing in particular.

_Please let Steve come back home…_ Soda silently prayed to anyone who may be listening. _Please look over my best friend. I really need him to come home in one piece._


	33. Here Comes Goodbye

**Author's Note: Yay! Got hit with some inspiration for the end of this chapter. I was really struggling with it for a while and then I was like "Oh! Why hadn't I thought of that before!" So I hope you like it! Also for the first half of this chapter I will say… get the tissues! I was tearing up while writing it. **

**Don't forget to review and let me know what you think!**

* * *

_Chapter Thirty Three_

_Here Comes Goodbye…_

The next four days passed by far too quickly for anyone's taste. Soda returned to work with Steve and Two-Bit and he spent most of the time in the garage with Steve. They didn't speak any more about what was going to happen after Steve left, they simply worked side by side and just enjoyed each other's company while they could.

The night before Steve was to ship out he brought his small amount of things over to the Curtis house and spent the night on their couch, while Two-Bit slept in the recliner again. The five Greasers stayed up late in to the night, talking, drinking and reminiscing while doing their best to enjoy what little time they had left together. However despite everyone being up so late the night before, every single one of them got up early in order to see Steve off.

The day was appropriately overcast and dreary as everyone piled into Darry's truck early that morning. Darry helped Soda up into the bed of his truck even though he knew it would probably be uncomfortable for Soda with his injured leg to sit back there and he should really sit up in the cab. But he just didn't have the heart to suggest it as Steve climbed up into the back. He didn't want to be the one to separate the best friends right now. Two-Bit sat in the back with them while Darry climbed into the cab along with Pony. He opened the back window as he drove, but the three in the back were silent the entire way, just as they had been over a year ago when they had been driving Soda to be shipped out. And just like last time Darry had the dismal sensation of driving a family member to a death sentence.

Darry parked the truck at the bus station and climbed out. Soda, Steve and Two-Bit didn't move and Darry simply grabbed Steve's small bag and patiently waited. Finally Steve sighed and started climbing out of the bed, closely followed by Two-Bit. Darry started to move over in order to help Soda out of the truck, but to his surprise Steve turned and reached up to help him instead.

"Thanks Steve," Soda mumbled.

"Yeah, no problem," Steve said quietly, not quite meeting his eyes.

The five of them stood around, all avoiding looking at the bus that was sitting ominously on the other side of the parking lot.

"You're gonna be okay," Soda finally spoke up, breaking the long silence.

Steve looked up and gave him a halfhearted smile. "Yeah, I know," he said, trying to sound confident, though his voice wavered slightly.

Darry glanced down at his watch. There were only a few minutes until the bus was supposed to leave. He ran a hand through his hair, hating how painful it was to once again say goodbye to one of their own, not knowing if he would come back or not.

Two-Bit reached out and clapped Steve on the shoulder. "Now you be good over there," he said, trying to grin but failing at it miserably. He stepped closer and pulled Steve into a hug. Steve had never been a very touchy feeling kind of person, but he returned the hug whole-heartedly before pulling away a minute later.

As Two-Bit shoved his hands in his pockets and moved away, Pony timidly stepped up, looking a bit unsure. "I brought you something," he said. He pulled what looked like a folded piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it over to Steve. As Darry watched him unfold it he saw that it was a photograph. He clearly remembered when they had taken that picture years ago. The entire gang was in it, even Johnny and Dally. It was something his mother had done just before she had passed away, wanting a picture of all her surrogate children. Pony had kept the picture on his bedside table ever since they lost their parents.

"You sure?" Steve asked slowly, looking at Pony carefully.

Pony nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure," he said simply.

"Thanks Pony," Steve said as he tucked it carefully into his pocket. It was one of the few occasions when Steve actually called Pony by his name rather than just calling him 'kid.' Pony, with a burst of courage, quickly stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Steve. It was an odd sight, considering that even though they tolerated each other better Pony and Steve had never been close, but Steve returned the hug without hesitation. After just a moment the embrace broke and Pony quickly stepped back to stand with Two-Bit.

Darry figured it was his turn next, since it seemed natural that Soda would get the final goodbye. He stepped forward and immediately pulled Steve into a hug just like the others had.

"Be smart over there," Darry said. "Use your head and you'll be fine, okay?"

"Yeah, okay," Steve said a bit gruffly as he hugged him back.

Darry pulled away and looked down at Steve, straining to smile. "When you come home we'll throw you a big party," he assured him, trying to sound confident.

Steve's smile was just as strained. "Thanks Darry."

Darry nodded and stepped away, glancing over at Soda who had been watching the scene with uncharacteristic seriousness. He looked up at Darry and met his eyes as he shifted his weight and held out his cane slightly. Darry got what he was trying to do and went over and carefully took his cane from him, freeing up both of his arms. Steve stepped up and embraced his friend tightly. They were both silent for a minute.

"You take care of yourself, you hear?" Steve finally said, pulling away from Soda slightly, but still keeping a hold on him in order to support him.

Soda let out a humorless laugh. "I'm supposed to be tellin' you that," he pointed out. "Don't you worry about me none. I'll be runnin' marathons by the time you get back."

Steve smiled. "Yeah, I'm sure you will, buddy," he said.

"You'll write to us, right?" Soda said hopefully.

"Yeah, I'll write every chance I get," Steve agreed steadily.

As much as it pained him, Darry finally had to speak up. "The bus it about to leave," he said gently.

Steve nodded slightly, the smile slipping off his face, looking grim. Darry moved closer and handed Soda his cane back so that Steve could let go of him. Then he handed Steve his pack. Steve looked up and met Darry's eyes as he slung the pack over his shoulder and without saying a word they seemed to communicate a mutual understanding that Darry would take care of Soda while Steve was gone and do his best to keep him from falling apart. As much as they all knew that Steve was going to struggle with being drafted, they all knew that Soda was going to have a very rough time dealing with it as well.

"Goodbye, Steve," Soda said.

Steve nodded. "See you, Soda," he returned.

Then with what seemed like a great effort Steve turned and started walking toward the bus, his posture a little straighter and more defiant than usual. Soda was stiff as he stared after him, gripping his cane so hard that his knuckles were turning white. No one moved as they watched Steve slowly board the bus. Only a minute later the door to the bus closed and with a hiss he started off, disappearing around a corner in a matter of minutes.

"C'mon, Soda," Darry said gently, placing a hand on Soda's shoulder. Soda posture immediately deflated at the touch. It happened so suddenly that reacting on pure instinct Darry quickly brought his other hand around to grab hold of Soda, honestly afraid for a moment that he was going to collapse right there in the parking lot. Soda stumbled a bit, but seemed to catch himself and didn't actually fall, though he did grab onto Darry with his free hand for stability. As he looked up at Darry, he could plainly see the pain in his younger brother's eyes and wished desperately there was a way to fix this. "C'mon, little buddy, let's go home," he said softly.

Soda simply nodded, a hollow look in his eyes, and allowed Darry to lead him back over to the truck, helping him up into the passenger's seat. Pony and Two-Bit, who had been carefully watching from several steps away, both climbed into the bed of the truck. Darry walked around and climbed into the driver's seat, starting up the truck and glancing into the back to make sure Two-Bit and Pony were settled before carefully pulling out of the parking spot and slowly starting back off toward home. As they drove a light rain began to fall with light rumbles of thunder in the background, reflecting the mood of the dismal Greasers.

Back at home there was a somber atmosphere hanging over the group. There was an empty feeling as they entered the house as four instead of five. Darry could vividly remember this same feeling from when Soda had shipped out. It was so unfair that all of them had to go through this again.

Soda immediately collapsed into the recliner, staring vacantly at nothing in particular. Pony looked up at Darry unsurely and Darry just shrugged. He was at a loss. He knew there would be no comforting Soda right now.

"Anyone hungry?" Darry tried lamely.

The only response he got was silence. He sighed and headed into the kitchen anyway, feeling like he had to do something to bring some sense of normalcy. He had taken the entire day off of work and had even allowed Pony to skip school so that what was left of the Greaser could spend the day together. In the kitchen he concentrated all his energy on just making breakfast, doing everything he could to block out thoughts of how they would survive this, how Steve would survive this, how Soda would survive this especially If Steve didn't come home. He forced himself to live in the present and just deal with one thing at a time. For now all he had to worry about was not burning breakfast.

Two-Bit quietly entered the kitchen and helped Darry move all the food into the living room, setting up on the coffee table. Everyone started dishing out servings onto plates except for Soda, who hadn't moved a muscle.

"Soda, you want somethin' to eat?" Darry tried, looking at his brother with concern. Soda silently shook his head. Darry sighed. "You really should eat somethin'," he said.

"I'm not hungry," Soda said flatly. He bit his lip and Darry noticed that he was trembling slightly. What little self-control he had managed to maintain for Steve's sake was beginning to crumble. Pony seemed to see this as well as he put his plate down on the coffee table and moved to perch carefully on the arm of the recliner that Soda was sitting in. Carefully he placed his hand on Soda's shoulder and Soda reached up and put his hand on top of his brother's.

"It'll be okay, Soda," Darry said as he moved closer.

Soda rapidly shook his head, tears beginning to fill his eyes. "H-He's not comin' back," he murmured as tears began to fall and he body began to shake.

"No, you can't think like that, Soda," Darry said as he crouched down next to the recliner. "Steve's got as good a chance as anyone of comin' home, maybe even more so than a fair few. He'll try just as hard as you did to get back home."

Soda nodded vaguely, though clearly he wasn't comforted. He shifted a bit and then slowly dragged himself to his feet. "I'm gonna go lay down," he mumbled clearly looking to avoid the situation. He turned and heavily began limping from the room.

Darry looked after him with concern and was about to implore him to come back when a loud crack of thunder tore through the air. None of them had noticed the storm gaining strength outside. Soda's reaction was immediate. He yelled out in fear and pain as he jerked violently and dropped to the floor, throwing his arms up over his head in an attempt to protect himself.

"Soda?" Darry said cautiously, stopping himself from rushing right to his brother's side, not wanting to spook him even more. Soda had curled himself into a ball on the floor and was shaking violently. "Soda, it's okay, you're safe." There was a bright flash of lightening and then another loud crack of thunder and Soda tensed, whimpering to himself as he continued to shake. Darry took a deep breath as he carefully inched closer to his brother. "Soda?" he tried again, trying to keep his voice as calm as possible.

"Get out, get out, get out," Soda murmured fearfully.

Darry took a breath as he crouched down and risked reaching out and gently touching Soda's shoulder. Soda flinched away.

"It's okay, Soda," Darry repeated. "It's okay, you're home."

Lightening flashed again with the loudest crack of thunder yet, shaking the whole house. A moment later all the lights suddenly went dead, bathing the entire house in total darkness.

"Christ, you've got to be kidding me," Darry heard Two-Bit mutter somewhere on the other side of the room.

Darry blinked, impatient for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. He didn't like not being able to see what was going on, especially with Soda panicking like he was. "Two-Bit, go into the kitchen and check the drawers for a flashlight," he said.

He heard some banging as Two-Bit felt his way to the kitchen, bumping into a table on the way.

"Darry?" came Soda's small voice.

"Yeah, I'm right here, little buddy," Darry said, feeling relief. He reached out blindly, feeling for Soda's shoulder again. This time he didn't flinch away.

"Pony?" Soda questioned timidly.

"I'm here too," Pony answered from somewhere behind Darry. He heard some shifting around before he felt Pony's hand on his back as he felt his way over to his brothers.

"W-what's happening?" Soda stuttered fearfully.

"It's just a storm," Darry said steadily. "It's just thunder and lightening. It's okay, it won't hurt you."

"I… I can't see," Soda said, sounding panicked.

"The storm knocked the power out," Darry explained. "Two-Bit's lookin' for a flashlight."

Lightning struck again, followed by a powerful boom. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness he could just make out the outline of Soda laying on the floor.

"Darry," Soda whimpered. "Darry help…"

"C'mere little buddy," Darry said gently. He pulled Soda off of the floor and Soda immediately leaned into him as Darry securely wrapped his arms around him. Soda was trembling like a leaf as Darry pulled him in close. "It's okay, Soda, it's okay," he soothed.

A light caught Darry's eye and he turned his head to see Two-Bit standing in the doorway, flashlight in hand.

"I found it," he said quietly, looking at the scene in front of him with a grim expression.

Darry looked down at Soda and in the dim light he could see that Soda had his hands clapped firmly over his ears and his eyes close, though tears were flowing freely down his cheeks. Darry had never been in a battle before, but he could imagine that the bright flashes followed by the loud booms had to be really similar to the sound of a grenade exploding, which was how Soda had gotten injured.

Pony moved in closer, worry etched in his every feature making him seem much older than just sixteen, and placed a hand on Soda's back. "We're here, Soda," he said gently. "The storm will pass soon."

_Yeah, this storm will pass,_ Darry thought to himself. _But it won't be the last one._

Every time there was a crack of thunder Darry could feel Soda tense as he held him close. He knew that healing from all this was going to be so much more difficult as they worried about Steve's fate. It was going to be another very long year…


	34. Stormy

**Author's Note: Hey guys! I'm not so sure about this chapter, I kinda struggled a bit with it. I'm trying to set up for the next part. I think I kinda brought it together in the end… but please let me know what you think!**

_Chapter Thirty-Four_

_Stormy _

The storm raged on outside of the Curtis house. Inside the house the gang – or what was left of it – was hunkered down in the living room, waiting out the storm. Pony and Two-Bit had managed to find a few candles and set them up around the living room, casting a dim, flickering light throughout the darkened room.

Darry remained on the floor with Soda huddled in his arms. Soda flinched at every bolt of lightning and every boom of thunder as he shook, though the tears had dried up long ago. Darry didn't dare try to move, he simply held his brother close to him, the only way he knew to try and comfort him. Two-Bit and Pony stayed close as well and they all spoke quietly to Soda, assuring him that he was safe and that everything was okay, but Soda refused to speak or even really look at any of them. It seemed like no one could fix this, no one could make this okay. All they could do it seemed was sit and endure this storm.

Tulsa, Oaklahoma was certainly no stranger to thunderstorms. It was inevitable that thunderstorm season would come every year. This was definitely one of the stronger storms that they had endured. Darry listened to the trees whipping in the wind and debris being blown around outside. The house groaned against the wind and the windows rattled with several particularly loud cracks of thunder. Darry was a little nervous the old house wouldn't hold out. They had several tall trees in the yard that could fall at any moment.

Finally at long last the storm seemed to be moving away. There was more time between the lightning and the thunder and the thunder seemed to be getting less aggressive.

"It's okay, Soda," Darry said gently, rubbing Soda's back comfortingly. "Hang in there, it's almost over. The storm is passing, it's almost over."

Darry wasn't sure if Soda even heard him. Every muscle in his body was still tense. It was the longest breakdown that Soda had so far, but Darry couldn't help but feel grateful that he at least hadn't become violent. His moods were so difficult to predict though. Would this be his only mood swing when it stormed?

The thunder had dulled down to quiet rumbles in the distance by the time Soda's muscles finally began to relax. Darry looked down at Soda to find that his eyes were open, but still full of fear. He was breathing heavily like he had just run a great distance.

"Soda?" Pony said carefully. He reached out and placed a hand on Soda's back. "Soda, can you hear us?"

Soda's head turned very slowly to look at his younger brother. He looked confused for a moment as if he weren't quite sure what he was looking at.

"Pony?" he said quietly.

"Yeah, I'm right here, Soda," Pony said softly.

He suddenly looked distraught and he turned and buried his face in Darry's shoulder, clearly embarassed.

"I'm sorry," Soda whispered.

"It's okay, Soda," Darry soothed, giving him a reassuring squeeze.

"What happened?" Soda murmured.

"It was just a thunderstorm," Darry reminded him.

"It sounded… it sounded exactly like…"

"What did it sound like?" Darry pressed. He had a pretty good idea, but he figured it would be good if they could get Soda to start opening up about stuff like this.

Darry could feel the shudder that ran through Soda's body under his arms. "Explosions," he whispered. "Incoming grenades." He looked up at Darry, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "It hurt so bad… I thought my whole leg had been blown off."

Darry's stomach dropped. He couldn't imagine the horror of having his little brother come home without a leg and permanently confined to a wheelchair. Things were difficult enough as it was with Soda's small handicap. At least he could still get around pretty independently. And they could still hope that things would get better. Soda may someday walk on his own again. That was something that they could be grateful for. As Darry looked down at Soda he could see that Soda was looking down at his injured leg, lightly running and hand over it as if making sure it was still there.

"It's okay, Soda," Darry said. "It's okay now. And you're okay."

"I'm so sorry Darry," Soda said suddenly, looking up at him with despair in his eyes.

Darry gave a start. "Sorry for what?" he asked.

"I came back so broken," Soda said, looking back down. "It would have been better if I hadn't come back at all. You shouldn't have to take care of me like this when I'm nineteen years old. You're not responsible for me anymore."

"Soda," Darry said, a hint of pain in his voice at the very idea that his brother could even think like that. He reached down and gently lifted Soda's chin so that he would look at him. "Don't ever think like that. Don't you ever think that it would have been better if you had never come back."

"We are so happy you came home," Pony spoke up carefully, inching closer. "It was so awful while you were away. We couldn't stand it if you hadn't come home."

Darry nodded. "We are family, Soda," he said. "None of this changes that. We love you as much now as we did before you left. It would have been devastating if you hadn't come back. And I don't give up my responsibility over you just because you turned eighteen. No I'm not your guardian anymore. But I am your big brother. I will _always_ look out for you, no matter what. I wouldn't trade that for anything, Soda."

Soda nodded, a few tears escaping down his cheeks. He reached out a hand and pulled Pony in closer to them. Darry wrapped his arms around both his brothers. For just a moment their family felt whole.

Suddenly Two-Bit was crouched down next to them as well. "We're all here for you, Soda," he said. "And we wouldn't have it any other way."

Soda looked over at him from where he sat huddled with both of his brothers and gave him a strained smile. "Thank you, Two-Bit." He leaned heavily against Darry and sighed. "I'm so tired," he mumbled.

"C'mon, I'll help you to bed," Darry said.

Soda nodded. Darry shifted around and then slowly pulled Soda to his feet, aided also by Pony who took his older brother's other arm. Soda swayed unsteadily and he gripped onto Darry for stability. Pony and Two-Bit stayed behind as Darry helped Soda limp along, leading him to his bedroom. Soda was silent as he climbed back into bed.

"You call if you need anything," Darry said gently. "Don't go stumblin' around in the dark; someone can bring a candle for you if you wanna get up."

"Okay," Soda said quietly. Darry turned and started heading back out of the room. "Darry?" Soda said.

"Yeah, little buddy?" Darry said as he stopped and turned.

"Thanks," he said simply.

"Of course, Soda," Darry said with a light smile. He turned and headed out of the room, pulling the door closed behind him but not closing it all the way. He walked back down the hallway to find Two-Bit and Pony sitting on the couch in the glow of the candle light. Darry moved over and sat down heavily in the recliner.

"If Steve don't come back, it's gonna destroy him," Two-Bit said quietly. "There will be no bringin' him back from that."

"Yeah well that doesn't mean we're not gonna try," Darry said tiredly.

"But… Steve might come back," Pony said as if it were obvious, looking from Darry to Two-Bit with surprise. "Then everything can go back to normal."

Darry sighed heavily as he looked at his youngest brother. "Yeah, Steve could come back," he agreed. "But that doesn't mean things will ever be the same as it was, Pony."

"You think Steve'll come back different?" Pony asked slowly.

"I think war can be really hard for anyone to deal with," Darry said. "Even more so when it's forced on you and you don't even want to be there. I don't think there's a chance of coming back from that the same person you left as. Just look at Soda."

"Soda's still the same person," Pony said stubbornly. "He's just a little… jumpier than he was. Kinda like Johnny. But he's not a completely different person."

"No, but he's never really gonna be the same, Pony," Darry pointed out reluctantly.

"How can you say that?" Pony demanded angrily.

"Keep your voice down," Darry warned with a weary glance down the hall.

"Look Pony," Two-Bit suddenly spoke up. "Going through somethin' can change you. I mean, do you feel like you are the same person that you were before you ran away to Windrixville?"

Pony paused, looking taken aback for a moment. As a group they rarely spoke about that particular week, Two-Bit less so. "No," he said slowly.

"But that doesn't mean it's a bad thing," Two-Bit said. "Soda's different because of what he went through. And if we try and ignore that then things are gonna just get worse. And it doesn't mean that someday he won't be better."

Pony gave him a skeptical look. "When did you start doin' all this thinkin'?" he said lightly.

"Hey, I think sometimes," Two-Bit said, acting offended.

"I think that Soda can get through this," Darry said. "But if Steve doesn't come back… I just dunno. That would crush him."

"I think Steve can come back," Pony said with conviction. "He's real tough."

Darry nodded and gave him a strained smile. "Yeah, we can hope," he said.

But Darry knew that even if Steve did come back it wouldn't be as easy as Ponyboy wanted it to be. It would be far more manageable than the alternative though. Could they be lucky enough to have both Soda and Steve return from war? Would Steve return in one piece, or would he be injured in battle like Soda had been? Would Steve have as much trouble adjusting to being back as Soda had? All the questions made Darry's head spin. And the worst part was there was no way to know the answers. All they could do was wait and see what fate had in store for them.

"He has been having nightmares every night since Steve got his letter though," Pony admitted reluctantly.

Darry sighed, resting his head in his hand. "How bad?" he asked.

"He tosses and turns pretty violently," Pony said. "Except this one time. I woke up the other night and he was curled into a ball and he was crying even though he was still fast asleep."

Darry frowned. "Why didn't you tell me this before?" he asked.

"He asked me not to," Pony said. "He said it wasn't a big deal."

"Next time he has a nightmare I want you to come get me," Darry said. "And no more keepin' secrets from me."

"He usually just goes back to sleep," Pony said slowly, obviously regretting tattling on his brother.

"Pony," Darry said, a hint of warning in his voice.

"I don't want him to be mad at him," Pony said stubbornly.

"I'll deal with that," Darry assured him. "But we gotta do something about this. We can't just let things go on like this."

"Yeah, okay," Pony said reluctantly.

Darry nodded. He rubbed his eyes tiredly. It had been a very long day and it wasn't even noon yet. It had been hard enough to watch Soda go a year ago not knowing if he would make it home again. It was so much worse watching Soda's best friend leave while Soda was still trying to deal with his scarring experience overseas. It seemed like they could never catch a break.

_Please… haven't we been through enough?_ Darry thought. _Please just let Steve come home safely…_


	35. Confrontation

_Chapter Thirty-Five_

_Confrontation_

"Soda, wake up!"

Soda gasped for breath. He shot up, bolt upright as his eyes searched the space in front of him frantically. Slowly he began to take in the details around him. The light in the room was on. His familiar bedroom came into focus. He remembered that it was nighttime. After laying around most of the day they had all finally retired to bed.

As Soda caught his breath he looked over and saw Pony sitting on one side of him. That wasn't unusual. Then he turned and was surprised to find Darry on his other side, looking at him with concern.

"Sorry Darry," Soda said quietly as he felt his heart rate slow down. It had been a while since one of his nightmares had woken Darry as well. "Did I wake you?"

There was a glance passed between Darry and Pony, but Soda was too tired to try and figure out what it meant. "Yeah, it's okay, though," Darry said. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Soda said as steadily as he could, which wasn't nearly as steady as he wanted it to be. He glanced from Pony to Darry, feeling uncomfortable like he was on display as they looked at him. He just wanted to disappear. "Sorry for waking you guys." Slowly he lowered himself back down and pulled the covers up over him.

"Soda," Darry said slowly. Soda looked up at him, not liking the tone in his voice. He could tell it was going to be a conversation that he didn't want to have. "Soda, if you're still havin' nightmares this long after coming back… maybe we should think about gettin' you some help."

"I'm fine, Darry," Soda said, not even considering the idea.

"You're losing a lot of sleep," Darry said. "That's not good for you."

"I'm not losing that much sleep," Soda mumbled stubbornly.

"You've been having nightmares every night," Pony pointed out slowly.

"It'll get better," Soda said. "I just need some time." There was a pause and Soda rolled over, putting his back to Darry. "Please," he said quietly. "Please, just give me some more time…"

He heard Darry sigh and then he felt his hand on his shoulder. "Okay, little buddy," he said.

Soda closed his eyes as he listened to Darry's retreating footsteps. He saw the light go out from behind his eyelids and then heard the door close. He felt his muscles relax. A moment later he felt Pony carefully climb back into bed.

"Soda?" Pony said carefully.

Soda reluctantly opened his eyes and looked at his little brother's form in the dark. "Yeah, Pony?" he asked wearily.

"You really think it'll get better?" he asked tentatively.

Soda was silent. He wasn't sure what to think anymore. But the thought of talking to a complete stranger about what he had been through was just too difficult to even consider.

"Yeah, Pony," Soda said, hearing the uncertainty in his own voice. "It'll get better… eventually…" He reached over and pulled Pony in close to him. _I hope…_

XxXxX

Two-Bit rolled over, blinking hard against the light in the room. It took him a moment to realize where he was. He had ended up crashing on the Curtis' couch in their living room the night before. It certainly wasn't the first time, but it felt different this time. The house felt emptier.

"Mornin', Two-Bit."

Two-Bit looked up to see Darry in the kitchen, already starting on breakfast. With an effort he heaved himself up off the couch and joined Darry in the kitchen. "Mornin'," he mumbled. He glanced around. "You the only one up?" he asked.

"Yeah, looks like it," Darry said shortly.

As Two-Bit sat at the kitchen table he studied Darry. He looked a little more tense than usual. "Did somethin' happen last night?" Two-Bit asked slowly.

Darry sighed heavily as he turned and leaned up against the counter, letting the scrambled eggs cook in the pan for a minute. "Soda had another nightmare last night," he said. "Pony came and got me before he woke him. He was talkin' in his sleep…"

"What was he sayin'?" Two-Bit asked.

"Most of it didn't make much sense," Darry said. "But he just sounded so… scared. I've never known Soda to be so scared of anything before."

"Well, he has been through a lot over the past year," Two-Bit pointed out.

"Yeah," Darry agreed. He paused. "I suggested that he should see someone."

"How'd that go?" Two-Bit asked, though he could guess what the answer was.

Darry shook his head. "Not well," he said. "He didn't even consider it. Just said that he just needed time." He paused. "I just don't know what to do anymore… I feel like this is way over my head, you know?"

Two-Bit nodded. "Yeah, I get that," he said. He felt the same way and wished he had some kind of suggestion to give Darry but he couldn't come up with anything so they lapsed into silence.

Darry turned and went back to cooking breakfast. As he finished Two-Bit helped him moved everything to the table. Just as they finished setting up they finally heard sound coming from down the hall. Soda was the first one to appear in the kitchen, leaning heavily on his cane and already dressed for work. He didn't say anything as he maneuvered himself into one of the chairs and as Two-Bit studied him he could see that there were bags under his eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept much the night before… or possibly all week for that matter.

Darry eyed Soda wearily as he sat as well, but didn't say anything either, he just silently passed Soda his breakfast. They all began eating, though Two-Bit noticed that Soda was mostly just pushing his eggs around his plate. A few minutes later Pony came out and joined them, dressed for school. They all ate in silence. Not even Two-Bit could think of anything to say.

Pony was cleaning up breakfast before Darry finally broke the silence. "Soda… it'd be okay if you wanted to call in to work today," he said slowly.

"Why would I do that?" Soda asked, his voice a bit flat.

"Well, yesterday was kinda a rough day," Darry said.

Soda shook his head. "I can't just sit around here all day," he said.

Darry sighed but was obviously in no mood to make an argument of it. He simply let it go as he stood up and helped Pony with the dishes.

"You want a ride to school, kid?" Two-Bit asked Pony. "I got my car outside, we could drop you off before work."

"Yeah, sure," Pony agreed, though without much enthusiasm. It was certainly a dull morning.

"Pony, you got a cigarette I could bum?" Soda asked.

"Uh-huh," Pony said, pulling a pack and a lighter out of his pocket and handing it over to him.

"I'll be outside when you're ready," Soda said in Two-Bit's general direction as he slowly pulled himself to his feet. He turned and made his way from the room and they all listened to the door close behind him as he went out to the front porch.

"I don't think he ever really went back to sleep last night," Pony said quietly, glancing up at Darry.

Darry sighed. "Maybe I should make him stay home," he said slowly.

"I think it'll be better for him to get out," Two-Bit finally spoke up. "I'll keep an eye on him today."

"Yeah, okay," Darry said. "Thanks Two-Bit."

"Sure Darry," he said. "You almost ready, kid? We gotta get goin', I gotta stop by my house and grab my work clothes."

"Yeah, just a sec," Pony said. He disappeared down the hall and reappeared a minute later with his backpack.

The two said goodbye to Darry as they headed out the door. They spotted Soda standing on the porch, leaning up against the railing with a half smoked cigarette in his hand, his eyes staring off vacantly.

"Ready Soda?" Two-Bit asked. Soda didn't move, like he hadn't even heard him. Two-Bit exchanged a glance with Pony who shrugged. "Soda?" he said a little louder. Still no response. Pony started to step forward but Two-Bit reached out and held him back. He felt cautious after the last time Soda had accidentally hurt Pony. Ponyboy would never be able to look at his older brother as being dangerous in any way, but the truth was Soda was unpredictable. Two-Bit slowly approached Soda. "Soda?" he said carefully as he reached out and gently touched Soda's arm.

Soda jumped as he flinched away from Two-Bit's touch, looking around frantically for a moment. Two-Bit tensed. Finally Soda's gaze rested on him. "Two-Bit?" he said quietly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Two-Bit said. "I was talkin' to you… but you didn't seem to hear me."

Soda nodded, still looking a little shaken. "It's okay," he said.

There was an awkward silence. "You ready?" Two-Bit finally said. "We gotta get goin'."

"Yeah, okay," Soda said.

They made their way down the stairs and out to the curb where Two-Bit had left his car. Once they were all in Two-Bit started the engine, turning the key and listening to the engine cough several times before it actually started.

Once they had gotten to Two-Bit's house, he asked the brothers if they wanted to come in. Soda immediately declined and then Pony did too. Two-Bit sighed. He headed into the house and quickly changed for work before heading back out to the car. The ride was quiet as they dropped Pony off at school before heading for the DX.

Their boss at the DX hadn't been able to hire anyone to replace Steve yet so it was just Two-Bit and Soda working the day shift. Day shifts were usually pretty slow anyway. Since Two-Bit wasn't very good at fixing cars it was a given that he would work the counter while Soda worked in the garage. Two-Bit felt a little nervous leaving Soda in the garage by himself, but he figured that at least he wouldn't have to deal with any customers. Periodically Two-Bit would wander around the store, pretending to be stocking when in actuality he was just going to the far side of the store where he could see out the window and into the garage. Each time he did he saw that Soda was actively working on different cars. Two-Bit figured that had to be a good sign. At least he was keeping busy.

The day was long and slow. Even though there wasn't a whole lot to do, at lunch time Soda refused to take a break and instead elected to keep working. Two-Bit ate his lunch in the garage while Soda worked and they talked a bit about nothing in particular. Finally at long last their shift was over and their replacements showed up.

"Soda, it's quittin' time," Two-Bit called as he walked into the garage. He glanced around, confused when he didn't see Soda at first.

"Yeah, okay," Soda called.

Two-Bit followed the sound of his voice and saw him working his way out from under a nearby Ford. He knew for a fact that Soda hadn't worked under a car since his injury, Steve had always done that. Unfortunately Steve wasn't here anymore. And Two-Bit knew there would be no telling Soda that he really shouldn't be doing that because it would be really easy for him to get stuck. So Two-Bit elected not to comment.

Soda groaned as he tried unsuccessfully to pull himself to his feet. He glanced over at Two-Bit. "A little help?" he asked.

"Sure," Two-Bit said. He moved over and grabbed Soda's hand, pulling him to his feet. Then he glanced around. "Where's your cane?"

Soda looked around and then cursed. "It's still under the car," he said.

"I got it," Two-Bit said.

Soda leaned on the car as Two-Bit crawled under it and found his cane. He handed it to him and they headed out of the garage and climbed into Two-Bit's car. However as Two-Bit went to start the car, no matter how many times he turned the key the engine only coughed tiredly.

Finally Two-Bit sighed and looked over at Soda. "You wanna take a look?" he asked.

"Sure," Soda said.

Two-Bit got out and walked around the car to help Soda out of it. Then he went to the front of the car and popped the hood. Two-Bit watched at Soda poked around the engine for a few minutes. He didn't know how Soda and Steve were so good at fixing cars. As he stared at the engine he could hardly tell left from right. It just looked like a mess of metal to him.

"Your carburetor's shot," Soda finally said, looking up at him. "I don't think I can fix it, you'll probably need a new one. I can take a better look at it tomorrow."

Two-Bit swore. He was about to ask if Soda could fix it tonight and then thought better of it. He looked dead tired as it was. Now there was the problem of how to get Soda home. "Maybe we could call Darry for a ride," he thought out loud.

Soda straightened up and looked at his watch. "He won't be home for another hour," he said. "It's not that far, we can just walk."

"You feel up to that?" Two-Bit asked carefully, trying to keep the skepticism out of his voice.

"Yeah, I've done it before," Soda pointed out. "C'mon."

Two-Bit sighed as he slammed the hood of his car back down. Then he shoved his hands in his pockets as he followed Soda out of the parking lot and back toward the Curtis house. To avoid the awkward silence Two-Bit chatted about anything that came to mind and thankfully Soda made an effort to respond every once and a while. He was clearly still feeling down, but at least he was making some effort. Two-Bit also noticed that Soda seemed to be moving pretty well and wasn't wincing very much. He hoped that meant that Soda was finally improving.

They were still several blocks from the house when a loud honk from behind them caused them both to jump, Soda more so than Two-Bit. They both whipped around to see a red Mustang behind them.

_You've got to be kidding me,_ Two-Bit thought to himself. Could anything else possibly go wrong these days? It seemed that the Greasers luck was worse than ever.

The car came to a stop as several Socs began climbing out. There were four of them. Two-Bit's hand automatically went to his back pocket where his switchblade was supposed to be. He cursed to himself as he found the pocket empty. He had been in such a rush to change this morning that he had forgotten to take the blade out of the pocket of his other jeans. To his knowledge Soda didn't carry a blade. His gaze swept the ground around them, but didn't see anything useful.

"Hey Greasers," one of the Socs drawled.

"You're pretty far out of your territory there, buddy," Two-Bit said casually. "You better watch yourself."

"C'mon, Greasers, how 'bout a ride?" another Soc sneered.

"Gee what a kind offer," Two-Bit said sarcastically. "I think we'll pass though."

"I wouldn't pass so quickly," the Soc said. "Looks like your friend could use a lift."

Two-Bit glanced over at Soda, who's features had turned stone cold as he gripped his cane so tightly that his knuckles where turning white. At least he didn't look too skittish.

"We can manage just fine," Two-Bit said. Normally he would be all for a fight, but he really didn't like this situation. He knew that Soda could certainly fight if it came down to it, but he was unstable and had the obvious weakness of his injured leg. And if he went into one of his flashbacks there would be no telling what would happen.

One of the Socs stepped up and shoved Two-Bit hard in the chest, sending him stumbling backwards. "Now you don't have to be rude," he spat.

Before Two-Bit had a chance to react suddenly Soda was in front of him and had hit the Soc with a hard jab to the face. That was all it took. Two-Bit pushed all his doubts aside as he lunged at the Socs who were surging forward. The fight was on.

Two-Bit did his best to stay near Soda but suddenly he was aware that he wasn't at his side anymore. That wasn't good. He tried to look around but the Soc he was fighting grabbed his arm and yanked hard in the wrong direction as he pulled him back around and landed a punch directly in his face. Two-Bit retaliated even as he felt blood pouring down his shirt from his nose and a throbbing in his shoulder. He finally managed to knock the Soc down to the ground and took the opportunity to look around again. He spotted the other three Socs all trying to shove Soda into the back of their Mustang, who was fighting back fiercely. He certainly wasn't helpless.

Two-Bit charged the Socs and managed to pull one of them off of Soda. With an arm free Soda managed to whip a fist around and pounded it into the side of the head of another Soc, causing his head to bounce off of the car before he collapsed. They each landed a few more blows before the Socs began retreating to their car. Two-Bit saw the opportunity and grabbed onto to Soda – who showed no signs of letting up and had one hand on the car for balance – and pulled him away from the car. This allowed the Socs to drag the Soc that was barely conscious into the car before they took off.

Together he and Soda stumbled over to the curb and fell to the ground, Two-Bit still sitting upright while Soda lay down in the grass. Two-Bit took a moment to catalog his own injuries. His knuckles were bloody and his nose was throbbing, though it had thankfully seemed to stop bleeding. His right shoulder was really sore but as he slowly rolled it he was relieved to find that it wasn't dislocated. The rest seemed to be just bumps and bruises and he was relieved to find that.

He looked over at Soda, who was laying in the grass next to him with his eyes closed, breathing heavily. He had a split lip and there was a pretty good bruise forming along his jaw, but other than that he seemed to be intact.

"Soda, you okay?" Two-Bit asked. Soda didn't answer and Two-Bit slowly reached over and touched his shoulder. "Soda?"

Soda opened his eyes and that was when Two-Bit realized that he was grimacing hard with his jaw clenched. "My leg," he groaned. He squeezed his eyes shut again and put his hands up over his face.

Two-Bit cursed. "How bad?" he asked.

"Real bad," Soda moaned through clenched teeth. Then he let out a string of swear words that would have made Dally proud.

Two-Bit glanced around. He realized what was missing… again. "Where'd your cane go, Soda?" he asked. He really just wanted to get Soda home.

"Broke," Soda muttered through his teeth.

"What?" Two-Bit said, confused. He looked around again and then saw what he meant. He saw two perfectly round sticks laying in the road a few feet away. One of the Socs must have snapped Soda's cane in half somehow. Two-Bit cursed again. That damn cane just didn't fare well in their neighborhood. It automatically made him a target.

Without his cane in this situation was going to be a problem. He looked back down at Soda. It was the most pain he had seen him in. And Two-Bit wasn't in great shape himself. How were they going to get back to Soda's house?

"Just go," Soda said, seeming to read him mind. "Go and get Darry. I'll wait here."

"I can't just leave you here," Two-Bit said. "They might circle back. C'mon, you can lean on me."

Soda shook his head tensely and looked up at him with pain in his eyes. "I can't," he said. "It hurts too bad."

"Just try," Two-Bit implored. "At least get a little closer then I can just run to the house. The vacant lot is just two blocks over. C'mon, you know Darry'll skin me if I leave you here."

Soda sighed but reluctantly nodded. Two-Bit reached down and helped Soda slowly sit up. Two-Bit pulled himself to his feet before reaching back down and pulling Soda to his feet. Soda hissed with pain and all his muscles were tense. Two-Bit immediately saw the problem though. In order to support Soda on the side with his injured leg he had to support him with his hurt shoulder. Two-Bit moaned inwardly. This was going to be a particularly long trek.

"Don't put any weight on it," Two-Bit told him as he put Soda's arm over his shoulder, trying not to grimance too much.

With a deep breath they started forward with Soda putting most of his weight on Two-Bit and Two-Bit biting the inside of his cheek against the pain in his shoulder. As they went along Soda gripped Two-Bit's other shoulder hard, but he kept quiet, seeming to retreat deep within himself. It was slow going but Two-Bit didn't want to risk hurting Soda's by trying to hurry. When Soda was silent as they reached the vacant lot Two-Bit decided to just keep going. At long last they reached the Curtis house. Two-Bit was relieved to see Darry's truck parked in the driveway because he wasn't sure if he would be able to get Soda up the porch steps.

They paused as they reached the bottom of the porch steps. Two-Bit kept his hold on Soda, afraid that let him sit even for a minute he wouldn't get back up.

"Darry!" Two-Bit called, a hint of desperation in his voice. "Darry, help!"

Darry same out of the house a minute later at practically a run, Pony on his heels. "What the hell happened?" he demanded as he hurried down the stairs.

"Help me get him inside," Two-Bit said.

Darry ducked under Soda's other arm and practically lifted him off his feet. Working together they carried him up the stairs and into the house. Without pausing they made their way through the living room and back into the bedroom. As soon as Soda hit the bed his composure crumbled. He grabbed his leg as he rolled onto his side and curled into himself as he groaned loudly.

"What happened?" Darry asked again.

"We got jumped by Socs while we were walkin' home," Two-Bit explained. "He hurt his leg pretty good. The Socs also broke his cane."

Darry swore. He turned to Pony who was hovering in the doorway, looking concerned. "Go get some asprin and some ice," he said.

Pony disappeared and came back a moment later with the things that he asked. With some coaxing they got Soda to take four asprin and then put the ice on his knee. Soda lay very still, though he was still tense with the palms of his hands pushed into his eyes. Eventually, accepting that they could do nothing more for him right now they left him and went out into the living room.

"So why the hell were you two _walkin'_ home from work?" Darry asked, turning on Two-Bit.

"My car wouldn't start," Two-Bit said as he made his way over to the couch and fell down onto it. He put a hand on his hurt shoulder and rolled it gently, wincing.

"You okay?" Pony asked.

"Hurt my shoulder," Two-Bit muttered. "Any asprin left?"

Two-Bit leaned back heavily on the couch as Pony brought him the bottle of asprin. He popped four. He sighed, feeling exhausted. It had been one day since Steve left. If this was a sigh of how the next year was going to go, he wasn't sure how any of them were going to get through it.


	36. The Letter

_Chapter Thirty-Six_

_The Letter_

Pony sat with Two-Bit out on the front porch, both smoking cigarettes quietly. Two-Bit was sitting back against the house with his legs crossed while Pony sat sideways on the top step leaning up against the newly enforced porch railing as the sun sank below the horizon. They had already eaten dinner and Darry was taking a plate in to Soda, since he hadn't moved since coming home that night. A minute later the door opened behind them and they both turned to see Darry walking out onto the porch, looking worn.

"How is he?" Pony asked.

Darry sighed as he moved forward and sat down on the porch step by Pony's feet. "He's still in a lot of pain," he said. "I offered to take him to the hospital but he didn't want to do that. Can't say I really blame him after what happened last time. He said he wasn't hungry but I left the plate for him anyway." He ran a hand over his face tiredly. "I'll run to the hospital in a few minutes to get him another cane. There's no way he can get around at all without it right now."

Pony nodded, feeling bad for Darry. He had worked all day long and now had to run another errand tonight. He decided that he would have to get his license soon so that he could help out. It was something that kind of fell to the wayside when he turned sixteen because there wasn't really a need for it since he walked to school just fine and he wouldn't have a car to drive anyway. At that moment though he felt like it would be useful.

"I'm real sorry, Darry," Two-Bit said quietly. "He was the one who wanted to walk. I didn't know how else to get him home since he didn't want to wait to call you for a ride."

Darry turned to look at him. "It's not your fault, Two-Bit," he said.

Two-Bit took a drag off his cigarette, looking thoughtful. "I will say this though," he said. "He ain't helpless."

"What do you mean?" Pony asked.

"He held his own in that fight, even after they broke his cane," he said. "Even managed to knock one of the Socs out. I actually had to pull him away from the fight when the Socs were starting to run."

"Well, hopefully it at least helped him get out some pent up energy," Darry said. "Hopefully his leg will start feelin' better by morning." He took a deep breath and then slowly pulled himself to his feet. "I'm gonna run out before I get too tired. I'll be back soon."

"You mind droppin' me off at my house on the way?" Two-Bit asked, stamping out his cigarette. "It's been a long night."

"Yeah sure," Darry agreed. He glanced over at Pony. "Can you hold down the fort for a bit?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine," Pony said. He had considered offering to go with Darry so that he could run into the hospital while Darry waited in the car but since Two-Bit was leaving too he figured it would be better for him to stay here. They probably shouldn't be leaving Soda home alone right now.

Pony remained where he was, finishing up the last on his cigarette as he watched Darry's truck pull out of the driveway. It was now completely dark out, the only light coming from the windows of the living room. After a minute Pony put out his cigarette on the stair and flicked the butt away as he stood up and headed back into the house. The entire house was eerily quiet. They hadn't had the TV or stereo on nearly as much as they used to since Soda returned home since he was too jumpy for loud noises like that, but tonight it just seemed especially quiet.

After just standing in the living room for a minute he decided to go check on Soda. He made his way down the hallway and quietly knocked on his own bedroom door, not wanting to startle him. As he listened he heard a light grunt of acknowledgement, so he carefully opened the door and peered in. The light in the room was still on. Soda lay flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling with his hands on top of his head, gripping his hair. Clearly he was still in pain.

"Hey Soda," Pony said carefully from the doorway.

Soda lifted his head slightly and looked over at him. "Hey," he said, his voice sounding strained.

"Are you feelin' any better?" he asked hesitatingly.

Soda sighed. "Not really," he said. He paused. "Where'd Darry go? I heard his truck pullin' out."

"He went to the hospital to get you a new cane," Pony said. Soda nodded, but something flashed in his eyes that Pony couldn't quite place. "Do you need anything?"

Soda paused obviously thinking something over. "I need to pee," he finally admitted a bit reluctantly.

"Okay," Pony said, moving into the room, trying to make it seem like no big deal.

Grimacing, Soda slowly pushed himself up into a sitting position and swinging his legs around to hang off the edge of the bed. As Pony slowly helped him to his feet he groaned as his face screwed up in pain. Pony ducked under his arm in order to support him, realizing for the first time that they were now almost the same height, though it still helped that Soda was slumped over a bit. They stumbled out into the hallway and thankfully the bathroom was only a few steps away. Pony helped Soda over to the toilet where he could grab hold of the shower rod and then left to give him some privacy, trying to preserve some at least some of his dignity. When Soda called him back in after he was finished Pony supported him once again as he helped him back to bed, noting how he winced the whole way. Pony was really worried. He had finally been beginning to improve. Had the fight made his injury worse?

"Thanks, Pony," Soda mumbled once he was back in bed.

Pony nodded. "Darry should be back soon with a cane," he said. Soda nodded as he stared back up at the ceiling. "Soda… you okay?" he asked slowly. He knew that Soda would understand that he wasn't talking about physically. There was anguish in his eyes that had nothing to do with the physical pain that he was in.

Soda was silent and for a minute Pony thought that he wasn't going to answer. He was about to turn and leave the room when Soda spoke.

"I'm just so tired of being in pain," he said quietly. He paused and then looked over at Pony. "For just a minute today I felt… normal. Beating up on the Socs was so normal. I forgot all about being… being hurt. I held my own and I won. Then the adrenalin wore off… and it just hurt so much."

Pony frowned, unsure what to say to that. His older brother's eyes were practically begging him for some sort of answer or solution and he had no idea how to make this better. Carefully he sat down on the edge of the bed.

"You were getting better," he said slowly. "I think this is probably just a setback. After you rest up hopefully you'll be feelin' better again." He felt like it was a very lame response but it was all he could think of.

Soda shifted his gaze back to the ceiling. "Yeah… hopefully…" he said vaguely.

XxXxX

The next week passed painfully slowly. Darry returned that night with a new cane for Soda but Soda wouldn't get out of bed until the next day when he had to go to work. After he opened up briefly to Pony that night he seemed to retreat further into himself. He became exceptionally quiet, which was completely out of character for Soda, even since he returned from Vietnam. His eyes tended to hold a vacant quality to them and often he could be seen staring blankly into empty space. He was still having nightmares most nights and early each morning he could be found at his punching bag despite the fact that it was obvious his leg was still hurting him. It was only at his punching bag that you could catch a spark of life in his eyes though, a fire burning just below the surface.

No one really knew how to cope with Soda's new mood swing so it seemed that there was the unspoken agreement to just try and get through in one piece. Soda managed to fix Two-Bit's car and his job was to chauffer Soda back and forth to work after talking with their boss and telling him to keep him and Soda on the same schedule. Darry's job was to make sure Soda ate well, his appetite seeming off since his mood had shifted to lethargic. Pony's job was to wake Soda up before his nightmares got too bad.

It was odd. Even though Soda was quiet it wasn't like he had sunk into a depression. There was a tension to him like there was anger boiling just below the surface. It was clear that Darry especially was watching him closely, waiting for a moment when the anger would break the surface.

That week passed by. And then other week passed by. By the third week after Steve left the most troubling thing on everyone's mind was that they had not heard from him yet. Soda had written them immediately from basic training to let them know that he was okay. It seemed natural that Steve would have done the same thing. So why hadn't they heard anything yet?

Pony was thinking about that very thing as he ascended the porch stairs after school. He opened the mailbox without much expectation, carrying the mail inside with him. He flipped through a few bills and some junk mail as he moved toward the kitchen, intending to leave the pile on the counter for Darry as usual. Then he stopped mid-step as he stared at one particular letter. The address with handwritten, with Sodapop Curtis spelled out at the top. Pony wasn't particularly familiar with Steve's handwriting since he hardly ever wrote, but the messy scribble to the penmanship seemed to fit. This had to finally be the letter from Steve.

Soda wouldn't be home for a while since he was working the late shift tonight, so Pony carefully placed the letter back in the stack and left it with the rest of the mail while he went to work on his homework. He found he had a hard time concentrating on it though as his thoughts kept wandering back to the letter. Would this be a good thing for Soda or would it finally be the thing to make him crack? It was hard to tell these days. The letter couldn't be too bad though since Steve wasn't even in Vietnam yet, he had to have a few more weeks of basic training left.

As Pony heard Darry come home an hour later he pushed himself away from his desk and wandered down the hallway toward the kitchen. He found Darry standing at the counter, obviously having gone through the mail immediately like he usually did. He was holding the stack of bills and junk mail in one hand and the handwritten letter addressed to Soda in the other, simply staring at it.

"Think it's from Steve?" Pony asked.

Darry jumped slightly, obviously having been lost in his own thoughts for a minute. He looked over at Pony. "Yeah, I bet it is," he said.

Pony nodded, it was the answer he had expected. He looked at Darry carefully. "How do you think Soda's gonna take it?" he asked slowly.

Darry looked back down at the letter. "Well, it can't be too bad yet," he said, echoing Pony's earlier thoughts. "He's only at basic. Hopefully Soda will take it as a comfort like we did when Soda wrote to us."

Pony hesitated for a moment. "Do you think… we should open it?" he asked slowly, a bit unsurely. "See what it says before he does?"

Darry thought that over for just a moment before shaking his head and placing the letter back down on the counter. "No," he said. "That'll just upset him. It's addressed just to him."

Pony nodded. He knew that Darry was right. He just wanted to protect Soda somehow. He had been through so much already.

Pony returned to his homework as Darry made dinner. When dinner was ready the two of them ate together since Two-Bit and Soda were both working, setting two plates aside for them when they got home. After dinner Pony did the dishes before going and getting his homework and setting up at the kitchen table so that Darry could help him while he went through the bills. His math assignment was particularly difficult tonight and it certainly didn't help that he was very distracted. Thankfully Darry wasn't too cross with him when he caught his mistakes.

It was after nine when they finally heard Two-Bit's old car groaning up the street. Both Darry and Pony paused with what they were doing and just listened to the car doors close and the footsteps coming up the walkway. There was a pause as they got to the steps – Soda was still having a harder time with the stairs since the fight with the Socs a few weeks ago – and Two-Bit was probably helping him up onto the porch. All this was routine by now. A minute later both Soda and Two-Bit were walking into the kitchen, Soda looking more worn than usual. He didn't get many late shifts anymore, but when he did he was always exhausted by the time he got home at night since he was always up so early in the morning. Not to mention he didn't get a whole lot of sleep most night anyway. Usually he would sit at the kitchen table for a few minutes and pick at his dinner that Darry would save for him before heading right to bed.

"Hey Soda," Darry said as Soda automatically headed to the stove where his dinner always sat. Soda simply looked over at him tiredly. "You got a letter."

There was a moment where everything was absolutely still as Soda seemed to process this. He glanced around and spotted the lone letter sitting on the counter a few feet away. He limped over to it and picked it up, studying it carefully. Everyone was watching him, Pony and Darry still sitting at the table and Two-Bit hanging back in the doorway. Finally Soda turned and made his way over to the kitchen table, carefully maneuvering himself into an empty chair. He held the letter out in front of him, just looking at it.

"We think it's probably from Steve," Pony spoke up, feeling uncomfortable by all the silence. "He probably sent it from basic training."

Soda looked at him, though his eyes looked half dazed like he wasn't really seeing him. "Yeah, probably," he said flatly.

He turned and focused his gaze back on the letter. Finally he flipped it over and tore it open. He carefully unfolded the letter and began to read. Pony felt awkward just watching him, so he tried to go back to his homework, but he wasn't focusing on it anymore. He was dying to know what was in that letter, even though in reality he knew it probably wasn't anything exciting.

Pony knew that Soda was a slow reader, but it seemed to take him an awfully long time to read the one paged letter in front of him. As Pony looked at him he thought that it looked like he was looking back at the top of the letter as if he were rereading something. Then he made a strange noise in the back of his throat. Pony glanced unsurely at Darry who shrugged at him.

"How's he doin'?" Darry finally asked.

Soda looked up at him and Pony was surprised to see a bit of life behind his eyes. And more than that, for once the spark in his eyes did not appear to be hints anger and frustration, the only real emotions they had seen from him over the past few weeks. It looked more like relief. Then he did something even more surprising. He smiled. It wasn't a big grin, but it was a contented smile that they hadn't seen in a long time.

"He's good," he said, passing the letter over to Darry so that he could read it for himself.

Darry took the letter and quickly began reading. Pony watched him. About halfway down suddenly Darry laughed, relief flooding his own features as well.

"What's it say?" Pony asked impatiently.

Darry was smiling as he handed the letter over to Pony. As he began reading Two-Bit came over to read over his shoulder, clearly curious as well. Steve's handwriting was messy and his spelling wasn't much better than Soda's even though he did somehow manage to graduate high school, even if only by the skin of his teeth. It took Pony a moment to decipher the message. He talked about arriving at basic training and going through all kinds of medical and mental tests. He could remember Soda writing about something similar when he had been there. Suddenly something jumped out at Pony as he read. He looked up at Darry and then Soda, shock in his eyes.

"He's gonna be a mechanic in Vietnam?" he said in disbelief.

"What?" Two-Bit said, obviously having not made it to that part yet. He grabbed the letter from Pony's loose grip in order to see it better.

"That's what he said," Darry confirmed. "I guess the military was impressed with his ability to fix things."

"The mechanics work on the helicopters and trucks at base," Soda spoke up, his voice lighter than it had been in weeks. "He'll probably never even leave the base once he gets over there."

Pony suddenly grinned. It had never crossed his mind that Steve would get a job other than being out on the front lines. It just seemed like a given that he would be out there fighting like Soda had. But it made sense that there had to be other jobs other than being on the front lines. It looked like Steve wasn't even going to see any battle. He would be doing basically the same thing he would be doing here at the DX.

"That son of a bitch," Two-Bit said as he grinned. "He's gonna travel halfway around the world just to work on more cars!"

Pony looked over at Soda and could plainly see the relief in his eyes growing as reality was sinking in. Steve wasn't going to be in nearly as much danger as he had been when he was over there. That was a huge relief to them all. All they had hoped for with this whole thing was the safe return of first Soda and now Steve. Soda had come back to them and now it looked very likely that Steve would too. Darry reached over and put a hand on Soda's shoulder, smiling at him and Soda sincerely smiled back. Finally it seemed something had worked in their favor.


	37. Healing

**Author's Note: Hey guys! I'm sorry if this chapter seems a little short, I had to get it out tonight because I am having surgery on my hand Wednesday morning and I won't have time to post tomorrow night. I'm hoping I'll be back to typing within a week, so hopefully you won't have to wait too long for an update. But just a forewarning, this story is beginning to wind down. I really hope you enjoyed where I took this story! Anyway, I tried to keep the cheese to a minimum in this chapter, hope you like it! Please review! **

* * *

_Chapter Thirty-Seven_

_Healing_

"Hey, Soda? Soda wake up."

Soda felt groggy and confused, unsure what was happening. "Hmm?" he groaned as he rolled over. He slowly blinked his eyes open, watching the bedroom coming into focus. Pony was standing next to the bed, looking down at him. Soda's eyes wandered to the window where he could see sun beginning to stream in. "What time is it?"

"It's 7:30," Pony said. "Two-Bit will be here in a little bit to take you to work." He paused, smiling lightly. "You slept through the night."

Soda yawned as he carefully stretched out, testing his injured leg for the stiffness that always came in the night. He realized why he felt so disoriented. It had been a while since he hadn't woken in a panic with Pony begging him to wake up. "Yeah, guess I did," he agreed.

Pony left the room to allow him to get ready. Soda made his way out of bed and slowly got himself dressed for work. His leg was still pretty sore and he was moving slower than he used to, but today he did his best not to let that bother him. He was still filled with relief after getting Steve's letter last night. It had been a shock to find out that he wasn't going to be on the front lines in Vietnam, but it was a very good shock. Soda desperately didn't want Steve to go through what he had been through. Steve was a lot more jaded than he was going into this. Being thrown into the middle of a war like that would have made Steve into an even angrier and more bitter person. That wasn't something he wanted for his best friend.

Soda limped from the room after he was finally dressed, leaning heavily on his cane. As he entered the kitchen he found that Darry had already made breakfast and his plate of scrambled eggs and grape jelly was sitting at his spot at the table.

"Mornin' Darry," Soda said as he maneuvered himself into the chair next to Pony.

Darry glanced over at him with a small smile. "Mornin', Soda," he returned. He finished setting up his own plate and brought it to the table, sitting down. "How'd you sleep?"

"Better than I have in a while," Soda said sincerely. It felt good to tell Darry the whole truth for once.

"Glad to hear it," Darry said, sounding relieved.

Soda's face grew serious for a moment as he pushed his eggs around his plate. He had done a lot of thinking last night before he had fallen asleep and he knew he had to get something off his chest.

"Darry… thanks for stinkin' with me through all of this," he said slowly. "I know I haven't been easy to deal with… especially the last few weeks."

Darry looked a bit taken aback by the statement. Obviously he hadn't been excepting that. "Of course, Soda," he said after a moment. "We're always gonna be there for each other, no matter what."

Soda nodded knowingly. "I just want you to know… I appreciate it. I know you could have given up on me with all my ups and downs. Sometimes my emotions don't even make sense to myself."

"I'll _never _give up on you," Darry said firmly.

"None of us will," Pony spoke up.

Soda smile lightly. "You know… I wouldn't have gotten this far without you guys."

Darry reached over and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Soda, you are strong to have made it this far with everything that's been thrown at you this past year and a half. All this… it wasn't fair and you didn't deserve it. But you got through it. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks Darry," Soda said.

It wasn't long before they heard Two-Bit's car pulling into the driveway. Soda took a deep breath before pushing himself up and grabbing his cane. He felt clearer than he had in a long time. Steve was going to be okay. If Steve was going to be okay then Soda was determined to be as well. He didn't want Steve to come home in a year and find that nothing had changed. He had his brothers and he had Two-Bit and for the first time in a long time he truly believed that everything was going to be okay. That everything was going to work out. And he knew he had to hold on to that feeling in order to get through this.

Soda made his way out onto the porch and waited for Two-Bit to make his way up the walk.

"Mornin' buddy," Two-Bit said with a grin. "You look well-rested this fine mornin'."

Soda gave him a half smile. "Yeah, actually got some sleep last night."

"Hm, sleep is a cure for exhaustion? Who knew?" Two-Bit laughed as he walked up onto the porch.

Soda laughed lightly. He suddenly realized that Two-Bit hadn't joked with him much over the last couple of weeks. Everyone had been so careful around him. He must have scared them something awful with how tense he had been.

Two-Bit helped Soda limp down the steps and then Soda limped on his own down the walk. As they approached Two-Bit's car though Soda stopped.

"How about we walk to work?" Soda said.

Two-Bit looked at him and cocked an eyebrow. "Why do you wanna walk?" he asked.

"I want to start using my leg more," he explained. "The doctor said that I gotta build my muscles back up. If I never use them that'll never happen."

Two-Bit still looked skeptical. "Last time we walked back from work it didn't go so well," he pointed out.

"You got your blade?" Soda asked.

Two-Bit's hand went to his back pocket. "Yeah," he confirmed.

"We'll be fine," Soda said calmly. "C'mon."

"Yeah, okay," Two-Bit finally allowed, shoving his keys back in his pocket. "Let's go. What could possibly go wrong!" he said cheerily.

Soda rolled his eyes. They started walking toward the DX, going at a slow pace. Soda knew that there was a very delicate balance between making his muscles stronger and overdoing it and just making it worse. It was often difficult to figure out exactly where that line was.

They made it to work without any events, which Soda was grateful for. He wasn't afraid of the Socs, he had proven that he could still hold his own even with his injury, but it did make it easier when they didn't turn up. As they arrived at the DX Soda immediately headed for the garage while Two-Bit headed for the store.

The boss had never hired a replacement for Steve so during the day it tended to be just Soda and Two-Bit working. Soda actually preferred it that way though. He wasn't as sociable as he had been before he left. He felt closer than ever with his brothers and Steve and Two-Bit, but he'd rather not deal with other people most of the time because he still wasn't completely comfortable with himself and how he had changed. He liked having the garage to himself all day with minimal contact with customers. It was something that tended to ease his nerves and make him feel useful, like he still had a purpose. Every so often though when they would get backed up the boss would schedule a third person for the day shift, and they were all good guys so Soda didn't mind too much when it did happen.

Soda managed to keep himself busy all morning. He was getting better at figuring out how to get around the garage with his handicap. Two-Bit came into the garage for his lunch break, but Soda never liked to stop for a break, preferring to just snack while he worked. He liked to keep busy and keep moving. Two-Bit seemed to be in a better mood as he chatted during break, and Soda realized that Steve's news didn't just effect him but their whole gang. It was a relief for everyone that Steve wasn't going to be in harm's way.

It was well into the afternoon before anyone else showed up in the garage. When Soda heard someone approaching he felt the familiar dread he felt before dealing with a customer. But as he glanced over he was surprised to see Pony making his way into the garage, obviously having just come from school.

"Hey Pony," Soda said from where he was working under the hood of a car. "What are you doin' here?"

"Hey Soda," Pony returned as he approached. "I just thought I'd stop by. Like old times."

Soda smiled at him. Old times. That was something he definitely wanted back. "Go get yourself a Pepsi from Two-Bit," he said, jerking his head back toward the store. "Be warned though, you come back out here, I just might put you to work."

Pony laughed. "You know I don't know nothin' about cars," he said.

"Well you're sixteen now, it's about time you learn," Soda said.

Pony headed out of the garage and toward the store. Soda watched him go. It was so good to feel like things were okay now. He turned and began poking around the engine he had been working on again. Pony must have been talking to Two-Bit for a while because by the time he returned Soda was completely absorbed in the task in front of him and didn't even notice him approaching.

"Soda?"

Soda jumped and whipped around, looking at his little brother with surprise.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Pony said slowly, looking at him a bit unsurely. "I said your name a few times…"

Soda took in a steadying breath. "It's okay, Pony," he said. "Guess I was distracted." He paused, trying to push away the familiar feeling of anxiousness after being surprised. "Can you grab me a wrench from over there?" he said, trying to sound casual as he deliberately changed the subject.

Pony moved over to the work bench and grabbed a wrench and brought it back over to Soda. He still looked unsure as he handed the tool over to him, and Soda realized that there would be no magic switch with his recovery. His relief at hearing Steve's news had triggered a determination in him to get better, but that didn't mean he was instantly going to get better. It was still going to take time and work on his part.

Pony hung around the garage with him and Soda was glad for his company. Pony hung over his shoulder as he pointed out different parts of the engine that he was working on. It was quite a flip for Soda to be explaining something to Ponyboy. Even though Pony was younger he had always been better at school.

"You seem like you're feelin' better," Pony said carefully.

Soda didn't look up from the engine. "Yeah," he agreed. He paused as he finished up what he was doing before looking up at Pony. "Was I really that bad?" he asked.

Pony hesitated. "We were just… worried," he finally said, not really answering the question. But the way he avoided the question gave Soda his answer anyway.

Soda sighed. "It's gonna get better, Pony," he said. "I'm gonna get better."

Pony smiled at him. "We all knew that you'd get through this," he said.

"Yeah," Soda said. "While I was over there I just wanted so badly to just go home. And then when I finally got here things weren't as easy as I hoped they'd be. This whole thing has taken so much longer than I thought it would. But I'm gonna do my best to get better now."

"And we'll be here to help," Pony said definitively.

Soda gave him a half smile. He knew that as hard as the last few months had been, it would have been so much harder without his friends and family there supporting him every single day. He would have fallen apart long ago if he didn't have Pony, Darry, Two-Bit and Steve. He knew very well that he would have given up if it weren't for them. But he had a reason to keep going and a reason to get better. Now that he knew that Steve wasn't going to be in danger his head felt clearer. And he had a new determination to make this work.


	38. Sick

**Author's Note: Thanks for your patience everyone! My surgery went well and my hand is feeling a lot better now. Credit for the idea for this chapter goes to ****JennaLynnnxo, thanks so much! Be that a lesson to you guys, always feel free to throw out ideas for any of my stories. I can't promise that I'll use every idea, but if it fits with my plans for the story I'll definitely try to throw it into the mix! **

**Also… this story officially has over 200 reviews! That's so awesome! Thank you guys so much, you are all fantastic. :) I'm sorry that i haven't had a chance to answer reviews, but I still appreciate them a lot! Please keep it up!  
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**And one last quick side note because I feel that it is relevant in this situation. My thoughts go out to the people of Oklahoma who were affected by the recent tornado. I started writing this chapter before that happened and I found it a little eerie that my story takes place in Oklahoma and this particular chapter involves some intense thunderstorms. **

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_Chapter Thirty-Eight_

_Sick_

Soda was quickly falling into a routine as time kept passing. He found that being able to know exactly what was going to happen put him more at ease. He got up every morning and would box with his punching bag for a while out on the porch. Then he would head inside where Darry would have breakfast on the table. After breakfast he would help Pony with the dishes before he would go get ready for work. Then Two-Bit would show up and depending on how he was feeling they would either drive or walk to work. Soda would work straight through the day and Two-Bit would keep customers away as much as he could.

After work Two-Bit would take him home and usually joined him and his brothers for dinner. After dinner was finished and cleaned up they would all usually play card games together until Soda couldn't stay awake anymore and he was always the first to head to bed. After he would go to bed he could usually hear the TV being turned on a low volume so that all he could hear was a dull murmur. He still avoided the TV as well as the radio because they were both unpredictable.

Things didn't always go perfectly smoothly though. Things still popped up to throw Soda off. One night there was a bad storm that woke him and by the time Pony and Darry realized what was happening he was cowering on the floor in the bathroom, unable to be comforted until the storm had passed. A few other nights he was woken by violent nightmares which shook him enough to keep him up the rest of the night. A few irate customers at the DX also managed to send him off the edge, and his temper was enough to scare even himself. Things were still rough, but Darry and Pony would both point out that Soda was still having more good days than he used to. He supposed that had to mean that he was improving.

Soda would use Steve's letters as lifelines. He was able to write to them pretty consistently once a week even after he was shipped overseas since he was at base the whole time and never went out into the field. He mostly complained about the bad food and the long hours they had him work, but Soda was immensely thankful that that was all he had to complain about. He had caught on quick to how the choppers worked and was able to fix them faster than his superiors. Soda got the feeling that even though he complained about the conditions he was kind of enjoying the work he was doing. Steve always liked a challenge when it came to fixing things.

The three-month mark after Steve had left had come and passed when Tulsa was having a particularly stormy week, which had Soda especially on edge. He stayed home from work two days in a row, but couldn't tolerate staying home alone after that. Two-Bit talked to their boss and had him schedule a third person to work the counter in the store so that he could help out Soda in the garage, claiming he was behind because of missing work since his replacement hadn't been as good at fixing cars as he was. Really what he was mostly trying to do was keep Soda relatively calm during the storms and Soda accepted the assistance without complaint.

It was the end of the week and Soda was feeling exhausted. Two-Bit had been driving them to and from work all week because of the weather, and as he pulled up in front of the house he reminded Soda that he had to give his little sister a ride somewhere so he wouldn't be staying. Two-Bit helped Soda up out of the car and up the porch steps before telling him he'd be back tomorrow morning and heading back to the car.

As Soda entered the house he found that it was silent. They had finally caught a lull between storms and Soda was grateful for the quiet. Darry had picked up shifts at a warehouse downtown to make up for not being able to roof all week because of the rain, so it took him longer to get home at night. Soda was surprised to find that Pony was nowhere to be found though. He was usually the first one home. He didn't think much of it though as he headed for the kitchen, figuring he might as well start on dinner.

It was only a short while later when Soda heard Darry's truck rumbling down the street. Soda listened carefully as Darry's truck pulled into the driveway in an attempt to keep from being startled, which happened all too easily lately. He turned and concentrated on his brother entering the house, cataloging the sounds of the car door, the front door and the sound of his footsteps. His nerves were so frayed at this point from the storms that even though he knew it was Darry he still felt like he had to concentrate to keep from being startled.

"Hey Soda," Darry said as he entered the kitchen. "How're you doin'?"

Soda sighed. "Okay," he said flatly. "Just sick of all these storms."

"Yeah, I know," Darry said sympathetically. "I checked the weather last night, it should clear up in the next day or so."

"Good," Soda said.

"Where's Pony?" Darry asked, glancing around.

"I dunno," Soda said. "He wasn't here when I got in a little bit ago."

"Huh," Darry said, confused. "He should have been. Did you check the bedroom?"

"No," Soda said. "I guess I just figured if he were here he'd have come out. I'll go check."

Soda started moving down the hall as Darry went to take his place with fixing dinner. He saw that their bedroom door was closed and he felt a bit of relief, thinking that there wouldn't be a reason for the door to be closed if no one was in there. He softly knocked on the door before nudging it open.

"Darry, he's in here," Soda called back down the hallway.

He looked back into the room and slowly the strangeness of the sight before him was dawning on him. Pony's backpack was on the floor next to the bed and Pony was sprawled out on top of the bed, fast asleep. It was an odd time for him to be sleeping though. Soda slowly limped into the room, studying his brother. He carefully sat down on the edge of the bed and reached over, carefully shaking Pony's shoulder. Pony let out a weak moan as he turned away from him and then coughed dryly. Soda furrowed his brow with concern, not completely understanding what was going on.

"Pony?" he said gently, reaching over and shaking him again. "Pony, c'mon, time to get up." Pony rolled back over and blinked up at him blearily. As Soda got a good look at him he saw that he looked flushed. "What's wrong, Pony?" he asked.

"I don't feel good," Pony mumbled.

Soda reached over and placed a hand on his little brother's forehead. "Gosh, Ponyboy, you're burning up," he said with surprise. He turned toward the door. "Hey Darry!" he called. "Come in here!"

A minute later Darry appeared in the doorway. "What's wrong?" he asked, looking at the scene with concern.

"Pony's sick," Soda said. "He's burnin' up."

Darry walked into the room and crouched down next to the bed as he reached out and put his hand on Pony's forehead just as Soda had just done. "Glory, you ain't kiddin'," he said. "Hang on." He got up and walked from the room. He returned a minute later with a thermometer. Him and Soda coaxed Pony to sit up a bit and hold the thermometer under his tongue. Darry sighed when he looked at the number after it had finished. "He's got a temperature of almost 103. Looks like he's got the flu."

Soda's eyes widened. His temperature seemed awful high if he had just gotten sick that day. "How long you been feelin' bad, Pony?" he asked slowly. Pony shrugged as he allowed himself to sink back down onto the bed, but Soda recognized the look on his face. He was hiding something. "Pony?" Soda prodded. Darry was looking at his expectantly as well.

"I dunno," he mumbled, not looking at either of them. "Maybe since yesterday?"

"Why didn't you say anything yesterday?" Soda asked in surprise. He couldn't fathom why Pony wouldn't tell them he wasn't feeling well. What's more is Soda couldn't understand how he hadn't even noticed.

Pony hesitated at the question, obviously trying to figure out how to word his answer. "You were having a bad day," he finally said quietly.

Soda froze in his spot, feeling like he had been hit by a ton of bricks. Yesterday had been one of the stormiest days so far. It had stormed fiercely through the night and into the morning. Then it had cleared up for a few hours before they were hit by yet another storm in the afternoon. Soda had been jumpier than ever all day and had several panic attacks. It had definitely been his roughest day all week. But the thought that Pony had kept his mouth shut about being sick because of him hit Soda hard. If they had known Pony wasn't feeling well yesterday they could have given him medicine and made him rest and he might not be as sick as he was today.

"Soda?" Darry said carefully, looking at him unsurely, clearly trying to figure out how he was going to react to this confession.

Soda shook himself out of his thoughts, focusing back down at Pony. "Pony, don't you ever do that again," he said, a hint of pleading in his voice. "Just because I'm having a rough day doesn't mean you have to keep quiet about not feeling well."

Pony coughed hard. "Sorry, Soda," he croaked.

"It's okay, kiddo," Soda said gently, reaching up and running a hand affectionately through Pony's hair.

"Get some rest, Pony," Darry said. "I'll get you some medicine."

Darry stood and motioned for Soda to follow. Reluctantly Soda pulled himself to his feet and limped after Darry, closing the bedroom door gently behind him. Darry walked into the bathroom and began rummaging through the medicine cabinet. Soda stood in the doorway and just watched him for a minute.

"I can't believe Pony wouldn't tell us he was sick," Soda said suddenly. He was still having a hard time getting his head around it.

Darry glanced over at him briefly, looking weary. "He probably just didn't want to upset you," he said. "You've already been having a rough week."

"I'm not that fragile," Soda said stubbornly, feeling annoyed. "I'm not gonna lose it just 'cause Pony's sick."

Darry sighed as he turned and leaned up against the sink, looking at Soda carefully. "You've got your routine," he said slowly. "You seem to fair really well when everything goes according to plan, you know? It's when something unexpected happens that you start to… struggle. Even when little things go wrong, we can start to see you fall off balance."

Soda felt his expression fall. "I thought I was getting better," he said quietly, disappointment in his voice.

"You are," Darry said quickly. "You are getting a lot better. I didn't mean it like that. It's just… it's gonna take time Soda. I'm so glad your workin' so hard at this, but it's still gonna take time."

Soda sighed heavily. "Yeah, I know," he said. "I'm just tired of struggling with this. I just want to be better."

"I know that, little buddy," Darry said sympathetically. "And you're doin' great with everything. We just gotta be patient."

"Well it still shouldn't be an excuse for Pony not to tell us that he's sick," Soda said.

"I agree with you there," Darry said. "Pony shouldn't have tried to hide something like that from us, no matter the reason. I'll talk to him once he's feelin' better." Soda nodded, feeling distracted. Darry turned back to the medicine cabinet, finding what he was looking for. "You wanna sleep in your own room tonight?" he asked.

Soda looked at him. Then he slowly shook his head. "I'll stay with Pony," he said.

Darry nodded easily. "Okay," he agreed.

Darry took the flu medicine in to Pony. Soda could hear Pony's distant coughing. He wondered vaguely when the last time Pony had a cigarette was. One of the problems with Pony getting sick was always that if he couldn't smoke he would also start going through withdrawal on top of his other symptoms. Darry reemerged a few minutes later and they both returned to the kitchen. With just the two of them it was a quiet dinner. Darry made Pony some soup and took it in to him after they were finished. By the time all that was done it was getting pretty late and Soda decided to head to bed.

Soda limped into the room and left the light off in an attempt to not disturb Pony as he got changed for bed. It seemed he wasn't completely successful though.

"Soda?" Pony mumbled sleepily.

"Sorry, kiddo, didn't mean to wake you," Soda said. "Go back to sleep."

"Mmm," Pony moaned.

"How are you feelin'?" Soda asked as he made his way over to the bed.

"Awful," Pony said.

"Scoot over," Soda said. Pony shifted a bit as Soda lay down next to him. After Soda had settled himself Pony moved closer again, curling into him. Soda wound an arm protectively around his little brother as he coughed. "Pony?"

"Hm?" Pony hummed.

"Promise me you won't do that again," he said, still feeling shook up by the whole situation. He couldn't help but feel that it was his fault Pony had gotten this sick. "You can't keep this kind of thing from me and Darry."

"I'm sorry," Pony said. "I guess… I've just been so worried about you." He coughed hard and Soda sighed.

"It can't be all about me all the time," Soda said gently. "What I really need is to feel at least kinda normal. Which means you gotta let me be your big brother. I appreciate how much you've helped me Ponyboy, but I still want you to come to me with things like this. Okay?"

"Okay," Pony murmured, obviously already falling asleep.

Soda gave Pony a light squeeze. "Night, Pony," he said softly.

"Night Soda," Pony returned lightly.

Soda kept a protective arm around Pony as they both slowly drifted off to sleep.


	39. Clarity

_Chapter Thirty-Nine_

_Clarity_

Ponyboy slept restlessly through the night, tossing and turning for hours on end while periodically waking himself up with violent coughing fits that left him gasping for breath. Soda got even less sleep than Pony did as he did his best to comfort his brother throughout the night, holding him and rubbing his back as he coughed. Soda got up several times to get Pony cold glasses of water and cool cloths for his head in an attempt to control his fever. Darry was woken up by the commotion as well a few times and came in to help, but Soda kept on insisting he go back to bed since he had to work in the morning and Soda had the day off.

"Soda," Pony coughed miserably. It was almost four in the morning and Soda was sitting on the edge of the bed running a cool facecloth over Pony's forehead.

"What is it, baby?" Soda asked gently.

Pony looked up at him with hazy eyes. "I'm glad you're here," he murmured, clearly only half aware of what was going on because of his high fever.

Soda paused for a minute as he was taken off guard by the statement. He looked down at his little brother and gave him a small smile. "I'm glad I'm here too, Ponyboy," he said quietly. "Try and get some sleep, okay?"

Pony nodded lightly as his eyes fluttered shut once more. Soda reached over and gently brushed Pony's hair off his forehead before laying down next to him, figuring he should try and get some sleep himself. But Pony's statement was still echoing in his head. He remembered Pony telling him about the letter they had received from the army and how he spend the entire day thinking that he had lost his brother. What if Soda really hadn't come back? There were days when he was struggling where he would think that things would have been better for Darry and Pony if he hadn't returned. Sure his brothers would have mourned, he had told himself, but then they would have gone on with their lives. Wouldn't they?

As Soda looked at Pony as he slept he could vividly remember the week that he had run away with Johnny. Both him and Darry had been terrified that Pony would never make it home. So many things could have happened to him while he wasn't in their care. Would he have gotten over it if Pony never came home? Would he have mourned and then simply gone on with his life? Probably not.

Pony coughed hard in his sleep and as Soda watched him he felt his heart twist in his chest. He hated seeing Pony so sick. But at least he was here to see it. At least he was here to comfort him and make sure he takes his medicine stays hydrated. At least he was here to run cool cloths over his forehead. Suddenly Soda was hit was a very strong feeling that he was exactly where he was supposed to be. So much over the last year he had felt so out of place, even among his own friends and family. None of that seemed to matter anymore though. He was Pony's big brother. He was here to help Darry take care of him. And even with his injury he was still able to do that. That was all that mattered right now.

Soda must have nodded off because the next thing he knew there was light coming in through the window. He looked over at Pony and saw that he seemed to be resting comfortably. He reached over and gently placed the back of his hand against Pony's forehead. He still felt really warm, but at least he was getting some rest.

Soda rolled over and carefully climbed out of bed so as not to wake him. He grabbed his cane from where it leaned up against the wall and began limping out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him. He heard movement coming from the kitchen so he figured it must still be early and Darry probably hadn't left for work yet. Sure enough as he entered the kitchen he found Darry moving around.

"Hey Darry," Soda said as he slid into a seat at the table.

Darry turned to look at him. "Mornin' Soda," he said. He looked at him carefully and Soda knew he must look beat. It had been a long night. "How's Pony doin'?"

"He's still real hot, but at least he sleepin' now," Soda said.

Darry nodded. "Did you manage to get much sleep last night?"

"I got a few hours I think," he said.

"Thanks for doin' that, Soda," Darry said.

"Of course, Darry," Soda said easily. "We're family, right? That hasn't changed."

Darry smiled at him. "Right," he said. He grabbed his tool belt off the counter. "I gotta get goin'. I left some eggs on the stove for you. There's more soup in the ice box for Pony. And I left the number for my work site by the phone so you can call if you need anything. Try and get some sleep yourself too, you look exhausted."

"It'll be fine," Soda assured him. "We'll see you tonight."

"See you," Darry said as he headed out.

Soda got to his feet to fetch his breakfast as he listened to Darry's truck start up and rumble out of the driveway. He ate quietly by himself, deep in thought. When he had finished he went back to check on Pony, who was resting fitfully again. He woke him long enough to take his temperature, which had dropped down to 101.6 to Soda's relief, and give him his medicine before coaxing him to go back to sleep. He figured he'd wake Pony up again around lunch time and try to get him to eat something.

He decided to stretch out beside Pony and try to get some sleep himself since he could barely keep his eyes open. He carefully climbed into bed and practically fell asleep before his head even hit the pillow.

It was several hours later before Soda began to stir again. As he slowly blinked back into consciousness he immediately looked over at Pony who seemed to be resting peacefully. He was glad for that. He felt a bit restless so he rolled over and slowly climbed out of bed. As he stood there leaning on his cane he was at a loss of what to do next for a minute. But then his eyes wandered over to Pony's desk and an idea dawned on him. He limped over and carefully sat in the chair before beginning to rummage through the drawers. It only took a minute to find what he was looking for. He pulled out a piece of paper and a pencil and set both on the desk as he scooted the chair in closer.

Soda had never been much of a writer. He tended to find writing pretty frustrating actually. Reading and writing was something he had struggled with ever since grade school which had been really troubling when it had come so easily to both Pony and Darry. But while he had been deployed and had found that writing was his only means of communication with his family he had done his best to get better at it. He still struggled a lot with spelling, though he managed to improve some with the help of a few of the more educated guys in his unit. But he at least felt a bit more comfortable with writing down his thoughts. Since Steve had left Pony had been the one to write him letters with Soda, Darry and Two-Bit all dictating parts to him. But with Pony sick and Soda's head full of racing thoughts he decided to take it upon himself to write this next letter.

He picked up the pen and stared at the blank paper for several minutes, trying to organize his thoughts. Finally he began to write.

_Dear Steve,_

_I hope things are still goin well over there. I'm glad you get to do something you like. I hope it makes the time go faster for you. 3 months have already passed, only 9 months to go. It seems like a long time, but when I was over there the time went pretty fast._

_Pony's been sick. He got the flu real bad the other day so I was up most of the night with him last night. He seems like he's doin better this mornin, but I did a lot of thinking while I was up with him. I hate that he's sick but I feel like things make more sence now. Its like I understand why I came back now. before it made no sence why I came back when so many other guys didn't. Everyone had familys and everyone wanted to go home, so why did I make it? and then I came home broken and I felt so out of place. Like I didn't fit in anymore becase I changed. Like I wasn't as good as I was before. But now I think I've figured out that even though I'm different now I'm still Pony's big brother I'm still Darry's little brother and I'm still frends with you and Two-Bit. And that's where I still fit even if I don't go out and party anymore or hang over all the girls at the DX or run around an play football. _

_I don't know why it took me so long to get to this point. But I wanted you to know that you don't have to worry about me. I'm ok. And I'm gonna keep getting better. I really do think that. Now more then ever. I know why I'm here and whatever I did while I was over there was all so I could get back here. And now that I'm here I'm not gonna screw it up. _

_I bet you've never seen such a long letter from me! Anyway, I look forward to gettin your next letter. Even though youre not on the front lines, still stay safe over there. _

_Sodapop Curtis_

Soda read over the letter a few times, feeling satisfied as he smiled lightly. He knew that Steve already knew that he was getting better from previous letters, but it felt good to put it in his own words.

"Soda?" Soda turned to see Pony looking at him curiously. "What're you doin'?"

"Writin' Steve a letter," he said.

"I must really be sick," Pony said with half a smile. "I thought you just said you were writin'."

Soda laughed. "Hey, I wrote you plenty of letters while I was away, didn't I?"

"Yeah," Pony admitted. "I was really glad that you did." He coughed.

"Are you feelin' any better, kiddo?" Soda asked.

"A little," Pony said.

"Think you could eat somethin'?" Soda asked.

Pony made a face. "I'm not really hungry."

"Can you just try?" Soda pleaded lightly. "It'll help you get better."

"Yeah, okay," Pony agreed a bit reluctantly.

Soda slowly got to his feet and limped from the room. He went into the kitchen and dug the soup out of the ice box. He had some trouble moving the large pan from the ice box to the stove, but he managed it. He heated the soup up for several minutes on the stove before he poured some into a bowl and made his way back to Pony's room. As he returned he saw that Pony had worked himself up on the pillows so that he was in more of sitting position. He still looked at little flushed, but he seemed less disoriented than he had the night before, which was a good sign. Soda handed him the bowl of soup before settling himself back into the desk chair and watching him pick at his food.

Pony looked over at him between bites and cocked his head, looking at him curiously.

"What?" Soda asked.

"You seem like you're in a good mood," Pony said slowly.

Soda smiled. "I am, kiddo," he confirmed.

"Why?" Pony asked.

Soda shrugged. "I just think everything's gonna be okay," he said simply.

Pony gave him a funny look, clearly not sure what brought along the new attitude. That was okay though, Soda would explain it later when he was feeling better. Pony managed to eat about half the bowl of soup and Soda was satisfied with that. Soda got up and took the bowl from him and as Pony slid back down into bed, looking tired. Soda turned, intending to take the bowl out to the kitchen.

"Soda?" Pony said.

"Yeah, Pone?" Soda said, turning back and looking down at him.

"Will you stay?" he asked drowsily.

Soda knew what he was trying to say. He wanted Soda to stay in the room until he fell asleep. But the way he worded the statement made it seem like he was encompassing so much more than just that. Even though Soda had been back in Tulsa for all these months it seemed like for the first time he was really felt at home. And Pony's statement seemed to him almost like he was asking him just to remain there with him in more than just the physical sense.

Soda smiled at him. He placed the bowl down on the bedside table and climbed back into bed. He wound an arm around Pony as Pony curled up into him just like he used to. Soda held onto him tightly.

"I'm your big brother, Pony," Soda said quietly as Pony drifted back to sleep. "I ain't gonna leave you again. I promise. I'm back for good."


	40. Epilogue

_**Author's Note:**__ Well this is it! I'm always sad when one of my stories comes to an end, but they have to end somewhere unfortunately! I tried not to make the ending to cheesy, I have a bad habit of doing that. Endings are the most difficult for me. I want to thank you guys for all for your support through this story. I really, really appreciate it. You are all amazing and definitely great motivators. I will be posting a new Outsiders story soon, but it will be much different from this one. However I am also working on a prequel to one of my other war stories, _Days Slide and the Years Go By. _So if you do like my writing keep an eye out, because I will be posting some new stuff probably this weekend! Thanks again for all your wonderful reviews! _

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**Chapter Forty**

**Epilogue **

It was hard to believe a year had already gone by. Steve sat on the bus staring out the window at the Tulsa landscape rushing passed. He was surprised by how strange this all seemed. This was his home but he hadn't been here in a year. Everything was the same but it felt very different at the same time.

Steve had not been on the front lines in Vietnam, but he had seen countless men coming back from battle torn and bloody. It really brought home what Soda had been through for him. Soda had been one of those men being dragged back to base in a broken condition. Steve would watch and silently pay respect as coffins were loaded onto airplanes for their final trip. Seeing that up close made it suddenly so much more real how easily they could have lost Sodapop Curtis. Steve could more easily understand how Soda could have been shaken to his core by the things he had seen. Steve had sobered with just the glimpses he had gotten while working at the base.

Steve was encouraged by the letters he had received from home while he was gone. Soda still had rocky moments, but according to everyone he was getting better. Steve had been so afraid that him leaving would be the last straw to cause Soda to finally snap. He was relieved to hear that it seemed like the opposite had happened.

Despite his uneventful deployment, he felt so happy to finally be home as he spotted the bus station coming into view. It would be a huge relief to get out from under the army's strict rules and back to his family. As the bus finally came to a halt he gathered his bag and slung it over his shoulders as he stood and calmly waited his turn to disembark. He had still gone through basic military training even though he wasn't going to be on the front lines and if nothing else he took a sense of discipline away from that.

He steadily descended the stairs and his feet touched the ground in Tulsa, Oklahoma for the first time in twelve long months. It felt so strange to be on this side of the welcoming party when he had been on the other side when they had awaited Soda's return.

Steve immediately spotted the familiar group gathered by the old truck. He couldn't help but smile. It certainly felt good to be home. He took in the rest of the Greasers as he approached. Pony looked a little taller, Darry had a worn look to him though was normal and Two-Bit had that same goofy grin. Soda stood next among them, leaning a bit on his cane as he smiled easily. He seemed relaxed which was not something Steve had seen from Soda before he left.

"Welcome back, buddy!" Two-Bit exclaimed as Steve approached. He moved forward and clapped him on the shoulder.

"Good to be back," Steve said.

Soda moved forward and Steve thought to himself that it looked like Soda was walking with less of a limp than he had when Steve had left a year ago. "'Bout time you came back," Soda said with a laugh as they embraced.

Steve laughed as well. "Yeah, well I thought about stayin' over there but then I figured you guys would just fall apart without me."

"You got that right," Soda said as he backed away.

"You hungry?" Darry asked.

"Man, I'm starved!" Steve said, thinking about the less than desirable food that was served over at the base in Vietnam.

"Darry made a huge meal back at home," Pony spoke up.

"Well then, what are we doin' here?" Steve said with a laugh.

"Let's go!" Soda announced happily.

Steve was a little confused by Soda's suddenly excitement. Then something he hadn't been expecting happened. Soda turned, picked up his cane and walked over to the truck. Steve could only stare after him in shock. He was still walking with a noticeable limp but he was walking without any aid from the cane that he had been practically attached to before Steve had left. Soda hadn't been able to cross his bedroom without that cane, let alone walk across a parking lot.

"You comin'?" Soda asked, turning to look at Steve with a grin.

Steve looked around at Darry, Pony and Two-Bit who were all smiling as well at his reaction before focusing back on Soda. "What the hell?" was all he could come up with.

"You shoulda seen his first steps," Two-Bit said with a laugh. "We were so proud!"

"Hey!" Soda said, faking offense. He moved closer to Two-Bit and swatting at his legs with his cane as Two-Bit dodged out of reach.

"You gotta be careful, that cane is now a weapon," Two-Bit told Steve with a laugh.

"This is new," Darry spoke up by way of explanation. "He's been startin' to walk more on his own just in the past couple months. He didn't want to tell you in any of the letters, figured it'd be more fun to surprise you."

Surprise was putting it lightly. Steve was floored by this new development. There had never been any guarantee that Soda would ever be able to walk without a cane again and each time Soda had a set back and had hurt it over again in some way it just seemed less and less likely his handicap would get any better. And yet somehow it had anyway.

"I told you I'd be runnin' marathons by the time you got back," Soda said, clearly in the best mood Steve had seen him in since returning home with his injury.

"Well you're not quite _there_ yet," Darry pointed out, rolling his eyes slightly.

"So do you use the cane at all anymore?" Steve asked, shaking himself out of his shock.

"Yeah, I still keep it around," Soda said. "I can't go all day without it yet, my leg usually starts gettin' pretty sore partway through the afternoon. But it keeps gettin' better. About a month ago I could only walk around the house for a few minutes at a time before I needed the cane again."

"That's awesome, Soda," Steve said with a grin, so happy that things were finally getting better for his best friend.

"C'mon, there really is a lot of food back at the house," Two-Bit pointed out as he moved over to the truck. Darry pulled the tailgate down and Steve watched as Soda pulled himself up into the bed of the truck, still amazed by how much Soda had improved. Two-Bit climbed in after Soda and Steve followed suit. Darry and Pony climbed into the cab and they took off.

Back at the Curtis house Steve found that everything looked exactly the same as when he had left. The five of them sat around in the living room eating the large meal that Darry had made as they other caught Steve up with everything he had missed while he had been gone. It was very reminiscent of when Soda had returned.

After they ate to Steve's surprise Soda suggested that they go outside and toss the football around. All five of them headed out into the front yard and what started out as a friendly tossing game quickly dissolved into a tackling match. Soda would toss the football between the other four who would all fight for it. Then the remaining three would collectively try and tackle whoever ended up with the football. It felt good to be able to horse around again. They hadn't done much of that since Soda had come back since he couldn't participate. But even though he was still mostly on the sidelines he was still grinning along with the rest of them and urging them on.

"You gettin' tired of standin', Soda?" Darry asked after an hour of this. As Steve looked over at him it was clearer that he was shifting his weight away from his bad leg more than he had been at the beginning of the game.

"Yeah, a little," Soda admitted.

"It's gettin' late anyway," Two-Bit pointed out, looking up at the darkening sky. "I gotta get goin'. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

As Two-Bit headed out Darry walked over to Soda, taking his arm in order to support him as he began leading him back toward the house.

"You got homework tonight, Pony?" Darry asked.

Pony sighed heavily. "Yeah, I do," he admitted.

"Well, get goin'," Darry said simply.

Pony trudged up the front steps and into the house.

"I'm gonna sit outside for a while," Soda said as they approached the porch steps. "I need a smoke."

Darry lowered him down to sit on one of the middle porch steps before heading up the steps himself. Steve sat down beside him and bummed a cigarette from him as they both lit up. Before the war Soda only ever smoked when he had something was bothering him or when he wanted to look tough. It seemed though that since returning home Soda had become a more regular smoker. Steve knew most of the soldiers over there smoked regularly in an attempt to calm their nerves from constantly being in combat. Seems that was something that stuck with Soda.

They were quiet for several minutes as they sat there and smoked.

"You remember right before you left?" Soda spoke up suddenly. "We sat right here early in the mornin' and talked about you bein' drafted."

Steve nodded. "I remember," he said, still feeling a pang of guilt for avoiding Soda so much in the days right after he had received his draft notice.

Soda looked over at him seriously. "I remember wondering if we'd ever be able to just sit here and smoke again," he said. "I remember wondering if you'd make it back."

Steve cocked a half smile at him. "And here we are," he pointed out.

Soda smiled. "Yeah," he agreed.

Steve looked down at the ground for a moment, lost in thought. Then he looked back up at Soda. "I don't think I really understood what you had really gone through before," he said. "I mean, I tried to. I knew you had seen guys killed in action, I knew that you had to fight for your life over and over again. I thought I understood. But being over there and really seeing it up close…" He let his voice trail off for a moment as he took a drag. "I didn't see one battle. My life was never really in danger; although we did have a few bombs dropped by a little too close for comfort on more than one occasion. But every day I saw guys comin' back from combat in all kinds of conditions and I heard a lot of their stories… Jesus. It's hell over there."

Soda nodded vaguely. "Yes it is," he agreed quietly.

"I just want you to know that I think you're strong for comin' back from all that," Steve went on. "I know it hasn't been a smoothest road ever for you since you got back, but I think I'd be more worried about someone who could just shake all that off like it never happened."

Soda smiled lightly at Steve. "Thanks," he said simply. He took a long drag off his cigarette before he spoke again. "I still have nightmares from time to time. They still shake me up somethin' awful. But each time it's a little easier to put it out of my head the next day and go about my life. It's not fair… but it happened. And now after eveythin' I went through to get back to my family I don't want to be constantly livin' in the past, you know?"

"I'm real glad that you're dealin' with it so much better now," Steve said, smiling lightly.

"Yeah," he said, lookin' over at Steve. "You know if you ever want to talk about it…"

Steve snorted a laugh. "Well you know, this one time I dropped a wrench on my foot."

Soda grinned and gave him a good-natured shove. "Yeah, that's way worse than bein' shot at," he said sarcastically.

"Hey, it really hurt!" Steve laughed, pretending to be offended.

As the war raged on in Vietnam, two friends were able to sit together on a front porch smoking cigarettes and joking with each other. After all the bad luck that came upon the Greasers, the fact that there were still five of them left seemed like a near miracle. Neither Soda nor Steve would ever really forget what they had seen while they had been deployed. Soda especially. But the Greasers were closer than ever and even though he would continue to have occasional set backs they were always there for Soda. They were family, all five of them. They were forever tied together, the bonds of family stronger than ever. And together they could overcome anything.

_The Ties that Bind. _

_**The End**_


End file.
